


Twink of the Week

by Petiite



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Cutting, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, M/M, Porn, Self Harm, Smut, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-11 19:57:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 100,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petiite/pseuds/Petiite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles is a new Twink porn star, as the only way he can make ends meet. He quickly gains a loyal following, including an obsessive donator under the name of LTommo. During the day, however, he works at a coffee shop where he tries to keep his identity hidden, and he quickly meets a beautiful boy named Louis who likes too much cream in his tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I let out a shuddery sigh as I sat down on the mattress. The sheets crumpled underneath me, and I bit down on my lip as the cameras turned on a red light. The director, standing just behind the camera crews, made a gesture towards me, and I stammered out, “W-welcome to New Twink of the Week, I’m-” I paused, glancing up at the cue card briefly- “Marcel. I’m gonna be taking requests, so-”

“ **LTommo** is first, like always,” the director cut in, catching me off-guard. “He says: ‘lay back so we can get a good view of your cute body’! Well, Marcel?”

Nodding shyly, I pushed myself back on the soft blankets and spread my legs, pulling at the joggers they were having me wear. My heart was racing as I leaned back on my elbows, causing one of the camera men to step forward to get a better view. Livestreams. It had to start with a livestream.

“ **Grimmyshaw** says: ‘what a damn cutie. I wanna see him ride a cock’! So do we, Grimmyshaw, but you gotta give him instructions!”

I batted my eyelashes at the camera, trailing my fingers up the tight-fitting tee. Someone had to say something quick, or I might lose my mind.

“ **TenInches** says: ‘lose the shirt, let’s see those pretty nipples!’” the director grinned, and I quickly lifted the hem to my stomach, but paused quickly.

“I have, uh,” I started, but shrugged gently. “I have extra nips.”

“Let’s see!”

Nodding again, I pulled the shirt up and over my head. After dropping the fabric to the ground, I let my elbows drop and laid flat on the blankets. The camera got a little bit closer to my chest, and I wasn’t going to lie- it was getting really embarrassing. My heart was racing, and I gripped the sheets under me.

“ **LTommo** says: ‘I wish I could tease all four of them’,” the director grinned. “ **Twinkletoes** is ordering you to strip your pants, so?”

I lifted my ass off the bed before slowly bringing the sweatpants down to my knees. The tight panties I had been told to wear were keeping my growing boner down. It shouldn’t have been, but the fact that so many people were watching me was really turning me on. The joggers came off the rest of the way, and I kicked it to the floor to join my shirt.

“Tell us how big you are, Marcel,” the director demanded, and the cameraman in front of me took a step back.

“I-I’m just over 8 and a half inches,” I whined, gripping the sheets between my fingers and biting my lip.

“ **Cockwish** asks if you’re a virgin.”

“N-no,” shaking my head, I lifted one finger and aimed it at the camera. “Once, in high school.”

“ **LTommo** asks: ‘how big was your previous partner?’, and we want to know too!” the director said again, obviously enjoying playing with me.

“He was six, I think,” I shrugged, trying not to touch myself. “It was big enough for my first time.”

“ **Twinkboiz** says: ‘drop the panties, Marcel! let’s see that dick’.”

My heart was racing, but I hooked my thumb under the waistband and dragged it down to my upper thighs. As soon as they were off my cock, it bounced up to my stomach, red and throbbing and almost too much. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I pulled it the rest of the way off, carefully setting them on the nightstand. “Enjoying the view?” I breathed, tipping my head back and biting my lip.

“You bet we are,” the director teased. “ **LTommo** says: ‘jesus christ, i cant decide whether to suck it or ride it, and im a top!’We feel the same way, LTommo.”

“C’mon,” I begged, pulling on the sheets. “Let me do something.”

“ **Grimmyshaw** says: ‘jerk off baby’.”

“If I do that, I’ll cum too fast,” I whined, slowly tracing my fingers over my hard dick. My hand wrapped slowly around the base, earning a throaty moan. “It’ll be the shortest livestream you’ve ever seen.”

“Do it, Marcel,” the director said, pointing one of the cameramen closer to my hips. “Or are you going to disobey direct orders?”

Moaning again, I slowly brought my hand up once, before quickly pushing it back down. With every stroke, my speed increased, until I was a red, sweaty mess. I let out a loud cry as I covered my chest with sticky cum, pulling loosely a few more times to ride out my orgasm.

“That was easy, do you ever masturbate at home?”

“N-not really,” I breathed, dropping my hand to the sheets next to my hips. “I never- ugh, I’m usually too tired to get it out.”

“ **LTommo** says: ‘it only took you nine strokes!’ Thanks for counting.”

It was even more embarrassing now, with my legs shaking slightly. “A-are we done?”

“ **TenInches** doesn’t think so! He says: ‘fuck a dildo until you cum again, hottie’. Well, Marcel? You know where the toys are.”

I let out a soft cry, but reached over the edge of the bed to a large assortment of sex toys. My hand trailed over a few, landing on a realistic-looking one and lifting it back to the sheets. “I have no idea how big this is,” I breathed, still feeling a little lightheaded from my orgasm.

“ **LTommo** says: ‘measure it against your own cock’, and I think that’s a great idea.”

“You really like me, huh Tommo?” I mumbled, stroking my dick a few times to get it back to full length. Once up, I pressed it against the cold silicone and whined at the touch. “I guess it’s nine inches,” I whimpered, afraid how it was going to fit. The one they had me play with to open myself was just upwards of four inches, and I hadn’t had anything bigger in over two years.

A bottle of lube was sitting on the nightstand, and I shakily took it, opened it, and dripped it over the silicone. My heart was racing, and I looked to the camera for instructions. “H-how do you want me to do this?”

“ **Born2Cum** says: ‘open yourself with your fingers first,” and **Twinkletoes** says: ‘with your ass in the air’, so why not both?”

Coating my fingers with the lube and flipping onto my knees, I rested on one elbow while reaching around and circling my hole. I pushed back against it, whining softly as it dipped in. One finger quickly turned to two, and soon I was pushing three fingers in and thrusting them in and out. Soft whines were escaping my lips, and I swear I had never felt more exposed. Anyone could be watching me fuck myself, and it only seemed to turn me on more.

“ **Grimmyshaw** is telling you to move to the dildo, cockslut!”

My fingers dropped, and I quickly reached around and gripped the thick cock at its base. It was slippery, and I was gripping it so hard my knuckles were turning white. I lined it up with my hole, and the tip pushed in easily. Moaning softly into the air, I used my free hand to pull at the sheets. It sunk in slowly, and only when it was all the way in did I take a break.

“ **LTommo** says: ‘fuck, Marcel, you’ve got me dripping over here’. **Cumsukr** says: ‘I wanna fuck you so bad’. Looks like you’re a popular little twink.”

“T-thanks, guys,” I breathed, feeling my legs shake in anticipation. Pulling the toy out to its tip before thrusting it all the way back in with a loud cry. Repeating the motion over and over, I dropped my other elbow down until my face was hidden in the pillow, desperately fighting for breath. My other hand started to trail down to my cock, barely brushing the skin.

“ **LTommo** says: ‘No touching!’ Marcel, what were you thinking, acting without orders?”

“I’m sorry,” I whined, moving my hand back up to my head. Fucking back on the toy, I was so close to finishing again that even the slightest thing would set me off. I felt so full and sensitive and when the dildo bent slightly to brush up against my bundle of nerves, I came all over the bedsheets. My hole tightened around the cock, moving from sensitive to oh god too much, and tears filled my eyes. I slowly pulled it out, letting it drop onto the sheets while I tried to keep myself up.

“Say goodbye Marcel!”

Turning to look at the cameras, I breathed out, “Thanks for watching me get wrecked, everyone.”

The red lights on the electronics turned off, and I let myself fall to the blankets, closing my eyes and letting my breathing get back to normal. I felt a hand rub my back softly, and the director’s voice said, “You did good. Take a second then go shower, alright? The outfit you came in in is in there for you.”

“Thanks,” I replied, turning my head to look at him. He was older, around his 40’s or 50’s, but he was still rather attractive. He smiled and stood up, leaving the room and me alone in it. I knew a group of people would come in to clean up after me, but I couldn’t help but collect all the clothing I had stripped with the cameras on me. Waddling over to the bathroom, I closed the door behind me and started the water. A mirror was hanging on the wall, and I glanced in at myself. My face was red, and my curls were sticking to my forehead. I looked like a mess, and I wondered briefly how anyone could’ve enjoyed watching me in this state. Shaking my head, I stepped under the now-heated water, letting it drip down my body, before looking up and closing my eyes. The way it was tracing down my cheeks was soft and careful, and I pushed fingers through my hair.

My body was slowly filling with the heat, and I leaned back just far enough to wipe my chest. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be in the back of a porn studio, washing cum off of my torso, but here I was. Turning around and leaning over, I let the water trail over my lubed asshole. I wondered how long it would take to close up again, but I turned off the water and stepped out without a second thought. A towel was hanging off a bar on the wall, and I dried myself off quickly before stepping into my pair of boxer briefs. Next came a pair of ripped black skinnies, which fit tightly around my sore ass. Over that came a large sweater, covered with a norwegian pattern. After putting my socks and boots on, I left the bathroom and crossed the bedroom and, as soon as the door to the lobby was open, I grinned at the few people there.

“You’re Marcel, right?” One of the boys said, pushing his obviously-bleached hair up. “I’m Edie, although that’s really not my name. You’re the new guy, yeah?”

“Uh, yeah,” I answered, shaking his hand quickly. “Am I allowed to tell you my real name?”

“If you’re comfortable with it,” he replied, glancing at the laptop on the coffee table. “I’m Niall, really.”

“Harry,” I beamed, heading to the coat hanger by the door. "I'm new to this whole porn thing."

“Jesus,” one of the other boys said incredulously. “You had 900 people watching your livestream.”

“Is that a lot?” biting my lip, I took my black peacoat off the hanger and slipped it on my shoulders.

“I had ten, my first time,” Niall furrowed his brow but still kept a grin on.

“I had the previous record,” the other boy shrugged. “150 was my number.”

Shrugging, I opened the front door. “I guess I’ll see you guys next time, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Once out in the street, I looked up at the cloudy sky and sighed. I was doing porn.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“G’morning, Barbara,” I called, coming into the back of the cafe I worked at. It was early morning(around 5 a.m) and I hadn’t slept too well; my bum hurt too much to really get comfortable.

“Oh, Harry,” she smiled, pulling away from the oven just long enough to give me a side hug. “You look tired.”

“I started my second job last night,” shrugging my shoulders, I ditched my coat and pulled an apron on. “My rent went up this month.”

She pouted at me, but I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “You should’ve asked for a raise, sweetheart.”

“No, love,” I denied, going to wash my hands before touching any of the foods. “I can’t ask that from you, and that’s the end of the conversation.”

“You’re a good boy,” she sighed, going back to the cupcakes she was making. Turning to grab a frosting bag, I took the already-cooled muffins and began to decorate them. We had an hour before I had to go open shop, and I had to frost as many as I could before then. We were chatting quietly about some movie she had gone to see with a few friends, and I tried to lose myself in the conversation, but the fears inside my head were always there. Someone- one of our customers- would recognize me. That was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, and I was worried about how I would react.

“You wanna go take care of front of shop?” Barbara quickly asked, cutting into my inner conversation. “Ten minutes til we open, so we need everything perfect for today!”

“Yeah,” I responded quickly, setting the frosting bag down and carrying the finished tray of cupcakes to the front. Setting them down on the counter, I slowly opened the case, careful not to smudge the glass. After sliding them into the case, I wiped down the top of the counter before moving out into the main dining area. There were four large tables, each with four chairs surrounding them, and I wiped each one down separately while humming a soft tune. I took a second to open the curtains on every window(as a corner shop, we had two full walls of them) before smiling into the street. There was so much action on the streets already, and that was one of my favorite parts about London; even before the sun comes up, everyone is up and moving.

Opening the front entrance and setting out the blackboard, I wrote out, **Today’s Special: Red Velvet Cupcakes and Chai Tea**. I then drew a cute doodle of a cupcake and a mug, and although they were pretty shoddily drawn, they were recognizable. After flipping the sign from Closed to Open, I went back inside and slid behind the counter. Our first customer doesn’t usually arrive for another ten minutes, so I took my book(something my sister got me for christmas) and sat on a stool behind the counter.

“Excuse me,” a voice said, breaking me out of my reading zone. Glancing up and seeing one of our regulars, I grinned brightly. “May I have a coffee?”

“Of course,” I replied quickly, bookmarking my page and going to grab a mug. “How’s the weather this morning?”

“Cold. Still February, unfortunately,” he laughed, waiting at the register.

“Yeah, I saw it was supposed to snow tonight?”

“I heard that too,” he shrugged, and I quickly brought the take-out mug back to him. “Thanks, Harry.”

“Anytime, Rob. The usual amount,” I replied, taking his card and swiping it. He had been coming here since I first started, and was a lovely older man that had the same coffee every morning, and once in a while bought a croissant. “Here you go, sign here.”

“Long night?” He beamed, quickly signing his name and handing me back the receipt. Giving him a copy, I nodded and asked how he knew. “You have a different demeanor when you’re tired. You’re happier than normal.”

“I guess I should get less sleep then,” I laughed. “See you tomorrow.”

“Bye!”

Waving once more as he left the cafe, I sat back on my stool and looked at the clock. It was already six-thirty; where was the time going? Brenda, another employee, must’ve arrived by now. Barbara and Brenda had decided that I should run the front-of-house, since apparently people like cute teenage boys. Rolling my eyes, I mumbled, “and that’s how I got my second job.”

Hours went by quickly, with a few customers that I recognized and a few that I didn’t. We closed at four, and, at 3:45, I was getting ready to pack up when a voice said, “Can I have a chai, a red velvet cupcake, and-” he paused, and I turned to look at an absolutely gorgeous man, looking at our case but had both hands on his phone. “And one of these croissants, they look good.”

“Of course,” I replied, smiling brightly at the man. “Just one second. For here or to go?”

“To go,” he shrugged, looking back at his phone and writing out something.

Although this was the first time I had ever seen him, I was smitten completely; his light brown hair was pushed up in a feathery quiff and his lips were the pinkest things I had ever seen. After a second of just admiring, I turned and started on his tea, pouring the hot water into a cup and waiting for it to steep. Then I put his pastries into a small bag and set it on the counter, before taking the finished tea and setting it there as well. “That’s 6 pounds equal, cash or card?”

His eyes looked up and widened when they met mine, and I blinked several times in admiration. They were a solid blue and I swear I could’ve lost myself in them. “Uh, card,” he finally said, setting his phone down and grabbing out his wallet. After sliding his card and having him sign, I grinned at him.

“Come back sometime,” I beamed, biting down on my lip shyly. He was one of the cutest people I had ever seen, and my heart was racing just looking at him.

“Alright-” he started, before squinting at my apron, “Harry, I’ll come back sometime.” He winked once, before taking his food and turning to walk away.

“Don’t I get to know your name?” I pouted, resting my elbows on the counter. “You know mine, after all.”

“Louis, and you have cute dimples,” the beautiful brown-haired boy called, grinning over his shoulder and going out into the cold. Watching his figure as he crossed the street, I swooned quietly at the way he had looked, acted, and just existed. I dropped back on my stool, closing my eyes and repeating the short meeting in my head.

\-----

On the train home, I got a phone call from the director; I mentally made a note to learn his name.

“Hello?” I answered, moving to a corner. “I’m on the train, can I call you back in a moment?”

“Come back to the studio,” he demanded, causing me to furrow my brows.

“You said you were going to call tomorrow, what’s going on?”

“We have such a high demand for you, there’s no need for the buffer process. Are you free now?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I nodded, getting ready to get off at the next stop; it was a ten minute walk from here. “I’ll be there in fifteen.”

“See you then, Marcel.”

\-----

“I’m here,” I called, taking my jacket off and putting it up on the hanger. The director(I checked, his name was Marco) greeted me with a hug.

“Are you alright with having sex with another man?” he asked, gesturing towards the stairs.

“Of course,” I nodded, climbing them quickly and stopping on the second floor. “Who?”

“This is Aaron,” Marco said, gesturing towards a tall, muscular black man with one side of his head shaved. “Aaron, this is Marcel, your twink for the day.”

“Pleasure,” the man said, looking me over. His voice was accented, and I briefly recognized it as American. “You’re the new prodigy, am I right?”

“I-I guess,” I stammered, admiring his long eyelashes and piercings. “I’m assuming Aaron isn’t your real name, yeah?”

“Nah,” he smirked, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “I’m not comfortable telling people it, so it’ll stay Aaron.”

“Okay!” Marco beamed, clapping his hands. “Looks like you guys have the chemistry, so let’s get you in costumes. Marcel, you’re gonna be wearing boxers and an apron. Aaron, you’re gonna be wearing a tight tee and basketball shorts.”

An assistant took my hand and pulled me into a dressing room, where she(why is a woman working for a gay porn company?) handed me a pair of red boxer-briefs and a black apron, not unlike the one I wore at work. Quickly changing, I went back out into the lobby and was faced by a very attractive body Without thinking, I slapped the ass playfully, and Aaron turned to look with a questioning look on his face.

“Getting ahead of yourself, aren’t you Twinky?” he breathed, rolling a lip piercing with his tongue. “Go open yourself up while I get ready.”

The almost demanding tone in his voice had me biting the inside of my lip, and I entered the scene room; it was a fake kitchen, and another assistant handed me the same toy as the day before. I got up on one of the chairs at the island, and I pulled the boxers down just far enough to get at my asshole. The toy was pre-lubed, which I was thankful for, and I slid the tip of the toy in easily, letting out a whine at the way it felt inside me. I was still slightly sensitive from the night previous, and I wondered if this was how every night was going to be. Once the toy was all the way inside me, I pumped it in and out a few times just to stretch me out.

“Fuck, is that you being so loud?” Aaron’s voice mumbled, and I glanced behind me to the taller man who was leaning against the door frame. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were a virgin. Get that out, let’s start.”

“What’s the- the plot?” I breathed, taking the toy out, handing it to one of the assistants (how can they touch those things without being squeamish?) who took it away.

Marco interrupted, “You’re cooking for your boyfriend, who comes home and fucks you on every surface available.” Biting my lip, I nodded and got up off the chair and moved to the other side of the island. “Aand-” he said, and the red lights all turned on at once. “Action.”

I furrowed my brow and bent over to get into the fridge, which was stocked with lube and toys, which is quite a weird place to keep them. A hand trailed up my ass, and I closed my eyes while biting my lip.

“Fuck, Marcel,” he breathed, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back up standing. The fridge door slammed behind me, and then I was pushed up against it; lips met mine roughly and I felt my hands being pressed up against the door. Aaron’s lips trailed off of mine and down my neck while his hands released my wrists and pulled my hips up against his.

“A-Aaron,” I gasped, wrapping my hands around his neck. He grabbed my ass roughly and lifted me up, carrying me to the counter and setting me down on it. His fingers dragged the boxer-briefs down my legs quickly, dropping them to the floor and pushing me against the backsplash. The apron stayed on, which caused friction against my hard on as I squirmed on the granite countertops.

He dragged his own shirt off and I let out a shuddery breath at how sculpted his chest was; My fingers almost immediately replaced the fabric and was groping his pecs. One of the cameramen adjusted his position, catching my attention just long enough for Aaron to rip the apron off of me, leaving me naked on the counter.

“Such a little twink,” he whispered in my ear, pulling me back to the edge and lifting me up again. His hard-on was rubbing against my ass  through the shorts, and I let out a moan and pushed down against him. “Mm, horny.”

“P-please, Aaron,” I begged, and he laid me down onto the island. Even though I was on the counter, my ass was still lined up with his cock, and he dropped his shorts to around his waist, and his boxers quickly followed. I whined at how large his dick was, and he swirled his own precum around and down as lube.

“Going in dry, babe,” he mumbled, pressing the tip up and causing me to cry out as it slipped in. Aaron pushed in a little bit more, before pulling back out to the tip and then thrusting in hard. A series of moans were escaping my lips, and I dug my fingers into the counter and pushed against him with every thrust.

Not much longer afterwards, I was cumming all over my own chest, bucking my hips up in the air while doing so. He moaned for the first time at how I tightened my hole, and he lifted me up off the counter and carrying me up to against the wall. “Fuck, Marcel,” he said again, still thrusting. “You’re so fast.”

Everything was over sensitive for me now, and I was fighting the urge to cry. It was so good that it hurt, and he wasn’t slowing down at all. Aaron kept going for minutes more, causing me to cum again, this time more painful than the last, until he finally finished inside of me. He turned and dropped me on a chair, letting me rest while he took himself out.

A cameraman zoomed in on my asshole as the cum started dripping down, causing me to whine out loud. “Cut!” Marco called, and the cameramen all took a step back, and Aaron sat in one of the other chairs.

“You are serious fast,” he laughed, taking a towel from the assistants and slipping it under my bum. “I’ve had a lot of sex, and that was the quickest I’ve ever seen someone.”  
“Shut up,” I mumbled, gripping the seat with my eyes closed, trying to catch my breathing. “You’re only the second person I’ve ever been with.”

“Aw,” Aaron laughed. “I feel so special.”


	3. Chapter 3

My eyes blinked open to the sound of my alarm, and I rolled over on my small futon to turn it off.  Fumbling over the light switch, I clicked a lamp on and sat up. It was only 4 a.m., and I had gotten home only five hours previous. My small flat was barely lit, and I sighed frustratedly. This shit of a room was all I had, but it was still draining my wallet.

Standing up slowly, I heard my knee bones popping as I stretched. My rear hurt a little, but not as much as it had when I got home the night previous, and I slowly hobbled into the tiny bathroom. It barely had a toilet and a shower, and they were crowded. I turned on the water and waited for it to heat up, stripping my clothing while doing so. The tile was cold against my bare feet, so I quickly hopped into the shower stall. The water was hot, and I quickly rinsed my body down. The tube took half an hour to get to work, and I still had to get dressed and eat.

Once out, I dried myself in one quick motion and came back into my bedroom-slash-living room to get dressed. With only three rooms (bathroom, living room, and kitchen), my flat was pathetically small. My dresser was up against the wall, and I only had a few jumpers, a few tees, and two pairs of skinnies inside it. I pulled an outfit (a tight black jumper and skinnies) out and changed quickly. I quickly stumbled over to the kitchen, reaching into a cupboard and pulling out a box of cereal. After quickly downing a bowl and choking on it, I pulled my boots on, then a beanie, peacoat, and topping it off with a striped scarf. After locking the door behind me, I took off down my porch and down the stairs.

Down at the tube, I got on the first train downtown and stood by the door. I was being pushed around by people moving in and out, and I felt myself being pushed up against the railings. “Watch out,” I breathed to him, and turned to look at a familiar blond. “Niall?”

“Oh my god, Harry,” he replied, scooting over to my side. “What a coincidence!”

“Where are you going?” I asked, reaching out and rubbing his upper arm.

“Uni,” the blond grinned, patting his side bag. “I’m studying sound technology. Hope one day I’ll be on a big stage instead of a small bedroom.” He lowered his voice for the last part of the sentence, and I laughed loudly.

“Be careful about your past,” I giggled, pulling him closer as the door opened and others rushed in and out. “You don’t want paparazzi spreading your dirty little secrets.”

“Twinks,” we heard briefly, and I bit my lip and looked down.

“Fuck off, you asshole,” Niall hissed, turning to glare at a middle-aged man. “Go shit in your wife’s mouth.”

“Oh my _god_ ,” I breathed, covering my mouth with my free hand. “I can’t believe you said that!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he growled, grabbing my coat when the train jolted to a stop. “You just gotta deal with these people; They think seeing you naked is a free ride to your life.”

“I’m getting off here, but I’ll see you tonight, right?” I asked, adjusting my beanie. “At the studio, yeah?”

“Yeah, see you then, _Marcel_ ,” he teased, rubbing my back and the door slipped open and I rushed out. There was a quick flurry of people and I took the steps back up to the street. After a quick walk, I made my way into the back of the cafe, where Barbara was waiting for me with a cup of tea.

“I figured you would be tired, working two jobs,” she explained, letting me take a full sip. “How is that other job, by the way?”

“Strenuous,” I shrugged, taking off my coat and hanging it up. “But it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Now that’s the Harry I know and love. Hey, will you do me a favor?” She asked, beginning to frost some muffins.

“Finances? Yeah, I got it,” I beamed, pressing a kiss to her cheek before heading out the the front. She kept her laptop behind the exhibition case, and I had been doing her finances once a month every month for the last year and a half.  Sitting on my stool and opening the program, I pulled open the register and took the receipts I had been saving; there were around 600 collected since the last time I had done this.

I spent the next half-hour trying to get the program to cooperate, but it kept freezing every time I started putting the numbers in. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I stood up and crossed over the counters to begin cleaning the tables. Bringing the blackboard out, I wrote up, Today’s Special: **Earl Grey and Croissants**. Quickly flipping the sign, I headed back in and took my place at the counter.

The program finally tried to work, and I started in with the receipts. The door opened, and I blinked up at the beautiful brown-haired boy who had just entered. He was looking down while adjusting his hair, and when he finally looked up at me, he had the best smile on his lips.

“Good morning, Harry,” Louis said softly, heading over before leaning on the counter. “I saw you had Earl Grey as the special today?”

“The best you’ll find in town,” I replied, reaching over and wiping a rain drop off his nose. “Once you have it, you’ll never be satisfied with anything else.”

His face pinkened slightly, and I bit my lip, realizing how it sounded. “Uh,” he began, pulling up straight. “Two Earl Greys, and let’s try one vanilla cupcake, and one chocolate.”

“Two?” I stammered, quickly turning and starting the tea. “Going to meet your girlfriend?”

“Nah, I figured my boss would like some,” Louis mumbled, following me with his eyes.

“Sorry for assuming,” I beamed, a little relieved, before turning and handing him the two mugs. “I figured a cute guy like you would be with his girlfriend all the time.  9 quid.” Taking the cupcakes he ordered, I put them gently in a take out bag and set it on the counter before taking the card he was offering me.

“Sure,” Louis grinned. “If I liked girls.”

Handing him back his card, I bit my lip to hide the grin that was spreading across my face. “Sorry for assuming, again.”

“Do you have extra creamer?” He asked, putting his card back in the wallet.

“Yeah, right there,” I pointed at the few pitchers at the end of the counter. “Sugar, as well.”

“I like a lot of cream in my tea,” he shrugged, adjusting his denim jacket before taking one mug over. “My friends make fun of me because of it, but whatever.”

“I think it’s cute,” I mumbled, more to myself than to him, as I sat back down on my stool. “You don’t meet a lot of guys that openly admit to liking extra cream.”

Laughing, Louis poured his drink to how he liked it, and replaced the lid before coming back over to me. “I’ll be back tomorrow, promise.” He slipped the to-go bag of pastries into a messenger bag, and turned to leave. “It’s nice seeing you every day,” he added, beaming at me briefly.

“You brighten the place with your smile,” I quickly grinned, but covered my mouth because jesus that was embarrassing. “See you tomorrow,” I bumbled quietly, hiding my pink face.

As he left, I set my head down on the counter and let out a frustrated sigh. Of course I would say something stupid. The cutest boy I had ever seen, and I said something dumb and sappy and I pulled my head back up to stare at the laptop. Trying to distract myself, I started in on the finances.

\------

Strolling into the studio, I dumped my cold-weather gear onto the coat hanger and sighed. There were a few people in the lobby, mainly assistants and one or two stars, and I smiled at the blond on the couch.

“Hey, Marcel,” he beamed, standing up and hugging me quickly. “How was work?”

“Long,” I replied, returning the hug and sitting down next to him. “My boss had me doing the receipts and whatever, but the finance program kept crashing.”

“Ouch,” Niall shrugged. wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “Better than school; my classes were loud and crowded and ugh.”

“Oh good, you’re both here,” Marco said, coming in from upstairs. “You two are both going to do videos, we have Edie booked for the bathroom and Marcel, you’re in the classroom.”

“Classroom,” I furrowed my brow, letting one of the assistants take me into the dressing room. She handed me a school uniform, not unlike the one I used to wear in high school, and I quickly changed. Heading back out into the lobby, I felt a hand trail up my ass, and I let out a cry of surprise.

“You look hot in everything, yeah?” an American voice breathed in my ear, and I turned to see Aaron grinning at my body. “A school uniform, hmm? That’s a turn on.”

“Hands off, Aaron,” Marco sighed, setting his hand on my shoulder. “He’s sucking Zac today, and his outfit has to be wrinkle-free.”

“Lucky Zac,” he replied, taking his hands off and waving once. “Hopefully I’ll get to see you later, hottie.”

Blushing slightly, I let Marco lead me into a room off to one side of the lobby. Inside, was an attractive man, sitting up on the teacher’s desk. He had the sides of his head shaved, and the black hair he was sporting was pushed up into a quiff.

“So you’re Marcel,” he said, looking over my body. “‘m Zac.”

“H-hey,” I nodded, admiring the way his button-down fit tightly against his chest. He had a tie around his neck that was tucked into his belt, and he rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. “So what’s the plot?”

“You need extra credit, and Zac is willing to give it to you if you blow him,” Marco grinned, patting one of the desks. “Start here. Total improv, by the way, so I hope you’re as good as an actor as you are a twink.”

Taking our places, I picked up the backpack at the desk and waited for the cue. The red lights on the cameras all turned on, and hearing the action caused me to lower the bag down the floor.

“P-professor,” I stammered, crossing to the front desk where Zac was sitting on the other side. “I’m not doing so well in your class.”

“Marcel, right?” he smiled, leaning back in his chair. “How can I help?”

“I’d- I’d do anything to get my grade up,” Tracing my fingers up my uniform sleeve, I bit my lip as the camera man slid across the floor to get a view of my face. “Anything.”

Zac rolled his hands down his shirt to his legs, before nodding slowly and saying, “Anything. I think I know exactly what you can do.” He stood up, reaching over and cupping my cheek, before connecting our lips softly. I quickly kissed back, using the desk to support myself. His free hand grabbed me by the sleeve and pulled me forwards, biting down my lower lip softly.

Whining as his lips trailed from my lips down my neck, I moved my hands up to his shoulders, gripping for stability. “Professor-”

“C’mere,” he demanded, bringing me around to the other side of the desk and forcing me onto my knees. “Let’s get you an A.” Biting down on my lip, I watched as he unzipped his pants and brought his thick cock. Vaguely hearing the cameras behind me, I reached forward and took it in my own hand, pumping twice. The sexiest noises were coming out of Zac’s mouth, and I experimentally dragged my tongue up across the vein, earning a loud moan. I covered his tip with my lips, playfully tonguing at his slit. “Damn, Marcel, I wish you had this effort in class.”

“I don’t enjoy class as much as I enjoy you,” I breathed, taking the rest of his cock into my mouth. His fingers tangled in my hair, pulling at my curls as I bobbed up and down. Lowering my mouth further, I let my jaw slack as his tip brushed against the back of my throat.

“Fuck, Marcel,” he whined, his free hand pulling down on his tie and letting it hang slack. I kept going up and down until he let out, “I’m gonna cum, Marcel-”, where I hummed softly around the base and felt him fill down my throat. He let out a long moan, thrusting his hips up into the air repeatedly. I choked a little, and slowly pulled off, coughing until I could breath again.

“D-did I do okay?” I stammered, sitting up and adjusting my hair.

“I think you’ll pass with flying colors,” Zac finally said, leaning back in his chair.

“Cut,” Marco called, and I got to my feet. “That was good. Twink and ex-twink. Too bad you grew up, Zac,” he grinned, patting my back and turning to leave.

“Thanks, mate,” Zac laughed, zipping his pants back up and straightening himself in his chair. “I get a ton of blowjobs, but none from cuties.”

“I haven’t given one in several years,” I admitted, hopping up on the desk. “I’m glad it wasn’t terrible.”

“I’m Zayn,” he breathed, leaning forward to me. “In real life, that is. I teach art at a local elementary school, what do you do?”

“You’re a teacher, really?” Raising my eyebrows in surprise, I bit my lip. “Isn’t it a little controversial for a teacher to be doing teacher/student porn?”

“My students will never know,” Zayn laughed, leaning one elbow on the desk and resting his head on his hand. “Their parents? They would never mention it- No one likes to admit to watching gay porn.”

“Harry-” I quickly stammered, putting my hand out for him to shake. “I work at a cafe downtown.”

“Yeah?” He grinned, shaking it briefly and pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “Maybe I’ll stop in sometime, what’s the name?”

“Barbara’s,” blushing, I held his hand softly. “Corner of Orchard and Wigmore.”

“Sounds good. Where are you going after this?”

“Home,” I breathed, yawning to punctuate my sentence. “I haven’t been sleeping very well since starting this porn job.”

“Oh?” Zayn grinned, standing up and stretching his back. “Want me to walk you out?”

“I need to change, but yeah, I’d like that,” I replied, getting to my feet and letting him lead me back to the lobby. We separated into our own dressing rooms, and I quickly changed back into my street clothes. Once out, I felt an arm snake around my waist, and I turned to the attractive brunette I had just blown. “You done?”

“Let me grab my coat, then yeah,” he replied, moving us forward to the door. We let go of each other long enough to put our coats on; he waited while I put my scarf, hat, and gloves on. “You get cold really easily, I see?”

“I have inner heating problems,” I laughed, letting him take my hand before we both headed out into the street. “I’m going to the tube, where are you going?”

“I have an apartment about a block this way, but I’ll walk you there,” the brunette grinned, squeezing my hand. “It’s dangerous out here alone.”

“I’m a grown man!”

“Who does twink porn for a living.”

“Oh shut up,” I breathed, only taking my hand away to pay for the subway ticket. “Thanks for walking me. I’ll see you next time, right?”

Taking my phone from my pocket, Zayn quickly pressed a few keys before handing it back. “Phone number and address. Hit me up sometime, alright? Not in a sex way- I get enough of that at work.”

“I need a friend in this city,” I laughed, holding my phone to my chest and waving. “Bye!”

I knew he watched me leave, and it felt a little good to know that someone cared.

\-----

On the train, I sat down on one of the seats and pulled out my phone to check my messages. There weren't many people at this time of night, and I had the train car almost to myself.  There were a few older men on the other side, one of which was checking me out. When the train came to the next stop and the doors opened, only a few people got on, and one of them looked around, and then came over to my side of the train.

"Harry!" Louis exclaimed, sitting down beside me. He set his bag on the other side of him, but quickly turned his head back to face me. "Just getting off work? Do you really work from 6 til-" he checked his watch-"8:30?"

"I hold two jobs," shrugging, I adjusted my scarf and smiled at him. "What about you? You were heading to work this morning, yeah?"

"I got off a couple hours ago, but I met a friend at the pub for a few drinks," he beamed, opening his phone and showing me a photo of him and a handsome brunette boy with beautiful brown eyes. "That's Liam, I've known him since I was 12."

"He's handsome," I grinned, leaning towards the screen. "Nice eyes."

"Do you want me to hook you guys up?" Louis asked, snapping his phone shut. "He's gay, single, and desperate. Currently obsessed with some porn star; I think his name was Zac or Jack or something."

I bit down on my lip, trying not to laugh. I had just given this guy a blow job not half an hour ago. "No, that's fine, I'm, uh, not looking."

"That makes sense," Louis shrugged, setting his hand on my knee. "I'm sure you already have a special someone, yeah?"

My face heated up, and I looked down at my lap. "N-no, of course not, I'm, uh not, no."

"I just figured that a cute boy like you has no chance of being single," he teased, smiling at me softly. "You obviously are turning them all down, right?"

"No one's asking," I mumbled, standing up. "I get off at the next stop, but I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Of course, Harry. See you later!"


	4. Chapter 4

The end of the week, I found myself well-rested(I had Sundays off from the cafe) and heading back into the porn studio. I had been told that every Sunday night, I would do a livestream, and apparently I had quite a loyal following from the videos they had posted this week alone.

“Marcel! You’re early!” Marco called, giving me a quick hug as I dropped my peacoat on the hanger.

“More time to open myself up; I expect the toys are gonna be a hit,” I beamed, patting his back. “What’s the plan for today?”

“Well, we ran a poll, so whatever the answer is,” he beamed, checking my outfit. “I don’t think we need to change you, I like the purple button down.”

“I even wore my cutest undies today,” I giggled, lowering the hem of my pants just far enough to show bright turquoise fabric. “My sister got them for me as a joke.”

“Tell your sister how funny they are, make her get you more,” Marco grinned, leading me into the bedroom. “Your toy is on the nightstand, feel free to do whatever you need to get up and ready while we check the survey.”

I nodded, laying myself back on the sheets and pulling my trousers down to my knees. The toy slipped in easily, probably due to the fact that I had been having sex almost every night this week. I pumped it a few times, rolling it around to stretch myself out while slowly stroking myself to full length. My stamina still wasn’t very good, and after a second I had to stop to keep myself from finishing before it even began.

“Very nice, Marcel,” Marco teased, catching my attention. “Put your pants back on, let’s get started.”

“What’s today’s kink?” I mumbled, handing the toy to an assistant(and I’m still not used to how these people touch those without gloves) and replacing my pants on my body.

“They wanna see you drunk,” he smiled, setting down a bottle of vodka. “Have you ever even had alcohol?”

“No, not really,” I shrugged, sitting up and facing the cameras. “But I’m willing to do anything.”

Handing me a shot glass, he said, “here you go, and five!” he began, “Four!” He stood back against the wall, holding his tablet to read the livestream comments. “Three- are you ready, Marcel? Two! One- we’re live!”

“Hey everyone, this is Marcel again,” I started, taking the bottle and pouring myself a shot. “You guys voted, so I’m gonna get drunk tonight. This is my first time drinking- unless you count that one time I drank a glass of wine in junior high, but tonight is gonna be serious!” I downed the shot, and winced at the way it felt going down. “Eesh. That is disgusting.”

“ **LTommo** says: ‘adventurous tonight!’ Well, you earned a little bit of a wild Marcel,” Marco grinned, watching me take another shot. “ **Cocksuckr69** says: ‘I wanna see you get wrecked and drunk’! Well, ask and you shall receive.”

“Okay wow,” I breathed, setting the empty glass down after my third shot. “I think that is enough for a while.”

“ **Grimmyshaw** asks: ‘what do you have planned for us today’?”

“I think-” I started, furrowing my brow at the way my words were slurring together already. “Am I already wasted?”

“It’s been three minutes, probably not.” Marco laughed. “ **Twinkletoes** says: ‘lightweight’!”

“I’m gonna ride a cock tonight,” I breathed, unbuttoning the top two buttons of my shirt. “Is it hot in here? It feels really hot in here.”

“Let’s not get you started on that dildo until you’re totally wasted,” the director beamed, pointing towards the bottle. “ **LTommo** suggests you should tell us a little about yourself.”

“Uh, well,” I shrugged, smiling at the cameras. “I’m 18, and I’m currently living in London.”

“ **Grimmyshaw** asks where you work.”

“If I told you that, you guys would be there all the time!” Pouting at the camera, I clutched the blankets on either side of me and whined softly. “But I work at a cafe- that’s all you get to know.”

“ **Born2cum** asks: ‘how do you like your boys’?”

“With a lot of cream,” I breathed out, furrowing my brows and closing my eyes. “Same as I like my tea.”

“ **TenInches** asks: ‘what is your favorite position’?”

“How about- uh, doggy style?” Shrugging, I spread my legs barely. “The feeling of being- I don’t know, used- it really gets me going.”

“ **LTommo** says: ‘jesus Marcel I wanna use you up’.”

“God, please use me,” I groaned, slurring my words together. My hand pushed down on my crotch and I wondered when I began to get so horny. “Fuck me up and- and-”

“I think Marcel’s a little drunk,” Marco laughed, catching my attention from the bed. “Grimmyshaw says: ‘oh don’t beg, I’ll cum too soon’.”

“Fill me with your cum- is it weird that I don’t feel my face?” I breathed, unbuttoning the rest of my shirt. With my bare chest open, I teased one of my nipples gently while bucking my hips up into my hand. “This is weird- Why am I feeling like this?”

“You’re drunk, Marcel, and we’re loving it.”

“C-can I fuck myself now?”

“ **TenInches** says: ‘God yes just do it’, and that seems to be the general consensus of the livestream right now, so yes, please fuck yourself.”

Reaching over the bed, I pulled out the largest pink dildo I could find and quickly popped open the lube. After realizing that my jeans were still on, I set the silicone toy down just long enough to bare to my panties. My cock was straining at the teal fabric, and leaking near the waistband.

“ **LTommo** says: ‘tell us about your dream guy while you ride that cock’.”

I pulled my panties off, bucking into the air. “He-he’s nice, and gives me compliments, and-” I sat up, only wearing my button-down, open and spread. Balancing myself on the tip of the dildo, I spread my legs as far as I could before lowering myself slowly. “He likes a ton of cream in his tea, and he loves me- and not just for my fucking body-” I whined, bottoming out on the dildo.

“ **Grimmyshaw** says: ‘sounds like the perfect guy. physical details, slut’!”

“Blue eyes- blue eyes,” I stammered, lifting up to the tip and closing my eyes. Behind my eyes was Louis, and I had to bite my lip to keep his name out of my mouth. “Short hair- is it short? Is his hair short? I don’t know- god, fuck, it feels so good,” I whined, bouncing up and down on the dildo.

“ **Twinkletoes** says: ‘sounds pretty specific. Who is he? does he have a name?’ I don’t know if Marcel should really say, what if this mystery boy is watching?”

“I don’t think h-he watches me,” clenching my hole around the toy, I kept riding it as hard as my body could possibly handle. “There’s no way he’d ever be attracted to me like- like this,” I groaned, trying to finger my nipples but missing. “I’m sweaty and gross and oh fuck please, fuck me hard.”

“ **Asiantwinksonly** says: ‘even straight guys would be attracted to you like this,’ and hell yeah we agree.”

“God, shit, no, I need you right now,” I whined, cradling my balls in one hand while fucking the toy quickly. “I’m gonna, I’m gonna,” shooting my load all over my chest, I slowed to a stop and, in the afterglow of my orgasm, I relaxed and managed to fall all the way down on toy. Escaping my lips was a soft, “L-louis,” and I immediately regretted it when the director laughed.

“Well there you have it, boys, Marcel has a crush on a boy named Louis!” Marco beamed, before checking his tablet. “ **LTommo** says: ‘jesus fuck holy shit I want to be that boy’.”

“I h-hope he’s not watching,” I whispered, leaning forward to relieve the pressure in my ass. “He’s so-so perfect, and I am so drunk.”

“I guess we’re done for now, boys. Thanks for watching, everyone,” Marco laughed, gesturing towards me.

“Fuck, see y-you guys soon-” whining into the air, I bunched the sheets in my fingers. “N-next week, same time.”

The cameras all went out, and I fell forward onto my chest and tried to keep my breathing normal. A hand rubbed down my back, and I looked up to the director smirking at me. “What’ll you do if he was watching?”

“I dunno? I think- uh. I think I need to take this out of my butt but- ahaha,” I started laughing, hiding my face in the pillow. “Butt but. I’m really funny, aren’t I?”

“You’re a fun drunk. Get dressed again, sweetheart, and we’ll call you a cab.”

“No, I can’t afford a cab,” I shrugged, whining while dropping the thing- what was it called? A toy? “I’ll take the train, like always.”

“Not shit-faced,” Marco raised one eyebrow, frowning disapprovingly. “Do you have someone you can call?”

“Uh, ooh! Zayn, I can call Zayn!” Sitting up and reaching for my phone in my nightstand, I scrolled through my contacts until I landed on a name that started with Z. I lifted it to my ear, and waited for the voice on the other side.

“H’llo?”

“Zayn? Zaaaaayn!”

“Harry? Why’re you calling me?”

“‘M drunk, can I sleep with you?” I asked, finding my panties and slowly moving them up my legs.

“If you mean stay over, then yes. I’ll come pick you up,” he sighed. “Just stay at the studio.”

“Thaaanks, babeeee,” I giggled, hanging up quickly before trying to find my jeans. It took me probably five minutes to get them on and facing the right way, but I managed to do it eventually, before buttoning up my shirt and vaguely whining about the way it stuck to my cum-covered chest. “Zayn is gonna pick me up,” I said to Marco as I crossed out into the lobby.

“Zayn, Zayn,” he furrowed his brows, obviously trying to remember.

“Zac! The gay teacher I blew,” I laughed, letting out a series of giggles while stabilizing myself on his arms. “Y’know, the one that has the huge cock.”

“Yes, I remember. You guys are friends?” He asked, helping me get my coat on. “I’m glad. You seemed lonely.”

“He’s great. Great! Great great great great,” smiling softly, I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the director’s nose. “You’re a cute cougar. Are older men called cougars? Or what?”

“I’m married, Marcel, otherwise I would tap you so hard,” he laughed, wrapping my scarf loosely around my neck.

“Did someone call for me?” A familiar voice said, and I turned to see the cute boy smiling back at me. “Harry, how drunk are you?”

“He had four shots, pure vodka. Don’t take advantage of him.”

“I won’t, dad,” Zayn rolled his eyes, before taking my hand and leading me out into the street. “You have your phone? Wallet?”

“E’erythin’,” I mumbled, tripping a little to keep up with him. “Will y’take care of me?”

“Oh Harry,” he laughed, wrapping his arm around my waist. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll take care of you.” Putting up with my insane chatter, Zayn managed to get me back to his apartment building, up five flights of stairs, and then into his flat. He helped me get my shoes off, then almost-carried me to his bedroom. “You are the cutest drunk I’ve ever seen,” he finally laughed, helping me out of my jeans.

“‘M I? Cute!” I giggled, pulling at his shirt. “Drunk and cute!”

“Stop squirming, let me get you undressed,” the brunette beamed, crawling on either side of my body. “You are not cuddling me tonight with these buttons on.”

“I’m still covered in cum,” I shrugged, letting him remove the fabric from my torso. “Never cleaned up.”

“You are the sloppiest porn star ever,” he rolled his eyes, standing up and crossing over to an adjacent bathroom, disappearing only briefly before coming back with a towel. “You’re so cute, Harry, that’s probably why you get so many viewers.”

“Liam’s in love with you,” I slurred, closing my eyes slowly.

Zayn’s hands paused. “Liam?”

“Friend of Louis’. He really, really, really likes your porn. But he likes your eyes.” Touching his face softly, I tried to focus on his eyes but they were bouncing around. “They’re long. Or, your eyelashes are. Hee hee, long eyes.”

“You’re shit-faced, mate,” he laughed, rolling his eyes before stripping down to boxers himself. “Shut up and go to sleep.”

“Kiss me, you fool,” I giggled, burrowing into his side. “Kiss me hard.”

Zayn leaned over and pressed his lips to mine softly, a small smile tugging at his mouth.


	5. Chapter 5

“So I’ll stop by around lunch, alright?” Zayn grinned, dropping me off at the cafe early in the morning. “Save me a pastry.”

“Sounds good, Zayn,” I beamed, waving once before heading inside. “Good morning, Barbara!”

“That’s a new sweater, isn’t it?” she replied, leaning over and giving me a quick hug. “And jeans. Go shopping this weekend?”

“No, I stayed over at a friend’s after work last night,” I replied, shrugging my coat off and hanging it up. “My clothes were, well, dirty, so I borrowed his.”

“Very cute. Just a friend, _or_?”

“I met him at my second job,” shaking my head, I laughed at her lightly. “Nothing between us.”

“Too bad. You’re glowing, obviously you like him,” she smiled, waving me off when I gave her a look of sarcasm. “Go open house. You came in later than normal.”

“Awesome, love! I’ll go do that.” Quickly hurrying out into the front of room, I started wiping the tables and chairs. Almost minutes later, I found myself fighting a migraine and had to sit down. Sure, I had gotten headaches after porn before, but never like this. Vomit was teasing at my throat, and I rested my head on the cold, still slightly-wet table. This had to be a hangover, right? I whined and stood up, slowly, before taking the blackboard outside and writing: **Today’s Special: Please be quiet, the barista didn’t get enough sleep** and laughing to myself.

“Ouch,” a familiar voice said, and I turned to look at a very adorable blue-eyed boy. “Stayed up too late?”

“Oh, Louis,” I smiled softly. “Secretly, I think I’m having my first hangover ever.”

“Oops,” he laughed loudly, helping me stand straight up. “Can’t let your boss know about that. I’ll go with the sleep thing. Have you tried drinking an energy drink? I hear that electrolytes cure hangovers.”

“Never heard that one,” I shrugged, switching the sign to open. “Too bad we don’t sell them.”

“I can go get you one,” Louis offered, catching me by surprise.

“What?”

“There’s a store at the end of the block- I can go run and grab one, and then I can bring it back,” he shrugged, rubbing my upper arm gently. “I’ll be right back.”

“No, I can’t ask you that,” biting my lip, I eyed him with wonder. “You’ll be late for work.”

“I’m off today, so it’s totally fine,” he beamed. “Seriously. Go inside and wait. I’ll be right back.” Watching him wave and head off down the sidewalk, I sighed, in amazement, before shaking my head and going back into the cafe and taking my seat behind the counter. Confessing my love to him only the night previously, I was surprised at how sweet he was.

“Amazing,” I breathed to myself quietly. The door fluttered open, and I briefly wondered how Louis had gotten back so fast, but let out a sigh of relief when it was Rob. “Your usual?”

“You know it, Harry!”

“One coffee, coming right up,” I laughed, moving to the coffee maker and starting his drink. “So how are you today?”

“Much better than you are,” he replied quickly, earning an embarrassed smile. “The sign says you didn’t get enough sleep.”

“Yeah, I was up late,” I lied, handing the cup to him. “How was your weekend?”

“Pretty good. Spent it with the Missus, and we had a good time,” He smiled, handing me his card and paying.

“That’s great!” I laughed, wincing at the way it hurt my head. “See you tomorrow, Rob.”

He opened the door and then stood back, letting Louis back in. He immediately came up to the counter, handing me an energy drink. “This was the only one with electrolytes, is it okay?”

“Of course,” I breathed, reaching for my own wallet. “How much?”

“It’s on me,” the blue-eyed boy beamed, leaning forward and grabbing my arm. “Let me take care of you. It’s what friends do.”

“Thanks,” I smiled, biting my lip and letting him pull my arm forward. “What can I get you today?”

“Just a chai, my mate is gonna come meet me here,” Louis grinned, pulling back and opening my bottle for me. “You remember me telling you about Liam, right?”

“The boy with the nice eyes, right?” Turning to the steeper, I smiled gently to myself. “I can’t wait to meet him.” Handing him his drink, I leaned one elbow on the counter. “Go take a seat.”

“Alright, mate,” he beamed. “Don’t forget to drink that powerade thing.”

I watched him take a seat at the table closest to the door, before pulling up his phone and gazing intently at it, very similarly to when we first met. He let a little grin tease at his cheek, and I took a swig of the energy drink. It was sweet, and I winced slightly at the way it tasted. Sitting down at my stool, I sighed softly and lifted my book to start reading.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, setting my book down immediately, before standing up and going through the cupboard. “We got a new tea in Friday night, and I haven’t tried it- Would you like a cup?”

“If that’s alright with you,” he beamed, setting his phone on the table.

“On the house, of course,” I grinned, scooping the leaves into a tea bag. “Do you want to smell it before I steep it?”

“Sure, why not?” Louis smiled, crossing to the counter. I offered him the bag, and he softly caressed my hand while pulling it up to his face. My skin tingled at the contact, and I admired the way his eyelashes fanned against his cheeks while he sniffed the open bag. “That’s really nice,” he smiled, pulling away to look up at me. “It’s spiced caramel-apple chai, right?”

“With just a tad of hazelnut as well,” I beamed, biting my lip. “Wow, that was a turn on.”

“What, correctly identifying tea?” He laughed, slowly letting go of my hand. “I really, really like tea. What’s it called?”

“Uh-” Quickly checking the box, I said, “Midnight Memories. Hmm. Here’s your cup- oh, be careful. It’s rather hot,” I warned, handing him a cup. He took a sip, and I bit my lip in excitement. “Well? What do you think?”

“It’s really, really good, mate,” Louis nodded, quickly taking it over to the creamers. “It might not even need the milk, but you know me.”

“You like your tea like I like my men,” I laughed, taking a sip of my own drink. “With a lot of cream. Damn, that is good.”

The door opened, catching my attention, and I recognized the boy briefly from a photo.

“Louis,” he called, and I smiled softly as the boy in front of me turning around. “Louis, hey!”

“Liam!” the brown-haired boy grinned,  rushing over and hugging his friend. “You found the place alright.”

“It’s a small little place, yeah,” Liam smiled, glancing over at me and, as soon as he did, the smile dropped and his eyes widened. “U-uh.”

“Oh, Liam,” Louis said, pulling away briefly and gesturing towards me. “This is Harry, he’s the barista here. You order, I’m gonna sit down.”

We both watched the caramel-haired boy sit down and pull out his phone, before the puppy-dog eyed man turn to me. “You’re Marc-”

“Please don’t tell him,” I whispered, gripping the counter until my knuckles turned white. “Please, please please, he has no idea that I do porn.”

“Yeah, okay,” Liam nodded, shrugging his shoulder. “I mean, I’m not gonna out you to anyone, especially not your crush,” he teased.

“You watched last night, you tosser,” I punched his upper arm lightly, biting my lip. “Come on, make an order so this doesn’t seem weird.”

“Just a coffee, alright?”

“I’ll bring it to your table- go sit down,” I grinned, turning to start the coffee. Vaguely, I heard him go back to the table and beginning a soft conversation. After a second, I brought him his mug and a napkin. “Anything else for you boys?”

“You could sit down,” Louis smirked, playing with his bangs gently.

“I wish I could,” I replied, mussing his hair with my free hand. “I have to stay behind the counter just in case someone comes in-”

The door chiming open caught all of our attention, and, with a look of surprise, I turned to face the newcomer. “Harry!” came a familiar irish voice, and I immediately opened my arms to give him a hug.

“Niall!” I laughed, holding him tight. “How are you?”

“I’m good, doing great,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to my cheek.”Is this where you work, or are you meeting some friends?”

“This is my work, oh-” I started, before gesturing towards the boys sitting down. “This is Louis, and this is Liam. Guys, this is Niall, we work together.”

Liam’s eyes widened again, and I tightened my jaw at him. “N-nice to meet you, Ed-Niall,” he stammered, quickly looking down and breaking eye contact.

“Sit down with us, let’s get to know each other,” Louis beamed, patting an extra chair. “If that’s alright with you.”

“I’m down with it,” the blond beamed, pulling up a chair and sitting down, dropping his messenger bag down next to him. “Harry, love, can I get a tea?”

“Of course,” I replied, rolling my eyes and heading back to the counter. “How’d you find me, Niall? I never told you where I worked.”

“Lucky guess. It looked like your handwriting on the board,” he laughed, smiling over at me. “How long have you guys known each other?” the blond asked the other boys, while I turned my back and finished his coffee.

“I’ve known Harry for a few weeks,” Louis replied, and I heard a soft chuckle escape his lips. “Came for the tea, and I’ve kept coming back for his smile.”

“That actually makes sense,” Niall laughed, and I quickly turned back and crossed to the table. “He’s got the cutest little dimples I’ve ever seen.”

“Shut up, you guys,” I sighed, setting the mug on the table. “Seriously, I can hear you.”

“Smile, let me see,” Liam asked, grabbing my chin weakly. In response, I closed both eyes and gave the toothiest grin I could muster, before looking at him again. “Yeah, cute dimples.”

“Thanks, guys,” rolling my eyes, I went back up to the counter and pulled up my stool, before taking another sip of the powerade.  The room was filled with assorted chatter, and we were laughing often.

Next thing I knew, the door was opening and a familiar voice called, “Harry, make me a tea,” and I looked up to see what could only be described as a model. My heart was beating before I realized it was Zayn. He quickly strolled over to the counter, finally taking his glasses off to show his long eyelashes. “Please, make me a tea.”

“Of course, my lovely sleep-partner,” I replied, pressing a kiss to his cheek before turning over and beginning a chai.

“Zayn?” Niall’s voice started, and I glanced over my shoulder to see the blond hugging the newcomer. “God, its great to see you!”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen you since that project,” he stressed, pulling away before Niall sat back down. “How have you been doing?”

“Amazingly,” he grinned. “Oh, Zayn, this is Louis and Liam.”

“Liam?” Zayn coughed, covering his mouth with one hand. “I heard- I have a friend by that name,” he covered, before turning to come back to me. As soon as he was at the counter, I handed him the drink. With a look of almost disgust, he adjusted his fur-trimmed coat and said, “You fucking asshole, were you trying to set me up?”

“I had no idea he would be here today,” I shrugged, voice laced with apology. “Try to forget about what I said.”

“He’s giving me this look,” Zayn whined, wringing his fingers. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Give him the look back!” I suggested, leaning over the counter and touching his upper arm gently. “He really likes you, Zayn, try to get to know him. Maybe he’ll be good for you.”

“Harry, I know nothing about this man, except that he’s cute and he really seems to like me!”

“Is that not enough to start?” rolling my eyes, I forced him to turn around and go back to the table. Liam had been watching Zayn the entire time, and he quickly turned back to the table with a blush on his cheeks. I smiled softly, and went back to drinking the energy drink. The migraine was almost gone, and I shot a look at Louis to thank him.


	6. Chapter 6

Several hours later, I was getting ready to close up the store(with Barbara’s blessing) and still laughing with Louis. Zayn and Niall had a gig at the studio, and Liam, completely overstimulated by the idea, had to leave, so I was alone with the caramel-haired boy. He was helping me wipe down the tables, and I promised to pay him back with kisses(completely jokingly, although I wouldn’t have minded).

“Are you free after work?” He asked finally, standing straight while I turned to glance at him.

“Uh, yeah, I don’t have work today,” I shrugged, checking my phone quickly. “Why, do you have an idea?”

“There’s this really great pub,” Louis mumbled, walking over and standing by my side. His hand trailed up my forearm as he said, “I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? I’ll pay.”

“I guess,” I breathed, catching his eyes barely. “Let me lock up, I’ll meet you out front.”

\-----

Sitting at a table in a rather small pub, I found myself grinning quietly at the boy who had gotten up to the counter to get us drinks. Louis was looking the opposite way, chuckling to someone sitting on the stool next to him. My heart was racing- here I was, with a guy I liked, out on what could only be described as a date. My hand were shaking, and I was holding them tightly in my lap.

“Here you go,” he finally said, setting a drink in front of me. “I got you something called a Seduction; the bartender suggested it.”

“I hope you’re not trying to seduce me,” I replied, before wincing at how stupid I sounded. “I mean, thank you, Louis.”

“Don’t worry, he gave me something called a Kiss on the Lips,” Louis laughed, taking a sip of the orange-to-red gradient liquor. “Wow, that really does feel like a kiss on the lips.”

Taking a sip of my own burgundy drink, I closed my eyes for a second, before fluttering them back open to the beautiful blue-eyed boy. “Wow, I’m ready to go have sex with this drink,” I teased, leaning forward towards him.

“Would you like to try seduction?”

“I would love to,” he breathed, brushing his fingers over mine while taking the drink from my hand. He pressed his lips to the glass, taking a sip, then put it back to my hand. “Wow, you seduced me! Would you like to go have sex with me?” Louis joked, offering me his drink.

After taking a sip, I laughed. “It’s not too bad,” I preened, pushing my hair behind one ear. “Doesn’t really make me want to kiss anyone, though.”

“Try another four of them,” he laughed, swirling his drink in his hand. “So, tell me a little about you.”

“Well, uh,” I started, shrugging, clasping both hands around my glass. “I’m 18, and I moved here from Holmes Chapel, and I have a really shitty flat in the upper end.”

“Yeah?” He smiled, taking a sip. “What about your job? I know you work at Barbara’s, but you’ve mentioned a second one, right?”

“Oh yeah, I do a little bit of, uh,” I stammered, pausing briefly before coming up with a lie. “I’m an extra in some indie movies.”

“Really? That’s super cool,” Louis grinned. “What kind of movies?”

“Just basic, y’know, screenings and whatever. I’m just a pretty face,” I shrugged, taking another sip to try to cover the bad lies. “What about you? Where do you work?”

“Oh, I work at a bookstore by the Manchester Square, and my apartment is also in the upper end,” Louis beamed, spinning the liquid in his glass. “We should hang out sometime, yeah?”

“Isn’t that we’re doing now?”

“True,” he grinned, smiling at me. “How long have you been doing that video work?”

“Only a week!” I sighed, finishing my drink. “My rent went up this month, and I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“Couldn’t you ask your boss for a raise?” he mumbled, his fingers playing with his denim jacket. “I mean, Barbara seems like a rational person.”

“The cafe is having money trouble,” I sighed, resting one arm on the table before leaning into my hand. “I’ve skipped the last two paychecks, just to help keep it above water.”

“Oh, Harry,” he exclaimed, softly patting my other hand. “You’re such a great person.”

“I didn’t mean to drop that on you,” I laughed, standing up. “Let me go get another round. You want the kiss again?”

“Surprise me with the most erotic sounding one you can order,” he beamed, leaning back against the booth. I stood up and strolled over to the bar, catching the man’s attention. His eyes traced me over, and a look of recognition built on his face.

“What can I get you, Marcel?” the bartender smirked, leaning on the counter and chuckling. “Do you want me to use you up and fill you with my cum?”

“Fuck off,” I hissed, setting the drinks down. “I’m out with a friend, please leave me alone.”

“Seriously though,” he shrugged. “What can I get you?”

“What is the dirtiest-named drink you can make?” I smiled, biting my lip.

“Well, we have the Cock Sucking Cowboy, the Fuck Me Up, the Suck Bang and Blow, although I wouldn’t suggest that to someone who got drunk for the first time last night, and the Liquid Viagra,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Trying to get that boy in your bed with you?”

“No, of course not!” I blushed, gripping the counter. “One Cock Sucking Cowboy, and one Liquid Viagra.”

After a second, he handed me the two drinks and winked. “You’re definitely going home with that guy- hey, is that the mysterious Louis?” he laughed, causing me to turn and immediately storm back to the booth.

“Is everything alright?” Louis breathed, taking a drink from me. “You looked angry.”

“That’s the, uh,” I stammered, looking at the drinks. He had the beige drink in his hand, while I had the blue one; “That’s the cock sucking cowboy, I think.”

“Jesus, you really got the worst names,” he shook his head gently. “What happened up there?”

“Bartender tried to hit on me,” I lied, taking a sip of my own drink.

“What the hell?” he furrowed his brows. “I could go talk to him, tell him you’re on a date with me, if you want.”

“No, it’s totally fine,” I stammered, setting my hand on his. “Please, don’t make a scene. Just- let’s just continue our chat, yeah?”

“Okay, okay,” he shrugged, rolling his eyes and shooting an angry look at the bar. “What drink did you get?”

“It’s called the Liquid Viagra,” I said, leaning forward and shrugging. “I guess it’s supposed to get me laid or something.”

“Do you think it’s working? Any boy in this pub that catches your eye?”

“Only the one in front of me,” I teased, taking a sip. “Oh Louis, you should know I never eyeball other men while on a date.”

“Oh really?” he winked. “Because you spent a long time with that bartender.”

“You got me, we’re going out for dinner tomorrow,” I rolled my eyes, watching him take a sip. “Seriously though, tell me more about you. You know my stats.”

“I’m twenty, moved from Doncaster, and I’m super single and super gay,” Louis grinned, swirling his drink. “But I think we’ve figured that one out. I’m drinking a blowjob.”

“Cock sucking cowboy,” I corrected, pushing the curls away from my face. “Get it right.”

“I’d like to suck your cock, cowboy,” he laughed, leaning back against the booth. “You got the viagra, right?”

“Trust me, we’re covered,” smiling ear-to-ear, I took another drink. “Are we fucking tonight?”

“Why, you interested?” Louis winked, touching my hand gently. “I could maybe pull some strings and have my date tonight rescheduled.”

“You have a date tonight?” I quickly said, brushing my teeth over my lip in an attempt to bite it but paused when he shook his head.

“I’m teasing you, silly,” he smiled, rubbing circles into my palm. “You wanna blow this joint? We should get out of here before you get totally wasted and have another hangover tomorrow.”

“Yeah, Barbara’s really not  gonna like that,” I grinned, standing up and letting him lead me out of the pub and into the street. “So, how do we get to the tube?”

“Two blocks this way,” he beamed, taking my hand and helping me to the sidewalk. “I really want you to come over sometime, alright?”

“Anytime,” I teased, leaning locking our hands and bumping shoulders with him. “Seriously, text me and I’ll spend the night- anywhere is better than my shitty apartment.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t even have a bedroom,” I laughed, gesturing with my free hand. My face was flushed, but I didn’t know if it was from the alcohol or the cute boy by my side. “I only have a front room, a bathroom, and a kitchen!”

“Where do you sleep? The couch?” Louis shook his head, giving me a look of awe.

“I have a futon on the floor, by the radiator,” rolling my eyes, I leaned into his side. “Is it really warm out here?”

“Not really? It’s pretty cold tonight,” he smirked. “Drunk.”

“I’m not drunk, I’m just slightly overheated,” I hummed, trailing my fingers up his coat sleeve. “You’re really nice, Louis.”

“You think I’m nice?” he laughed, rolling his his eyes at me. “You really have no friends here, do you?”

“You, Niall, Zayn, and I guess Liam now as well- do you think I’m friends with Liam?”

“He likes you,” Louis beamed, pulling me closer by snaking his arm around my waist. “As a friend, I made sure of that,” he added, letting a little grin escape his lips.

“Aww, Mr. Protective,” I smiled, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. “You’re so cute when you try to be nice to me.”

“It’s really easy to be nice to you,” he preened, leaning into my armpit. “And you’re always cute.”

“Oh,” I stopped him in the street, pulling out my phone and handing it to him. “Put your number in?”

“Sounds good,” he beamed, trading mine for his. After a second, we switched back, and I leaned in to kiss him but paused when I realized what I was doing. I was going to kiss Louis. Without his permission or even a hint, and I quickly pulled back to keep walking. “Here’s the station, yeah?”

“Are we both taking the same train?” I grinned, holding his hand gently. “I’ll pay for tickets.”

“Oh Harry, I can’t ask that of you!” he sighed, pulling me away from the ticket booth. “You’re having money problems, let me buy.”

“You paid for drinks, though,” I stammered, biting my lip. “I really wanna do this.”

He rolled his eyes before leaning back and letting go. “I’ll buy next time.” As soon as his hand let go of mine, I went to the cashier and bought two tickets. We quickly hurried onto the train, him taking a seat while I stood above him. I gripped the bar beside me tightly, being knocked back and forth by the train bumping around.

Louis gripped my hand tightly, helping me stay straight up despite the crowding. “Are you alright?” he breathed, pulling my hand to his side. “You can use me for stability, if you need.”

“Thanks, Lou,” I giggled, lifting my hand to his shoulder and squeezing. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow at the cafe, right?”

“Of course,” he beamed, setting his hand on mine. “Do you want me to bring you some breakfast?”

“You don’t have to!”

“That’s a yes,” he winked, lacing our fingers on his shoulder. “Any allergies?”

“No, not really,” I shrugged, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his forehead and instantly regretting it. “Marshmallows. I’m allergic to marshmallows.”

“I won’t make s’mores then,” he laughed, adjusting his hand at the next stop. Several more people got on, and my body was pressed closer to Louis’s. “Crowded,” he breathed, adjusting his hand.

Someone’s fingers crossed over my ass, squeezing just hard enough for my body to freeze completely. My heart was racing as the fingers moved up, and I glanced over my shoulder to see a familiar black man smirking slightly in the other direction. Relief filled from my stomach, and I removed my hand from the caramel-haired boy and subtly pushed Aaron’s hand away.

“Oh, I didn’t even see you there,” he said, moving around to face me, completely ignoring Louis. “How are you doing? I didn’t see you at work.”

“I had the day off today,” I nodded awkwardly, moving to set my hand on Louis, but changing my mind as not to bring him to attention. “I’m back on tomorrow though, so I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah? Where are you going? Maybe I’ll take you home,” he winked, leaning over and almost kissing me when-

“Sorry, I’m taking him home,” Louis interrupted, standing up and getting in between us.  “I don’t think we’ve met,” he crossed his arms, glaring almost protectively.

“Phillip,” Aaron smirked, mirroring the caramel-haired boy’s body language. “And you are?”

“Louis,” he spat, earning a laugh. “What, do you think that’s funny?”

“I think you have something you should know,” he hissed. “Something your boyfriend here should tell you- oh wait, nevermind.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Louis snapped, taking my hand and pulling us out at the next stop. Fortunately, it was my stop, so I was fine, but I was eyeing the caramel-haired boy who hadn’t let go of my hand and still hadn’t stopped moving yet.

“Louis?” I breathed, lacing my fingers with his. “Louis, talk to me,” begging into the air, I pulled to a stop and kept him with me. “Where are you even going?”

“I was- I just- I had to get you off of there,” he answered, not even turning to look at me. “I didn’t like that guy trying to kiss you.”

“He’s a friend from work, we had a kissing scene,” I stammered, digging my fingernails into his hand. “There’s nothing between us, Louis.”

“He sure didn’t seem to think that,” the caramel-haired boy mumbled, trying to let go of me. “I’m gonna go get back down and- and get to my stop.”

“Louis, please,” I pleaded, taking a step closer. “We need to talk about this. What happened there?”

“I don’t like seeing Phillip- god, it’s so pretentious sounding- act like he owns you,” Louis whispered, dropping his head to look like at the ground. “I’m just, I shouldn’t be getting so protective of you, but I just, I don’t really know.”

My mouth opened several times, and I couldn’t get any words out. He turned around to look at me, and the look on his face caused my heart to stop. His lips were pulled tight, and his eyes were dull with emotions. “Louis,” I choked, shaking my head lightly.

“Don’t start, Harry, I’m so sorry,” he said, with his voice weak. “I’ll leave you alone.”

“Shut up, tosser!” I yelled, slamming my eyes shut to fight tears that weren’t even supposed to be there. “Don’t you dare even- even threaten that! Pl-please,” faltering with the last word, I pulled my hand from his to wipe at my face, pushing my tears back away. “You’re the first friend I made, and I can’t- you can’t leave me.”

“Harry,” he whispered, and then hands were holding my upper arms. “Harry, I just- I thought you were mad at me.”

“Please don’t leave me,” I breathed, setting my hands on his shoulders and fighting back the sob that was building in my throat. “I can’t- I can’t be left alone again.”

“I won’t, Harry, don’t cry,” he whimpered, brushing his fingers against my cheek. “C’mon, I’ll take you home, please. Please just stop crying,” Louis breathed, wiping my face and kissing my hair.

Nodding pathetically, I burrowed my fingers into his jacket. “Don’t leave me completely alone again.”

“That sounds like emotional baggage,” he muttered, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Let me take you home, alright? Where do you live?”

“I’m just,” I sniffled, wiping my nose on my sleeve. “I’m just a block over there.”

“Really? You live here?” Louis scrunched his face, before beginning towards my place. “Yeah, let me tell you, this is a shitty neighborhood.”

“Thanks,” chuckling, I wiped my eyes again and mumbled. “I’m really sorry for unloading that on you.”

“Yeah, well, tell me about it sometime, okay?” he whispered, brushing my hair out of the way. “But no pressure, alright? When you’re comfortable.”

“I love you, Louis,” I breathed into the air, not loud enough for him to hear me.


	7. Chapter 7

The alarm went off on my floor, and I slowly pushed myself up off the bedsheet, and blinked several times because there was sweat on my back, and there is never sweat on my back. My blanket was less than an inch thick, and the heater was broken, and the only reason I’d be so sweaty is if someone was in my bed and _OH MY GOD_ there is someone in _my_ bed.

I pulled back, wrapping the blanket around me in an attempt to cover my body. Underneath me was the beautiful caramel-haired boy, and I let out a soft gasp. My heart was racing, just seeing his eyelashes splayed out on his cheeks; even in the dark, he looked like an angel. Nodding softly to myself, I extracted myself from the bed, set the tucked the boy back in, and stumbled through the early-morning darkness into the bathroom.

After a quick shower, I was pulling a bathrobe on and heading back into the living room. When I opened the door, I was surprised to see the television on and Louis sat on the couch.

“Lou?” I mumbled, leaning over the back of the sofa to play with his hair. “Did I wake you?”

“The bed got cold,” he shrugged, lifting his arms up to gesture at the blanket wrapped around him. “It was really early, so I decided to watch some dumb American show. What even is this?”

“It looks like a stupid sitcom,” I giggled, wrapping my arms around his neck from behind. “C’mon, go shower, there’s towels in there and you can even borrow some of my clothing if you want.”

“Thanks, sweety,” he breathed, standing up and wandering around the couch back to the futon, where he dropped the blanket. He was only wearing his boxer-briefs, which were white with little strawberries splattered around, and they were really tight around his perfectly-shaped bum. My crotch immediately reacted, and I pushed it against the sofa to keep it from tenting my robe. “I’ll be out in a moment.”

“Take your time,” I coughed, waiting until the door clicked to move. My heart was racing, and I turned to the dresser with a sense of urgency. After quickly getting myself in boxers and my tightest pair of skinnies, I adjusted my cock and let out a sigh. This was not good.

“Harry,” Louis called from the bathroom, and I slammed my eyes shut with a sense of dread.

“Yes?”

“Do you have an extra toothbrush?”

Of course it would be something like that. “Uh, no, but you can use mine if you’re not squeamish.”

“Thanks,” he replied, and I leaned up against the wall. My heart could not handle having him in the same house; this really was too much. I pulled out my favorite grey button down, and slipped a sweater-vest down on top, before heading into the kitchen to make some quick breakfast.

Finding out my refrigerator was empty save for milk, I shrugged and poured out two bowls of cereal. Bringing them out into the living room, I sat down on the sofa and was watching the silly American sitcom for a little while. Wet hands trailed on my neck, and I turned to look up at a very wet, very naked save-for-a-towel boy.

“Can I borrow some clothes?” Louis mumbled, wetting his lips with his tongue. “After breakfast, actually.”

“At least wear the bathrobe, you’re soaking wet,” I laughed, pointing towards the bed. “Then yes, come sit and have breakfast with me.”

With a short meal, I was looking through my dresser for something that the boy could wear.  “Do you like red? I have a pair of red skinnies that are too short for me.”

“That works,” he shrugged, sitting on the bed in a pair of my boxer-briefs; pure red and way, way too tight around his ass and thighs. “I like the red theme you’re giving me.”

“And here’s a Topman button down,” I said, standing up and handing him the outfit. “You can change wherever you want, I’m gonna go- go over here.”

“You’re so cute,” he chuckled, as I turned to go look at the television; the dumb sitcom was off and was now playing an early morning game show. “When’s the next tube?”

“I normally catch the one in-” I checked my watch-”five minutes, but there’s one in twenty.”

“No, let’s go catch the five minute one!” he stammered, coming out in front of me (completely dressed, thank the lord) and gesturing towards the door. “I don’t want you to be late!”

“It’s fine, I’ll explain to Barbara-”

“No, you were late yesterday, right?” Louis furrowed his brow, throwing me my coat. “C’mon, I’ll pay for the trip. We can run, right?”

“I have a shortcut, we’ll make it quick,” I smiled, standing up, pulling my coat on, before slipping my boots on. “Let’s go, alright?”

“Lead the way,” the caramel-haired boy beamed, putting his denim jacket on and following me into the street.

\-----

“Barbara,” I called, opening the door to the kitchen and leaning in. “Barbara, I want you to meet my friend Louis.”

“Oh?” she beamed, closing the oven and scooting over to the door. “I’d love to meet your friends.”

“This is Louis,” I repeated, pulling the caramel-haired boy into the room. “He’s a regular.”

“It’s lovely to meet you,” he immediately said, putting his hand out for her to shake. “Harry’s spoken about you in flying colors.”

“That’s not the right term,” I breathed to myself, but covered it with a laugh when Barbara covered the blue-eyed boy in a hug.

“So are you two dating?” she asked, slowly pulling away.

“N-no, not at all,” Louis shook his head, his face turning pink. “Just friends.”

“So far,” she winked, before turning back to the oven. “Now get out, so Harry can get on with frosting these muffins.”

“Yes Mum,” I rolled my eyes, gesturing towards the door. Once we were out in the alley again, I closed the kitchen door and smiled softly. “So? What did you think of her?”

“She’s very,” he began, but shrugged softly. “Forward.”

“She loves me like I’m hers,” I chuckled, leaning forward and whispering, “she’s really protective.”

“Like me?” Louis grinned, raising one eyebrow. “Sorry about Phillip, again, I hope that doesn’t make things weird at work.”

“He’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure,” he shrugged. “I’ll be back in around an hour for my morning tea.”

“It’ll be piping hot, and I’ll put the cream in for you,” I giggled, punching his shoulder playfully.

“I’ll see you later, Harry,” Louis grinned, leaning forward and kissing my cheek.

He turned and walked down the street, and I found my jaw dropped and my face heating up. This was beginning to get serious.

\-----

After a long day at the cafe, I was more than happy to fall down into chair in the lobby of the studio. My feet were killing me(the stool had collapsed when I sat down), and my arm had a burn mark from a particularly hot mug of coffee.

“Marcel!” Marco called, sitting on a chair beside me. “How are you doing?”

“All things considered, I’m fine,” I sighed, shrugging my shoulders and leaning back. “What’s the plan for tonight?”

“We got a large donation, captioned with a request for lingerie,” he teased, pointing towards the dressing room. “Completely masturbation though, so you get to do everything yourself.”

“Wait, like, girl lingerie?”

“Yes, completely,” he said. “Go get changed, you’re in the bedroom again.”

“Of course, _amazing_ ,” I breathed sarcastically, but got up to change anyways. Minutes and all my dignity later, I came back out into the lobby wearing a white thong, a white bra, thigh-highs, and a sheer veil. My jaw was tense, and I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why am I dressed in bridal gear?”

“It was a large donation, and they were very clear,” he beamed, adjusting the veil to cover my face. “Almost a hundred quid.”

“Who on earth?” I spat, shocked at the number. Would _I_ be getting any of that money?

“Mister **LTommo** ,” he said in a sing-song voice, pulling up his tablet and showing me the transaction. “We also have smaller donations from others, but that was the highest.”

“What on earth does he want from me?” I whined, adjusting the thong carefully. “Other than wearing this really tight outfit. Do women actually wear these?”

“They tend to wear the bra, actually,” he teased, leaning in and tightening the straps for me. “Other than that, it’s all just suggested. Although, he chose well.”

“Let’s just get this over with,” I sighed, covering my ass with my hands while crossing the lobby to the bedroom. “What kind of masturbation? Toys or wanking?”

“That’s totally up to you,” he laughed, following me into the room. As I sat down on the sheets, a cameraman let out a loud whoop.

“Mikey, shut up,” I whimpered, pushing my knees together to hide the curly hair poking from the thong. “I’m embarrassed enough.”

“Oh come on, Marcel,” he laughed, adjusting his camera. “That white really looks good against your skin.”

“Does it really?” I mumbled, teasing my finger under the elastic of my thigh-highs. “I guess it does.”

“You ready?” Marco beamed, grinning at me. “And, action!”

The red lights all turned on, and I whimpered softly. “Evening, everyone,” I began, pulling up one leg and adjusting the g-string. “Or whatever time of day you’re watching this.”

My arm hooked under my knee, and I lifted it as high up as I could, thankful for years of gymnastics(well, my sister took classes and I practiced with her). “Apparently, we had a large donation and a request for bridal lingerie, so you get this tonight,” I mumbled, pushing the veil out of my face and behind my head. “Only virgins are supposed to wear that forward. Anyways, tonight’s gonna be a time for you to, uh, pretend I’m your newlywed bride, I guess?”

Laying back on the bed, I pulled lifted both legs up to my chest, revealing my ass to the camera. “I don’t really know how you’re supposed to imagine that when I’m just gonna be wanking, but, uh-”

“Less talking, more fucking,” Marco hissed, gesturing his hand for me to hurry up.

“Let’s try, for, uh, a toy,” I mumbled, reaching over and grabbing a large toy from the drawer under the bed. It felt huge in my hand, and I bit my lip in anticipation. With my free hand, I opened the bottle of lube, poured some into my hand, and gave the toy a handjob; It took all the willpower I had not to touch myself, and I whined as I pulled my fist away. “Fuck, I want this in me,” I whined, using my lubed fingers to pull the g-string off to one side, circling my hole carefully.

It felt so good, just barely brushing the fingers over the muscles, and I pushed back against it. My finger slipped in, and a soft moan escaped my lips, causing myself to thrust in and out. A second joined in, and my free hand traced over my chest, catching in the ivory lace of the bra. The satin rubbed against my nipple, and I bucked my hips back. “F-fuck,” I whimpered, pulling my fingers out and wiping them on the sheets. “I really need my ass filled.”

Without an answer, I lifted myself onto my knees and positioned the toy under me. Slowly sinking down on it, I cried out more and more with every inch that went it. A brief moment of clarity hit me, and I shuddered to think that this was my life. Fucking myself on a bed, with at least ten different cameras taping me, and I was enjoying it. My mouth was letting out soft little whimpers, and, as soon as I bottomed out, I lifted myself back up before dropping down again. It only took a few times of me bouncing on the dildo, with images of Louis behind my eyes(and really, underneath me), before I was shooting my cum into the lacy thong, soaking it and covering my hips. Whining loudly, I said, “fuck fuck fuck fuck, fill me up and _ruin_ me!”

The room was still quiet, and I peeked one eye open at the director, who gestured once more. Nodding slowly, I lifted myself and let the toy drop out easily. Maybe I was getting a little loose, but I didn’t really have the brain to process that right now. “P-please ruin me,” I repeated, gripping the sheets and clenching my hole. Even without the dildo in, I was almost cumming again; humping against the bed only once, I came again and moaned loudly.

“I’ll, uh, see you guys, uh, next time,” I mumbled, trying to come down from my orgasm; I felt so desperate, so pathetic, and I really needed these cameras away from me. “Can- can you turn those off?”

As soon as the red lights clicked away, I buried my face into the blankets and fought back a sob. My heart was heavy, and I stayed there for a few minutes, until, completely silently, I changed back into my outdoors clothes and stormed out into the night.


	8. Chapter 8

I opened the door to the cafe I had been visiting daily for the last week and a half, expecting to see the green-eyed boy sitting behind the counter, with a cup of the day’s tea(he told me that they were getting a new shipment overnight), perfectly mixed with the right amount of cream and sugar. Instead, the woman I had met the day previous was standing behind the counter, adjusting her apron.

“Barbara?” I furrowed my brow, coming up to the counter and hiding my hands in my pockets. “Where’s Harry?”

“He didn’t show up today,” she sighed, resting one elbow on the counter. “Do you know why?”

“No, he seemed fine yesterday,” I shrugged, checking my phone and quickly shooting him a text. “I mean, we talked for a while, he seemed happy.”

“I’m just worried about him, he’s so tired in the mornings now,” Barbara mumbled, straightening up. “What can I get you?”

“Just a tea. He likes his second job, right? It’s nothing about that?” Waiting for the drink, I sighed. “Maybe I’ll go by his house after work.”

“Oh please do,” she pleaded, handing me the take-out cup. “Three quid.”

“Card,” I said, paying and moving to the cream station. “Thanks, Barbara, I’ll be back tomorrow and I’ll make sure Harry comes.”

“Thanks, dear,” she grinned, waving as I left. Out on the street, I sighed and took a sip; No, this was midnight memories, and not the new drink Harry promised. Walking the last few blocks to my job, I took the steps down a short set of stairs, as the store was a half-story down. First trying the door, I wasn’t surprised that it was locked; I had been coming in before Stan since I started meeting Harry in the mornings. I pulled out my key and let myself in, before quickly closing it behind me and taking off my jacket and hanging it on the coat rack.

With still no reply from Harry, I sent another text ( **You weren’t at work today, are you okay?** ) before going into the back room and opening a new shipment of books. A soft sigh left my lips, and I realized slowly that it had come from my mouth. All I had wanted to do was have my own book published and spread in bookstores across the country. The only problem was that I couldn’t think of a story; I had started millions, all beginning the same:

_He lifted his eyes from his phone, glancing up to the barista across the counter._

In a week and a half, I hadn’t touched the document. Not since I had lived the first chapter- or, at least, a version of it; there were so many renditions in my mind that the first chapter itself could’ve filled an entire book. Meeting a boy in a cafe, falling in love with him in a short amount of time, and then, eventually, living together. Him doing porn was a, well, surprise.

“Morning, Lou,” came a voice familiar to me. “How are you doing this morning? Was mister cutie there today?”

“No, and I’m really worried,” I mumbled, taking a sip of the tea. It wasn’t as good as last time, although that might’ve been because of Harry’s dimples. “I’ve texted him, but he hasn’t responded yet.”

“Maybe he just overslept,” Stan shrugged, sitting down next to me and helping me unpack the books. “It’s way early, anyways. I wouldn’t worry too much.”

“I’m just, I don’t know,” I whined, resting my elbow on one of the boxes. “There’s this guy he works with that is really way too touchy, and I just think that maybe something happened.”

“You stayed at his place yesterday, right?” my friend mumbled, standing up and brushing off his knees. “Why don’t you go check on him?”

“Work? I’ll go afterwards,” getting up and carrying a stack of the newest books, I carried myself out into the main bookstore. The store was tight and packed with shelves, and it was one of the most calming places I had ever been in. Putting the books on their respective shelves, I sighed at the titles. This was the romance section, and every word reminded me of Harry.

“Opening store, Lou,” Stan called, and I agreed loudly, but refused to drop my eyes from one of the books; I had read it a few years ago, and I had fallen in love with it faster than I could finish it. _Glossy Eyes_ had been a classic story about Chloe, the painter, and the boy David that she falls in love with. I know it wasn’t the best summary in the  world, but it was still one of my favorites.

It took me a moment to realize that I was just standing there, between the shelves, trailing my finger down the spine of a book. Laughing softly to myself, I finished putting the books up before heading back up to the front desk. Stan was leaning back against the window, nibbling on some sort of pastry while scrolling through his phone.

“It’s a bookstore, you could at least read a book,” I mumbled to myself, lifting up one of the books sitting in front of me. The cover was familiar, and I tried to place where I had seen it; my mind kept jumping back to those stunning green eyes and pink lips and dimples. Maybe he had been reading it.

Halfway through the book, I heard the door open and I glanced over. “Good morning,” a woman smiled, showing off plump lips and white teeth. “Or is it afternoon?”

“Uh,” I checked my watch. “Morning, for another three minutes. Can I help you find anything?”

“Oh, yes,” she beamed, fluttering her green eyes behind her glasses. “There’s a book I’ve been looking for for a while, _Glossy Eyes_? I don’t know if you have it.”

“It’s one of my favorites, actually,” I said hesitantly, a little confused. What were the chances that someone would come in looking for it right after I was spending so much time with it earlier. “Let me show you.”

Standing up and leading her into the romance section, I took a second to pick it out. “Here we go, _Glossy Eyes_ by E.N.J. Wing. Is there anything else?”

“Any other books you can suggest?” she bit on her lip, and I rolled my eyes. Another girl who seems to think that I’m straight. “I really like romance, if you can’t tell,” she said, twirling her strawberry-blond hair around one finger while pushing her boobs together by her elbows. The sundress she was wearing was showing the contours of her cleavage, and I smiled as bright as I could.

“Sure, let me show you the gay section,” I sassed, raising one eyebrow. “Because that’s all you’re getting out of me.”

“Oh,” she sighed, pouting her pretty pink lips, and they reminded me slightly of the curly-haired boy. “Sorry about that.”

“Hey, it’s fine. But seriously,” I grinned, adjusting her jacket to cover her breasts. “What kind of novels do you really like?”

“I like fantasy romance novels,” she shrugged, pushing her glasses up. “But I’ll go look by myself, you go back to your boyfriend up front.”

“He’s uh, not my boyfriend,” I stammered, scratching the back of my head and handing her the novel. “I’ll ring you up when you’re done.”

Shaking my head lightly as I got up to the desk, sitting down in my chair. “Thought you were straight?” Stan mumbled, still scrolling through his phone.

“Oh yeah.”

“Thought I was your boyfriend?”

“You know it.”

“Come kiss me, boyfriend,” he laughed, punching my cheek playfully. “Seriously though, has what’s-his-face texted you back?”

“No, and I’m still worried about him,” I sighed, checking my own phone and sending another message( **Harry, really, im worried, please text me back? even if its just to tell me to fuck off** ). “Do you think he’s hurt?”

“You literally have an hour before your shift is over,” he groaned, setting his phone down and glaring at me. “You can wait an hour, right?”

“I guess, it’s just- I’m really worried.”

“You are really protective over someone you just met,” he rolled his eyes, picking his phone back up. “But that’s why we’ve been good friends since elementary.”

“Here you go,” the girl grinned, setting down a few novels. “This is it for the day.”

“Twenty quid,” I replied, scanning the barcodes. “Thanks for shopping, and thanks for your interest.”

“I’ll send my brother over here sometime,” she giggled, putting her books in a messenger bag and paying with cash. “Have a great day.”

“You too,” I beamed, looking into the green eyes and half-remembering Harry’s. “So, fifty-nine minutes until I can go check on Harry.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, just shut up,” Stan groaned, throwing a book at my head.

\-----

With a knock on the door, I stood back and waited for Harry to greet me. I vaguely heard shuffling on the other side, and I was relieved that he was in there. The lock clicked, and the door swung open, and there was a moment where I blinked into the blackness. Swollen green eyes greeted me, and they were contrasted by pink spreading on his cheeks.

“Louis?” his deep voice broke the silence that we built, and he blinked a few times. “Wha- why are you here?”

“You weren’t responding to my texts,” I said, reaching over and rubbing his cheek. “You look like shit, are you alright?”

“Just woke up,” he mumbled, stepping back and letting me in. “What time is it?”

“It’s around 1:30,” I shrugged, watching him as he shuffled back over to the couch. He was obviously naked under the bedsheet that was wrapped around him, and I’d be damned if the white didn’t look amazing on his slightly-tanned legs. “Barbara was worried about you, is everything alright?”

“I just needed a day off,” he shrugged, sitting on the couch and pulling his legs up. “Come sit by me, if you have time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I nodded, hanging my jacket and kicking off my shoes. “Can I hold you?”

“Yes please,” Harry whispered, leaning into me as I rested next to him. My arms wrapped gently around his waist, pulling him into my chest. “Telly?”

“Sure,” I breathed, burrowing my nose into his curls. “How did you sleep?”

“You aren’t interested in why I’m not doing so great or sleeping til noon?” he mumbled, setting his hands on mine.

“I figure you’ll tell me when you’re ready,” I shrugged, although my mind was racing with _tell me tell me tell me_.

“You’re really nice, Lou,” he giggled, squirming slightly in my lap and pressing up against my cock and oh no that feels really good.

“Anything to make you feel better,” running my finger through his hair, I bit back a groan and pressed a kiss to the back of his head.

“I made a fool of myself at work last night, and I feel like shit about it,” Harry admitted, covering his face with one hand. “I really don’t want to go back there tonight.”

“So take the night off,” I suggested, moving his hand away from his face and softly rubbing my knuckles down his cheek.

“Can’t, they have another shoot tonight,” Harry mumbled, leaning back and resting his head on my shoulder. “And I really need the money.”

“Oh Harry,” I cooed, closing my eyes and leaning against him. “You can go back to sleep, if you want.”

“Only if you’ll sleep too,” he mumbled, his voice laced with traces of tiredness.

“Of course, sweetheart,” I breathed, feeling his body move up and down slowly. The sheets were crawling up his calves as he rolled over to nuzzle into me, and jesus christ if his legs weren’t flawless. This was perfect, just me and him, and I moved my hand down his back, tracing his spine through the fabric.

\-----

After what seemed like minutes, I blinked myself awake to see the telly still on and watching the XFactor. Soft snoring was coming from my chest, and I softly pulled my fingers from where they were resting on the curls.

“How long have I been out?” I breathed, hoarsely, glancing up at my watch. “Four hours, shit,” I groaned,shaking the boy on me. “Harry, I don’t know when your work starts, but you should get awake.”

“Mmm, no don’t move,” he whispered, clenching his fingers in my sweater. “Please don’t leave me.”

My heart stopped again. This was the fourth time this week he had said it, and every time his voice had hit me right where it hurt; I just wanted to scoop him up and take whatever pain he feels away. “Shh, no,” I mumbled, sitting up and causing him to wake a little. “I’m not leaving you, ever, but you really need to get to work.”

“Right, right,” he nodded, pushing himself up and letting the sheet fall down to his hips. “Uh, sorry,” he added, quickly fixing the fabric and covering himself completely. “Lemme go get dressed, then I’ll walk you to the train.”

“Of course,” I agreed, eyeing his bum through the bedsheet and fighting the urge to watch him get changed. “No rush.” Although I wanted him to hurry up so the temptation wouldn’t win, I gripped my sweater and tried to keep my palms from becoming sweaty.

“Ready,” he said after a second, moving to the door and pulling on some converse. “Come on, let’s go.”

“You look good,” I breathed, eyeing his white jeans and black long-sleeve shirt. “Uh, here, I borrowed your hat yesterday.” Standing up and crossing to where he was standing, I took the beanie off my head and replaced it on his.

“I was wondering where it went,” he smiled, leaning in and letting my hands adjust it carefully. “It’s nice and warm.”

“It’s been on my head for the last twelve hours,” I laughed softly, trailing my fingers from the hair to his cheeks to his chin to his neck, resting softly there. Harry’s face, slightly tinted with pink, softened under my touch, and I admired his pale skin. “Let’s go, sweetheart.”

A smile crossed his face as he turned to open the door, and I mentally cheered at making him feel that way. I followed him downstairs and to the sidewalk, before holding his hand from behind.

“Are you alright with going to work?” I asked, rubbing circles into his skin. “I mean, I could call and tell them that you’re sick.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he shrugged, leading me towards the station. “I’ll be fine. I really need the money, like I said.”

“Well, I’m here if you need to talk, alright?” Playing with his hand, I admired the way his face started to glow with every compliment I gave him. “You’re amazing, Harry, and I need you to know that. If your second job doesn’t work, I’m sure you can work something out.”

“Thanks, Louis,” he giggled, reaching for his wallet, but I grabbed his wrist.

“Let me pay, sweetheart,” I raised an eyebrow, letting him go and paying for our tickets (his downtown, mine just one stop over), before wrapping an arm around his waist and taking him to the platform. “So you text me when you get there, and then again when you leave for home, alright?”

“Yes mommy,” he grinned, turning to smile at me before getting on his train. “Bye, Lou,” he called, waving to me as the door shut. My eyes stayed on him even as the train pulled away, admiring the way his green eyes closed softly as he sat down on one of the seats.

Yeah, I was whipped.

\-----

Alone in my apartment, I let out a soft sigh and sat myself down at my desk. The new video would be uploaded in- I checked my watch- four minutes and thirty seven seconds, and I was excited to see exactly what tonight’s would be; After Sunday’s live stream, my heart started racing every time I saw the curly-haired boy. He had called my name during orgasm, and it had given me the largest rush of my life.

Opening an internet browser and typing in the twink site, I traced my tongue around the inside of my mouth to keep myself from touching myself early. Somehow, seeing him every single day filled me with guilt; it took all the willpower I had not to say I watched you fuck yourself the first time I saw him behind the counter.

One minute and twelve seconds left until the new video; I had no idea what it would be, as the videos are shot every single night and only uploaded on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. As it was Wednesday, I had been trying to keep it out of my mind.

Clicking the log-in button, I typed in, **LTommo** , and then my password; **LotFelDaiPho91** , named for my sisters. Maybe it was weird for my porn site password to be my family’s names, but I liked having something I used everyday to remind me. There was a link on the front page that flashed, _Marcel’s New Video --- >_, and I clicked it as fast as I could.

The video opened with Harry sitting on a bed, and my heart was racing. He was wearing the outfit I had requested, with the pure white lingerie and veil I had sent to the studio; I found a fan address the year previously, and had sent several outfits for porn stars in the past.

“Evening, everyone,” his deep, husky voice came from the speakers of my desktop computer and my hand trailed down my sweater to the hem, where I quickly lifted it over my head and dropped it to the floor. With my eyes clear again, I managed to catch Harry pulling one leg up before saying, “Only virgins are supposed to wear that forward,” which caused my cock to twitch under my jeans.

Quickly unzipping them and dropping them to my knees, I glanced at the summary and stopped my hand over my boxers. V _ideo shot Tuesday, 11 Feb 2014. Thanks to LTommo for the lingerie_. This was the video that was shot yesterday. This was the video that caused Harry to skip work.

My jaw tensed as he showed his ass to the camera, pulling at the thin g-string. He said something about being a bride, and, instead of being turned on, I closed my eyes to see the curly-haired boy wearing some sort of wedding dress. His voice caused me to break from the fantasy, and I clenched my fist to keep strong.

He covered his hand in lube, and gave the toy a handjob, causing my crotch to react in a way that I really couldn’t control. I didn’t want to be so turned on, since this ruined Harry’s day, but I physically couldn’t help it when he was playing at his ass like that. The little moans leaving his mouth had my dick dripping pre-cum against the waistband of my way, way too tight boxers and they were getting tighter with every second.

The white lingerie, especially the thigh highs, made his pale skin pop, making his legs look suntanned and gorgeous. I had a chance to touch those gorgeous legs earlier, but I had lost it when I insisted he get up for work. Where he was probably getting fucked right now. By that asshole, Aaron. Who was way too touchy in public. And in that damn video- God dammit, I couldn’t think about that.

“I really need my ass filled,” his voice whined through the speakers, causing me to jerk forward in the chair. Harry dropped himself down on the dildo, letting out a series of short whimpers and earning a soft moan from my lips. I wanted to touch him, but was afraid to ruin our friendship in any way. Something flashed over his face, and I realized that this was when he began to feel embarrassed; I didn’t blame him, fucking himself in lingerie is probably pretty shameful.

His eyes closed and he shuddered through an orgasm, wetting the front of the panties, and I bit down on my lip so hard that the taste of blood filled my mouth. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck, fill me up and _ruin_ me!” he moaned, and I stretched and curled my fingers repeatedly to fight the urge to touch myself. Harry pulled himself forward, leaning over to let the toy drop out of his anus; there was a quiet pop as it left. “P-please ruin me,” he repeated, pressing against the sheets and humping only once before shooting his load through the light panties.

My stomach tightened, and I found myself getting misty-eyed at an attempt to keep myself from touching myself. “Harry,” I whispered, pushing my sweaty palms down my thighs and taking a deep breath.

“Can- can you turn those off?” his shaking voice said, and I glanced up to see his face just as bad as his emotions had been earlier.

“I- I don’t like this,” I hissed, leaning back against the chair and closing my eyes. “Harry is- _god_.”

The screen went black, and I closed my eyes to try to get the image of the curly-haired boy in my mind to let me finish; the lingerie was a good idea, but something about the soft face that had fallen asleep against my shoulder kept popping back in. His light-skinned shoulder had escaped from the bedsheet he was wrapped in, and I had spent more time imagining it during the train ride home than I probably should’ve.

My cock twitched again, bringing me back to the porn site. “Right, fuck, fuck,” I breathed, brushing my fingers over my boxers before whining softly into the air. My hand pulled the waistband down, letting my dick drip onto my stomach. With my other hand, I pushed my hair back, away from my forehead, and stroked my cock slowly, pushing the pre-cum down as lube.

Images of Harry streamed through my mind, from the time he had whipped cream on his upper lip for over an hour, to the time that he pulled his hair his back with a headband, and not to mention the time he let me stay at his place overnight, and I had stayed awake for over an hour after he had fallen asleep just to watch his eyelashes fan against his cheek. I imagined him underneath me, whining into the sheets, before I lean down to kiss him, and-

“Fuck, fuck,” bucking my hips up, I whined while cumming onto my computer desk and hand. “Harry, shit, I-” After slamming my eyes shut, I dropped my hand to my thigh and took a second to calm down. All I wanted right now was a warm body up against mine, those beautiful pink lips butterflying against my cheeks and neck, and his long, pale arms up playing with my hair. Seeing him like this, however, really caught all those emotions in my throat; how could I ever really have a relationship with Harry when I’m always seeing him in those stupid little outfits- ooh, maybe I’ll send in cat accessories next week, no, bad Louis. No more of this.

“Today,” I breathed, sitting up and wiping my hand on the washcloth I keep on my desk. “Today is the day I unsubscribe from this damn twink site.”

My cursor held over the button for a good half hour, and I couldn’t quite bring myself to click. An addiction, that’s all it had to be, and I could quit. Spend time with Harry, and this small little addiction could be broken. My phone buzzed, and I opened a text from the curly-haired boy( **I’m homeeee! I’m feeling better, I’m sorry about earlier xx** )

A smile crossed over my lips, and I quickly pulled my pants back on. Nice and slowly, I strolled into my living room and sat on the couch. Sending a response( **Anytime, sweetheart. Are you gonna be in work tomorrow?** ), I turned the telly on and closed my eyes. The sofa was uncomfortable and small, much like Harry’s bed, and I wondered what it would be like to share my mattress with him.


	9. Chapter 9

Humming softly to myself behind the counter of the cafe, I was sitting on a new chair(since the stool had broken) and was scrolling through all of the texts Louis and I had sent between each other. We had been up til the wee hours, chatting about everything from our favorite television shows to the toys we used to play with as children. He had messaged to tell me he would be a few minutes later than normal, and to have the tea ready.

Standing up and starting the water, I let out a soft sigh and pulled out the newest tea. It was named Happily, which reminded me of how I felt around the blue-eyed boy. I had created it online, perfectly fixed to his tastes from what he had told me. Hazelnut, cherry, and cream, mixed together with just a taste of gingerbread; they were his favorite teas we owned, and, using some tea site, I had managed to put them together.

“He’s gonna love this,” I whispered, filling a tea bag with the leaves and letting it steep in the water. It smelled fine, but wasn’t my sort of flavors. Fruity things were my forte, and I was thinking about creating something for myself.

“Morning, Harry,” Louis’s voice interrupted my thoughts, and I turned to see him in a pink hat. “How are you this lovely morning?”

“The same as I was ten minutes ago when you texted me,” I giggled, smiling broadly at the cute boy. He immediately averted his eyes, but I pretended not to notice. “I like the head gear.”

“Oh,” he shrugged. “My friend Stan gave it to me for my birthday last year, and he insists I wear it all the time.”

“So you never wear it,” I beamed, leaning on the counter while waiting for the tea. “It’s a good color on you.”

“You think so?” Louis blinked, glancing at me before looking down again. “I guess I’ll wear it more often, if you think so.”

“Here’s your tea,” handing him his to-go mug, I furrowed my brow and wondered why he couldn’t look at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he shrugged, turning around and leaving without even trying the tea. My shoulders dropped. That was created just for him, and I had been imagining his reaction to it for days now, since I had spent four hours on that blend. Tears stung at my eyes, and I had no idea what changed.

I sent a text( **Is everything alright?** ) before sitting back down on the chair and hiding my face in my hand. He must’ve seen the videos of me, and was so disgusted that he was never going to come back, and the last words I would ever hear him say was _uh, yeah, sure_.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I started shaking. He was leaving me. I was alone. Again. When my eyes closed, I was plagued by the image of green eyes and brown hair and screaming and my lip started quivering. This was my worst nightmare ever. My heart was racing, and I really needed someone to hold me. My phone started buzzing, and I, with my hand shaking horribly, checked it( **Yeah im fine and this tea is good <3**).

I opened the message and responded with ( **please come hold me** ) without even pausing to think twice. My jaw was tense, but only seconds later, the door opened up again and, before I could even look up, arms were reaching over the counter and pulling me close. The tears spilled from my cheek, and I buried my face into the fabric.

“Harry, Harry,” Louis’ voice whispered, rubbing between my shoulder blades. “What’s going on?”

“I’m just-” I sobbed, digging my fingers into the back of his jacket, which wasn’t the normal denim. “You were avoiding me, and- and- I thought-”

“You thought I was leaving you,” he finished, pressing a kiss to my curls. “I’m really sorry, sweetheart,” his voice said, before he covered my head with kisses. “I really just didn’t get enough sleep, I swear it has nothing to do with you.”

Pulling away just far enough to look up at him, I felt an inner wave of relief when he didn’t avert his soft blue eyes. Wiping my nose on my sleeve, I nodded slowly. “I’m sorry for- for freaking out, I’m really clingy, I’m sorry.”

“No, Harry,” he shook his head gently. “I want you to be able to cry to me whenever, alright? Please, I’ll stay here until you’re fine.”

“I’m fine, I just,” shrugging gently before looking down. “You go to work, darling, I’m fine.”

“Here,” he said, taking his hat off and pulling it over my curls. “Wear this, so you know I’m coming back for you.”

“Thanks, Louis,” I smiled, looking down and batting my eyelashes. “Sorry for calling you back to the cafe, and now you’re late for work.”

“I’m always early,” he chuckled, leaning forward to almost brush his lips against mine, but instead paused, moved an inch, and then pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I’ll be back tomorrow for my hat.”

“My hat now,” I beamed, playing with the long dangly parts on either side of my head, and wow if I didn’t feel like a kindergartener.

“You’re adorable,” he laughed, turning and grabbing the mug that he had obviously set down on the counter when he got in. “I’ll text you soon, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” watching him leave again, I let out a soft sigh, grinning to myself and wiping my eyes again. “Thanks, Louis,” I said into the empty cafe, playing with the hat again.

\-----

“Keep the hat on,” Marco greeted, not even letting me close the studio door before anything else. “It’s perfect and you desperately need to be fucked in just that hat.”

“Nice to see you too,” I laughed, hanging my jacket up and blinking a few times. “I’d rather not be fucked in this, it’s special to me.”

“Gift from Louis?” he smiled, a soft look on his face. “How cute. You guys are a thing, right?”

“No way,” I blushed, pulling at the straps. “I just had a hard day and he was there for me.”

“Awww,” he ruffled my hair, before leaning forward and adjusting my shirt. “Go get naked, then, we have you in the bathroom with Zac.”

“Is he already there?” I beamed, playing with the cord of the hat.

“You know it.”

“Yay!” Quickly climbing the two floors, I giggled and was led into a dressing room on the third. Stripping down and folding my clothing, I set the pink hat on top, tracing my fingers over the stitches gently. This hat got me through the day, and I was slightly stressed to be taking it off. Zayn, however, would be there, and he would be soft and gentle, and he would understand the fact that I couldn’t do rough right now. I slipped a bathrobe over my now-nude body, before crossing the hall and opening the door to the bathroom; inside, the tall dark-haired boy was laying in an overly large tub, filled with warm water, with his eyes closed and his hand slowly pumping his cock.

Rubbing my teeth over my lip, I dropped my robe and sat on the edge of the tub, catching his attention so he would open his eyes. “Mmm, hey cutie,” Zayn breathed, removing his hand and setting it on my knee. “Get in here.”

“In the tub with you?” I blinked, looking up at Marco for guide. He nodded, so, with a shrug, I climbed into the water and pressed myself up against his body. His body was sculpted and covered in tattoos, which I couldn’t wait to trace with my tongue.

“Fuck, that feels good,” Zayn groaned, snaking his arms around my waist and pulling me tight against him, rubbing our cocks together. “Shit, shit, shit, can we get the cameras rolling so we can start?”

“You two have great chemistry,” Marco smiled, standing against the door and rolling his eyes. “Action!”

Immediately, my lips were covered with the other man’s, one hand pulling at my curls and the other holding me down. I moaned into his mouth, gripping his neck and shoulders with my hands, before pushing my hips up against him. Zayn groaned loudly, tipping his head back to give me access to his neck, which I quickly covered with kisses and little bites(not dark enough to leave marks, though).

“Up,” he ordered, and I sat back on my heels, giving both him and the cameras a full view of my body. “God damnit, Marcel,” the brunette said, eyeing me with such lust that I almost forgot that this was just for a video. He sat up as well, grabbing my hips before pushing me back against the other side of the tub, causing me to fall on my back. Zayn put his hands on either side of my body, pinning me down and covering me completely with his body. I briefly wondered how the cameras would get the action when it was mainly happening underwater, but the thought was knocked away by lips covering mine with a sense of desperation. “You’re so fucking hot,” he whispered against my mouth, earning a submissive whine.

His hands lifted my knees up to his waist, causing me grip at his shoulders desperately. A finger traced my hole, and I let out a series of loud moans, slamming my eyes shut and letting my lip quiver in anticipation. His finger pushed in, thrusting in and out to stretch me out quickly. One turned into two, then three, and finally he pushed his little finger in, stretching the hole to as far as I could take.

“P-please,” I whined, my voice hoarse and stuck in my throat. “Fuck me, please.”

“No need to beg,” he winked, removing his fingers and lining his cock up. The head slid in easily, before he slowly thrust in and out, careful not to hurt me. I never said anything to him, but he seemed to know that I really needed it delicate, but the pressure in my ass felt so good.

“Ah, ah,” I moaned, pushing back against him, causing the water to slosh around us. “Oh, god, fuck, oh,” escaped my lips as the heat in my stomach finally slipped into an orgasm; Cum shot out onto my stomach, diluting into the water. “Babe- babe,” I mumbled, digging my fingers into his shoulder blades.

“‘M almost- almost there,” he breathed, jerking only twice more before shuddering to a stop and resting his hands on my hips. Our breathing synchronized, and I opened my eyes to see a soft, crooked smile playing at his lips. He leaned over, delicately kissing my lips, before lifting one hand and waving at the cameras, refusing to move his eyes from me.

“And, cut,” Marco grinned, before moving to the door and gesturing towards us. “Feel free to soak, or use the shower or whatever, you guys are last in here for the night.”

“Thanks, love,” I finally said, relaxing my hand on Zayn, blushing softly at the look he was giving me. The door closed, and not a second later, the brunette collapsed onto me and sighed. “you alright, sweetheart?”

“It’s been a long day,” he mumbled, letting himself drop completely and bury his face into my neck. “The kids spilled acrylics onto my current masterpiece, and then Tyler- he’s an autistic sweetheart, so I’m not really mad at him- stepped on it. Ruined!”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, stroking his hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You’ll create something even better, and you’ll love it even more.”

“Only if I can draw you,” Zayn giggled, running his fingers down my chest. “Dammit, you’re so cute. Thanks for doing these videos with me.”

“What? Why?”

“I’m out of my prime, darling,” he shrugged, wrapping one arm around my waist. “You’ve increased my popularity by tenfold, just this week.”

“Well, uh,” wetting my lips, I stammered, “You deserve all the views. Remember, Liam never stopped liking you!”

“We have a date tomorrow,” he admitted, hiding his face in the crook of my neck. “He asked me out, and I couldn’t say no.”

“Good!” I beamed, rolling my eyes and rubbing the back of his neck. “He really likes you, seriously, and I think there’s a little bit of that returned.”

“Not as much as you and Louis,” Zayn retorted, pushing himself up and raising one eyebrow at me. “I’m confused why you guys aren’t dating yet.”

“Because I’m really scared that-” _that he’s going to leave me_. Coming up with a lie, I stammered, “That he’s going to find out that I do porn and be scared off.”

“A guy who’s _scared_ of a porn star?” he laughed, pressing his lips to my forehead. “I’ve never heard of that before.”

I caught his mouth in a kiss, closing my eyes and imagining Louis. This conversation had to stop, and a make-out session would do that, right? Zayn’s lips moved over mine, his tongue prodding for entrance. My mouth opened just far enough for him to own the kiss; his hands pulled at my cheeks, bringing me even closer. Whines were escaping my mouth, around his lips, and echoing in the tiled room. After seconds of just kissing and nibbling, he lifted himself off, causing my eyes to open, and an embarrassed blush was spreading on his cheeks.

“Uh,” Zayn stammered, biting his lip and sitting up. “Platonic?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I agreed, straightening up and pulling my knees to my chest. “Completely platonic.”

“I’m gonna go get dressed,” he nodded slowly, standing up and reaching for a towel.

“Jesus christ, you’re hot,” I breathed, before wincing. “Sorry, I’m making everything really awkward.”

“Don’t worry, sweets,” he laughed, drying his hair before wrapping around his hips. “We just fucked, it can’t really get any weirder than that.”

“Toss me my robe?” Pulling myself out of the warm water, I shivered as my skin hit the air. Hands gently wrapped the fabric around me, and I leaned into Zayn’s touch. “Thank you, love.”

“Any time,” he whispered, tying the bathrobe before grabbing an extra towel and wrapping it around my head. “Let’s go get dressed together, okay?”

“Don’t treat me like one of your students,” I pouted, but followed him into the lobby again.

“Finally,” Marco sighed, sitting on one of the couches. “You guys were in there forever, and then there was moaning- did you guys fuck again?”

“No way,” Zayn rolled his eyes, taking my hand and leading me into the dressing room. “He’s always looking for porn drama; angry threesomes between a pornstar, his boyfriend, and the man he was supposed to fuck.”

“That does sound hot,” I shrugged, using the towel on my head to dry my hair. “Really, we should get Liam into doing that.”

“Liam can’t even look at me without turning red,” Zayn groaned, falling in one of the chairs. “It’s really hard for me to learn to like him when I can’t hold a conversation.”

“You have to remember, he’s meeting his idol,” I grinned, poking his shoulder while pulling my jeans on. “It’s like if you met your favorite rock star.”

“Really? He thinks of me like that?” he said, his voice light and dreamy.

“See? You do like him,” I giggled, buttoning up my shirt and holding the pink hat in my hands. “Louis told me that Liam’s been falling all over himself trying to figure out how to talk to you.”

“Yeah, fine, he’s cute, and pretty sweet,” the brunette shrugged, pulling on a tee and putting his earrings back in one ear. “And I don’t mind him stuttering as much as I say I do.”

“You’re just shy,” I kissed his cheek, before dragging him out back into the room. “See, you need to tell him these things.”

“And you need to tell Louis.”

“I can’t do that,” biting down on my lip, I twirled the cord around my finger and took the stairs down two at a time. “I can’t tell him how I feel, alright? It can’t happen.”

“Of course, of course,” Zayn breathed, taking my hand and leading me to the front door. “Do you wanna come over?”

“I wish I could,” I sighed, pulling my coat on and zipping it up. “I need to go shopping, I’m out of food.”

“Well, I’ll see you next time then,” he waved, pulling his fur jacket on and going out into the night.

I waited for a second, just breathing to myself, before texting Louis( **Just got off my shift! On my way to the grocery store, bleh xx** ). The air was cold, alluding to the fact that it was still winter, and even through my thick coat it was chilling straight to my bones. There was a store on the way home from the train station, so I paid for a ticket and got on the tube. Moments later, my phone went off( **how was work?** ), and I spent a second just admiring how fast he had replied. ( **It was great, I had a scene with Zayn xx** )

Several texts later, I was in the grocery store and pulling basic cereal boxes into my basket. Afterwards, I grabbed some milk, and, while checking the prices of shampoo, I heard a nasty comment.

“I didn’t realize _whores_ were allowed in here.”

Turning around to see a teenage boy with a group of friends, I opened my mouth several times but couldn’t think of anything to say. One of the girls, with her obviously bleached hair pulled up into a bun, started laughing.

“Wow, you obviously don’t understand that children shop here.”

“How did you recognize me?” I finally said, shocking myself with how strong the words came out.

“I’ve seen some of your photos while stumbling through the internet,” One of the boys spat, a crooked grin on his lips.

“Well, uh, as I only do gay porn on a pay-only site, you’re hiding something from your friends,” I hissed back, putting the bottle I was holding in my basket and walking down the aisle past them.

“Are you suggesting I’m gay?” he growled, grabbing my arm and turning me around.

“Well, there definitely wasn’t any stumbling.”

He twisted to punch me in the face, and I managed to catch his hand and slap his cheek in one solid motion. We paused in that position, and I swallowed a lump in my throat. My jaw was shaking, and I removed myself, nodded to his friends, and rushed to the check-out.

Outside, I took a second before sending a message( **I just slapped a guy** ) and taking off towards my flat. It was hard to live in this area, as it was the most dangerous area in upper London, but it was the only place I could afford right now. Niall had told me that the money got really good after the first month, and I was patiently waiting. ( **What happened????** ) I took the stairs two at a time, rushing towards and unlocking the door. ( **guy was being really rude, tried to hit me. xx** )

Unpacking the grocery bag, I sat down at the table in the kitchen and sighed. There was only so much I could do, living on a shitty income, in a shitty flat, in a shitty neighborhood. ( **Aw, bby** )

At least I had this hat.


	10. Chapter 10

I woke up the next morning on my couch, shivering and wondering why I wasn’t in bed; the phone, still in my hand, gave a hint. Turning it on and unlocking the front screen, I let out a happy sigh to see a long text thread from Louis. Getting myself up and into the shower, I washed my body, living through the dream I had just gotten out of; spending a night on the beach, watching the sun come up, with a beautiful caramel-haired man next to me.

With a smile stuck on my face, I got ready for work and had a small bowl of cereal before slipping a pair of boots on, my normal black peacoat, and the pink hat.

At the cafe, I leaned back against the wall and sighed. Everything was beginning to become overwhelming; the daily relationship with Louis, the nightly relationships with every Joe, Dick, and Henry. My heart wasn’t able to handle all the feelings rushing through me, and it was beginning to affect my sleep. With the store opened and empty, I set my head on the counter and shut my eyes.

_Screaming. So much screaming. Her voice rang through my mind. The snow, surrounding where I was crouched in the front walk, chilled me down to my bone._

_“Take this, you fag!” She screamed, throwing an envelope towards me and slowly shutting the door._

_“Wait, please,” I begged, wiping the tears out of my eyes, hoping for my vision to become less blurry. Maybe then I would realize this was just a nightmare. “Don’t leave me- wait!”_

_Just like that, I was alone._

“Harry?” a voice whispered, gently lifting me from my slumber. “Are you alright?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m just sleepy,” I lied, glancing up to see the blue-eyed boy. “You kept me up late last night.”

“I meant the fact that you’re crying,” Louis said, knitting his brow together and wiping my cheeks with his finger. “You sure you’re alright?”

“Bad dream,” shrugging, I straightened up and forced a smile. “Seriously, I’m okay. Tea?”

“You know it,” he nodded, pulling his lips tight. “Does this have anything to do with your other job?”

“For once, it doesn’t,” I laughed, starting the water and filling a bag with Happily.

“Well, if you need to talk, I’m always here,” the caramel-haired boy grinned, turning to open his messenger bag and pulling out a plastic container of food. “I made you breakfast, by the way.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, of course,” he laughed. “Scrambled eggs and toast, because I figure you’ve only had cereal.”

“You know me better than I do,” I beamed, leaning over the counter and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you so much, dear.”

“Can you believe it’s only been a week and a half since we first met?” Louis shook his head, smiling and touching my neck softly. “Yet here we are, two peas in a pod.”

“Almost like I’ve met you before,” I sighed, taking the water and pouring it into a mug and letting the tea steep. “Like, I don’t know, maybe we knew each other when we were younger?”

“I’d remember you,” he stated, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. “I’d remember how amazing you were.”

“Shut up,” covering my face with the pink hat, I bit down on my lip. “You’re such a flirt.”

“Yeah, cause you’re my type,” he laughed loudly, and I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not. “Got work this evening?”

“Yeah, unfortunately,” I rolled my eyes, handing him his drink and taking his card. “I’m getting really sick of staying up all night and working all day.”

“I wish I could do something,” Louis whispered, gazing at me for longer than normal; under his light-blue stare, I felt something I hadn’t in two years. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew I liked it.

“You can keep coming by every single day,” I finally said, setting my hand on his. The words were going to escape my lips if he stayed here any longer. “Well, uh, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I forced, pulling away and faking a grin.

“Yeah, uh, tomorrow,” he nodded, pointing towards the food. “Don’t forget to eat that.”

“Thank you so much,” I waved, waiting until he closed the door to say, “I love you.”

\-----

“Hey everyone,” I called, opening the studio doors and walking in. I paused, however, noticing the group of middle-aged men standing in the lobby. “Uh, hello,” I repeated, putting my coat on the rack.

“Oh, Marcel!” Marco said, taking my hand and pulling me in front of them. “These are from Triplexxx photography, they’re here to take shots of you.”

“As in, still photos?”

“All up-and-coming porn stars have galleries of them,” he explained, rolling his eyes and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “As soon as these photos are taken, we can start your website.”

“My website?” I sputtered, turning to look at him. “I have a website?”

“Go upstairs, get changed, I’ll explain after the pictures.”

Shaking my head slowly, I climbed the stairs to the second floor, where an assistant was waiting to bring me to the dressing room. She handed me a sailor top- cropped halfway down my torso- and a pair of panties, then let herself out into the hallway again. Stripping quickly, I stopped to hold the hat in my hands. Louis hadn’t taken it back, and let me know, indirectly, that I was still relevant. Giggling to myself, I pulled the clothing on and eyed myself in the mirror. Something felt wrong- just, incomplete.

Blinking at the dresser in the corner, I pulled out a drawer and grabbed the highest pair of socks I could find. Pure white, I slowly drug them up my legs and nodded. Yeah, that looked better. After strolling out into the hallway, I batted my eyes at the assistant, who smiled and pointed me into a small room I had never seen before.

A man was standing at the door, where he took me to a small vanity in the corner of the room. “You have a great complexion,” he said, dabbing a brush in some liquid before stroking it on my face. Blinking several times, I finally just let my eyes stay closed while he coated my skin in the liquid, and almost as soon as the brush pulled off, there was a soft fluff against my face, throwing powder everywhere. I coughed once, before the man started brushing something over my eyes. After only a second, he stood back and said, “You are perfect.”

Standing up, I glanced at myself in the mirror. Makeup. Not only was I doing porn, I was now wearing makeup.

“Ah, you look great,” the photographer said, gesturing towards a bench in one corner of the room. “Sit, lets get some candids.”

Nodding repeatedly, I sat myself on the cushion, sitting straight up and smiling at the camera.

“Do something sexy,” he ordered, waving his hand in the air.

“Marcel is, uh,” Marco started, shrugging lightly. “He’s rather shy.”

“Well, unless you want the same picture of him looking like a dork, he needs to let go of that.”

“Marcel?”

Blinking several times, I leaned back on the bench and lifted my legs up onto the cushion, spreading them and causing the panties to expose more than they should’ve. Hearing several clicks, I played around with different facial expressions before lifting one leg and holding it against my chest. The bulge in my underwear was beginning to grow, just from having the camera aimed at me, and I knew this was beginning to get bad. More clicking, and I continued with assorted poses and whatnot.

“Is this okay?”

“Better than okay, keep going.”

Nodding, I pushed my hand up my shirt, exposing one set of nipples and biting down on my lip. My cock was straining against the fabric, and I really wanted to touch myself. This wasn’t porn, however, but a teasing photoshoot.

I played my tongue in the air, rolling to one side and bucking my hips into the air. The bench was so small, and I was fighting to stay on. My fingers trailed under the elastic of the thigh high socks, pulling them down to reveal my creamy thighs. With my heart racing, I let the fabric drop off my leg, sitting up and teasing the contrast between my bare leg and my covered leg.

This continued for another hour, with me slowly stripping naked but not revealing anything; the stripped shirt spent a lot of time covering my crotch. Finally, Marco said I could go get changed and head upstairs to his office, where we would talk.

In the dressing room, I pulled my own underwear back on before slipping my jeans up my thighs. After replacing my striped tee, I set the hat over my curls and giggled, admiring the way it made me feel. Fully dressed, I went up the stairs, knocking on the door and letting myself into his office. Marco smiled when he saw me, and gestured towards a chair.

“Please, take a seat,” he grinned, leaning on his desk. “So, website.”

“Yeah, what is this website?” I asked, huffing impatiently and sitting down.

“When the stars get popular, we create a website just for them,” he explained, taking a piece of paper and writing Twinkmarcel.co.uk on it. “It’s only been a week and a half, but you have reached the amount of views required to start.”

“How many?”

“Ten thousand views,” he shrugged, twisting his laptop around to show my porn profile. “In a week and a half. We have no idea what it is about you, but everyone loves it.”

“Ten thousand,” I repeated, shaking my head in disbelief. “Ten thousand views for me.”

“You’ve got a cute little body,” he laughed, typing in the url and showing me. “All we need to do is press publish, then you are online.”

“Can I?”

“Please do,” Marco nodded, handing me the laptop. My finger hesitated on the button, but I managed to click it and pull back. “And just like that, all our subscribers have total access to your page.”

“Is it okay if I communicate with them?” I asked, pulling out my phone and opening up the twitter app. “I could, I dunno, tweet them sometime.”

“I’ll connect a twitter bar to your account,” he said, gesturing to me. “Create the account, and you’ll be fine.”

I took a moment, before clicking the button. “Okay, it’s **@TwinkMarcel** , is that alright?”

“Yeah, that works,” he nodded, connecting my account to the website. “Tweet something.”

“Uh, _hi, everyone_ ,” I stammered. “ _Talk to me here! xx_ Plus a cute emoji.”

“You are literally the human version of a cupcake,” Marco rolled his eyes, waving at me. “Go home, you look tired.”

“Thanks,” I quickly said, standing up and turning to leave. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“See you then.”

\-----

Laying in my bed, I whispered into the darkness, “I’m so tired,” but I couldn’t quite seem to fall asleep. My eyes were heavy and tired, but, even though they were closed, they weren’t switching into slumber mode. The room was dark and quiet, and my phone hadn’t made a noise in the last ten minutes, which, of course, got my mind racing. Louis must’ve been sick of me at this point, and the pink hat sitting on the back of the couch was giving me little comfort.

I stood up, grabbing the knit cap, before crawling back under the sheets and nuzzling into the pillow. Holding the hat to my chest, I took a deep whiff of the scent with it, and let out a soft sigh of how sweet he smells. There was a tad of fruit, mixed more with vanilla and cream and wow, he smells the same way my favorite tea would taste. Giggling to myself, I pulled the hat over my curls and held my pillow in the same way that I would hold Louis.

Still no sleep, and I grabbed my phone and tweeted, _Boo, I can’t sleep_ , plus another cute emoji. Letting a strong sigh escape my lips, I buried my face into the pillowcase and rolled against the wall. Everything was freezing, and I shuddered to think that this was my house. It changed from the huge house I had lived in in the country, to living in a frozen, cramped flat. All I had ever wanted was to be loved, and I softly whimpered, blinking back tears.

“I _am_ loved,” I whispered, repeating the phrase in my head until I fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

The door opened, and I glanced up, expecting to see Louis. Instead, a dyed red-haired boy strolled over to the counter, a small smirk on his thin lips.

“Good morning,” I beamed, capping the pen I had been using to draw on my hand. “What can I get you today?”

“Your phone number,” he winked, leaning on the counter flirtily. “I’m Victor.”

“Uh, I’m not interested,” I stammered, wringing my fingers behind the register. “Sorry.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” the redhead pouted, pulling a piece of paper from his messenger bag before taking a pen from the counter and writing his number. “There, now you have mine. May I please have yours?”

“I don’t want your number,” I explained slowly, shaking my head. “I’m not interested.”

He refused to move, however, and stayed watching me even after I turned to go in the back. The door opened again, making me pause and roll my eyes. Finally turning around, I let out a sigh of relief when the caramel-haired boy gave me a quick wave.

“Please leave,” I hissed at the redhead. Turning to the water, I started making Louis’s morning tea.

“I don’t want to,” he shrugged, a small smirk on his lips. “I think you should give me your number.”

“I think you should leave,” the caramel-haired boy demanded, grabbing Victor’s arm to force him to face him. “He said leave, and you need to.”

“Look, asswipe,” the redhead laughed slowly. “I was here first, and it’s this prude’s fault that I’m still here. If he just gave me his number, I’d go.”

“I don’t want to give you anything,” I snapped, furrowing my brows.

“Let’s go,” Louis stated, physically dragging the redhead to the door before pushing him outside. “Don’t come back.”

After a second, the caramel-haired boy walked back to the counter, shaking his head slightly. “Thanks,” I breathed, handing him his tea. “He was a bother.”

“He’s such an asshole,” Louis groaned, moving to the cream area and editing his tea. “I can’t believe people like that still exist.”

“Oh well,” I shrugged, eyeing him carefully.

“What does your hand say?” he furrowed his brow, squinting and tilting his head. “I- am…”

“I am loved,” I finished, putting my hand closer to show him. “I had a bad night, and I really needed something to remind me.”

“Here,” he said, taking my hand and pulling the pen cap off, before scribbling something on my wrist. “You are loved. Because I love you,” he grinned, his eyes crinkling.

“I love you too,” I admitted, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks. “Lemme write it on your arm!”

“Here you go,” Louis laughed, handing me the pen and rolling up his sleeve. Writing _you are loved_ on his forearm, I drew a little heart on his skin before pausing to admire a tattoo. “Thanks, Harry,” he said, catching my attention with a soft smile on his lips.

“No, thank you,” I stammered, capping the pen and biting my lip. “You’re always there for me and I wish I could return the favor.”

“Just get me drunk,” he chuckled, picking up his mug. “I become a slobbering mess. Hey, are you free this evening?”

“Actually, uh, no,” shaking my head, I traced a circle on the counter. “Work. Why?”

“Just wanted to invite you out,” Louis shrugged, rolling his sleeve back down. “Liam’s on a date tonight, and I’m just gonna be sitting at home.”

“Could I come by after work? Maybe stay the night?”

“Of course!” His entire face lit up, and I replied with a smile. “I’ll pick you up at the station.”

“That sounds amazing,” I beamed, waving at him once before watching him leave the cafe. “I love you.”

\-----

Pulling my jacket back on, Marco got my attention by setting his hand on my shoulder.

“You were absolutely glowing today,”  he said, smiling at me and playing with the hat on my head. “Although, from now on, you’re not allowed to write on your arms like that.”

“Sorry,” I shrugged, lifting my wrist to look. “Louis wrote that.”

“You are loved?” he grinned, rubbing my back softly. “So you guys are dating now, right?”

“No,” I shook my head, blushing heavily. “But I am going over to his place now.”

“Aww, how cute.”

“Shut up,” opening the door, I waved once before going out into the night.

\-----

After getting off the train, I waited on the platform for a second before looking around. This was a much nicer station than my stop, as it was clean and actually rather crowded. Quickly rushing to the wall, I leaned against it and tried to keep myself from hyperventilating. There were so, so many people, causing my heart to race. To distract myself, I pulled out my phone and opened the twitter app; I had several new followers and a new mention.

**_@Mr_LTommo_ : @TwinkMarcel great video tonight, can’t wait for your livestream ;)**

Right, it was Friday. Rolling my eyes, I replied: **@Mr_LTommo you’ll need tomorrow to recover after what I have planned** , and took a second to decide which emoji to add this time. After sending the tweet, I swallowed slowly and realized that now I had to come up with something, and fast. My attention was snatched by my phone buzzing in my hand, and I looked to see a phone call from Louis.

“Hello?” I said, answering the call and sticking my hand in my pocket.

“Hey, where are you?”

“I’m standing-” glancing around me, I shrugged. “I’m standing by the bathrooms, I guess.”

“Okay, uh, looking around,” he said slowly, and I could hear the voices surrounding him. “I am short, and I cannot see over these mammoths.”

“You’re not that short,” I grinned, pushing myself away from the wall and into the crowd. “I’m gonna yell, come towards my voice.”

“You’re so silly.”

Pulling the phone away from my head, I shouted, “ _MARCO_ ,” before replacing the phone. “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah, I heard-” somewhere in the crowd, I heard “ _POLO_ ,” before letting a laugh escape my mouth.

“ _MARCO_ ,” I called again, pushing through the people towards the voice.

“ _POLO_! Oh, there you are. Stay still,” he laughed, before the phone clicked in my ear. I slipped it back in my pocket before feeling an arm touch my arm gently. “Found you,” Louis grinned, holding onto my sleeve.

“Eyy, there you are,” I beamed, snaking my arm around his waist. “Get me out of here.”

“The stairs are, uh, this way,” the caramel-haired boy nodded, pointing. “Come on, let’s get home.”

He led me through the crowd and up a set of stairs, out onto a sidewalk and the cold night. One side of my body- the side pressed up against him- was warm, filling my stomach with joy, while the other side was freezing cold and still slightly sweaty from work earlier. A comfortable silence laid between us, and I let him take me back to a really nice apartment complex.

“Home sweet home,” he finally said, gesturing towards the building. “Well, almost. I’m on the third floor. C’mon.”

“This is a rich neighborhood,” I breathed, following him up the three flights of stairs. “How can you afford this?”

“My step-dad likes to spoil me, so I have a large amount of money coming into my bank account every month,” he explained, leading me to a door and unlocking it. “I only work to keep myself occupied.”

“Lucky,” I sighed, watching him push the door open before letting me in. “Oh my, this is- this is really great.” Taking off my shoes and looking around, I forced myself to swallow the lump in my throat. Large screen television, huge couch, giant rooms.

“Yeah, I like it,” his voice came from behind me, before his hands slowly dipped under the collar of my jacket, lowering down my arms. “Make yourself comfortable. Have you eaten?”

“Uh, not since lunch,” I stammered, hesitantly checking out the front room. “Can I look around?”

“Go ahead,” Louis called, strolling into the kitchen. “My room is a bit of a mess, but whatever.”

With a smile playing at my lips, I poked my head into one of the rooms; this one had to be his, since it had his character. Large, soft-looking bed covered in blankets, a desk against the wall with a desktop computer and a laptop, A single dresser, and assorted piles of clothing on the floor. Chuckling, I traced my finger over the doorknob, ready to close it, when I noticed a picture frame on the desk. Glancing down the hall, I hurried in and lifted the photo. Four little girls surrounded an older man, who I assumed was their grandfather, and a younger version on the caramel-haired boy.

“Harry?”

Startled, I turned around to see Louis leaning up against the door frame. “I was, I just-”

“That’s my sisters and my grampa,” he smiled, crossing over to me and setting his arm around my waist. “I was 15 in that picture, and I can’t believe I ever wore my hair like that.”

“It’s cute,” I giggled, setting it down on the desk. “Sorry for invading.”

“No, it’s fine,” the caramel-haired boy beamed, leaning into my side. “I’m an open book. Come on, I’ve got food in the kitchen.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Microwave meal,” he shrugged, leading me back into the hall and grinning to himself. “I’ve never cooked a meal in my life.”

“Jesus, Louis,” I sighed, heading into the kitchen and being sat at the table. “I’ll have to actually cook for you some time.”

“Feel free,” he beamed, pressing a kiss to my hair before setting a plate in front of me. “I hope you like chicken nuggets.”

“Compliments to the chef,” I giggled, glancing up at him and smiling. “Seriously, thank you. I really didn’t want to spend another night alone in my flat.”

“I’d go insane if I had to spend hours in that tiny little room,” he agreed, shrugging as he sat down across from me. “But you’re not home very long, are you? How much sleep do you get?”

“Since starting this job?” taking a bite, I chewed before answering. “Probably around five hours a night.”

“Do you have tomorrow off?” Louis asked, between nuggets.

“Until 6 tomorrow evening, yeah.”

“I’ll let you sleep in,” he smiled, reaching across the table and holding my hand gently. “I don’t wake up until noon on the weekends, so you’ll be rested.”

“Thanks, Louis,” I said, biting my lip while gazing into his eyes. “You really know how to take care of me, darling.”

“You remind me of my sisters,” the caramel-haired boy blinked, rubbing my palm with his thumb.

My heart dropped to my gut. He thought of me as his brother. “Y-yeah,” I stammered, pulling my hand back and nibbling at the food. “I’ve always wanted an older brother.”

“Do you not have any siblings?” he smiled, taking his empty plate to the sink.

“Yeah, an older sister,” I mumbled, playing with my fingers. Family is hard to talk about, even if it is just Gemma.

“Well,” he said after a second, taking my plate from in front of me.”Telly?”

“Thanks,” standing up, I led into the living room and fell down in the middle of the couch. It sunk under me, and I closed my eyes to relax into it. It was comfier than my sofa and bed combined. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I quickly pulled it out.

**_@Mr_LTommo_ : @TwinkMarcel damn you’ve got me hard already, you little slut.**

Rolling my lip between my teeth, I glanced towards the kitchen, where the caramel-haired boy was washing dishes, before typing out a quick response:

**@Mr_LTommo I’m your little slut, aren’t I? Yours and yours alone.**

I sent it, but let out a soft groan when I realized that I forgot to add an emoji. With my stomach still tight from Louis’ comment, I decided to tweet: **apparently i’m his "brother"**  plus the emoji I had forgotten previously. That’s the love he was talking about. Brotherly, familial love.

The couch indented next to me, and I leaned into the new body. “You didn’t even turn it on,” Louis laughed, reaching over me for the remote and pressing the power button. In his reach, his chest covered mine, and I swore there was electricity as our torsos brushed against each other. My lips parted, just feeling him so close to me, and, through half-lidded eyes, I glanced up at him. His face pinkened, his eyes started to close, and he leaned in so close I could feel his breath on my lips.

There was a halting silence, save for the television in the background, as our lips barely met. My hands were shaking as I reached up to his neck, skimming my fingertips over his light tee. Fluttering my eyes shut, I felt the pressure against my lips stronger, and I took a deep breath of his scent. The slight fruit filled my senses, and jesus christ if I didn’t want this moment to stay forever.  His lips moved over mine, and, in an attempt to elongate the kiss, I gripped the back of his neck gently.

A soft buzzing broke us apart, causing us to stare into each other’s eyes for an extended amount of time. He finally looked away, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. “Just a text,” he breathed, shaking his head and tossing it onto the coffee table. “What’s on the telly?”

In complete awe, I watched as he laid back against the cushions, holding the remote and changing the channels. As if it met nothing to him. Sighing quietly, I was careful not to press up against him at all for the rest of the night.

\-----

“Time for bed,” I yawned, after watching three episodes of some reality show and a movie with Louis.

“I think so, yeah,” he agreed, turning off the screen and checking his watch. “Past midnight.”

“So where am I sleeping?” I asked, standing up and stretching my back. Feeling his eyes on me, I purposely leaned forward to expose my lower back; sure, doing porn wasn’t awesome, but it sure taught me how to flaunt my assets.

“I have an extra bedroom,” the caramel-haired boy coughed, getting to his feet beside me. “Or you could bite the bullet and sleep in mine with me.”

“Only if we cuddle,” I giggled, turning to look at him. “Is that alright?”

“I’d love that,” he whispered, reaching to grab my hand. His skin was soft, and I laced my fingers with his. “C’mon, I have some pajamas that should fit you.”

“I sleep naked,” I stated, before wincing at myself. “I mean, I don’t mind pajamas.”

“Feel free to make yourself comfortable,” he shrugged, a sly grin spreading as he eyed me over. “Thanks for warning me.”

He led me into his room, before letting go of my hand and stripping his shirt off. Even just watching his back muscles flex, I felt my pants tighten. The sun-kissed skin was littered with tattoos, and I was desperate to trace them and commit them to memory. He bent over to pull his jeans down, and wow his ass was amazing. I had to clench my fist to keep from touching it, and, trying to distract myself, I lifted my jumper off of my chest and dropped it in the corner. Shakily unzipping my jeans, I had to tuck my cock under my waistband before dropping my pants.

Glancing back up, I caught Louis dragging his eyes over my body slowly, and I almost felt more vulnerable than when I’m at work. We made eye contact, holding it for only a few seconds before he turned to his dresser. I watched as he pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms and tossed them to me.

“Cover your legs, you have goosebumps,” he breathed, grabbing another pair and slipping them over his own hips.

“Thanks,” I said softly, slowly pulling up the pair of Coca Cola pajamas. Okay, maybe he wasn’t actually checking me out. He thinks of me as his brother, and I would have to remember that. “Do you have an extra toothbrush?”

“Yeah, I do,” Louis nodded, opening a door at the back of the room and going into the bathroom. Following him into the white room, I breathed out a soft _wow_ as I admired the entire immensity of the room. It was as big as the set back at the studio, which saved room for cameras. “Right here.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, taking the toothbrush and moving to one of the double sinks. After quickly brushing my teeth, I left the brush on the edge of the sink and moved back into Louis’ room. He was washing his face, and I laid myself gently on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling. The bed sunk around me, much like his couch, and I let out a soft moan.

“That sounded really dirty,” Louis laughed, falling down next to me and clicking the lights off. “Do you have a problem you need to go take care of?”

“No, you pervert,” I blushed, turning to smack him. “This bed feels really, really good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, letting my eyes adjust to the dark. The caramel-haired boy rested one hand on my waist, the other slipping under my head.

“Come closer,” he pouted, his voice sounding even sexier than normal; maybe it has to do with the situation, but jesus I would love to hear this more often. “You said you would cuddle.”

Giggling, I scooted into his body, pressing my face into the nape of his neck. “Wouldn’t it be easier if I was the big spoon?”

“I’m not short, shut up,” he spat, softly kissing my hair. “And if you’re uncomfortable, you can just deal with it.”

“I’m more comfortable than I’ve ever been in my life,” I admitted, squirming one arm under his torso and pulling him tight with the other. “I wanna stay like this forever.”

“Eventually we’re gonna need to eat,” He chuckled, drawing circles in my bare back.

“You can eat me, just don’t make me move.”

“You’re a dork,” Louis whispered, tucking my head under his chin. “Go to sleep, I’ll wake you when I get up.”

“Love you,” I mumbled, letting my eyes slowly shut.

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, @Mr_LTommo and @TwinkMarcel are both real twitter accounts that you can interact with. Please do, as they'll react accordingly.


	12. Chapter 12

Slowly pulling myself into consciousness, I let my eyes stay shut but took in my surroundings. Fingers were curling my hair, softly and slowly, while gentle kisses were being pressed to my forehead and hair. Louis was humming something quietly, a tune I couldn’t quite recognize. Shivers were rushing from my legs up, and I scooted closer to the bundle of body warmth.

He chuckled, but tightened his grip around my torso. Soft coos were leaving his mouth, and I couldn’t help but feel pampered by the way he was caressing my neck. “You are loved,” he breathed in my ear, before pressing a delicate kiss to my earlobe. “Don’t ever forget that.”

Failing to fight a smile, I blinked one eye open and giggled into his skin. “Good morning, sweety,” I mumbled, digging my fingers into his shoulder blades.

“Mmm,” he hummed, nuzzling his nose into my ear. “You’re finally awake!”

“What time is it?” I breathed, pressing my lips against his cheek.

“Just past eleven,” the caramel-haired boy answered, rolling onto his back and pulling me onto his chest. “I’ve only been up for a little bit. You’re really adorable when you sleep, by the way.”

“Yeah?” Fluttering my eyelashes at him, I pawed at his collarbones before adjusting my hips to drop my legs between his.

“Yeah,” he whispered, bending his knees on either side of my body. “You get all soft and blushy and you actually kinda snore. But not in a bad way, in sort of a kitten-y way.”

Feeling my face heat up, I bit on my lip and hid my nose in the crook of his neck. “Shut up,” I whined, fingering his collarbones softly. “Kittens don’t snore.”

“This one does,” he giggled, kissing my hair again. “And I could listen to it for hours.”

“You’re really cute,” I mumbled, pushing myself up onto my elbows and grinning at him. His blue eyes seemed to twinkle, and his pink lips were slightly spread as his tongue darted across to wet them.”Really, really cute,” I added, glancing at his mouth a little longer than I should’ve.

“You think so?” Louis breathed, digging his fingertips into my hips. “You think I’m cute?”

“Yeah, you’re really cute,” I whispered, lowering myself to his face, before closing my eyes and brushing my lips over his. Our chests pressed together, and one of his hands tangled in my hair, pulling my face closer to his. My heart was racing; this was the second kiss between us, and this one was far more desperate than the last. Whining against his lips, I locked my fingers into the back of his hair and tilted my hips forward.

“Harry,” he breathed, pushing my shoulders away hesitantly and separating our mouths. “We need to talk about this.”

“Do we have to?” I mumbled, sitting up between his legs. “I mean, I don’t really know how to-”

Putting a finger to my lips to shut me up, Louis shook his head softly. “I really like kissing you, but I want to make sure it’s alright with you.”

“Y-yeah, it’s alright,” nodding and wrapping the blankets around my head, I batted my eyes at him. “I like- that is- you’re a good kisser.”

“Come ‘ere,” he grinned, sitting up(I admired his stomach muscles; jesus fuck, was that a six pack?) and connecting our lips again. Giggling, I snaked my arms around his neck and leaned into his touch.  We pulled back slowly, pressing our foreheads together and softly gazing into each other’s eyes. A soft smile was spreading across his face, earning little giggles from my mouth. “Come on, let’s go make breakfast,” he suggested, trailing his fingers down my spine.

“Alright,” I nodded, reluctantly untangling myself from his body and getting to my feet. The caramel-haired boy followed suit, taking my hand and leading me into the kitchen again. “What do you have?”

“I have, uh,” he shrugged, looking in his freezer. “I have toaster waffles?”

“How about eggs? I could actually make some real food,” I rolled my eyes, rubbing his bare back gently. “How the hell do you stay so skinny when all you eat is shit?”

“I’m really not all that skinny,” Louis shrugged, standing up and turning to face me. “I have a gut and thick thighs and-”

“And I love every piece of you,” I interrupted, holding him close to my body. “Especially those thick thighs, they’re 100% muscle and I love them.”

“You don’t get it,” he whispered into my shoulder, locking his fingers around my waist. “Someone like you, who is literally stick thin and tall and perfect, you don’t get how it feels to be short and chunky.”

“If there’s one thing you aren’t, it’s chunky.” Moving him back a few inches, I lifted him up just far enough to get his ass up on the table. His eyes watched me confused, and I pressed a kiss softly to his forehead, before trailing down his neck. “You have these beautiful collarbones,” I whispered, gently kissing them. “Sculpted arms,” Traced my fingers down his biceps. “Strong chest,” Drew a heart between his pecs. “Hard core, possible six-pack,” Laying him back so he’s flat on the table, I pressed a kiss to his belly button. “Full bum,” Squeezed his hips gently. “Strong, muscly thighs,” Brushed my fingers down his legs, pausing at his knees. “Your calves are built, do you play a sport?” Seeing him nod, I pressed a soft kiss to his kneecap. “All the way down to your cute little toesies. Louis, your body is beautiful,” I whispered, setting my hands on his waist and pulling him back into a sitting position. “You have no reason to dislike it.”

“H-Harry,” the caramel-haired boy stammered, pressing his cheek to my chest and closing his eyes. “I- thanks.”

“Do you believe me?”

“Yeah, I- I’m probably gonna need to hear it again sometime,” he shrugged, kissing my skin softly. “But I believe you.”

“Now,” I whispered, petting his hair gently. “Pancakes?”

\-----

After devouring a pile of pancakes between the two of us, Louis and I crashed on the couch and turned on the telly to some cartoon. I leaned against the arm, straightening my legs across the cushions, and the caramel-haired boy laid across me. With him nuzzling into my chest, I pressed a soft kiss into his hair before rubbing his back.

“Thanks, Harry,” he whispered, wrapping his arms underneath me. “I have a lot of insecurities about my body.”

“I think everyone does, in one way or another,” I breathed, trailing my fingers down his back. “You just need to remember that I will always love every bit of it.”

“Like your nipples? Are you insecure about them?” the caramel-haired boy asked, pushing himself up and poking at them individually.

“I used to be, but not anymore,” Grinning at him softly, I stroked his cheek. “People seem to really like them, for whatever reason. Having extra is considered novel.”

“I think they’re cute,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to my pec.

“I think you’re cute.”

“You made that clear,” Louis beamed, leaning forward and connecting our lips.

\-----

“Babe, can I borrow some clothes?”

“It is about time for you to go, yeah?” Louis sighed, standing from the couch and leading me to his bedroom. “I think I have something that’ll fit, but I have no idea.”

“Anything works,” I grinned, sitting on the bed  while he messed through his dresser.

“Here’s a pair of jeans, you might have to roll up the ankles to make them not look so short,” he said, throwing the denim at me. “Do you like plaid? I have a shirt that’s a little too large for me.”

“What part of _anything works_ don’t you get?” I laughed, standing up, dropping the pajama bottoms, and bending over to flaunt my ass through the briefs I was wearing. Slowly pulling the jeans up my legs, I purposely took a long time before buttoning them up. Turning back to glance at him, I felt my heart skip a beat as he held the flannel shirt over his crotch, watching me move up and down. “Shirt, please.”

“Right, uh,” he stammered, reaching forward and handing it to me. Dragging my eyes over his chest slowly, I deliberately traced my fingertips over his hand as I took the fabric. “What time is your train?”

“4:15, I checked earlier,” I grinned, pulling my arms through the shirt and button it up. “This is almost right, it’s a little short on the sleeves.”

“Roll it up, it’s sexier that way,” Louis breathed, fingering my arms over the fabric. “Let’s get something to keep your hair out of the way.” Turning to his desk, he pulled a drawer out and grabbed a bandana, before switching back to me and setting it in my hands.

With a giggle, I tied it behind my head to pull my hair back, before backing out into the hall. “I need to head out, unfortunately, so will I see you on Monday?”

“I’m gonna walk you to the station,” he laughed, pulling a jacket over his bare chest and gesturing to the door. “And I’m gonna pay.”

“You’re not paying for my ticket!” I whined, slipping my peacoat over my shirt and heading outside. “I have money, you know.”

“Yeah, and I have a ridiculous need to take care of you,” he mumbled, wrapping an arm around my waist and taking down the stairs. “So you let me pay, or I might need to get on the train with you.”

“Fine, but I’m making you breakfast on Monday,” Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I messed up his hair and pulled him close. “And anytime I can.”

“Fine with me, those pancakes were delicious,” He grinned, burying himself into my side. “Gonna have fun at work?”

“Hopefully,” I sighed, rubbing his upper arm and kissing his earlobe. “But you know I’ll be thinking of you.” Seeing his face pinken, I blinked several times. “Are you feeling alright? You look kinda feverish.”

“Yeah. I just, I like knowing that you think of me,” he stammered, pulling away as we went down the stairs to the station. “I think about you a lot, too.”

“Aw, sweety,” I grinned, following him to the ticket station.

“One, downtown,” Louis stated to the cashier, slipping the money over and taking the ticket. “Thanks.” He took me to the platform, holding my hand securely, before twisting me to face him in front of the train. “Okay, well,” he mumbled, grabbing my other hand and smiling at me. “Be careful at work.”

“I always am,” I giggled, leaning over and kissing his lips softly. “I’ll see you monday, and I’ll text you when I get to work.”

“Love you, cutie,” he smiled, smacking my ass as I turned to get on the train.

The door shut behind me, and I held onto one of the poles as it began to move. With a smile crossing my lips, I pulled out my phone to tweet: **Had a great night!** plus an emoji. Within seconds, I had retweets and replies, but I sent a message to Louis( **I had a lot of fun last night, we need to do this again xx** ) before putting my phone away and smiling to myself.

\-----

Opening the door to the studio, I slipped my jacket off and put it up on the hanger. A hand traced over my waist, and I turned to look at the cute little blond beside me.

“We’re doing a video together,” Niall beamed, taking my hand and pulling me back towards the stairs. “They cleared out the photography studio so we have just a plain room.”

“What’s the plot?” I grinned, lacing our fingers as we climbed.

“There’s a paddle, so take a guess,” he giggled, pulling his tee off of his chest and throwing it in the corner as we entered the dressing room. “Strip down, and there’s a button down and a pair of panties for you to change into.”

“What are you wearing?” I pouted, reluctantly unbuttoning the flannel that Louis had given me.

“Leather, apparently,” He laughed, a pair of shorts up his bare legs. They were, obviously, leather, and I ran my fingers over his creamy thighs. “Like what you see?”

“Like it a lot,” I grinned, pinching his skin. “I’m not so sure I’m going to enjoy being spanked, but as long as it’s you, I’ll put up with it.”

“You sure know how to sweet talk someone,” the blond grinned, pulling on a pair of thigh-high boots. “Get naked, I’m really excited to do this.”

After quickly changing into the costume, I followed him into the studio. Marco was standing there, holding his tablet and grinning softly. “Finally. Marcel, get over here and lay on the stool.”

“The stool?”

“On your stomach, with your ass in the air,” he explained, patting the seat and picking up the paddle. “We’re not gonna have any foreplay, just spanking until you physically can’t take it.”

“Oy vey,” I sighed, draping myself over the stool. “Now what?”

“Edie, would you be so kind as to tie his limbs to the legs of the chair?”

“Sounds good,” Niall laughed, earning a whine from me. “Come on, straighten your arms, let me rope them.” He wrapped one wrist to the foot of the chair, before doing the same with the other. Next were my ankles, and suddenly I was unable to move. “Tight enough?”

“Y-yeah,” I whimpered, glancing at the cameras. “Are we about to start?”

“Yup. Edie, get behind him and take the paddle.” Marco ordered, handing the large wooden handle to the blond and moving behind the cameras. “Safe word is _spatula_. Starting in three, two, one!”

_SMACK_

The cameras turned on just as a strong force hit my ass, earning a loud cry as I jerked forward. The friction of the wood against my flaccid cock was too much, and I closed my eyes to keep from crying. “Shit, that hurt,” I said, slowly, before dropping my head to catch my breath.

“Again,” he smirked, before spanking me again. I moaned loudly, gripping the wooden legs to fight the pain. “You like that, don’t you?”

“N-not really…”

“Yeah, well you will,” he spat, showing a completely different side than I was used to; he was a real actor, for sure. Again, the wooden paddle smashed up against my rear, before a hand stripped the panties and dropped them around my ankles. “Nice and red,” the blond smirked, lightly patting my with his hand. “You’re gonna have bruises tomorrow.”

“And for the next week,” I breathed, pushing against his hand. It left, giving me a second of nothingness before another smack echoed in the room. “A-ah!” I cried, biting down on my lip. Finding myself confusingly turned on, I pushed my erection against the wood stool. The friction felt so good, and the spanking did seem to stop hurting slowly.

“Damn, this is a hot sight, can we get a good view on the camera?” Niall asked, and I heard one of the cameras rolling across the floor and stopping at my ass. “Marcel, you’re dripping with cum, you can’t actually be enjoying this?”

“It’s- it’s not bad,” I mumbled, blushing heavily.

“You like this, don’t you,” he grinned, smacking my ass again with the paddle. “Tell me how much you like it.”

“God, fuck, I- I love it,” I screamed, jerking my hips back to try to lower the pain. “I love it so _fucking_ much, hit me again..!”

_SMACK_

“Oh my god, _shit_ ,” I cried, letting a few tears drop from my eyes. It was all too much, and I was cumming from the whole oversensitivity. Niall decided to help me ride out the orgasm with a series of faster spanks, the last one hitting so hard that I lost my breath and started crying. “ _sp-spatula_ ,” I whispered, quietly at first, but slowly louder. “Please, stop, spatula.”

Hearing the paddle drop to the ground, I mustered up enough strength to look over my shoulder at the blond, who was gesturing for the cameras to stop, before turning back to me and gently untying my legs. “Did I hurt you?”

“A little,” I sniffed, waiting for my hands to be free, then slowly pushing myself back to my feet. “I had no idea you could be so cruel.”

“Yeah, apparently people like it when I dominate them, or something,” he shrugged, bending over and pulling my panties back up. “Not that I have a lot of time outside of work to fuck.”

“I feel you,” whining softly, I ran my hands softly down my bum. “God, it’s a good thing I’m going home. There’s no way I’d want Lou to see this.”

“You and Louis are a thing?” the blond beamed, taking my hand and leading me back into the dressing room. “I heard that you were going over there, but I had no idea he was able to see your ass.”

“Well, obviously I’ve stopped wearing boxers and switched to these tiny little panties,” I shrugged, stripping naked and pulling up the briefs I had been wearing earlier. “So he had full view of my bum. And we’re not a thing!”

“Whatever. I saw you got a twitter, TwinkMarcel,” he laughed, rubbing his hand softly over my bum. “Your poor ass, it’s all red and raw.”

“Your fault,” I whined, pulling up my jeans. “And now I have to take the train home. Boo.”

“Hey, me too,” Niall smiled, softly stroking my bare sides. “You wanna go together?”

“Sure, I’d like that,” I grinned, buttoning up the flannel and putting the bandana back on my head. “Shit, my ass hurts a ton.” 

“Hey, your twitter just posted something,” Niall said, looking at his phone. “Ooh, nice photo.”

“What?”

“Take a look.”

Checking my phone, I saw that there was a photo of myself, bent over the chair, with the caption **Teaser Pic!** , causing me to groan. “Dammit, Marco.”


	13. Chapter 13

Sitting on the bed, I wet my lips while looking up at the camera. I had spent the entire day searching the internet, hunting for some little kink to use at the livestream; I had stupidly tweeted that it was going to be amazing, and now I was expected to deliver. My arms were tied behind my back, locked into a japanese rope binding, and I began to wonder what exactly I got myself into.

“Live in five,” Marco called, lifting the tablet and holding a remote in the other hand. “Four. Three. Two. One, and, live!”

“Hey everyone,” I breathed, hooking my ankles together and smiling. “I’m, uh, obviously bound up, and I can’t escape even if I tried.” Straining at my wrists, I whimpered softly and fell back. “See this in my ass?” I mumbled, straining my thighs against the ropes that were keeping my legs against my chest. “It’s a vibrator, and our lovely director, Marco, has the remote!”

“Tell them the real kicker,” Marco grinned, waving the remote at me.

“We’re gonna find out how many times I can cum until I literally pass out,” I smirked, tilting my head to look at the cameras. “I’m a little hesitant, but I promised something good.”

“ **LTommo** says: ‘I didn’t know I wanted this but I really do’.”

“Yeah, well, you got it,” I winked, clenching my hole slightly. “Marco, put me on setting one?”

The buzzing started slow, but earned a loud moan from my mouth. The soft vibrations got my cock at attention, but not quite enough to get me going. I tried to push back on the toy, but only ended up rocking on my still raw ass.

“ **Grimmyshaw** says: ‘damn, you’re so kinky’.”

“I never used to be like this,” I groaned, pulling at the bindings on my wrist; My cock was begging to be touched. “I used to be a good student without any- any of these _fetishes_. God, turn it up.”

Stronger vibrations filled my hips and stomach, sending a heat wave up from my gut to my chest. “ **Twinkletoes** asks: ‘what sort of fetishes do you have’?”

“Being used, anonymous sex, oh god,” whining into the air, I tilted my hips to hit my prostate. “Right there, right there right _there_ right _there_ right _there_!”

“ **Cummin666** says: ‘I think number one is coming up’.”

“Oh my god, oh, oh!” Covering my stomach with cum, I slammed my eyes shut, and, even though I desperately wanted the vibrations to stop, the pressure on the bundle of nerves were staying constant. “Fuck, Marco, please, give me a second-”

“Nope! Turning it up.”

Whining even more, I tilted my face into the pillow, biting down and shuddering into the sheets. While trying to keep my breathing stable, I rocked back and forth on my ass, trying to find the best position to release pressure. Even though I had just finished, I felt my stomach tightening and releasing in pleasure.

“ **LTommo** says: ‘you’re so easy, Marcel’.”

“I-I’m not easy,” I begged, tensing my thighs as I orgasmed for the second time. “ _Shit_. I’m not easy.”

“Yeah? Tell him why he’s wrong.”

“I’ve never, uh,” the toy shuddered against my nerves, causing me to curl my toes and shooting cum over myself. “‘m actually really difficult to get into bed,” I whined, rolling on my tailbone to change the position. “I don’t have c-casual sex.”

“ **WhereWeAre926** says: ‘I’d love to lick your stomach clean’.”

Cumming again, I managed to hit my chin with the sticky liquid. Lights blinked at the back of my eyelids, and I clenched my fingers into the sheets underneath me. “T-touch me,” I whined, pointing my toes in pleasure. “T-turn it to high, please-”

“ **Nickiao3** says: ‘are you sure that you can handle that?’ He has a point, Marcel, you’re literally shaking.”

“God, just do it,” I demanded, before feeling the heat in my gut stir again. Crying out loud, I orgasmed one final time before everything went black.

\-----

“-cel, Marcel,” a voice said, drawing me out from unconsciousness. Blinking my eyes open, I was relieved to see Marco’s face over mine. “Oh thank god,” he breathed, turning towards the cameras. “He’s awake and fine.”

“Help me up,” I whispered, my voice hoarse and weak. The older man lifted me to a sitting position, and, although my ass was still plugged, the vibrator was off. “Thanks for watching, guys,” I grinned, winking at the camera. “Sorry if I scared you.”

The cameras clicked off, and Marco immediately laid me back down. “That was a really _stupid_ plan, Marcel,” he groaned, taking the toy from my ass and handing it to an assistant. “People have died from things like that.”

“Just untie me,” I sighed, closing my eyes and breathing slowly. “What did the livestream think?”

Pulling the knot from my wrist and letting my arms free, the director rolled his eyes. “They loved you, like always. How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Get so many views!” he laughed at my shrug, taking the rest of the ropes off and running his finger over my skin. “You’re covered in marks, and I don’t think they’re coming off anytime soon.”

“Dammit, I have work tomorrow,” I whined, stretching my legs out and hearing them pop. “Guess it’s long-sleeves for the next week.”

“You can have tomorrow night off,” Marco smiled, stroking my cheek. “I think you’ve deserved it.”

\-----

Falling down on my bed, I let out a long sigh and closed my eyes. The mattress was hard as a rock, which gave me yet another reason to miss Louis’ bed. The other reasons included his soft eyes, gentle lips, and delicate touches; it gave me little comfort to know it would be hours until I’d next see him.

My phone buzzed on the floor, where it was charging, and I slowly leaned over to grab it.

**_@Mr_LTommo_ : Fuckin amazing livestream, where do you even get those ideas? @TwinkMarcel**

At this point, I was sick and tired of LTommo; he was always tweeting and commenting, and although he had donated well over a thousand quid at this point, I wished he would leave me alone. Still, I had to be nice.

**@Mr_LTommo I’m just a dirty whore who can’t get enough cock.（ゝ∀・）**

It had only been two weeks, and I was already prepared to quit. Sex every night was supposedly nice, but was actually tiring and slightly painful. Not to mention how it had ruined my chances with Louis- how was I supposed to make him fall in love with me when hundreds of strangers were watching me have sex?

My phone buzzed again, and I groaned. “Will you just leave me alone?” Picking it up, I saw that it was actually a text( **How are you feeling, cutie?** ), and I rolled onto my side and grinned. ( **Not so great, my room is cold and my bed is bumpy.** )

Louis always made things better. Even now, when I’m regretting my choices in life, five simple words from him put a smile on my face. ( **Aww :( you need to come stay in my bed, I’ll keep you warm x** ) Giggling to myself, I let my eyes droop; passing out earlier really took a toll on me, and I had almost fallen asleep on the train home. ( **Yeah, well, unless you have a teleporter, i’m staying right here. night! xx** )

Curling under the blankets, I adjusted the flannel shirt on my chest and buried my nose in the bandana. I had refused to change, save for the jeans, and I was loving the fact that Louis’ scent was surrounding me.

( **Sleep well, Harry, I’ll see you tomorrow <3**)


	14. Chapter 14

Humming to myself, I wiped my eyes for the tenth time in the last three hours; I had slept the entire night, but I was still wiped from the night previous. The only thing that was keeping me up was the promise of seeing Louis and giving him the breakfast I had made for him; A basic omelette and toast. Collapsing back into the chair behind the counter, I rested my chin on my hand while tapping a tune on the surface. A new shipment of tea had come in, and although they were the same old flavors, I wondered what Louis would ask for today.

The door had opened several times, and there was still no sign of the caramel-haired boy; checking the clock on the wall, I furrowed my brow. It was almost eleven. The cafe had been open for five hours, and Louis hadn’t come by.

My fingers traced across the phone in my pocket, but I refused to text him. I would not be clingy. If he didn’t want to come in today, then that was fine. I was going to invite him back to my place for the night, since I was off, but I guess that wasn’t going to happen. All I had wanted was to kiss him again.

Another hour passed, and I decided to eat the omelette myself; it was cold, but still pretty tasty. Louis would’ve complimented it for over an hour, filling his mouth and making approving noises, before offering bites to me. I pushed the palm of my hand into my eyes, wiping the tears away. This is not how I should be feeling after not seeing him for two days, but something deep in my chest needed him.

Maybe it was the caring nature he had, or maybe it was his gentle disposition. After the last two videos, I had felt my self-esteem plummet; there was only so many times you could cum in front of hundreds of people before feeling like a toy. Louis got off in an hour, and I only assumed that he would pop in.

The door swung open, and I immediately got to my feet, hoping to see the caramel-haired boy. Instead, it was an elderly man wearing a suit.

“Good afternoon,” I said, forcing a smile and gripping the counter. “What can I get you?”

“You’re Marcel!” he exclaimed, standing right across from me and reaching for his phone. “Can I get a picture with you?”

“Uh,” I stammered, pulling back shyly. “I’d rather you didn’t, if that’s alright.”

“I get it, this is your day life,” he nodded slowly, raising his hand back to the counter. “How about a coffee?”

“That, I can do,” grinning, I turned to start the beans and kept humming to myself. After a moment, I twisted back to him and set the mug down. “3 quid.”

“Cash,” he replied, handing me the money and turning to leave. I watched him until he disappeared down the street, before falling into the chair and hiding my face. He had been the first person to recognize me, and I thought I had handled it pretty well, until my phone started ringing.

“H’llo?” I mumbled, answering.

“Harry? Have you seen this photo??”

“Zayn? What photo?”

“Check your twitter!”

“Okay, I’ll, uh, call you back.”

Hanging up before opening up the app, I saw that I had tons of new mentions, but one stood above the rest:

**_@cumsucker69_ : Guess who made my coffee today? @Twink Marcel**

My heart was racing.

**@cumsucker69 how on earth did you get that picture? I told you not to take any!**

He had seen where I worked, and now he was advertising it.  With three hours left of work, I found my hands shaking as I called Zayn back.

“Are you alright? Do you need me to come pick you up?” was how he answered.

“I’m fine, just a little shaken,” I breathed, blinking tears back.

“I can’t believe that guy! What an asshole.”

“I told him not to take any pictures, but then I turned to make his coffee, so he probably saw an opportunity.”

“Oh Harry,” He sighed, and I could almost see the frustrated look on his face.

“I’m fine, I promise,” I swore, gripping the counter until my knuckles turned white. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”

“I stepped out into the hall, I was worried about you.”

“Your students need you, love, go back to class. I’m gonna be alright.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too,” I grinned, hanging up and putting my phone back in my pocket. “Shit.”

\-----

The next few hours came and went without any actual human interaction; no one had stopped in for the rest of the shift, and I was more than relieved to be on the train home.

I had been fighting with people over twitter for the last few minutes, begging them not to visit me at work. My vision, blurry with tears, was locked on the small phone in my hand. My other hand was grabbing onto a metal pole, as my bum still hurt from Saturday night; the bruises were so dark that I swear they could’ve passed as domestic abuse.

The train came to a stop, and I quickly got off; it was a few hours earlier than I normally got home, and I was hurrying up the stairs and across the sidewalk. It only took me a few moments to get home, and within seconds of unlocking the door, I was falling down on the couch and letting all the tears escape my eyes.

Sobbing into a pillow, I shuddered. While digging my fingers into the couch, I begged for the caramel-haired boy to miraculously come make it better. I knew nothing would fix it, of course, but he would make it at least a little more bearable. The thought crossed my mind briefly; I would have to tell Louis everything. About the porn.

That was impossible. I couldn’t do that. I’d rather lose him than tell him, but I would probably lose him if I did tell him. Who on earth would still be friends with a disgusting, submissive, abused porn star?

wiping my eyes on my sleeve, I had flashbacks to that cold February morning in the snow.

_“You’re never going to be anything, Harry!” The woman screamed, throwing my coat at me and pushing me outside. “Fags don’t become anything but pieces of shit!”_

_“Wait- wait, please,” I stammered, gripping at the jacket and trying to wipe the tears off my cheek. “I thought- I thought you loved me?”_

_“How could I ever love a freak of nature?!”_

That’s all I was. That’s all I’ll ever be. A freak of nature and no one will ever be able to love me. Even Louis was lying to me; he said he loved me, but he couldn’t. And now I was alone.

Slowly pushing myself up into a sitting position, I got to my feet, stripped my jeans, and moved to the bathroom. It was only four-thirty, and I had at least another four hours before I was going to sleep; Maybe a shower would do me good. Unbuttoning my shirt and dropping it to the floor, I reached into the shower stall and turned on the water, before waiting for it to heat up. I took off my briefs, letting them fall to the ground, then stepped into the water stream. It covered my body quickly, washing away the shame I felt on my skin. Squatting to the floor, I let the tears fall down my cheeks and mix into the droplets spinning down the drain. My hand fumbled for the razor on my shelf, and, slowly dragging it across my thigh and whining at the sensation.

I hadn’t done this in a year and a half, and I knew Marco would be on my back about it, but it really did seem to relieve the pain I was feeling. The wound dripped blood, slowly mixing with the water and leaving small red streams on the tiles. Pulling the blade again, I was weak on my feet, so I fell back onto my ass and let out a yelp.

“Ow,” I mumbled, slowly relaxing into a sitting position. The blood on my thighs were getting really bad, but I couldn’t keep from making another mark. Leaning my head back against the wall, I sighed softly to myself and glanced up into the water. The droplets were covering me, washing away the red liquid from my thighs, and slowly making me feel better. A freak of nature, maybe, but I was an independent freak of nature. I had survived the last year and a half by myself, and nothing would change that, even if a certain caramel-haired boy made it a little easier to get through the day. But I was alone, and I would always be alone.

Closing my eyes slowly, I found myself a little light-headed from the heat and lack of liquids; I hadn’t had any water since getting home, and I had cried until I was dehydrated. Passing out was a definite option, and I don’t think I would’ve minded at this point. Anything to take my mind off of the emotional pain, or the soft stinging on my thighs. Tearing up slightly, I dragged myself back to standing before turning the water off and stepping out into the bathroom; the room was cold against my steamy skin, and I shivered softly.

Back in my bedroom, I pulled a pair of navy-blue briefs on and covered my arms with a plush cardigan. Shaking softly, I gently rested my bum on the cushions and whined as the bruises touched. Glancing down at my thighs, I noticed the blood was still bubbling over, but I really couldn’t be damned at this point. I closed my eyes, and slowly fell into sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

I clicked the radio on, and starting singing along to the upbeat song that started playing. After last night’s flight of depression, I was careful not to let myself think too long. With a washcloth in my hand, I wiped down the counters and tables. It only took me a moment before moving to the door; I grabbed the blackboard and opened the door.

“ _MARCEL_!” came a large amount of voices, and I quickly slammed the door back again. With my back to the door, I felt my hands shaking. I had asked them all on twitter to leave me alone, but I guess it didn’t take. Glancing through one of the curtains I had yet to open, I tried to count how many people there were; My best guess was thirty, maybe forty.

Hurrying behind the counter and into the kitchen, I barely caught my breath before saying, “I quit.”

Barbara quickly turned around, dropping the muffin sheet she was holding. “What??” she stammered, setting her hands on my biceps and looking up at me with worry. “Harry, why?”

“I, uh,” I stammered, moving her to one of the chairs in the corner. “Sit down, this is going to be hard for you to handle.”

“Harry, what is it?” She whispered, taking a seat next to me and setting her hand in mine. “Is it something illegal? Are you in a gang?”

“No, Barbara, it’s not- not that,” I whispered, dropping my head. “I-I do porn, that’s my second job.”

“Oh, Harry,” she gasped, covering her face and fighting the tears. “How on earth- why- oh, sweetheart.”

“I told you my rent went up, and it was the only job I could get,” covering my eyes, I swallowed the lump in my throat. “People really like my videos, and it’s not as bad as you’d think.”

“Does- does anyone else know?”

Shaking my head, I tightened the grip on her hands. “You’re the only person I’ve told. They followed me to here, and I’m really sorry.”

She stood up, pulling me close to her in a hug. “You go out through the back, I’ll distract the crowd.”

“Thank you, so much,” I whispered, wiping my eyes before pulling away. As soon as she left to the front of house, I pulled my jacket on and grabbed my scarf and shades. Pushing myself into the back alley, I lifted the scarf over my curls to hide my signature hair. “I just had to dress like a little boy today, didn’t I?”

Slipping the sunglasses over my eyes, I went through the alley into the side street, following the sidewalk until I was far enough away from the crowd. With only a few moments left before the crowd was sure to realize I was gone, I took off in a sprint and dropped down the stairs to the train. Paying quickly, I barely got on the next train before it closed and started moving.

\-----

In my apartment, I was still sat in the kitchen hours after getting home, looking through the internet for local job openings. Now that I was mostly unemployed, I would be unable to pay for this shitty apartment. Seeing there was a position at the supermarket, I stood, printed my CV, and turned to leave. After pulling my shoes on and readjusting the scarf around my neck, I locked the door behind me and hurried down the stairs.

Humming softly to myself, I entered the store and looked around. It was early morning, and there were only a few people here; I went to the cashier and waited to get her attention.

“May I help you?” she asked, smiling at me.

“Yeah, uh, I saw you guys have an opening,” I stammered, holding my CV in my hands. “Is there a way I could, y’know, interview?”

“Actually, yes,” she nodded, leaving the register and gesturing for me to follow. “Our manager is in the back, just this way.”

“Shouldn’t he be on the floor?” Furrowing my brows, I followed her and bit on my lower lip.

“Don’t mention that to him, he gets defensive,” she warned, stopping at a door at the back of the produce section. “Go on in. Oh, I’m Francesca.”

“Harry,” I smiled, shaking her hand before turning and pushing the door open. I was greeted by a man sitting behind a desk, writing something on a sheet of paper. “Um, excuse me?”

“You’re hired,” he stated, not even lifting his eyes. “You start tomorrow morning. Be here at exactly eight, or you’re fired.”

“T-Thank you,” I blinked, accidentally folding the paper in my hand. “You won’t be disappointed.”

“Seriously, just go,” the man groaned, gesturing towards the door I had just come through. “I’ll get Tina to take you through training.”

Nodding, I backed up and went back out into the market. Okay, so now I have a job. Waving goodbye to Francesca, I left the store and headed slowly back to my apartment.

\-----

“You look angry,” Marco blinked, grabbing my shoulder to stop me. Twisting on my heel to face him, I rolled my jaw slowly.

“I lost my job today,” I shrugged, putting on a fake smile and clenching my fist. “Can we do a PSA video? Please?”

“Uh, sure,” he nodded, leading me to the photo studio. “Whatever you need to say, just don’t be too mean.”

Sitting down at the bench, I waited for the cameras to turn on before saying, “Hey, everyone. Put your cocks back in your pants, this is a serious video.” Taking a deep breath and letting it go slowly, I shrugged. “Today, I lost my job at the cafe. Someone found it, told everyone who would listen, and then you all came to pay me a visit. Look, I know you guys like watching me, but this isn’t my whole life.”

Wringing my fingers in my lap, I sighed, “I’m a real person, and I don’t appreciate being followed, stalked, or having my photo taken without permission. This- doing porn, tweeting you guys, whatever- is my night job. What I do during the day is none of your business, and I’d appreciate it if, if you stumble upon me, you keep it to yourself.”

Glancing over to Marco, who looked concerned, I shrugged again. “I appreciate every single one of you, honestly, but I can’t have you coming up to me at work, or when I’m out with friends. When I’m alone, in the street, maybe- as long as it’s day,” I added, feeling the tension in my shoulders release. “I’d be nothing without you guys, and I wish I could give each one of you a ‘thank-you’ blowjob. Well, all of you except those of you who made me lose my job, you only get a handjob.”

Relaxing a little, I had to admit I wasn’t as angry as I thought I would be. “So, yeah, I’ll see you guys tomorrow with a new video. Bye!” I waved, before standing up and moving to the door; I didn’t even care if the cameras had turned off yet.

“Get everything off of your chest?” Marco asked, opening his arms and giving me a loose hug.

“Yeah, I think so,” I whispered, closing my eyes and resting against his shoulder. “Thanks for letting me do that.”

“It’s a good message,” he shrugged, rubbing my back softly. “Are you feeling up to working? Because I totally understand if you want to go home.”

“Nah, let’s go fuck,” I grinned, pulling back just far enough to wink at him.


	16. Chapter 16

Sitting in front of the supermarket, I adjusted my coat before pulling out my phone. I still hadn’t heard from Louis since Saturday morning, and I was afraid to initiate contact; What if there was a reason he hadn’t talked to me? Sighing into the air, I tweeted, **I wish he would text me </3** and put my phone away. It was around 7:30, since I didn’t want to be late, and I had been sitting here for the last ten minutes.

Since the store was so close to where I lived, I had been able to sleep until 6:30 without worry, and I briefly wondered how Barbara was handling everything. She probably had gotten Brenda to run front of house, and they probably had the same “Hiring” sign I had taken down a year and a half previously. I wiped a stray tear from my cheek; Barbara was the only mother figure I had, and now I had lost her as well.

My phone went off( **Hey, long time no talk** ), and I let out a soft chuckle. Of course, the moment I started to complain, everything would be all right. ( **Yeah, how are you? xx** ) A woman arrived and started unlocking the door, and I stood up and crossed to her.

“We don’t open for another hour,” she sighed, pushing the door open.

“I’m, uh, Harry, I’m starting work today,” I stammered, pulling at my coat. “I’m supposed to be meeting a Miss Tina?”

“That’s me,” she groaned, waving me in. “Come on, let’s get you changed.” Following her (silently) into a locker room in the back of the store, I was biting my lip and trying to take everything in. “You have locker number 22. There’s a polo and an apron. Put them on and meet me outside.”

“Thanks,” I smiled, waiting until she left the room to strip my coat and put it in the locker. Vibrations in my pocket had me pull out my phone(G **ood! Barbara tells me you quit? Is everything alright with you?** ), silence it, and wrap it in my sweater before setting that in my locker as well. I would respond to Louis later. After pulling the red polo over my head and buttoning it up, I wrapped the apron around my waist and moved back into the main room.

“Took you long enough,” Tina groaned, pulling her obviously-bleached hair back into a ponytail. “For the first few weeks, we’re going to have you restocking the shelves. The crates are back there-” she pointed to a set of double doors- “and you’ll find the aisles listed on the wall back there. If someone asks you for something, you say ‘I’m new, but I think that’s’ and then tell them some random aisle number.”

“Just, off the top of my head?”

“Yeah, any aisle,” she shrugged. “People honestly don’t care if you tell them the right number, they get a little pleasure from proving you wrong.”

“Okay,” I nodded, playing with the hair band around my wrist. “That’s it?”

“That’s all you really need to know,” rolling her shoulders back, she started walking. “I’ll be at register four if you have any questions.”

“Thanks,” I called, before leaning against the wall and sighing. I knew this was a shitty store, but I didn’t realize it was this bad. Briefly wishing that I had my phone, I mustered enough strength to turn and head through the double doors.

\-----

Clocking out at five, I sat down on the bench in the locker room and rested my head in my hands. There was an hour before I had to be at the studio, and I had had no time for lunch, so I would have to spend some of that time finding something to snack on. Slowly dragging my fingers down my cheeks, I untied the apron that was wrapped around my hips and folded it nicely. After a few months at this job, my arms would be definitely more toned; lifting cans and boxes all day sure built up my biceps.

After stripping my shirt off, I opened my locker and traded the piles of clothing. Pulling my plain black jumper over my head, I managed to catch my phone as it dislodged itself from the fabric. With a sigh, I checked my inbox; ten new messages, three missed calls.

( **Are you okay?** )

( **Harry?** )

( **You don’t have to talk about it, I’m just worried.** )

( **I stopped by your house after work, where are you?** )

( **Please tell me you’re okay** )

( **I’m really worried.** )

( **Harry? Please respond.** )

( **Hello?** )

( **...** )

( **Are you mad at me?** )

Smiling to myself, I bit my lip and responded( **Sorry! Today was the first day at my new job, I didn’t want to be distracted.** ).  I stood up and slipped my coat back on, before turning to leave. Out in the cold, I realized that I had a headache and was ready to cry. Maybe my body wasn’t handling this as well as I thought it was; working all day and every night is worse than I thought it would’ve imagined.

\-----

Maybe I should’ve went straight home, called in, done anything to skip work at the studio. My headache had gotten worse, and I was seeing everything in a slightly brighter tone than before, but I went through with it anyways. Laying back on the bed with Zayn over me, I was physically forcing myself to touch him when he sat up.

“Can we turn the cameras off for a bit?” The brunette above me said, furrowing his brows. Marco nodded, and the cameramen and stood back from their posts.

“What’s up?” I mumbled, dropping my hands to the bed and wondering why I was out of breath.

“You’re bonier and paler than usual,” he sighed, gently dragging his fingers down my cheeks.

“I’m fine,” I lied, closing my eyes and leaning into his touch. “I just had a hard day at work.”

“I’ll do all the work, then,” Zayn chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. “And then you’re going to go straight home and sleep.”

“Sounds good to me,” I grinned, poking one eye open.

“Cameras back on,” He called, smiling at the crew before turning back to me and lifting my legs around his waist. “Just relax,” he whispered, pushing his tip in slowly and earning a whine from my lips. His arms let go of my thighs, moving to either side of my head to hold himself up. I dug my fingers into his biceps, slamming my eyes shut and clenching my muscles as he slowly pressed himself further in. Zayn let out a soft groan as he bottomed out, resting there until I adjusted to his length.

Slowly pulling out to the tip before thrusting back in, he curled his fingers into the blankets beside me, and I pushed up against his jerks to get even deeper. I had managed to develop some sort of stamina in the three weeks I had been working, and although I was rather close to finishing, it would take a little more than just in-and-out.

Twisting my head to bite the sheets, I let out a long series of moans and rocked back on his thrusts. “Fuck,” he breathed, moving one hand to my cock and using my precum as lube to pump the skin. “Fuck fuck fuck,” the brunette repeated, flicking his hand in rhythm with his hips, and it didn’t take very long for me to cover my chest with cum, tightening around his dick.

He shuddered to a stop, breathing in soft gasps, before leaning over and moving his lips over mine delicately. Smiling into the kiss, I lifted one arm and cupped the back of his neck, pulling him down closer.

“Cut,” Marco finally said, and I let my legs drop to the bed as the brunette pulled out. “Marcel, I reckon you need to get to a hospital, you look absolutely sick.”

“He’s right,” Zayn agreed, pushing my curls off my forehead. “Have you been eating enough?”

“Probably not,” I shrugged, fluttering my eyes open and wondering why they were so blurry. “I’ve been working my ass off to make rent.”

“Get a roommate,” the director suggested, bringing a bathrobe over to me and wrapping me up. “Find someone to split payment with.”

“It’s fine, today was my first day at my new job,” Letting the brunette hold me in his arms, I closed my eyes again. “I should be able to scrounge together enough.”

“Harry, seriously,” Zayn mumbled, rubbing my back. “You honestly need to take more care of yourself. Do you have any family that can help you out?”

“No,” I said, furrowing my brow and gripping his bare skin. “I’m really alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is shorter and a little unfinished, I was trying to get it done tonight before I go away tomorrow but I just found out my dad is in the ER. I'll try to post sunday, but no promises.


	17. Chapter 17

The rest of the week followed a similar pattern: Wake up, have cereal, go to work at the supermarket, go to work at the studio, have a little bit of fruit on the way home, sleep. My body had been suffering, but at least I had lost those last five pounds off my thighs. My now-littered-with-scars thighs. Marco had been threatening to send me to the hospital, but I kept promising to stop. And then I would go right back home and cut some more.

I was stacking soup cans in aisle 9- I had memorized them on day one- while humming to myself. This job had helped me build my upper arms a little, although they began to look a little bulky to me.

“Marcel?”

Clenching my fingers around the can I was holding, I forced myself to keep working; if I pretended not to react, then maybe he would go away. Turning back to the cart of soup, I took a few more and kept stocking.

“Hey, Marcel.”

Twisting on my heel to look at the voice, I blinked several times. He wasn’t a disgusting older man, like most of my viewers, and was actually rather attractive. Slightly taller than myself, he had his slightly-curled hair twisted back into a quiff. He adjusted his leather jacket and smirked.

“Can I help you find something?” I asked, trying to seem friendly.

“I already found all I want,” he grinned, taking a step closer and grabbing my upper arm. “My name’s Nick Grimshaw.”

“Please don’t touch me,” I stammered, pulling away and holding the can of soup that was in my hands to my chest. “I don’t recognize the name.”

“Are you sure, Marcel?” the man winked, tracing his finger over the edge of the cart. “Oh, you know me as _Grimmyshaw_.”

My eyes widened, and I turned to look at our feet. “I thought I made it clear that you’re not supposed to come up to me…”

His hands touched my arms again, causing my head to shoot up to look at him. One hand traced to my chin, tilting it to one side as I furrowed my brows. “In about ten minutes, you’re going to be fine with it,” he grinned, leaning forward to kiss me.

Without even thinking, I launched the can I was holding at his chest, causing him to knock back. “S-sorry,” I stammered, backing up to the end of the aisle before turning to sprint into the locker room. Stopping only at my locker, I balled my fists and shuddered against the cold metal. Now that he knew where I worked, he wouldn’t leave me alone- that was obvious, by the way he had forced himself on me. Stripping the red polo from my skin, I held it in my hands for a second, sighing at how much I didn’t want to leave. I probably wouldn’t be paid, as I only worked a week, and my rent was coming up this Friday. Opening my locker and pulling out my clothing, I set the shirt and apron in, nice and folded. After getting dressed in my black long-sleeve tee and a fur vest(something I had splurged on last year, and only wore when it was really cold), I left the dressing room.

Crossing only a few feet to the manager’s office, I opened the door. “I’m quitting,” I said, wringing my hands.

“Okay, bye,” he waved, not lifting his eyes from a stack of paper.

Sighing, I twisted on my heel and left. Now I only had tomorrow to find another job before I would lose my apartment.

\-----

Collapsing on the sofa in the studio, I closed my eyes briefly. I had spent the last four hours searching for a job online, and, although I found several, when I went to interview, they turned me away for being a porn star. Mentally cursing Zayn out for having a stable job where no one harasses him, I rubbed my eyes to try to stay awake. This job was all I had right now, and I wondered what my paycheck would be- not that it would matter, if I couldn’t get a job, I would probably lose my apartment and be forced to move back to Holmes Chapel. My throat tightened at just the thought of it, and I had to sit up and open my eyes to distract myself.

“Are you alright?” the Irish voice I had come to recognize asked, as the blond was standing in front of me. “You look sick.”

“He always looks sick,” another voice said, and I glanced to see Zayn coming down the stairs, leaning against the wall on the first step. “He’s working himself to death.”

“I had to quit again,” I groaned, slowly getting to my feet and using Niall as a stabilizer. “Some guy got a little too touchy and I threw a can of soup at him.”

“You threw a can of soup?” the brunette exclaimed, failing to hide the laughter in his throat.

“Brilliant,” the blond laughed, wrapping an arm around my waist. “That is the most brilliant thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I lost my job,” I mumbled, letting him lead me to the stairs where Zayn set his hand on my bicep, both of them helping me to the second floor. “Who am I with today?”

“Both of us,” the brunette smiled, pulling me into the dressing room and slowly helping me undress. “We’re fucking you in the studio.”

“Both in my ass?” I exclaimed, leaning into the blond’s touch.

“I wanna take your mouth,” Niall said, stroking my bare back. “Jesus, has your spine always been visible?”

“You guys exaggerate,” closing my eyes and letting the blond wrap a robe around my body, I chuckled almost drunkenly. “I’ve only lost a few pounds, and I think I actually look a little better.”

“Harry, you are a pile of bones,” Zayn hissed, lifting my hand and leading me to the photography studio. “And if you don’t see that, you need mental help.”

“Why does he need help?” Marco asked, clearing a bench from the middle of the room.

“He doesn’t realize how skinny he is,” the brunette sighed, rubbing my back. “Harry, I can see your ribs, and I’m taking you out for dinner after this shoot.”

“Ooh, me too!” Niall laughed, smiling softly. “So, what’s the thing?”

“Marcel is pleasuring you both, and he’s the only one naked, obviously,” Marco grinned, gesturing towards one end of the room. “One blowjob, one fuck.”

“I already called the blowjob,” the blond smirked, removing the robe he had just put on me, before smacking my ass lightly. “Hands and knees, sweetheart.”

Slowly falling to my knees, I used one hand to push my hair behind my ear,  before leaning forward and resting my palms against the floor. After swallowing the lump in my throat, I glanced up at the blond, who was still dressed, as he positioned himself in front of me.

“And- action!” Marco called, and I felt my arms start to shake already.

Hearing zippers, I bit down on my lip and spread my legs further. Niall’s cock brushed up against my lips, causing my tongue to dart forward and wet his tip. Something pressed against my ass, and I whined softly. Taking the blond’s dick into my mouth, I pushed back against Zayn, earning a soft moan. He fit the head in, stretching my hole and slowly bottoming himself out.

Sliding himself in and out, the brunette’s movements caused me to bob back and forth on Niall’s cock. It felt amazing, being filled in both holes, and I closed my eyes and focused on how it felt. They both managed to thrust at the same time, Zayn tracing against my prostate and Niall brushing against the back of my throat. My eyes watered, filling my stomach with heat. Whimpering around the cock in my mouth, I felt my toes curl in pleasure; It only took a few more thrusts before I was covering the floor with my cum, letting a few tears fall down my cheeks.

“I-I’m going to-” Niall shuddered, his thrusts becoming short and erratic before he filled my mouth and throat. “Fuck, shit,” he groaned, digging his fingers into my hair and thrusting slowly.

“God, don’t tighten,” Zayn groaned, digging his fingernails into my bum and slowing to a stop. “Shit, shit shit shit shit,” he whined, leaning over me and kissing Niall’s lips.

“Cut,” the director called, causing both boys to remove themselves from my holes. Immediately, arms were wrapped around my waist, as the brunette pulled me up into a standing position.

“Were we too hard on you?” he whispered, holding me against his body.

“I’m not fragile,” I whimpered, feeling the cum drip out of my ass. “You’re too protective.”

“Harry, how much do you weigh?” Niall sighed, pressing a towel to my anus to catch the drips.

“Like 65 kg? I’m not sure,” I lied. I knew exactly how much I weighed. 63.25kg, and I didn’t realize I hated it so much. “It’s not so bad, right?”

“Except you should be five or ten kg more than you are,” the blond mumbled, letting go of me before covering my body with the soft robe from earlier. “Where do you want to have dinner?”

“It’s late, isn’t it?”

“It’s only around 7,” Zayn grinned, lifting me up and carrying me bridal-style to the dressing room.

“How are you doing this?” I whined, burying my face in his chest. “You’re scrawny and I weigh a ton.”

“You weigh as much as my little sister,” he laughed, setting me down on a stool and reaching for my clothes. “You’re just lankier than she is.”

“Shut up, stop lying to me.” Pulling the jumper he handed me over my head, I briefly let the fabric cover my disgustingly huge body. I then slipped my underwear back over my giant thighs, then finished with with my normal skinnies. I stood up, putting my fur vest over my chest, and I turned to look at the other boys. They were silent, watching me with concern.

“Do you honestly believe that we’re lying to you?” Niall said slowly, leaning towards me and zipping up my vest.

“I just-”

“You don’t think you’re skinny,” the blond sighed, rubbing my upper arm slowly. “You think you’re fat.”

“Not fat, just…” I shrugged, glancing down at my feet. “Chubby, I guess.”

“We should get Louis to do some body-worship,” Zayn smiled sadly, taking my hand and leading me out into the lobby.

“Did he tell you?” I blushed, remembering how I had covered his body in kisses.

“Tell us what?” Niall grinned, wrapping an arm around my waist. “Did you- did you worship him?”

“He has his own insecurities,” I mumbled, feeling a little light headed just going down the stairs. “I tried made him feel better.”

“That’s really adorable,” the brunette grinned, pressing a kiss to my cheek while he pulled his jacket on. “Should we call Louis, have him and Liam join us?”

“Yeah, sure,” shrugging, I bit my lip and took my phone out of my pocket. After dialing his number, I lifted the phone to my ear and waited. Three rings in, I heard a voice.

“H’llo?” His voice was surrounded by high-spirited tunes, earning a soft smile from me.

“Hey, Louis, are you free?”

“Well, uh, Liam and I are at a club downtown, why?”

“Where downtown?” I asked, glancing to look at the other boys.

“St Giles and Denmark- Seriously, why?”

“We’re close to there, we’ll come meet you, is that alright?”

“Who’s we?”

“Niall, Zayn and I,” I beamed, heading out into the street and leading the other two boys down the sidewalk. “What’s the name of the club?”

“Low Moon,” he said, and I could imagine his grin. “Should I tell Liam, or let him be surprised?”

“Do whatever! See you soon,” grinning as I hung up, I turned to face the others. “We’re going to a club!”

“And they’re meeting us there?” Niall grinned, raising one eyebrow.

“Are you sure you’re up to dancing and drinking, in your state?” Zayn asked, rubbing my back softly. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“Trust me, I want to do this,” I smiled, crossing the street while holding the brunette’s hand. “I’ll eat at the club, I promise.”

“That sounds reasonable,” he sighed, wrapping his arm around the blond’s waist as we approached the building.. “We’ll be watching you like a hawk, though.”

“Yes, mom,” I laughed, pulling my ID and flashing it to the bouncer at the door. “We’ll just find the boys and then I’ll get something to eat.”

“Find who?” a boy said, removing me from Zayn’s grasp by my waist and smirking. “Why don’t you come sit with me? I’ll buy you dinner.”

“Sorry,” I stammered, knocking his arm away. “My friends are waiting for me.”

“I think I can do better than them,” he winked, stroking my cheek.

“He said no, Romeo,” another voice said, and I twisted my head to look at a familiar caramel-haired boy, pushing the other guy’s hand away. “C’mon, Harry.”

Smiling as he grabbed my arm, I followed Louis across the loud, active club and into a small booth on the other side of a dance floor. Knowing that it was too loud to talk, I scooted into the cushion and grinned. Zayn caught my attention from the bar, and I waved at him briefly.

Leaning over and talking in my ear, Louis called, “Do you want anything to drink?”

“I’m alright, just water,” I replied, scooting up against his shoulder.

“I’ll go get that-” He was interrupted by Zayn setting down a burger and a water bottle, before the brunette leaned over and said something in his ear. The caramel-haired boy nodded, before shooing him away. Taking a nibble at one of the fries, I turned to grin at the boy, who was eyeing me with some sort of concern. “How have you been?” he finally said.

“Tired, I’ve been working eleven hours a day,” I replied, wincing at the way the grease felt going down my throat. “But I lost my job today, so I need to find a new one.”

“Aw, darling,” he pouted, leaning forward and feeding a fry to me. “Why don’t you spend the night at my place?”

“I’d love that,” I nodded, picking up the pile of grease on my plate and squeezing the bun. Taking a bite, I forced it down my throat and wondered when it got so hard for me to eat normally.

The cushion on the other side of me indented, and I turned to see Liam falling down next to me, a bottle in his hand. “Hey cutie,” he called in my ear over the music. “How are you doing?”

“Pretty good,” I beamed, brushing his shoulder. “What about you?”

“Awesome,” he gave me a thumbs up, as if to punctuate his statement. “Excited about next month.”

“Next month?”

“Louis and I are going to Australia for a week!”

Turning to look at the blue-eyed boy, who was texting on his phone, I felt my heart almost break. “Really?” I asked, swallowing a lump in my throat. I had already spent a week without seeing him everyday, but a week with him in a completely different country would be a little harder.

“Yeah, I got a football match, and Lou always comes with me,” he smiled, taking a fry from my plate. “We’re gonna hit the beach, go surfing. Hey, you should come too!”

“Don’t have the money,” I laughed, taking another bite of the burger. “I’ve never been out of the country before.”

“Too bad. I’ll bring you back something, alright?” Liam beamed, rubbing my back and getting up to go back to the dance floor.

Watching him disappear in the crowd, I took another bite and sighed. I felt disgusting just touching this burger, let alone digesting it. When did this happen? Up until last week, I was a happy and fully functioning person.

“You doing okay?” Louis called again, setting his phone on the table. “You look- You look kinda sick?”

“Like I said, I’m working eleven hours a day and only sleeping five,” I shrugged, leaning over and resting my head on his shoulder. “The other eight are usually mixed.”

“You really need a break,” he sighed, rubbing my back before trying to feed me another fry. “I’ll try not to wake you when I get up for work.”

“Should you really be out like this on a work night?”

“Trust me, I can do my job drunk, hungover, or even high,” Louis smiled, holding me close. “I’ve done all.”

“You’re ridiculous,” I laughed, reaching forward and finishing the burger. It was gross, going down my throat and sitting heavy in my stomach, but I pretended to enjoy it. “So you’re going to Australia?”

“Yeah,” he laughed, rubbing my upper arm. “Haven’t been back to Aussie in over a year, I miss the waves.”

“You surf?” Swallowing the lump in my throat, I turned to look at him.

“Yeah, Li and I learned a few years back,” the caramel-haired boy chuckled, eating one of my fries himself. “The first time I was on the water, my wetsuit ripped in the crotch.”

“Oops,” I laughed, eating a little bit myself. Glancing back up at the bar, I noticed Zayn watching me, before leaning over to say something to Niall. “I bet that was embarrassing.”

“Not until the girls brought out their phone cameras,” he grinned, opening up my water bottle and handing it to me. “Drink, you look parched.”

Rolling my eyes, I lifted the bottle to my lips and drank until the bottle was half empty. “Better?”

“Much better. Hey, let’s go dance,” he suggested, grabbing my hand and pulling me out into the dance floor. Rubbing my lips together, I let him spin me around on the floor before giggling into the crowd. There really wasn’t a ton of space, and we were pressed closer than I probably would’ve liked, but I grinned and wrapped my arms around his neck. Louis smirked, holding my waist and moving me back and forth.

\-----

Several hours later, I was playing with the hair on the back of Louis’ neck while he was laying down in bed.

“God, fuck, you’re so gorgeous,” I breathed, feeling just a little tipsy; Niall had forced a drink into my hand an hour or so into the night. “How did I get so lucky?”

“You’re adorable,” he laughed, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. “Go to sleep, alright? You need it.”

“Whaddid Zayn tell you earlier?” I mumbled, letting my eyes blink shut and rolling into his body.

“He told me to make sure you eat that burger,” Louis whispered, clicking his lamp off. “Have you been eating alright?”

“Yeah,” I lied, before pausing to wonder why. I could trust Louis with anything, so why was I lying? “No,” I mumbled, pressing my face into his chest. “I haven’t been eating anything but breakfast and sometimes fruit. I’ve been really stretched for time, and my health has been suffering because of it.”

“Oh, Harry,” he sighed, rubbing my back. “There’ll be breakfast on the table whenever you wake up, and I’ll bring back some lunch.”

“I need to go job searching,” I yawned, gripping his bare back and trying to fall asleep. “ But I’m just tired of working all the time.”

“Shh, go to sleep.” he smiled, kissing my forehead again.


	18. Chapter 18

Slowly awaking from unconsciousness, I rolled over in the way-too-soft bed and buried my face in the pillow underneath me. My arms stretched the entirety of the bed, pulling at either side of the blankets, and I let out a long, sad sigh because I was alone. Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I glanced around the room; there was a post-it note on the door, and I squinted to try to read it. I couldn’t from this distance, and my eyes were a little blurry from sleep. Groaning to myself, I pulled myself off the bed, reached for the note, and brought it back to read: _I set out some clothing on my desk. We’ll talk about your thighs later._

With another sigh, I glanced down at my bare legs; I had completely forgotten about my scars. The tiny little panties I was wearing left nothing to the imagination, seeing as they showed my entire thighs. They had scabbed over, and the most recent one still had some blood stained on the skin. Burying my face in my hands, I fought the pain in my chest. I can’t believe I had forgotten about that, and had let him see them.

Standing up slowly, I cracked my back and slowly made my way to his desk, taking a pair of jeans and sliding them up my legs. Furrowing my brows, I pinched the extra denim that was hanging around my hips. Louis’ hips were a tad larger than mine, but there was no way that there was this much of a difference. I buttoned up the plain Topman shirt he had left for me, and, seeing how it hung on my chest, I tucked it into the jeans. Maybe Zayn had been right, maybe I was getting a little too skinny.

After checking the clock on the wall(12:51pm), I strolled out to the kitchen and smiled at the plate of eggs on the table, accompanied by another note. Lifting the post-it in my hand, I read it aloud, “ _This is the first meal I ever made, enjoy_ , Aww, Lou,” I grinned, sitting myself down and poking at the breakfast. He made it for me, and I was going to force myself to eat it.

My stomach felt bloated from the burger the night before, but I poked the fork into the eggs and lifted it up to my mouth. Immediately wincing, I made a mental note to _teach_ Louis how to cook. Standing up and dumping the meal in the trash, I kept a smile on my face while looking through his fridge; There were some leftovers from who knows when, some frozen meals, and a singular carton of milk. With a sigh, I closed the fridge and sat back down at the table. Louis got off work in a few minutes, and he promised he would bring lunch back, so I figured I would just wait.

Slowly getting to my feet again and scooting into the main room, I fell down on the sofa and turned on the telly. It was some silly makeover show, but I didn’t mind the way it numbed my mind. After lunch, I would go check out a bookstore with an opening- it was close to Barbara’s, but the website had said it was a back-room position. Hopefully they would look beyond my porn job.

Only moments later, the door swung open, and I turned to smile at the blue-eyed boy coming in with a bag of chinese. “Hey sweety,” he beamed, taking off his shoes and jacket before coming around to sit next to me. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah, I only woke up a bit ago,” I grinned, leaning against his shoulder. “Thanks for breakfast.”

“And? What did you think?” he smiled, his entire face crinkling. “How did I do?”

“Well,” I stammered, reaching for the bag of food. “For your first attempt, I’ll give you a C-.”

“Was it really that bad?” Louis pouted, his shoulders dropping. “I tried really hard.”

“There was room for improvement,” I shrugged, kissing his cheek softly. “Now, what did you get us for lunch?”

“Fried rice and wonton soup,” he breathed, setting the styrofoam boxes on the coffee table. “Something for your stomach, not too heavy.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you haven’t been eating very much,” Louis started, getting up to grab plates but pausing in the doorway. “Then you can’t eat certain things- fruits and veggies are the best to start with, but I figured you really don’t want to eat like a rabbit. Zayn was on the right path with making you eat and watching you, but you should’ve skipped the burger.”

Watching him disappear in the kitchen for a second, I furrowed my brow and opened the containers of food. The caramel-haired boy came back in with plates, chopsticks, spoons, and bowls. “How do you know that?”

“We have some diet books at the store, I hope you don’t mind that I did some research,” he smiled, rubbing my knee softly. “I know you’re probably not trying to be anorexic, but I have to keep you eating normally again.”

“Why do you take such good care of me?” I whispered, moving my shoulders closer to his.

“Because I love you,” Louis mumbled, closing his eyes and pressing our lips together. My eyes fluttered shut, spreading my lips and letting his tongue dart into my mouth. Moaning quietly, I lifted my fingers to his head, tangling in his hair and kissing more desperately. He locked his ankles around mine, leaning over me and knocking me back on the couch. His hands pressed into either side of the cushions by my head, and his body pressed down over mine, his knees trapping mine under him.

I trailed one hand down the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me and gasping for breath between kisses. His lips trailed down from my mouth to my jaw, slowly bringing them down to my collar, while his hands moved to unbutton my shirt. Whining into the air, I kept my eyes shut to keep from waking up; this could only be a dream, and I didn’t want to go back to reality. With one hand playing at the back of his neck and the other one pressing up against the cushions, I bucked my hips against the caramel-haired boy.

That simple gesture knocked his attention away from my collar bones, causing me to blink my eyes open, and Louis propped himself up on his elbows to gaze into my eyes. His pupils were blown with lust, and, as much as I wanted to kiss him again, I found myself completely frozen.

“Wow, uh, Harry,” he stammered, eyeing me carefully. “That was- wow.” Nodding, I felt my cock twitch in my pants from where our hips were pressed together, and his eyes blinked shut as a reaction. With a little whine, I dropped my hands to either side of my head and tried to catch my breath.  “Let’s, uh, let’s eat,” the caramel-haired boy said, raising his eyebrows and slowly sitting up.

“Ye-yeah,” I whispered, pushing myself up and, glancing down at my huge, bloated stomach, rebuttoned my shirt. “Just a little bit, please.”

“You have to eat everything on the plate,” Louis demanded, setting a small scoop of rice on my plate and handing it to me. “Eat it all.”

“O-okay,” I nodded, taking a pair of chopsticks and forcing a little bit in my mouth. It tasted delicious, but it still hurt going down my throat. Forcing a smile, I ate a little more. “Not bad,” I mumbled around the food, chewing them to a pulp before swallowing.

“When you’re done with the rice, I’ll pour you a bowl of soup,” he smiled, scooping the fried rice from his plate into his mouth.

We sat in silence for a little while, with Louis eating twice as fast as I was, finishing first. He set his plate down on the coffee table, before lifting a bowl and spooning some wonton soup into it. I watched him eat it with no problems, and I sighed.

“How is that so easy?” I said aloud, before covering my mouth. That was supposed to be an inside thought.

“Eating?” he breathed, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“It’s a stupid question, I’m sorry,” I whimpered, turning back to my plate and nibbling the rice.

“It’s your mind,” Louis explained, setting his bowl down and turning to face me. “Your mind doesn’t like the idea of food, something about calories- I don’t really get it, but that’s what the books said.”

“My subconscious doesn’t want calories?” I asked, scooting closer to him. “O-okay, I can conquer this.”

“Let me help you,” he whispered, taking my plate from me and setting it down. “The book I read said that anorexia connects to a bad body image, alright?”

“Okay?” I mumbled, confused.

“Just- let me do this,” Louis said softly, pushing me back by my shoulders so I was laying flat on the sofa again. With my heart racing, I watched his fingers undo the buttons on my shirt, pulling it open to expose my chest. My face turned bright pink, and I dug my fingers into the cushions as he moved his hands to my waistband and stripped my jeans off. In nothing but my panties, I felt his eyes drag over me slowly. “Alright, tell me if I make you uncomfortable,” he whispered.

“O-okay…”

He pressed a kiss to my forehead, before saying, “You have stunning green eyes.” He kissed my lips. “Gentle pink lips and cute dimples.” He trailed his lips to my collarbone. “Your collar is always slightly blushed, even when you’re all pale and bony.”  His hand lifted my arm, as he pressed kisses from my wrist all the way to my bicep. “Your arms used to be so strong, Harry. They managed to lift me with no problem, and now look.”

“They’re still bulky,” I whispered, watching him carefully.

“Wrap your hand around your bicep, prove me wrong.”

Rolling my eyes, I reached my hand around my upper arm and froze when my fingertips brushed together. I knew my hand wasn’t that large, which meant-

“They’re scrawny, Harry,” Louis sighed, setting my arm back down on the cushions. “I can see your ribs,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the middle of my chest. “Two weeks ago, when you spent the night, I wanted to cover your chest with kisses and hickeys and now, I’m afraid to break you.” He kissed down my stomach. “There was muscle here, sculpted and gorgeous.” His tongue trailed over my hip bones, wetting my v-line. “Do you see how much your stomach dips here? It shouldn’t do that.” He paused over my covered cock, before jumping to my upper thighs and brushing his lips gently over my scars. “These break my heart,” he whispered, kissing down my legs to my knees. “Your legs are so small, so delicate, how can they even hold you up?” He moved back up to my face, kissing me softly.

Whimpering into his lips, I slowly lifted my hands to his neck, deepening the kiss. His fingers caressed my cheeks, twisting his head and sliding his tongue into my mouth. Jerking my hips up, I moaned softly at the friction. Louis groaned quietly, sliding his hands down to my hips, sliding his fingers under my ass and grinding down against me.

His hard-on pressed up against mine, earning a moan from both of our lips. “God, shit,” he breathed, kissing down my neck and nibbling on my collarbone. Digging my fingernails into his back, I pushed against his grinding movement over and over, until it was almost too much.

“Lou- _Lou_ ,” I gasped, trailing my fingers down to my own hips and pushing my panties down to my thighs, exposing my cock against his jeans. “Fuck, I can’t-”

He tore his own jeans down to expose his boxers, then repeated the motion until our dicks were touching and rubbing against each other and there were lights behind my eyes and it all felt so good. Cumming all over my chest, I threw my head back and cried, “Louis!”

“Fuck, _Harry_ ,” he whimpered, biting down on my neck and shuddering to a stop. Louis collapsed above me, trailing his fingers to my chest and teasing my skin. It only took me a second to catch my breath, but I held it when I realized what just happened; My hand rested gently on his shoulder blade, twisting his tee between my fingers before he slowly put himself up on his elbows.

His eyes were dull, although his face was reddened and his bangs were sticking to his forehead. “Harry, I-” he started, sitting up and pulling his pants back up. “I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have done that-”

“No, Louis, it’s okay,” I stammered, lifting myself up on my elbows.

“No, it isn’t,” he spat, standing up and pulling at his hair. “I can’t- we can’t- I’m sorry, Harry.”

“Maybe I should go.” With my jaw shaking, I slipped my underwear back up over my now-flaccid cock and reached for the jeans that were still pooled by my feet.

“Maybe you should,” the caramel-haired boy said, taking his tee off(since it had cum spread over it) and tossing it on the table. “Clean yourself with that.”

Tears stung at my eyes, and I felt almost sick. Sighing sadly, I rebuttoned the shirt and stood up, before crossing to the door, pulling my fur vest back on, slipping into my shoes, and leaving. There wasn’t a lot I could say to him; We just- well, what even was that? Would that be considered sex? Out in the cold, I pulled my phone out of my vest pocket and tweeted: **I need someone to fuck me, right now.**

Maybe I could fuck the memory away.


	19. Chapter 19

Knocking on the door of the bookstore, I held my CV in one hand before wiping my eyes. I had set up an interview with a guy named Stan, and the only time he had was after the store was closed, so now I was out in the cold, crying, waiting to meet him.

Louis had, effectively, broke my heart, and I really needed to get to the studio to distract myself, but I desperately needed this done first. Sighing to myself, I stood back as the door opened, revealing a shorter man.

“Hi, I’m Harry Styles,” I grinned, hoping that my tears weren’t too obvious. “I arranged an interview for the backroom position?”

“Oh, yeah,” He smiled, putting his hand out for me to shake. “I’m Stan Lucas, come in.”

Following him through the door, I let out a soft sigh at how beautiful the building was; It was packed with bookshelves, and I wondered what sorts of books were where. “So, you’re the owner?” I asked, letting him lead me through an arch to a large garage.

“Nah, that’s my old man,” Stan grinned, sitting down on a vintage chair and gesturing towards a couch across from him. “He hired me as manager cause he's too wrinkled to run this place. Sit down, let’s talk.”

Falling down on the cushions, I winced at how rock-hard the cushions were, yet they weren’t as hard as mine at home. “So, uh, I’m Harry Styles, I’m 18-”

“Can you read?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re hired,” he laughed, propping his legs up on the coffee table. “Can you start Monday?”

“That’s- that’s it? No other questions?” I said, flabbergasted, adjusting my vest.

“When a cute boy applies, I’m not gonna turn him down,” he winked, leaning on one arm. “You look awfully familiar.”

“I’m just gonna be honest,” I swallowed, wringing my fingers in my lap. They were bony, I could see that now. “I do porn- I’m a gay porn star, maybe you’ve seen me before.”

“That makes sense,” Stan nodded slowly. “I bet you anything one of my mates showed me.”

“Just, don’t tell anyone, please,” looking down at my lap, I shrugged softly. “I’m sorry, I’m really not having a great day, I’m usually a lot happier than this.”

“Yeah, I could tell by the tears in your eyes,” he mumbled, setting his legs back down on the floor and pushing a box of tissues towards me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“The guy I like just- well, I think he rejected me,” I whispered, blowing my nose. “I’m sorry, I don’t normally cry in front of other people.”

“It’s fine,” he nodded, setting his hand on my knee. Then, at my sniffle, he added, “Seriously, it’s fine.”

“Thanks,” Forcing a grin, I started to stand up. “I need to go to- to the porn studio. When should I come in?”

“Can you do 7, Monday morning?” Stan asked, standing up as well. “I’ll walk you through what to do then.”

“I’ll see you then,” I nodded, before turning and leaving out the arch and through the front door. Climbing up the short set of stairs to the sidewalk, I vaguely heard thunder, causing me to glance up at the sky. Rain splattered against my face, and I let out a wry chuckle; of course. Could today be any more cliche?

\-----

My face, smushed into the pillow, felt hot but emotionless. The hand on my hair, holding my head down, tightened as the thrusts in my ass sped up; the pressure was so good, but everytime I tried to focus on the way it felt, I was overwhelmed by guilt and the image of Louis.

“Who’s a slut?” The man behind me groaned, using his free hand to slap my ass.

“I am,” I said, muffled by the pillow. “I’m a slut.”

“Fuck yeah, you’re my slut,” he hissed, reaching around me and pumping my cock a few times. Even though my mind didn’t feel right, my body took the pleasure to the final stage and shot cum all over the bedsheets. Whimpering involuntarily, I closed my eyes and begged for it to be done soon; this was the third video I had shot in the last hour and a half, and Louis was still in my mind.

_I’m sorry, Harry._

Why would he say that? Why- what did I do wrong?

Feeling the cock in my ass slowly slip out, I let out a quiet, forced moan.

“Are you alright?” the man asked, rubbing my back.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just leave me alone,” I snapped, not even moving from where my face was hiding in the pillow. The indent in the bed behind me left, and I vaguely heard mumbling in the room. The door clicked shut, and I took a second to push back onto my heels.

“Hey,” Marco said softly, catching my attention. Sighing to myself, I turned to look at him. “D’you wanna talk about it?”

“About what? Nothing’s wrong,” I lied, forcing a smile and wrapping a blanket over my legs. “Why would something be wrong?”

“Please don’t lie to me, Harry,” he mumbled, sitting down in front of me. “You don’t like doing porn, and you know it. Why would you do three videos?”

“I need the money,” lying again, I gripped my thighs and shrugged.

“What happened?” He whispered, stroking my shoulder gently.

“Louis and I did some- something,” I admitted, scooting towards him and leaning against his chest. “It was like, grinding?”

“Yeah?” Marco grinned, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and holding me close. “So that’s a good thing, right?”

“Then he apologized.”

Wincing, the director let out a hissing noise. “Ouch. So he doesn’t feel the same?”

“I don’t know, ‘m just tired of everything,” I whimpered, closing my eyes and seeing the blue-eyed boy. “He’s everywhere and I can’t shake him and I just want to- I want to sleep.”

“It’s gonna be alright,” he whispered, rocking back and forth. “You’re going to get over him, and then you’re going to find someone that treats you perfectly.”

“I don’t want to get over him,” I mumbled, letting a tear stream down my cheek. “I want to know what I did wrong.”

“Harry, not everything is your fault,” he sighed, stroking my shoulderblades. “Unless you forced yourself on him, he was the one with the problem.”

“Oh _god_ , did I force myself on him?” Sobbing into the crook of his neck, I replayed the interaction earlier; no, it was decidedly consensual. Sure, I had started it, but he didn’t seem to mind when I was pushing up against him.

“Shh, sweetheart,” he cooed, trailing his finger over my spine. “I know you, and there’s not a chance in hell that you forced yourself on him. If there was any chance that he didn’t want it, you would know immediately and you’d stop.”

Nodding hesitantly, I sniffled, “I’m just really- really confused, y’know? It was all fine one second, with him cumming on my chest, and then he’s storming off and asking me to leave.”

“It’ll be okay, I promise,” Marco breathed, kissing my forehead. “I’m sure there’s a reason. You should just ask him.”

“What, just go up to him and say, ‘ _hey, we rubbed our dicks together and you left, do you want to talk about it?_ ’ I can’t do that!” I stammered, biting my lip. “There’s no easy way to talk to him.”

“You can’t just avoid him for the rest of your life.”

“Why not? I’m starting a new job on monday, I can lose his number, I think I can avoid him,” I shrugged, sitting up straight and smiling at the director. “It’s totally possible for me to just- just stay away.”

“If you think that’s how it’s going to be,” he shrugged, letting go of me slowly. “Go get dressed, then meet me upstairs in my office. It’s payday.”

“Thanks, Marco,” I said, getting to my feet and dropping the blanket. Crossing the lobby and relaxing into the dressing room, I used a baby wipe to clean my ass before pulling my panties on. My body felt disgusting, letting these people just fuck me, but at the same time, it felt really cleansing. He wouldn’t want to talk to me if he knew that I was letting strangers do that to me. Maybe I would send Louis a link to my site.

Lifting my jeans up and buttoning them, I was still a little surprised at how loose they were. If I didn’t tuck my shirt in, they would probably drop to my thighs easily. Buttoning the fabric on my chest, I slowly made my way back into the lobby before climbing the stairs and moving into his office.

“You look very nice,” Marco grinned, standing from his desk and handing me an envelope. “Here’s your pay.”

“Thanks,” I smiled, holding it to my chest. “You have no idea how much this means to me- I can actually afford my apartment now.”

“You earned it, sweety,” he smiled, before leaning towards me and kissing my cheek. “You’re a hard worker, and you deserve every penny.”

“How much is in here?” I asked, slipping my finger through the paper to open it before pulling out the cheque. “ _Seven thousand pounds_??”

“You can thank **LTommo** for at least three thousand of that,” Marco shrugged, rubbing my arm. “He donated more to you than you would’ve earned anyways.”

“Bloody hell,” I whispered, covering my face. “I’m gonna go do something for him, maybe meet up and blow him.”

“Do be careful,” he laughed, letting me go. “Get home safe, alright?

“Hey,” Pausing at the door, I turned back to him. “You called me Harry before. You’ve never done that.”

“You’ve never needed me to,” he shrugged, winking at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With a soft smile on my lips, I slipped the cheque into my pocket and descended the stairs. It was really nice to know that other people cared for me, and I briefly thought about not needing Louis anymore. My stomach growled, reminding me that all I had eaten was a few bites of fried rice, and I got a sick pleasure in enjoying it.

\-----

Crawling into bed, I closed my eyes and shivered. Even wrapped up in my blanket, I felt frozen to the bone, not that they were too far down. Whining to myself, I buried my face into the weak pillow, and sighed softly. I had cried on the train home, but now I was just… numb. Somewhere deep inside my chest, I felt empty.

Maybe it was where my heart was supposed to be. I was sure, at this point, that I didn’t have one anymore; it had been broken so many times that it was irreparable shards. Closing my eyes, I remembered all the times that destroyed me.

 _“How could I love a freak of nature?”_ Broke in half.

 _“You have to move out, Harry.”_ Down into pieces.

 _“You’re an idiot, I used you.”_ The pieces shattered.

 _“I never want to see you again.”_ Cut myself on the fragments.

 _“We can’t- I’m sorry, Harry.”_ Turned to powder.

Nothing could put me back together, unfortunately, and maybe that was a good thing. Maybe, now that I had no love left to give, no more trust to share, I could return to being independent.


	20. Chapter 20

The weekend passed by quickly, with me spending most of my time in bed, and I had refused to eat anything since the fried rice. Last time I had eaten, it had caused my heart to be destroyed, and it just made sense not to risk it again. It was Sunday night, and the livestream was starting in only a few minutes.

I was sat on the mattress, smiling at the cameras. Everything was a little blurred, but I pretended like it wasn’t. Marco had insisted that I don’t do anything strenuous, although I wondered why. I could stand to burn a few calories, just to lose another inch around my waist.

The cameras turned on, and I forced a grin. “Hey everyone, it’s me, Marcel, again. I wanted to start by saying it’s been a month since my first live stream, and you guys have stuck by me through the entire journey. Thank you all, so much.”

Marco nodded in the background, a concerned smile on his face. He rolled his fingers at me, gesturing for me to continue.

“So, I’m gonna be riding a dildo again tonight, and I want you boys to imagine it’s your cock. Be vocal about it, too,” I winked, before leaning over the side of the bed(revealing my bare ass) and grabbing a toy. It was huge, not surprisingly, and I dribbled lube over it generously. After briefly spreading the liquid down to the base, I lifted myself up and sank down on the toy.

It went in easily, seeing as I had stretched myself out only moments previously. My eyes blinked white, and a sticky lump in my throat caused my heart to race. It didn’t feel like pleasure, but it had to be. Slowly lifting myself back up before dropping down again, I wondered why I was so cold- I should be working up a sweat, and it took me a second to realize I was. With my entire body aching, I closed my eyes to hide the discomfort.

“ **Grimmyshaw** says: ‘fuck, look at how tense you are’.”

Forcing a smile, I rolled my hips, causing the toy to brush against my prostate. The light brush actually hurt, instead of the pleasure it was supposed to give, and I cried out. Everything started spinning, and I blinked one eye open. I couldn’t see to the cameras, and everything was getting even darker. With a soft exhale, I fell forward, blacking out.

\-----

My hands were clenching and releasing as I sat at the kitchen table. Harry’s video had started five minutes ago, but I refused to go look. His face was burned into my brain, behind my eyelids whenever I closed them. I had hurt him, and it was the most painful thing I had ever done.

Getting to my feet and moving to the fridge, I took out some leftovers and popped them in the microwave. This was the third time I had heated this one plate, as I would begin to eat it and feel ill. It was my fault, of course, since the sickness was caused by guilt. The microwave beeped, and I took it out and started nibbling on the leftover fried rice.

My phone started ringing in my pocket, and, setting the plate on the counter, I pressed it to my ear. “H’llo?”

“Louis? Thank god, is Harry okay?”

“Li? What are you talking about?” I sighed, leaning against the counter.

“Harry’s livestream, I know you watch his videos. Is he alright?”

“I don’t know, I-I’m trying to stop,” clenching my fist until my knuckles turned white, I furrowed my brow. “What happened?”

“I’m going to email you a video, check it!”

Rolling my eyes and strolling to the bedroom, I turned on my desktop and clicked on the little email button. “Okay, waiting for it,” I mumbled, hearing clicking in the background of the call. “Oh, there it is-”

“Watch it!”

“Jesus Liam, calm your tits.” After clicking on the video, I covered my eyes. “Liam, this is Harry fucking himself. I don’t want to see this.”

“Just watch the last thirty seconds,” he ordered.

Slowly dropping my hand to the mouse, I drug the cursor to the last minute or so, before hesitantly gazing at the curly-haired boy’s body. It was painfully obvious that he was starving himself, with how his bones were exposed. My heart dropped. They were worse than how they were on Thursday, and I couldn’t help but blame myself. “I- I don’t see why I’m watching this.”

“Give it a moment.”

“Fine,” I groaned, wincing as he rolled his hips. I had singlehandedly ruined any chance I ever would’ve had with him, but it was the only way I could think of freeing myself. In a split second, Harry went from upright to collapsed, and then there was a voice from the video as a man hurried towards his body.

“ _Turn off the cameras! Hey, hey, are you alright--_ ”

Breathing rapidly, I swallowed a lump in my throat.

“Lou?”

“I- I did this,” I whispered, staring at the black screen. “This is my fault, I need to see him-”

“Louis, calm down, you couldn’t have caused this, he loves you.”

Opening my mouth, I found I had no words and closed it again. Harry, the angel sent from heaven, the embodiment of the moon and stars and everything perfect in this world, loves me. Or, he did. I wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see me again. “I apologized,” I finally said.

“What?”

“We, uh, we sorta humped? He was naked, and I wasn’t, and we both, uh, came, and then I apologized,” I admitted, resting my forehead in my hands.

“Why the fuck would you apologize?!”

“I- I-” my phone beeped. “I have another call, I’ll talk to you later,” I stammered, hanging up quickly and answering the number I didn’t recognize. “Hello?”

“Louis? It’s Zayn,” the voice said, and I pinched my temple.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Look, you need to come make sure Harry gets home alright.”

“I can’t,” shaking my head, I pinched the bridge of my nose. “He doesn’t- I don’t think he wants to see me.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the only person who knows where he lives. He’s unconscious, he needs to go home, and you’re taking him.”

“Where do you want me to pick him up?” I sighed, getting to my feet and, thankful I never changed out of my clothes from earlier, headed to the front door.

“At the studio, I’m not letting him out of my sight until you’re here.”

“I don’t know where the studio is,” groaning, I pulled my shoes on and grabbed a jacket.

“I’ll text you the address, just hurry.”

“Why aren’t we taking him to the hospital?” I asked, climbing down the stairs onto the sidewalk. “If he’s so weak that he passes out, he probably needs medical care.”

“Harry doesn’t like hospitals- do you really not know that? He told me very early on.”

“We’ve never really talked about hospitals,” I shrugged, rapidly racing to the train station. “Look, I’m about to get on the train, I’ll be there as soon as you text me.”

“Alright, just hurry.”

Dropping my phone from my ear and quickly putting it in my pocket, I got onto the next train and sighed. This was all my fault.

\-----

Knocking on a door, hidden in plain sight, I stood back and waited for someone to let me in. There were footsteps on the other side, and it swung open to reveal Niall.

“Thank god, you’re finally here,” he breathed, reaching forward and wrapping his arms around my neck. “We were all so worried.”

“How is he?” I asked, letting him lead me through a small little lobby and into a side room, which I immediately recognized as the bedroom scene that so many people had been introduced in. On the bed was a figure of utmost beauty; the curly-haired boy, eyes closed and face pale, was wrapped in a large blanket. Zayn, who was sitting on the edge of the mattress and stroking the boy’s face, glanced up at me and let out a relieved sigh.

“Finally,” he said, gesturing for me to come closer. “He’s wearing a tank top, a button down, and a sweater and he’s still shivering.”

“He’s severely underweight, I’m not surprised that his body can’t heat itself,” I whispered, reaching for Harry’s cheek.

“This is Louis?” a voice said from behind me, causing me to retract my hand and twist to look.  An older man, maybe twice my age, was standing with his arms crossed. Swallowing a lump in my throat, I dropped my eyes to the floor. Somehow, I felt like he knew what I had done.

“Look, Marco,” Zayn groaned. “I know you don’t like having strangers in here, but Louis is the only person we can trust to get Harry home.”

“I’ll be careful with him,” I promised, glancing up at the man and forcing a smile. “I want him safe just as much as you do.”

“I believe it,” he shrugged, turning and leaving. With a sigh, I turned back to the curly-haired boy. His face, tense and sunken, looked pained and I just wanted to wipe it all away.

“Where are his shoes? His jacket?” I asked, trailing my fingers down his cheek. It was ice cold and it hurt to just look.

“He’s wearing his shoes, his coat is over here--” Niall stammered, racing into the lobby and coming back with a cute grey parka with little angel wings on the back.

“That’s really freaking adorable,” I snorted, lifting Harry up into a sitting position.

“He said he just bought it today,” the blond shrugged, helping me get it over the curly hair and covering his jumper. “Is he going to be alright?”

“Stick with him, check every single day to see how much he’s eaten,” I explained, before turning my back to him and lifting him to a piggy back. “Does anyone have a hat I can borrow? Most of his heat is leaving through his head.”

“I have one,” another voice called from the lobby, and, hooking my hands under his thighs, I carried him out to the voice. “Oh, Louis.”

“Ugh, it’s you,” I scrunched my nose, seeing the black man who had touched Harry on the train, that one time. Aaron. Or Phillip. “Look, can I borrow your hat? Please?”

“Anything for our little Marcel,” he winked, removing a deer-hunter cap from his head before setting it over the curls.

“Thanks. I’ll have him bring it back to you tomorrow,” I smiled, before turning to the door. “Niall, can you get this for me?”

“Yeah, here,” the blond nodded, opening the door and standing back. “Take good care of him, please.”

“Of course,” I promised, moving out into the night and adjusting my grip on him. With the cold air on my face, I worried about Harry; his legs, resting on either side of my hips, were almost as thin as my arms. Only a few blocks from the studio was the station, and, after heading down the stairs, I leaned forward to rest the boy on my back. Letting go of one of his thighs, I reached into my back pocket for my wallet, before paying for two tickets.

“Is he alright?” the cashier asked, pointing at the curly-haired boy.

“Yeah, he’s just really tired,” I lied, taking the tickets and moving to the platform. Replacing my hand on Harry’s thigh, I waited for the next train to come. The schedule said only a few minutes, but with the boy on my back, I was getting rather impatient. The sooner I could get him home and in bed, the sooner he would be safe.

\-----

Back at Harry’s apartment, I set him down on his bed, furrowing my brow at how hard the futon was. How on earth did he sleep like this? Sighing, I removed his shoes, dropping them by the back of the couch, before taking the hat from his head and standing up. Moving to the kitchen and taking a piece of paper, I wrote down _Return to Aaron_ and left both on the table.

Hurrying back to the boy, I saw that he had rolled onto his side and was shivering. “Oh Harry,” I breathed, pushing him gently onto his back again. Slowly lifting the poncho over his head, I folded it and set it on the floor. Maybe it was silly for me to be stripping him when he’s obviously freezing, but I had to get him out of his work clothes. I stripped his jumper, before unbuttoning his shirt and taking it off. In just his tank top, I let my shoulders drop. His collarbones were so protruding that they looked like they hurt, and his skin was taut over his ribs.

Moving my fingers to his waistband, I almost started crying when I realized that I didn’t even need to unbutton his jeans to take them off. Last time he had worn these, they were tight against his hips and showed how strong his thighs were; now, he swam in them. With a forced laugh, I took them all the way off his feet and paused to notice his body. Harry’s thighs, skinnier than previously, were torn up, barely covered by makeup(obviously by the porn studio; no one wants to see a self-harmer).

“Oh Harry,” I repeated, leaning over and brushing my lips over the wounds. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

Sitting on the futon next to him, I watched his chest rise and fall steadily, soft snores leaving his mouth. They really were like a kitten’s, and I wished I could sit here to listen forever. Closing my eyes, I kissed him delicately, before shifting my head to his pillow and starting to sob; only four days previous, his lips were soft and plump, and now they were dry and cracked.  Deep in my gut, I knew this was my fault.

I didn’t want to hurt him, I really didn’t. But I had to break his heart to break my addiction; somehow, I had managed to stop watching his videos immediately. It was never supposed to get so far, though. The last thing I wanted to do on Thursday was, well, whatever we did. The grinding, the dry humping, whatever. My plan was to kiss him, hard and strong, and then do the apology- it got a little out of hand.

Hands weakly reached around my waist, and I pushed myself up to look at the curly-haired boy. He was still sleeping, but he gripped onto my jacket anyways. “Hey, sweetheart,” I whispered, pushing his arms back to the bed. “I’ll be gone in a moment, I just want to get you in something warm.”

Getting to my feet, I turned to his dresser and searched through his drawers; focusing on a large striped jumper and a pair of socks, I slowly made my way back to the mattress and got down to my knees. Lifting his thin legs gently, I pulled the socks up to his ankles and covered his calves in kisses. With one hand, I pulled him up to a sitting position and lifted his arms through the sleeves. Letting the sweater drop over his torso, I delicately set him back down and sighed.

“Alright, Harry,” I mumbled, kissing his lips again. “I’m going home now. I love you, and I know you can’t hear me, but you need to eat when you wake up.”

“Louis,” he whispered, rolling onto his side and curling in on himself.

With my hands shaking, I tucked the thin blanket over his body. This was all I had left; the tiny comfort from knowing he was thinking of me. It was probably a horrible dream, but at least I was there.

Twisting on my heel and heading to the door, I paused to glance over at him once more. Maybe I had hurt him beyond any point of forgiveness, but I was content with just seeing him. Harry was, after all, the love of my life. I wrote books about him, years before I had ever met him.

Moving into the cold air, I closed the door and locked it. He had given me an extra key, about a week ago, and I wondered if he would ask for it back. Descending the stairs, I wiped a tear from my cheek and let out a breath of relief. Harry was still alive.


	21. Chapter 21

Blinking my eyes open, I slowly brought myself onto my elbows. I was freezing, but I felt warm somehow. It was- I checked my phone, plugged into the wall- around 5:30 am, and I had to start getting ready for work. Weakly pushing away from the futon, I lifted myself onto my knees and paused. I hadn’t worn this jumper in over a year, and, thinking about it, I don’t remember putting it on at all. In fact, I don’t remember getting home, or even finishing the livestream. I remembered soft words, gentle touches, and careful kisses; who they came from, however, still was lost.

Getting to my feet and using the couch to support me, I stumbled into the kitchen and pulled out a bowl. Stopping in my tracks, I glanced down at my hands. I hadn’t eaten in four, five days, and suddenly I was reaching for cereal. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I took a deep breath and poured myself a small helping of the Lucky Charms. Moving to the table, I set down the bowl and lifted up a note; _Return to Aaron_ in a handwriting I didn’t recognize. Under the note was a hat, and I shrugged. I guess he was the one who brought me home.

Nibbling on the dry cereal, I managed to eat more than half of the bowl before feeling sick. A mix of guilt and pride stuck in my gut, and I pushed myself up and slowly walked to the bathroom. Stripping naked and stepping into the shower stall, I let the water cover my chest. My fingers were shaking, and I trailed them up from my thighs. While tracing the bumps of my scars, I almost felt like crying.

It was never supposed to get this bad. Someone- _anyone_ \- was supposed to fix my pain, heal my heart, just make everything right again. That was how it worked in movies, that’s how it always worked in the past. Maybe my luck had run out, and I had lost the game.

Slowly dragging myself out of the shower, I mused into the living room and reached for my dresser; somehow, in the reach, I got dizzy and ran into the wall. Everything was spinning, and my heart was racing. At some point, I would have to address this with a doctor, before I actually hurt myself. Forcing myself to take a deep breath, I pushed away from the wall and slowly opened my eyes; everything was back to normal. After turning back to my dresser, I took out my favorite pair of white jeans and a button down.

Today was my first day at work, and I needed to look nice. After getting dressed quickly, I still felt naked, and I returned to the bathroom to look in the mirror. There was a stranger looking back at me, with his sunken cheeks  and swollen eyes; wait a moment.

“ _That’s_ me?” I mumbled, trailing my fingers over the mirror. When did this happen? Just last night, before heading to work, I looked at myself in the mirror and only saw chubby cheeks and huge arms and now there’s nothing left on my body. “Oh my god.”

Blinking a few times, I wet my lips and let out a shuddery sigh. No wonder Louis pushed me away, I was sharp and fragile-looking. I wouldn’t want to get involved with this either. Twisting on my heel and crossing back into the living room, I took a sweater vest and tried to add more layers. It was freezing inside, and I imagined it was even colder outside. Looking around for my new parka, I was surprised to see it folded nicely by the radiator. I guess Aaron had taken great care of me last night- maybe I had misjudged him as a stereotypical American.

Pulling the coat back on, I zipped it up before turning to my dresser and taking out a scarf and pair of gloves. With a smile, I took my earmuffs(something Gemma had given me for christmas) and put them on. Finally taking my messenger back and slipping Aaron’s hat into it, I opened the front door and stepped outside.

\-----

“You’re early,” Stan said, catching my attention from where I was looking through my phone. It was freezing outside, like I had thought it would be, and I had been sitting by the front door for the last ten minutes.

“I got up early,” I smiled, standing up and putting my phone away. “I figured I’d try to make a good impression.”

“Harry you do porn,” he laughed, unlocking the door and letting me in. “That is the best impression you can make on a gay male.”

Grinning, I took off my cold weather gear and hung it on a coat rack, before taking a good, long look at the bookshelves. “This place is so comfy,” I whispered.

“Yeah, your coworker thinks the same,” he shrugged, taking off his own coat and gesturing towards the back room. “C’mon, let me show you your job.”

“Of course,” I beamed, following him through the arch and back into the loading area. Surrounding us, on every wall and shelf, were cardboard boxes of books.

“We get new shipments every Friday, but, uh, we’re several months behind,” he explained, bending over and opening a box. “Your job is to sort them on these shelves.”

“Shouldn’t they go into the store?” Turning on my heel, I let out a happy sigh. Books were calming.

“We have a really, really small store. We keep most of our stock back here,” Stan shrugged, slowly standing back up. “That’s really it, can you handle that?”

“You know it!” I nodded, falling to my knees and pulling the books out of the box.

“Well, I’m going to the front of store. Don’t hurt yourself,” he smiled, rubbing my shoulder before walking away.

Alone, surrounded by the boxes and boxes of books, I started sorting into piles of genres; Romance here, fantasy there, fantasy-romance somewhere between. Humming a tune to myself, I quickly emptied the first box and pushed it into the corner.The next box followed suit quickly, and I paused over one title; _Glossy Eyes_ , a book I had read ages ago and loved. Chloe, a painter, was just going about her daily life when she ran into David, an American who flipped her entire world upside down. The entirety of what I knew about relationships came from this book, and I unfortunately let myself be taken advantage of.

Nick, my high school boyfriend, had told me everything I’d ever wanted to hear: that he loved me, that I was the only one for him, and that we would be together forever. We had played in a band together- The White Eskimos- and he was my first real love. After our first time, he had dumped me on the spot; “You’re an idiot, I used you,” he had said, leaving me alone in the hotel room we had rented.

Tears pinged at my eyes, just remembering it, and I set the book down on the romance pile. With a soft chuckle, I kept sorting the books.

“I’m opening shop,” Stan called, poking his head into the back room. “How are you doing in here?”

“Just fine,” I grinned over my shoulder. “I’m absolutely loving this.”

“Who are you talking to?” came another voice from the front, before another person stepped into the loading dock. My heart stopped, seeing Louis’ jaw drop.

“Lou, this is Harry, he’s the new hire,” Stan grinned, gesturing towards us before furrowing his brows. “You two know each other?”

“Y-yeah,” the caramel-haired boy stammered, forcing a smile. “Hey, Harry,” he mumbled, lifting one hand in a half-hearted wave.

“Hiya,” I mumbled, turning back to the boxes and putting my focus completely back on organizing.

“Thaaaat’s tension,” Stan said, before footsteps disappeared into the background.

“Harry, we need to talk,” Louis breathed, stepping closer towards me.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I hissed, emptying the second box and pushing it aside.

“Just listen, then,” he sighed, sitting down behind me with his back to mine. “Look, I’m really sorry about- about pushing you away.”

“I’m trying to work,” I snapped, opening a third box and starting a biography pile.

“I just didn’t want to rush anything between us,” the caramel-haired boy mumbled, picking up a book from the romance pile. “I really like you, and I wanted to take it slow.” Briefly hearing the pages flip, I paused. “My plan was to slowly woo you, ask you out, and give you the most romantic time of your life.”

“Louis.”

“Please just hear me out?” he begged, putting the novel back down. “I didn’t mean for that to happen, I really didn’t. I’ve been beating myself up about it, and I really just want everything to go back to normal.”

“I think we’re a little past normal,” I sighed, leaning back against his back. “You came on my chest.”

“Actually we came on each other,” the caramel-haired boy laughed, tilting his head back and smiling at me. “It was sort of mutual.”

“Only sort of?” I smiled, feeling the tension fall off my shoulders. “I had hoped it would be consensual.”

“You had my consent,” he chuckled. “God, Harry, I really do love you, I just was afraid of moving too fast, and scaring you off.”

“I, uh, I can’t-”

“It’s alright if you don’t say it as well, sweetheart,” Louis breathed, glancing up at the ceiling. “I know I broke your trust, I just want you to know how I feel.”

“Lou, we’ve only known each other for a month,” I stammered, sorting the books again as a way to distract myself. “I don’t think you actually-”

“I do,” he interrupted, standing up and stretching his back. “I honestly and truly love you. I want to hold you and-”

“Please stop!” Hunching over the box, I found myself fighting tears. “Please, just, stop…”

After a moment of silence, Louis said, softly, “Alright, then.” Footsteps led out of the room, and I found my shoulders shaking. That was what I wanted to hear, but I was afraid to hear it.

He loved me.

But he broke my heart.

\-----

After work ended, I found myself sat at a cafe, nibbling on a poppy seed muffin and drinking a tea. My hands were still shaking from Louis’ confession, and I couldn’t seem to control it. Despite the discomfort in my gut, I forced food down my throat, drinking my tea after each bite to help wash it down.

“Harry?” A voice said, and then the blond boy was sitting down next to me.

“Oh, Niall,” I smiled, adjusting my shirt to hide the bloating in my tummy. “Are you already out of class?”

“Yeah, I only had two this morning,” he nodded, resting his chin on one hand. “How are you today?”

“I’m good, I started a new job today-”

“I _meant_ , physically,” the blond interrupted, setting his hand on my knee under the table. “You blacked out last night, and Zayn and I were really worried.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I shrugged, dropping my shoulders. “I’ve been going through a lot of shit recently, and I’ve been starving myself to deal with it, and I guess I was just really hungry last night.”

“But you’re eating again?” Niall asked, gesturing his head towards the half-eaten muffin.

“Yeah, I had cereal earlier and I’ve been nibbling on this and I was thinking about buying some fruit before heading to the studio tonight,” I nodded, picking at the food. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t even realize what I was doing to myself.”

He pulled his hand back, reaching for his phone and texting someone. “As long as you’re working to fix it,” he said slowly,  putting his phone away again. “You don’t have to do it alone, though, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks, Niall,” I grinned, pinching a bit of the muffin and putting it in my mouth. It tasted heavenly, but it felt so gross going down my throat. With a shiver, I adjusted my shirt and found my hands shaking still.

“Hey guys,” another voice said, and I glanced over my shoulder at Zayn, pulling his scarf off and sitting with us.

“Hey, what a coincidence,” I beamed, using the distraction to push my muffin away. “What’s the chance that you would find us?”

“One hundred percent,” He said solemnly, setting his hand on mine. “Niall texted me.”

“Uh,” I stuttered, glancing between them. “What’s going on?”

Niall pursed his lips, looking away, as Zayn sighed, “Your thighs. We noticed the cuts a while ago.”

“We didn’t know how to talk to you about it,” the blond mumbled, covering his face. “I wish we had, though, I feel bad that you couldn’t come to us.”

“I- guys, seriously,” I stammered, biting my lip.”I’m fine, I haven’t cut in a few days.”

“How long is a few days?” the brunette asked, tensing his jaw.

“Since Saturday.” Shrugging, I glanced down at my thighs. Even through the jeans, I was worried that people could see my wounds. “I threw the razor away.”

“Harry, please look at me,” Zayn begged, tightening his grip on my hand. When our eyes met, I saw the pain he was trying to hide. “We just want you to know that we love you, and the last thing we want in the world is for you to be hurt.”

“Tell us next time you feel like cutting,” Niall added, holding my other hand gently. “We might not know how to help, but maybe we can help talk you through it.”

“Thanks, guys,” I breathed, sniffling my nose. So many things were happening today. “I love you too.”

“You wanna know who else loves you? Louis,” the brunette grinned, punching my upper arm lightly. “He cares for you so, so much.”

“He really does,” the blond smiled softly, dropping his hand from mine and rolling his eyes. “He would do anything for you.”

“Please stop!” Dropping my head, I tried to stable my now-erratic breathing. “I- please don’t talk about him.”

“What happened between you two?” Zayn asked, pulling his hand away.

“He…” I shrugged. “He confessed his love to me, and I don’t think I can… can handle it.”

“But you love him too?” Niall worked slowly, resting on one hand.

“On Thursday, we kinda-” I hesitated- “we kinda made out, and then he rejected me, and it really hurt, and now today he told me he loved me, and… and…”

“Shh, it’s okay,” the brunette whispered, running his thumb over my cheek. “Everything will work out.”


	22. Chapter 22

Bouncing up on Aaron’s cock, I let out a soft whine as one of the cameras moved closer. The pressure in my ass almost seemed to hurt, and I kept my hands on his abs to keep myself up. My thighs were shaking from the tiring up-and-down, and I was sure that I was going to collapse if this didn’t end soon.

“Shit,” he groaned, pinching my hips and thrusting up into me, brushing up against my prostate and causing me to cum with a loud moan. “You’re so tight.”

“A-aah..!” I whimpered, rolling my hips against his erratic jerks. He obviously wasn’t far from finishing, and I dug my nails into his muscles. With a moan, he shuddered to a stop, causing me to drop onto his base.

“Cut,” Marco said, tossing two robes onto the bed before turning to leave. “Marcel? Be careful,” he added, heading back into the lobby. The cameramen followed, and, as the last one closed the door behind him, I lifted myself up off his cock. I fell down onto the pillow next to Aaron, closing my eyes and letting the cum drip from my ass.

“Never would’ve thought you would request me,” he grinned, flicking my side. “I thought you didn’t like me.”

“Yeah, well, I reckon I misjudged you,” I shrugged, batting my eyelashes at him. His hard eyes seemed to soften, and his brows knitted barely.

“Yeah, yeah, you just like my cock,” he laughed, sitting up. “You like them huge, and mine is the biggest you can get.”

“That’s only half-true,” I blushed, setting my forearm over my eyes. “Oh, I have your hat in my bag.”

“Oh, right,” he nodded, wiping my cum off his chest and getting to his feet. “Are you feeling better, by the way?”

“Yeah, I am.” With a soft smile, I pushed myself up onto my elbows. “Thanks.”

“I just let him borrow my hat, it wasn’t like I brought you home,” Aaron finally said, wrapping the robe over his body.

“Y-yeah,” I stammered, looking down and blushing. If it wasn’t him, then who was it? “Still, thanks.”

“Just get dressed, you freak,” he finished, stepping out into the lobby and closing the door quickly. Alone in the bedroom, I dropped my head to the pillow. Great, back to square one. Who on earth brought me home last night?  With a soft sigh, I pushed myself up onto my heels before covering myself in the bath robe. There was only so much of this I could handle. My ass really hurt, and I imagined there were bruises forming on my hips from where he was gripping them earlier.

Slowly pulling myself to my feet, I stumbled into the lobby and winced at the bright light. Everything was several shades lighter than it should’ve been, and I felt my way into the dressing room. There, I pulled my clothing back on slowly. My stomach felt bloated, and, even with the several layers I was wearing, it seemed so large. Crossing to front door, I pulled my parka on and sighed.

“Bye, everyone,” I called, before remembering about the hat and opening my bag. Addressing a red-headed boy on the couch, I handed the cap to him. “Will you give this to Aaron, when he comes around?”

“Of course,” the ginger grinned, taking it from me.

“Thanks,” I beamed, twisting on my heel and going out into the night.

\-----

Lowering myself onto my futon, I whimpered. I had been abusing my body so badly lately that it was painful just to sit down, and I was convinced my ass had bruising.  Glancing down at my thighs, I trailed my thumbs over the bumps of my scars and sighed. A brief urge to cut overtook me, and I reached for my phone. Dialing a number, I lifted it to my ear and waited.

“Heyy, this is Niall!” A voice on the other side said, earning a grin.

“Hiya Ni, are you busy?” I replied, rolling onto my chest and kicking my legs in the air.

“Nope, just walking home from the train. What’s up, Haz?”

“I’m, uh, I need to be distracted,” I mumbled, hoping he would know what I meant.

“Oh! Okay,” he said, taking a second before continuing. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Nah, will you tell me a story?” Resting my chin on my palm, I blinked my eyes closed.

“Okay, well,” Niall hummed. “There was this really shitty guy that I fucked a while back, when I was just starting doing porn. I don’t even remember his name, that’s how little he meant to me.”

“You remember everyone’s name though,” I laughed.

“Except his, he was really bad. Didn’t even manage to get me off.”

“That’s really rare,” I smiled, dropping my legs to the futon.

“Yeah, I know, I'm easy. He didn’t seem to understand that my penis wasn’t going to hurt him. He would touch it and then pull back and then touch it again. It was the most painful sex of my life, and I’ve had two guys fuck me up the ass before.”

Laughing loudly, I rolled onto my back and glanced up at the ceiling. “Yeah?”

“He didn’t even want me to touch his, I swear to god. It took ten minutes for the director to explain that I wasn’t going to bite him or anything. I was so bored by the time he actually got around to fucking me that I literally faked the entire thing.”

“That’s actually brilliant, I’m so sorry,” I grinned, trying to imagine the blond being so disinterested.

“Yeah, well, we all meet a rotten egg in the porn business. You’re lucky that you started at Twink of the Week, we’ve got the best tops.”

“Better than my ex,” I agreed, nodding softly and closing my eyes. Nick had been cute, but not very good in bed. “He didn’t think to use lube, came quickly, and then just left.”

“Ow, how long did it take for you to be able to sit down?”

“Well, uh, he dumped me right after, so I spent the next week in bed crying,” I shrugged, before realizing he wasn’t able to see me.

“Ouch, that sucks. Your first time is supposed to be magical!”

“It was in a hotel, he lit candles, covered the bed in rose petals, and told me he loved me.” Shaking my head gently, I sighed. “He orgasmed and literally didn’t wait to get out before breaking up with me.”

“Jesus, that’s the worst I’ve ever heard! Okay, time for a funny story, no more sad.”

“Yeah, make me laugh,” I smiled, lifting one knee in the air and running my fingers over my scars. The urge was gone, but I still could use a picker-upper.

“Oh! One time, when I was sixteen, I was trying to make oatmeal and I opened the packet and poured it into the bowl and it started moving. Apparently, ants had gotten into that one packet, so my first reaction was to take it outside and I set it on the ground, before running back inside.”

“Ew! That’s so gross!” Scrunching my nose, I stuck out my tongue.

“I found some Lysol and I brought it outside and long story short, ants melt when you cover them in ethanol. I didn’t eat for three days, I was so-- ech!”

“Niall, that’s disgusting,” I shuddered, not wanting to think about it. “Why on earth would you tell me that?”

“Because it’s my favorite story ever,” he laughed, and I heard a door slam on the other side of the phone. “Look, my roommate is giving me shit about being on the phone, so I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, see you then,” I breathed, before hearing the phone click off. Lifting it in the air above my face, I traced my eyes over the phone case. It was a photo of the galaxy, with the words _don’t stop_. Gemma had bought it for me when I first came to London, and I always felt a little relaxed when I looked at it.

Vibrating in my hand, I furrowed my brow and unlocked my phone. There was a new message from Louis( **Sleep well, I love you** ), earning a soft sigh. My fingers quickly typed a response( **Sweet dreams, I love you too** ), but hesitated over the send button. I didn’t want to lay all my cards on the table yet, especially those four words.  Eventually deciding not to send it at all, I plugged my phone into the wall and rolled onto my side. He was so sure of how he felt about me, but he had no idea of my secrets, my dirty little flaws. I was convinced that he would be disgusted and would leave me forever.

Closing my eyes and imagining Louis, I dug my fingers into the blankets under my mostly-nude body. His delicate blue eyes, his golden skin, his contagious smile. His strong biceps, one arm littered with tattoos. His pecs, his abs, his curves.

“What?” I gasped, sitting up and staring at my crotch. Under the black briefs I was wearing, my cock was reacting to the thought of the caramel-haired boy. It wasn’t like I was horny, as I had just gotten home from the studio, yet here it was, straining against the fabric. Biting on my lip, I leaned back on my elbows, lifted my ass in the air, and slid my panties down in one quick movement. Shifting my legs to sit up again, I felt my face heat up. Officially, I was a horny thirteen year old; it took only a thought of Louis’ tanned, muscled body to get my dick at full attention.

Using one hand to hold me up, I slowly brought my free hand to my thighs and paused. What the hell was I doing? I had already cum tonight, but my cock had other ideas. Brushing my fingers over the tip, I let out an involuntary moan before gripping the base. Closing my eyes, I tried to remember how Louis’ cock had felt against mine while slowly pumping dry. I clenched my stomach, pretending my hand was his, and twirled the bubble of precum across the head. My body felt amazing, drowning in the illusion that the caramel-haired boy was taking care of me. Speeding up my fist, I knocked my hips into the air before throwing my head back, whining into the air.

“Louis,” I breathed, thrusting into my hand for only a brief moment before cumming onto my thighs. Riding out my orgasm with a few slow pumps, I chanted his name until it didn’t even feel like a real word. After collapsing back against my futon, I dropped my hand to my hip, taking a few deep breaths and trying to relax.

Shit. 


	23. Chapter 23

Holding onto the ladder with one hand and a box in the other, I started descending the steps and sighed. This was the fourth box I had moved from the shelves, and my arms were really beginning to feel the burn. At some point, Stan had started stacking the shipments on the bookshelves, and now it was my job to take them down, sort them, and then put the books back up. Setting the cardboard box on the floor, I leaned back to stretch, earned a popping noise, before climbing the ladder again.

“Hey,” a voice said, and, pausing at the top step, I twisted my head to see Louis. Immediately, my heart started racing. “I brought you tea and a muffin.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, quickly averting my eyes and finding myself getting dizzy. My fingers dug into the wooden handle of the steps in a desperate attempt to stay up; I hadn’t been able to eat breakfast because all I had been able to think of was ants in my cereal. Lights were flashing behind my eyes, and, slowly dropping my foot to the lower step, I found myself tipping off to one side.

There was a brief second of fear as I dropped off the ladder, my legs not quite able to stay on, and everything was moving in slow motion. I closed my eyes mid-drop, desperate not to see the ground getting closer and closer, and threw my hands out in front of me to catch myself. My heart was in my throat, and, as I felt my fingers brush the ground, time went back to normal. There was a loud thunk as I finally hit the ground, but the floor wasn’t as hard as it should’ve been.

My eyes fluttered open, and I was surprised to see the caramel-haired boy under me, his hands gently tugging at my waist. Slowly lifting myself onto my elbows, I wondered when he managed to get under me.

“Are you alright?” he breathed, trailing one hand to my cheek.

“Y-yeah,” I stammered, clenching my fists on either side of his head. “I just, uh, thanks for catching me.”

With a shrug, a smile spread across his face. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

My heart starting racing as my eyes traced over his lips, and my mind was immediately jumping back to the night previous. Feeling my cock react to the gentle touch of his fingers(not even _near_ my crotch), I quickly got up to my feet and forced a smile. I held my hand out for him, and, when he took it, pulled him up.

“Are you okay?” I asked, slowly dropping my fingers from his.

“Yeah, totally,” Louis replied, twisting on his heel and sighing. “Dammit, I dropped your breakfast. I’m really sorry.”

Laughing incredulously, I shook my head. “You saved me from being hurt, and you’re apologizing about the meal that _you_ bought me? You’re really something.”

“Is it a good something?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, reaching to hug him from behind but pausing and pulling my hand back. “How did you even catch me?”

“I played footie for years,” he shrugged, leaning over and picking up the now-empty take out mug. “I just sorta slid, I don’t know. It was reflex. Ugh, I’m gonna go get a napkin.”

Watching him leave, I let out a long sigh. How could I hate him when he’s being so damn sweet to me? My heart was pounding against my chest, and I briefly reached into my pants to adjust my pesky dick; why on earth did it acknowledge his touch?  Bending down to pick up the now-soggy muffin, I let a smile poke at my lips. Lemon poppy-seed, my absolute favorite.

“Here,” Louis said, dropping a paper towel onto the puddle of tea. He crouched down, holding an entire roll of paper towels, and started sopping the liquid. “It was even Earl Grey, your favorite.”

“I appreciate it,” I stammered, biting my lip and looking down.

“I just wish you could’ve had it.”

“Hey, Lou, are you in here?” Stan called, glancing from the door and catching both our attention. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I dropped my tea,” I lied, straightening up and forcing a smile.

“Okay,” he shrugged. “Harry, you’re tall, can I borrow you?”

“Uh, sure, Louis, can you handle this?” I asked, glancing down at him. My breath caught, seeing his blue eyes crinkle into a smile.

“Yeah, I got this,” he nodded.

Turning back to the boss, I followed him back into the main room. “Okay, upstairs, we have a ton of extra reference books,” he explained, leading me up a set of stairs to an upper floor. There was several more shelves up here, and Stan brought me to one in the back corner. “Can you reach that one up there? It’s an English to Persian dictionary.”

“Yeah, sure,” I grinned, putting one hand on the shelf and getting up on my toes. My fingers brushed the title, and I managed to pull it from where it was. “Why do you even stack them this high if no one can reach them?”

“We had a stepladder, but it broke last week. Good thing we got a tall one,” he smirked, taking the book from my hands. “Thanks. Lou and I are the same height, and both rather short.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” I grinned, turning to leave, but my arm was caught. “huh?”

“Does Louis know that you do porn?” Stan asked, his fingers gripping my shirt sleeve.

My eyes widened, and I shook my head. “No.”

“Okay,” he nodded, letting go of my arm and shrugging. “I won’t tell him.”

“Thank you, so, so much,” I said, hurrying down the stairs and jumping the last two steps. The caramel-haired boy was standing by the counter, talking to some woman, although his face brightened slightly when he glanced at me.

Working with him was going to be hard.

\-----

The week went by quickly, and, by Friday, I had gotten all 200 boxes off the shelves. It was noon, only an hour before my shift ended, and I was taking a break. Now that they were all down, I had to sort these books. With a sigh, I reached for the closest box and flipped it open.

Organizing them into piles like normal, I found myself humming a song that was stuck in my head for no reason. It was a love song, I think, but I couldn’t be sure, as the lyrics kept disappearing.

“So much love in you,” came from behind me, and yeah, that fit the tune. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Louis sitting down on one of the extra boxes. “Y’got so much love in you,” he continued, giving his cute little crooked smile.

“You know that song?” I asked, putting a book in the romance pile. “I think I heard it on the radio earlier.”

“I doubt it,” he grinned, kicking his legs in the air. “I don’t think it’s ever played on the radio, it’s an American song from what, 2007?”

“I wonder where I heard it, then,” I mused, focusing on the box in front of me.

“It’s my ringtone, maybe that?” the caramel-haired boy shrugged, clicking something on his phone and letting it play. The voice rang from his little speakers, and it was a little hard to hear. Nodding along with the beat, I let a smile cross my lips until the chorus started. “ _Oh I swear I know I believe it_ ,” Louis sang, tapping his toes on the cement flooring. “ _Oh I can’t stop hearing all the singing oh_.” His voice was slightly higher than when he spoke, and it didn’t quite seem to fit his body, but it still made sense; of course, a sun God would have a voice of an angel. “ _My soul has never had this feeling and it fee-ee-eels like gold_.”

I set the books in my hand down before turning to face him. His blue eyes were closed, and one hand was resting on his stomach. “ _You got so much love in you_ ,” he sang, much slower. “ _You got so much love in you, I’m amazed that I’m talking to you_ ,” One of his eyes opened, locking on me before both were open and locked on me.  “ _You look like the songs that I’ve heard my whole life coming true_.”

The music continued in the background while we just gazed at each other; how was I supposed to react to that? With a gulp, I slowly dropped my eyes back to the books. “You’re a good singer,” I finally said, getting to my feet and lifting the empty box.

“Thanks,” Louis whispered, turning the song off. “That’s one of my favorite songs, actually.”

“How’d you come across it, if it’s so unheard of?” I called, carrying the box to a corner.

“My sister had an American phase for a while, she found this guy- The Rocket Summer- and I’ve been listening to his music since,” the caramel-haired boy smiled, moving to the boxes and opening another one. “That’s only been my ringtone for about a week.”

“Why’d you change it?”

“Because it’s directly relevant to my life,” he stated. “It describes you.”

“Can you stop?” I spat, more in defense than actual anger. The entire week had been this way, with Louis trying to convince me how he feels. “I don’t want to hear this.”

“Why not?” he retorted, crossing his arms as I stepped back closer to him. “Harry, I love you, and I want another chance with you.”

“You don’t know enough about me to be in love with me!” Clenching my fists, I felt my arms shaking. “You can’t say you love me, you don’t know me.”

“I know that you make my heart race,” the blue-eyed boy spoke, his voice hesitant. “I know that your voice makes my knees weak. I know that you like two sugars in your tea, and that you can’t ride the train unless you’re by the door. I know that you laugh with your whole body, and that you don’t like to talk about your family.” My mouth, spread slightly, barely let out a noise. “I don’t know what causes you to cry, save for your past,” he added, wringing his fingers. “But I know that I want to wipe your tears away.”

“Louis,” I mumbled, gripping my shirt and trying to keep my voice steady. “Louis, stop-”

“I’m never going to stop,” he interrupted, standing up and gripping my upper arms. “I’m never going to stop loving you.”

“I just wanna be friends!”

Suddenly everything was quiet. Why did I say that? The fingers trailed down to my elbows before dropping completely, and I glanced down at his face, where all his emotions were laid out. Pain, confusion, and disappointment clouded his blue eyes. He darted his tongue over his spread pink lips, and he took a step back.

“R-right,” the boy nodded, forcing his mouth into a smile. “I can do- I can do friends.”

“Louis, I’m sorry,” I whispered, letting the guilt in my stomach bubble. “I just don’t…”

“No, I can’t force you to feel anything,” he shrugged, backing up a few more feet. “I guess I’ve been pretty creepy, huh? Forcing myself on you and whatever.”

“You haven’t-” my eyes began to water as he turned away. “I’m sorry.”

Louis slowly left the room, leaving me alone with my regrets.

\-----

“What’s going on?” Stan asked as I rushed out of the loading dock.

“I need a cigarette,” I hissed, reaching into my backpack.

“Louis, you haven’t smoked in two years,” he said, holding my wrist. “What’s going on? And _why_ do you have a pack?”

“I keep it around for when I need it, and _I need it_ ,” I snapped, pulling out a fag and my lighter. “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

“Lou- Lou!” He called after me, but I pushed out into the street and climbed up the stairs. It was cold out, and I briefly wished I had grabbed my jacket. Putting the filter between my lips, I fought the shaking of my hands to strike the lighter.

Taking a long drag, I held the cig between two fingers and let out the smoke slowly. It burnt at the back of my throat, but it distracted me and that’s all I needed. Falling down on the sidewalk with my back against the building,  I buried my face in my knees. This was an unexpected setback.

I had stopped watching his videos completely, and it had gotten rid of any shame I felt around Harry, but now I was lost. Just friends. Puffing on the cigarette again, I puckered my lips and blew circles into the air. How was I supposed to spend the rest of my life with him when I was just a friend?

Harry, with his green eyes and gentle demeanor, had completely snapped at me. It was something I’d never seen before, and, after experiencing it, I never wanted to again. Then he apologized.

“So that’s how it felt,” I breathed, sucking on the fag before blowing the smoke. That’s how he felt when I had apologized last week. Pained and destroyed inside. After tapping the ashes on the sidewalk, I took another drag and sighed. If he had ever loved me, he didn’t anymore.


	24. Chapter 24

“Zayn,” I called after the brunette. He spun to look at me, a small smile crossing his lips. “Wanna go drinking?”

“Yeah, sure,” he nodded, wrapping an arm around my shoulder while walking down the sidewalk. “How was work?”

“I was with some guy named Ollie, he was decent,” I shrugged, leaning into his side.

“Yeah, they had me wanking in the classroom again,” he rolled his eyes. “Apparently being a real teacher is a plus, or something.”

“I don’t know, I had a few teachers I wanted to sleep with.” Grinning, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Harry, I teach kindergarteners,” Zayn laughed, crossing the street towards a small bar. “They don’t even know what sex is.”

“We’re going to drop that subject before we teeter on child porn,” I chuckled, pulling my ID out of my wallet and showing it to the bouncer. He let us in, and we quickly took seats at the bar.

“What can I get you?” The bartender asked, looking bored while cleaning a glass.

“I’ll have a gin and tonic,” the brunette said slowly, looking over at me.

“Uh, something fruity?” Shrugging, I bit down on my lip. This was only my fourth time drinking, and I had no idea of names. The bartender turned his back to us, and I sighed. “So how was class today?”

“Good, I started a new painting- oh it’s you, is that okay?” the brown-eyed man smiled, his long eyelashes brushing his cheeks.

“Only if I can see it when you’re done,” I grinned, smiling as a bright blue drink was set in front of me.

“Banana Daiquiri,” the bartender stated, putting down the gin and tonic as well. “Enjoy.”

“Thanks,” I nodded, take a sip. Yeah, that was fruity enough. “I’d love to see your art.”

“Sure,” he winked, rubbing his hand down my back. “So, how was work at the bookstore?”

Feeling my throat tighten, I opened my mouth a few times before dropping my head. “I sorta yelled at Louis.”

“What?” Zayn choked, setting his drink back down from where he had started to lift it. “Why?”

“I just, I don’t know,” I stammered. “I told him I just wanted to be friends.”

“Oh, you _idiot_ ,” he groaned, resting his head in one hand. “I thought you liked him!”

“I thought I did,” I mumbled, drinking more than half of my daiquiri. “After last week, I just felt hurt and whatever and he’s been trying to tell me he loves me and I just snapped.”

“Okay, so he’s being a little bit of an ass,” Zayn sighed, slowly brushing my hair behind my ear. “But you need to be honest with him. Tell him how you feel.”

“I c-can’t…” Glancing over at him, I let the tears wallow in my eyes. “Eventually he’s going to leave me, just like everyone else.”

“Harry, I’m not going to leave you,” he whispered, stroking my cheek. “Neither is Niall, and neither is Louis. We’re going to stay right here, forever.”

Sniffling, I shook my head before downing the rest of my drink. “Everyone leaves me.”

“C’mon,” he sighed, pulling out his wallet and setting down an amount of cash. “The last thing you need in this mood is alcohol. We’re going to my place.”

Also paying, I let Zayn pull me out into the street. Wiping my eyes with the palm of my hand, I gripped his hand and laced our fingers. “Don’t leave me, please,” I whimpered, pushing up against him.

“I won’t, darling,” he said slowly, glancing at me over his shoulder. “I promise, one hundred percent.” Watching the sky and letting the boy take me to his apartment, I hummed into the cold air. After climbing the stairs, I stopped to let him open his door. “We’re here, darling, let me get you some water.”

“Thanks, sweety,” I mumbled, kicking my shoes off and dropping my parka. Last time I had been here, I had only spent time in his bedroom and bathroom, so I slowly strolled through the plush flat. There was a corner-couch in one of the back rooms, and I laid myself down on top of the cushions. Clicking a remote on, I blurrily watched some documentary. My head was spinning, and I briefly wondered if daiquiris always left this feeling.

“Here,” Zayn said, handing me a glass. “Drink up, seriously, I don’t want you having a hangover.”

Emptying the cup, I leaned into his side as he sat next to me. “Thank you, darling.” While closing my eyes, I nuzzled my nose into his chest and mumbled, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered into my hair, pressing a kiss to the top of my head before wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Like you’re my own brother.”

“Please don’t be family,” I sniffled, clutching his shirt in one hand. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“What do you mean?” He asked slowly, dipping his fingers under the collar of my shirt.

“My mom kicked me out,” I explained reluctantly. The words were dripping off my tongue and I didn’t know how to stop them; maybe I was a little tipsy and tired but I still shouldn’t be saying this. “I came out to her and she kicked me out and gave me twenty pounds and my birth certificate and it was the night of my sixteenth birthday and-”

“Oh darling,” he exclaimed, lifting me onto his lap. “What an ass!”

“Don’t talk about her that way,” I sniffled, punching his chest lightly. “She’s still my- my mommy…”

“I’m sorry, but she doesn’t deserve to be your mommy,” Zayn hissed. “You were only a child.”

“I moved in with my sister, and stayed with her until I graduated.” Wiping my eyes on his shoulder, I let out a soft sigh. “She asked me to leave after a while and I didn’t have anywhere to go so I called my dad and he told me he never wanted to see me again so I was alone and Barbara helped me get back on my feet and now I’m alone again.”

“You’re not alone, Harry,” he mumbled, rocking me back and forth. “You have me, and Niall, and Liam, and Louis, and I’m sure you have more than you think.” I shook my head. “Well, you have us four at least. I love you very much, and I know the other boys feel the same. Niall loves you a ton, like, a whole ton. Liam looks at you fondly and he talks about you in glowing terms and he loves you too, although he’s never said it. I know you don’t want to hear it, but Louis loves you like nothing I’ve ever seen before. He looks at you like no one else exists, and he has these simple touches that you probably don’t even notice because they’re so soft and gentle and it makes my heart melt,” he smiled, pressing another kiss to my forehead.

“He hasn’t known me long enough to love me, and he doesn’t know my secrets like-”

“Like I do? Can I love you?” the brunette asked, curling a lock of my hair around his finger.

“You know everything about me,” I mumbled. “And you still want to, then yes, you can love me.”

“Then why don’t you tell Louis your secrets, and let him love you?” he shrugged. “He’s going to accept you, no matter what.”

“Except what about the porn?” I sniffled, batting my eyelashes at him. “Who wants a broken mess who has sex with strangers?”

“Liam did,” Zayn said softly. “Liam wanted me, and Louis is going to want you.”

After a second of silence, I mumbled, “I won’t tell him about the porn.”

“But everything else?”

“I’ll text him to meet up tomorrow,” I sighed, closing my eyes and burying my face in his chest. “I’ll come clean.”

\-----

“Wow,” he breathed, blinking his blue eyes slowly.

“T-that’s the entire story,” I finished, wringing my fingers and jittering one leg. With a shaking hand, I lifted my take-out mug and sipped the chai tea. Louis had agreed to meet me at a cafe, and I had told him everything in excruciating detail. My face dropped to the table, and I hunched my shoulders.

“I’m so-” he started, before reaching his hand over the table and setting it on my free palm. “Harry, I’m so sorry, I had no idea that you went through that.”

Quickly jerking my head to look at him, I wet my lips slowly. “You’re not… scared off?”

“Why would that scare me off?” the caramel-haired boy said, shaking his head disbelievingly.

“I’m a mess, and I’m broken-”

“And I want to help put you together again,” he smiled sadly, lacing his fingers with mine. “You’ll need a friend to get you through therapy.”

“Therapy?” I blinked, setting my hand on his.

“You are going to therapy, right? For your eating disorder, and your self-harm, and your PTSD?” Louis asked, gently rubbing his thumb into my skin.

“Post-traumatic stress?” Shaking my head quickly, I bit my lip. “I don’t have PTSD.”

“The symptoms are all there, sweetheart,” he explained, pulling his hands away to take out his phone. “According to the internet, you have them; You relive the experience in your head, you try to avoid getting close to someone, you have bursts of anger when faced with memories, you startle easily, and it affects your daily life.”

“I don’t startle easily,” I huffed, trying not to think about it. “I don’t have PTSD. I’m just hurt from a past experience. It’s totally different.”

“Fine,” he sighed, cupping my hand in his again. “But please  promise me you’ll see a therapist?”

“I can’t afford that,” I mumbled, looking down again. “I barely have enough to pay rent, I can’t pay a hundred pounds an hour.”

“I’ll pay,” Louis stated, pushing his chair back as he stood up. Lifting my eyes long enough to trace his body as he crossed to my side of the table, I nibbled on my lip. He held my hands as he crouched in front of me, and his blue eyes seemed to twinkle with almost pride. “If I pay, will you see someone?”

“I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering. Will you go to therapy?”

My heart started racing. I don’t really want to see anyone, but how could I say no to those giant eyes and gentle smile? “I--”

“Please, for me?” he begged, letting one hand drop from mine and rest on my knee.

“Alright,” I stammered, averting my eyes. “But only one session.”

“That’s enough,” he smiled, standing back up and setting himself back in his chair. “I love you, Harry.”

Quietly, I lifted my drink back to my lips to hide a smile.

\-----

“You’re absolutely glowing tonight,” Marco grinned, adjusting the ribbon in my hair. “Did something good happen?”

“Uh, kinda,” I shrugged, feeling my cheeks heat up. They had dressed me in a black corset, which caused my breathing to become difficult. It was tight around my waist, which I suppose was the point. “Why are you guys trying to give me a female figure?”

“Because you have such a pretty face,” he beamed, patting my cheeks. “Long eyelashes, pink lips, creamy skin, you look like a Disney princess.”

“Not in this get-up, I don’t,” I giggled, puckering my lips and twirling on the stiletto heel they had me wear. The red cloak around my neck smacked him in the face, earning a disgruntled moan as I came to a stop. “Okay, I’m kinda like a slutty red riding hood.”

“Imagine Louis seeing you in this,” he winked, adjusting the lace sides of the corset. “He’d go absolutely insane.”

“I sorta rejected him the other day,” I shrugged, pulling at the garters holding the black stockings up. “And then today I told him all about my past and he said he still loves me.”

“It’s yours,” Marco stated, clapping his hands on my shoulders.

“What?”

“This entire outfit,” he explained, turning me around and smacking my bum. “Take it home, show it off, fuck him hard.”

“I c-couldn’t just-” blushing heavily, I nibbled my lip and shook my head. “He told me he wanted to take it slow.”

“That’s guy speak for _I’m ready whenever you are_ ,” he said, pushing me into the plain studio. “Seriously, make a move on him.”

“What if he meant it though?” I whimpered, positioning myself in front of the cameras. “What if he sees me like this and really just wants to take it slow?”

“I’m pretty sure it’d be impossible,” Marco winked, pulling out his tablet. “Today you’re just going to be answering some fan questions.”

“Why am I in this outfit, then?” Gesturing my arms out to fluff the cape, I slowly sat myself down on a stool.

“We’ll be taking photos as well, for your gallery,” he explained, before sitting down himself. “Action.”

\-----

Knocking on my door vaguely woke me, and I pushed myself up onto my elbows. Blurrily blinking my eyes, I used the wall to get up before stumbling to the front. Opening the door and wincing at the light, I mumbled, “Yeah?”

“I, uh, didn’t mean to wake you,” a voice said, and I slowly adjusted my vision to see Louis, glancing over my body. It vaguely occurred to me that I was only wearing a blue thong and a long sleeved crop-top that Marco had forced on me last night.

“Hey, uh, come in,” I blushed, standing back and letting him in. “I’m gonna, uh, pants.”

“Only if you feel the need to,” he shrugged, closing the door and taking off his shoes and denim jacket. “Anyways, I just wanted to run some therapists by you.”

“You’ve already found some?” I yawned, shuffling through my drawers and pulling out a pair of pajama bottoms.

“Yeah, I started searching as soon as I got home, is that alright?” the caramel-haired boy said hesitantly, before some plastic crumpled. “What’s in this bag?”

My breath caught in my throat. It had been so late when I had gotten home that I had just dropped the bags of costumes on the couch; Everything seemed to be moving in slow-motion as I twisted on my heel to see him pulling out the corset from last night. He glanced over his shoulder at me, his eyes wide.

“Harry?”


	25. Chapter 25

“Harry?”

 _Shit_. My hand clenched, tightening until my knuckles turned white and then some. Frozen in place, I opened my mouth several times before shaking my head in disbelief; this could not be happening. His pale blue eyes, wide with shock, kept jumping from my face to the corset in his hand. The black contrasted against his golden, sun-kissed skin, with the boning making his fingers look longer than they were.

“Where- Why do you have this?” Louis asked slowly, running the lace between his fingers. His tongue darted over his lips, his eyes darkening slightly with some sort of emotion; I couldn’t tell if it was lust, anger, or jealousy.. “Were you going to- were you going to wear this?”

“It’s not what it looks like,” I stammered, feeling the heat rush to my face. “I-”

“Who?” he whispered, rifling through the bag and taking out the panties as well. The pads of his fingers twisted the satiny fabric, pulling it taught. “Who were you going to wear this for?”

“Louis-”

“Please,” his voice cracked, causing my throat to tighten.  “Please just tell me.”

“I just did,” I admitted, dropping my head to look at the ground. All my cards were on the table now. “Louis.”

“Me?” he choked, glancing back up at me. “You were- _me_?”

“I…” wetting my lips, I felt stupid. If only I had put that away when I had come home, this never would’ve happened.

“I thought you wanted to be just friends?” the caramel-haired boy asked quietly, standing up slowly and moving around to this side of the couch..

With a shrug, I blinked back tears. “I’m sorry…”

“I’m confused,” he said, stepping closer to me.

“Please, stop,” I begged. Making eye contact, I felt my heart beat out of my chest. It was in my ears and hands and I was going to cry.

“You _do_ like me?” He asked, rolling his fingers together.

“I was saving it,” I stammered, backing up against my dresser. I wanted to just disappear and try today over again.  “I was- you said you wanted to take it slow so I was going to save it until I felt comfortable doing anything with you again and- and-”

“So you _want_ me to try to woo you,” he confirmed, glancing between the clothing in his hands. There was a lifting tone in his voice, as he turned to gaze at me. “Right?”

“I- I guess,” I nodded, twiddling my fingers. Once again, things I didn’t want to say were slipping out of my mouth, and this time I wasn’t even drunk. “Nice and slow and romantic. Like in novels.”

After a moment of strangely comfortable silence, Louis’ lips curved into a smile. “Right- right, alright, okay, um, then let’s, uh, sit on the couch.”

“You don’t want to know where I got it?”  While biting on my thumb, I swallowed the lump in my throat. I might as well tell him, it’s not like I had anything left to hide. _I’ve been doing porn and the director thought you would like to see my costumes in person_.

“You’re an 18 year old boy in London, I’m sure that you could go _anywhere_ and find them,” he shrugged, his face pinkening slightly. “Sitting down?”

“Let me take these,” I breathed, taking the lingerie from him- the waistband of the panties caught on his thumb, causing us both to scramble to release it- and hurrying to take the bags from the sofa. The other bags had previous costumes, ie the bridal lingerie, a pleather one-piece, whatnot. Setting them on my futon, I let out a soft sigh and ran my fingers across my cheeks. My face was so hot, I could only imagine that it was bright red.

“Right, so, therapists,” he mumbled, catching my attention. He had already sat down, looking into his lap, and he quickly ran his fingers through his caramel colored, feathery hair.  After taking a second to regain my composure, I lifted my blanket and jumped over the back of the couch before covering our legs with the sheet.

“Tell me about them,” I smiled, a little forcefully, still a little hesitant to touch him for fear of making things awkward.

“Well, there’s, uh, Miss King,” he started, tracing his finger over a piece of printed paper. “She works with teens and young adults, but doesn’t have much experience with eating disorders. There’s Mister Norris, who seemed really nice over the phone, but something made me uncomfortable. Last, I found this guy-” he pointed to a picture- “Doctor Leigh, he said he goes by Joey, but he tends to work with middle-aged women. All of them have serious credibility, experience with PTSD-”

“Which I don’t have,” I interrupted.

“ _And_ they’re willing to talk to you over the phone first,” Louis grinned, setting the papers on his lap. “They’re the best, locally.”

“Which one’s the cheapest?” I whined, reaching for them.

He crumpled them quickly, tossing the ball across the room, before raising one eyebrow at me. “Let’s say they’re all the same.”

“Jerk.”

“Harry, I don’t want you to worry about the money!” the caramel-haired boy groaned, leaning against my chest. “I’m taking care of it, you just need to deal with the actually therapy part.”

“But it’s so expensive…”

“Trust me, I have the money,” he rolled his eyes, reaching for the remote and clicking the telly on. “None of their offices are open today, so I’ll have you call tomorrow.”

“How do you have the money?” Wrapping my arms around him hesitantly, slowly pressing a kiss into his hair. “You told me that your stepdad spoiled you, but there’s no way he’ll pay for your rent _and_ my therapy.”

“I have some money in the bank,” he shrugged, running his fingers down my clothed knee. “I used to share an apartment with Liam, I saved a ton of money for a few years.”

“So you’re rich?” I mumbled, closing my eyes and sighing.

“Only every time I look at you.”

“I’ll give you an A for effort,” I laughed, ignoring my heart fluttering in my chest. “But you screwed the delivery.”

“It was a little bit of a stretch, yeah?”

 


	26. Chapter 26

“I’m gonna go have a cig,” Louis mumbled, untangling himself from my limbs and standing up. “Be back in five.”

“Wait,” I whined, grabbing his shirt. “This is your third one in the last hour, isn’t that really bad?”

He paused, before turning to look at me. “Is it really my third?” He fluttered his eyelashes, trying to remember. “I reckon it is. Huh.”

“I didn’t even know you smoked,” I huffed, pulling him back down to the sofa.

“I used to smoke a ton, and Liam made me quit,” the caramel-haired boy shrugged, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I usually just have one when I’m really stressed.”

“Are you stressed right now?”

“No, it was just a craving,” he shrugged, taking my hand in his and rubbing his thumb into my palm. My eyes glanced down at it, and it almost seemed to be a nervous tick; I reckon he didn’t even realize he was doing it.

“I don’t date guys who smoke,” I stated, swallowing the lump in my throat. Maybe that could give him the incentive. “So-”

“I’ll quit,” he interrupted, jerking his head to look at me. “I swear, I’ll quit.”

“I don’t know, Lou…” Fluttering my eyelashes at him, I tilted my head to one side and popped my lower lip out. Well, that worked. “It’s really hard to quit.”

The caramel-haired boy shot up, before heading to his jacket and pulling out the half-empty pack. “Take it,”  he demanded, tossing it towards me then returning to find his lighter. “And this-” the little bit of metal landed on my lap- “I’ll quit.”

“You can buy these anywhere,” I shrugged, setting them both on the coffee table as he sat down next to me. “It’d be easy for you to cheat.”

“I promise, I won’t,” Louis stuttered, taking my hands and squeezing them. “Please, Harry, you gotta believe me. I’ll be with you most hours of the day, you’ll be able to watch me carefully.”

“Alright,” I nodded slowly, gazing into his eyes and getting a little rush when his darted to glance at my mouth. “But as soon as the next cig crosses your lips, that’s it.”

“There won’t be a next one,” he promised, leaning in and pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Thank you so much, Harry. I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled, blinking my eyes shut but taking an exceptionally long time to open them again, as I knew exactly what it would do to him; for some reason, my eyelashes seemed to affect his rationality. “If you say so.”

“I do, I really do,” the caramel-haired boy chanted, shortening the gap between our mouths and fluttering his eyes closed. “I love you.”

His breath, hot on my chapped lips, got quick and heavy, and I could feel the stubble on his upper lip rub brush against my skin. My own eyes, half-lidded and watching his cheeks flush, almost closed before I jolted back. Louis noticed, letting out a short puff of breath before straightening up.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, his blue eyes spreading. “Sorry, I should’ve asked, or, uh, not-”

He was cut off by me quickly pecking his mouth, pulling back and grinning at him. There was a moment of silence while he comprehended what happened, and his hands tightened their grip on mine.

“Uh,” he breathed, squinting his eyes. “Did you just...?”

“Shh,” I whispered, setting my finger on his lips. “Thanks for quitting.”

\-----

“You’re limping,” Stan noted, gripping my upper arms as I stumbled through the front door. “Y’alright?”

“Last night’s Livestream really hurt,” I sighed, adjusting my tight skinnies. The pressure managed to keep the pain dull, as I had learned very quickly; the first few weeks were hell.

“Yeah?” he smirked, waggling an eyebrow. “What happened?”

“Two dildos, both up my ass,” I mumbled, glancing around the bookstore. “Is Lou here yet?”

“Nah, he texted saying he would be here soon,” the man shrugged, letting go of my arms. “I thought you just wanted to be friends?”

“He told you?” Blushing, I covered my cheeks and shook my head embarrassedly

“We’ve known each other for over a decade, of course he told me,” Stan said, rolling his eyes. “It really hurt him, y’know.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, a little confused why his tone got more serious.

“Either like him, or leave him alone,” he sighed, leaning against the counter. “But please, make up your mind.”

“I like him..!” I admitted, a little too loudly and dropping my vision to our feet. “I just….”

“You just what?” Another voice said as the door opened. Spinning on my heel to see Louis come in, enveloped in a plush-looking parka, I opened my mouth several times before turning and rushing into the back room.

My heart was racing; if he had been only seconds earlier, it could’ve been a lot worse. Tripping over the boxes and landing on my knees, I tried to calm myself. Why was I running? He knew that I wanted him to woo me, wouldn’t it be obvious that I had feelings for him as well? Slowly pulling myself back up, I let out a sigh and dropped my shoulders.

I could only wonder what he was thinking.

\-----

Standing on top of the ladder, I was alphabetizing the romance books I had sorted last week on one of the shelves. There was so many different titles that I hadn’t read yet, and there was an insatiable urge to take them out and read every single one.

“H-Harry,” Louis called, and I turned to glance down at him. He had ditched his coat and was wearing a plain black tank, exposing his strong arms. Blinking slowly, I descended the steps and turned to him.

“Are you okay?” I asked, touching his shoulder gently.

“I’m having a really, really bad craving,” he mumbled, stepping closer and burying his face in my shoulder. “Like I’m shaking and I can’t focus and-- and--”

“Right,” I nodded slowly, snaking my arms around his body and holding him. “Let’s sit down,’ I whispered, bending my knees to crouch, and bringing him down with me. He set his bum on my lap, pressing as much of himself as he could against me. “Okay, rest here, let me check what I can do to help.”

“Please hurry,” Louis begged, his voice breaking, causing me to desperately reach for my phone. I tweeted:

**Anyone know a good way to stop a craving for a cigarette?**

Doing a quick google search, I said, “So, it says this should last only five to ten minutes, and to distract you.”

His fingers dug into my back. “Please distract me,” he pleaded, pressing his cheek into my neck. His skin was clammy, and his breathing caused his chest to move in short bursts.

“It says-” I gulped- “to keep your mouth otherwise occupied, chew gum, eat something.”

“Do you have anything?”

“No, I don’t,” I whispered, earning a disgruntled noise. “But I have another idea…”

“Anything, please,” the caramel-haired boy groaned, leaning back on my lap and glancing towards my face. “Distract me…”

My lips covered his, causing him to gasp, and I pulled him back against my chest. This wasn’t because I liked him or anything, I told myself. It was to help him get through the craving. His fingers dug into the back of my neck as he parted his lips, letting my tongue dart into his mouth. I traced his teeth, committing them to memory before running it along his.

He whined into the kiss, tugging at my hair and earning himself a loud moan. Pushing on his hips, I tipped him onto his back and pinned him to the floor. Our lips separated, and his blue eyes shot open, flickering between my face and my hands, positioned on either side of his head.

“H- _haz_ …” Louis whimpered, wetting his lips before bending one knee and knocking it against my thigh.

“Shh,” I hissed, lowering myself and nipping his lip. “We can’t let Stan hear us.”

“Okay,” he breathed, tugging at my button-down and pulling the first button open. “I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

Pressing little kisses across his jaw, I used one hand to support myself while tracing the other down his chest. “What do you mean?” I mumbled, taking his earlobe between my teeth and pulling barely.

“I’m dreaming, this is a dream,” he repeated, his voice hushed but still echoing off the metal shelves around us. Smirking barely, I took the hem of his tank and lifted it up to his armpits, exposing his chest. “I swear I’ve dreamt this a hundred times.”

“Does this feel like a dream?” To punctuate, I bit his neck  before sucking it into my mouth. He dug his nails into my back, pulling me closer.

“Shit, _shit_ ,” Louis whined, dragging the pads of his fingers down my sides and shakily undoing the rest of my shirt. Pulling off with a soft popping noise, I pinched one of his nipples and caught his lips again. He slipped his hands under my fabric and circled my waist, tugging me down hard enough to let my knees drop. Our crotches knocked together as I collapsed, causing him to inhale sharply as I moaned. “Fuck, _Harry_ \--”

“Louis, I-”

“Shut up and kiss me,” he demanded, pushing one of my shoulders and rolling me onto my back before straddling my hips. His shirt slid down slowly, but not before I got a full glance at his great muscles. The caramel-haired boy took a second before covering my mouth with his. It was more than the kissing it had been just a second ago; now there was electricity, sparking where his skin touched mine and buzzing through my muscles until it was almost too much.

“Louis,” I moaned, kneading his ass through his jeans. The craving had escaped my mind, and was replaced with the thought of _we’re kissing I’m touching him he’s touching me_ and my head was spinning and all I knew is that it had to stop or we might end up shagging in the stockroom.

His hand twisted my nipple, and it took all the willpower I had not to cry out. Lips trailed down my neck, biting on the underside of my jaw, my adam’s apple, where my shoulder meets my neck, my collarbones, and randomly down my torso before pausing at my waistband. My eyes blinked open, staring down the the caramel-haired boy who had glanced up at me. “C-can I?”

My mouth opened to say yes, but was cut off by a voice echoing from the front of the room, “Lou? Are you in here?”

Quickly sitting up and getting to our feet, we both started rushing our fingers over my shirt, trying to do the buttons as quickly as we could. “Y-yeah,” he called out, stepping back from me as footsteps hurried around the corner. With the top few buttons still open, I turned to the shelves to hide my chest.

“You’ve been gone for a little while,” Stan said.

“Yeah, I, uh, had a craving for a cig, and Harry told me a story to distract me,” the caramel-haired boy stammered, and I glanced over my shoulder at them with a smile.

“Sure,” he laughed, tapping two fingers to his neck before winking and and turning to walk away. Our hands shot up in synch, covering the marks that were bruising our skin. “Just don’t do it on the books,” he called in response as his footsteps disappeared.

“Oops,” I breathed, feeling my face heat up. “T-that was…”

“Embarrassing,” Louis finished, twisting on his heel to face me. “I’m gonna go back to the front, and, uh, explain.”

“Your craving is gone?” I asked, buttoning my shirt the rest of the way up.

“Yeah, thanks,” he breathed, biting his lip to fight a smile. “I’ll remember to bring some gum tomorrow.”

“Or, y’know,” I shrugged, blushing to myself. “I could help you again.”

There was an extended moment of silence while he just eyed me up and down. “You want to?” He said slowly, wetting his lips.

“As long as that’s all we do… just the kissing,” I stammered, hooking my thumbs in my pockets. “Nothing more.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He agreed quickly, stepping forward and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. My eyes fluttered shut, but as soon as it started it was over. “I love you, Harry.”

“If you say so,” I giggled, feeling his breath hot on my face. “I can’t believe you like me, there’s nothing to like.”

“You’re just blind to your perfection,” Louis smiled, his eyes crinkling as he turned on his heel. “I’ll be back when I have another craving.”

\-----

My hands were shaking as I wrapped myself in my blankets. This was my seventh craving today(plus a few that I faked just to get a kiss), and unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to get any gum; Liam had dragged me to training to watch and help his form. I had managed to keep it under control during, however, and Liam hadn’t figured it out.

With jittering fingers, I dialed in Harry’s number before lifting it to my ear.

“ _Hiiiii! You’ve reached Harry’s phone, I’m actually busy right now, so if you would leave a message, I’ll get back to you! Love you!_ ”

Then a dial tone.

“Harry- harry? I need you, craving- Please, Haz,” I stammered, slamming my eyes shut to fight tears. “Come here, help me, please- dammit, you’re at work. I don’t even need to kiss you, I just want to hold your hand- touch your skin… I need you.”

Hanging up slowly, I tried not to cry while burying my face in the pillow. I wasn’t supposed to be this attached to him: I had planned to play it cool and intrigue him. Turns out that these cravings really messed it up.

Dialing another number, I waited for the voice on the other side.

“What’s up, Lou?”

“Thank god Liam, how did you help me two years ago?” I said in one quick breath, digging my fingers into the pillow.

“What?”

“When I had urges to smoke again, how did you help me?” While hooking my ankles together, I kicked my legs up behind me and swallowed.

“I’d give you something to eat and make you exercise. Why?”

“What sort of exercises?” My breathing, short and erratic, must’ve given hints to what was racing through my mind.

“Louis, have you been _smoking_ again?”

“I’m quitting, I’m trying to quit, it hurts so bad,” I whispered, letting a tear fall down my face. “What do I do? Exercise?”

“Try wanking,” he sighed. “It always used to help. I can’t believe you fucking started smoking again. I can’t believe I didn’t notice!”

“I’m really sorry,” I sniffled, wiping my cheek slowly. “I thought it was just going to be one, and then I had another, and then I was smoking a pack a day but it was only for a week and Harry’s getting me to quit and I’m sorry.”

“Go wank to his videos, then,” Liam groaned, although I could hear the fondness in his voice. “But hang up first. I don’t need to hear that. _Again_.”

With a sigh, I said, “If you think that’ll help. I’ll swing by training again tomorrow. It was good seeing all the guys again.”

“They missed you. I can’t wait til you can join us again, we’ll be unbeatable.”

“See you tomorrow, Li.”

“Ciao.”

While hanging up, I rolled over and hesitantly got up. I hadn’t wanked to Harry in several weeks- well, not to his videos. He was always behind my eyes. Pausing to stare at the desktop computer, I swallowed the lump in my throat.

It took an exceptionally long time for me to start moving again, and I slowly sat myself down on the seat. I had kept paying subscription, for reasons just like this. Opening the website, I logged in and let out a stifled groan when I saw the seven new videos. My cock twitched under my joggers just looking at the preview images, causing me to rest both elbows on the table and set my head in my hands. Even like this, shaking and craving a fag, I couldn’t help but be turned on by the curly-haired boy’s little body.

Not looking at the screen, I clicked one of the links and turned the volume of my speakers up. Immediately recognizing Niall’s voice as soft whimpers, I flipped my eyes up to see both the blond and Zayn positioning themselves on either side of the curly-haired boy. Leaning back against the seat, I slowly dug my palm against my ever-hardening crotch. Harry’s poppy-pink lips stretched around the irishman’s cock, making my stomach do flip-flops before seeing the brunette push into his ass.

I jerked my hips up to get my pants down, and I slowly trailed my fingers up my semi-erect dick. Watching him get filled in both holes was amazing, and my hand pumped along with the thrusts in the video. Tilting my head back and staring at the ceiling through my eyelashes, I felt my gut twisting and turning and heating up.

“H-harry,” I groaned, flicking my wrist in a quickening pace. The video came to an end, and I used my free hand to click the next one. Suddenly he was bent over a couch, with some anonymous boy fucking into him over and over and shit if I wasn’t jealous. The curly-haired boy was gasping into the cushions, whining to himself and shaking and my cock was leaking into my hand.

“ _L-Lou…_ ” came through the speakers, and that was more than enough to have me cumming all over the desk. My hips, jerking into the air and fucking into my fist, was dripping sweat onto the chair under me.

“O-oh Harry,” I breathed, letting my body rest. I had spent so long without watching these videos, and now I had ruined my streak. Shakily using a dirty shirt to wipe the wooden desk, I logged out of the site and closed it down.

After standing up and replacing my pants, I stumbled to the bed and collapsed; the craving was gone, and now I was just tired. My eyes fluttered shut, half with shame, and I dug my fingers into the blankets underneath me. Faint buzzing reminded me that my phone had been abandoned somewhere, and, after flipping the sheets completely, I saw that I had three missed calls and two voicemails.

“ _Lou? It’s Harry. You called about five minutes ago, I just got off work. Are you alright? Please call when you get this._ ”

“ _Babe? I’m really worried about you. I’m on my way to your place, I’ll be there in ten minutes. I really hope you didn’t give in. I’ll see you really soon, sweety, and I hope I can still help._ ”

Smiling softly, I pressed redial and giggled to myself.

“Lou?”

“Hey, Haz,” I beamed, playing with my hair.

“I reckon you’re feeling better?”

“Yeah, I, uh, worked out,” I lied, feeling my cheeks heat up. It was a normal thing to do, why was I embarrassed by this?

“I guess I don’t need to stop by, after all,” he said sadly. “I was almost there, too.”

“Nooo, come on by,” I whined, feeling pathetic and needy. “I feel another craving coming on. Oh, Harry, I need your touch.”

“You dirty little faker. I’ll be there in a minute, will you have a cuppa ready?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I grinned, sitting up and heading to the kitchen. “Love you.”

“See you soon.”

The phone clicked off, and I paused with a soft smile on my lips. Eventually, he was going to feel the same, no matter how much he denied it. Starting the hot water, I danced around the kitchen until I found the tea I had ordered; it was a special blend I had made just for Harry. It was hazelnut and strawberry, two flavors I knew he enjoyed, and I scooped the leaves into a tea bag before dropping it into an open mug.

Humming to myself, I vaguely heard the front door open and close again. “Yoohoo, Louis? Are you here?”

“In the kitchen,” I replied, yawning widely and leaning back against the counter. I didn’t realize how tired I was. My eyes closed with another yawn, and they stayed shut with the heaviness stuck to them.

A soft kiss made me peek one eye open, and I smiled to see Harry grinning at me. “You look sleepy.”

“I feel sleepy,” I giggled, feeling like a little kid every time I looked at him.

“You go get in bed, I’ll bring tea,” he smiled, rubbing my upper arm gently.

“No,” I shook my head. “The tea is almost done anyways.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” I beamed, getting on my toes and kissing him again. “You’ll stay over, right?”

“Uh, sure,” he stammered, biting his lower lip. “I’d love to.”

“Go get changed and tuck yourself in, I’ll bring you the mug when it’s done.”

“You’re so good to me,” the curly-haired boy smiled, rolling his lip between his teeth. “Hurry to bed, sweetheart,” he winked playfully, before turning and leading out of the kitchen. I vaguely watched his bum, wondering who had the chance to fuck him this time. Pinching my wrist to fight the anger seeping up from my stomach, I poured the boiling water into the tea mug and started bouncing the bag. With the cup in one hand, I clicked the lights off and strolled out into the living room, locking the front door before turning back to the hallway.

Slowly pushing my bedroom door open, I let out a quiet burst of air as my eyes traced over the creamy skin of his exposed ass; the lace, ruffled thong he was wearing really left nothing to the imagination.

“Wow,” I breathed, setting the mug on the nightstand. “Do you always wear lingerie?”

“N-no,” he squeaked, covering his ass with one of his huge hands. “Can I borrow a pair of pajamas?”

“Yeah, let me just,” I started, crossing my room to the dresser. Trying to find a cute pattern, I finally decided on pink polka dots and tossed them to him. “Put these on, cutie.”

“Thank you so much,” the curly-haired boy giggled, lifting them up his legs. Wetting my lips, I jumped over the edge of the bed and collapsed on my mattress. “Is this my tea?”

“You know it,” I winked, smirking slightly as he lifted the mug to his lips. “What do you think?”

“This is-” Harry fluttered his eyelashes- “ _perfect_. The best tea I’ve ever had.”

“You think so?” Giggling like a little girl, I felt my cheeks heat up. He made me feel so undignified, and I loved it. “I had it made special.”

“You did?” He puckered his lips while sitting down against the headboard.

“Just for you.”

“You’re so sweet,” he beamed, bending over and kissing my lips softly. “Thank you, Louis.”

“I love you,” I breathed, catching his mouth again before gripping the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. He moaned against me, setting the mug down and rolling over my body. “I love you so much,” I chanted, as his lips trailed down my neck and to the collar of my tee. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“Shut up,” Harry mumbled, biting my skin and earning a whine. “God, shut- the- fuck- up-!” he punctuated with more bites. “Stop telling me you love me and show me…”

“D’you mean…?”

He pushed himself up on his elbows, his eyes wide and his cheeks red. “I-I don’t know…”

“Shit,” I groaned, trailing my fingers down his back and pulling him closer to me. Our lips met again, and I wondered if he knew how happy I was right now; just being near him caused my entire body to fill with some sort of perfect emotion. Did that exist? An emotion of just perfection? It should be named Harry.

His legs slotted between mine, as if that’s where they were meant to be forever, and I played my tongue into his slightly-parted lips and against his own. It tasted like the tea, but also a little salty, and I opened one eye to admire his face. The curls were sticking up in every direction possible, and his usually pale face was pink and slightly sweaty.

I kicked the blankets up over our feet, and he repeated the motion til it was up over our bums. “I love you,” I whispered into his mouth, causing his lips to turn up into a smile.

My heart started racing as he pulled away, giggling to himself and resting his head on my shoulder. “I know,” he breathed, raising the sheets over us before closing his eyes. “I know you do.”


	27. Chapter 27

“I love you,” I mumbled, staring into the mirror of the bathroom. Louis had started making breakfast while I was showering, and now, sopping wet with only a towel around my waist, I was practicing. “I love you,” I repeated, blushing barely. I felt it, for sure, but I was afraid to tell him.

With a knock on the door, I quickly spun around and pushed it open. “Breakfast is ready,” the caramel-haired boy smiled, jumping his eyes over my body quickly. “Sorry I don’t have any _thongs_ , but there’s some clean clothing on the bed.”

“Thanks,” I blushed, hoping he hadn’t heard me just seconds earlier. “I appreciate it.”

“Get dressed, I’ll be in the kitchen,” He said slowly,  twisting on his heel and waving.

As soon as the bedroom door shut, I whispered, “I love you.”

\-----

The next week was a blur, between helping Louis with his cravings, spending most nights in his bed, and calling the therapists that he had found. I had brought over a bag of clothing, so I wouldn’t have to wear his stuff all the time, and he had written my name(in permanent marker) on one of his towels. (That had earned him a really erotic make-out session.)

Now we were all stood in an airport, wishing Louis and Liam a safe flight to Australia.

“Text us as soon as y’land,” Niall grinned, giving a quick hug to the caramel-haired boy. “And bring me back something delicious.”

“Of course you want food,” the puppy-dog eyed boy laughed, letting the blond transfer to his arms. “We’ll find something.”

Louis reached around my waist, pulling me against him. “What about you, gorgeous?” He breathed, adjusting his carry-on bag while grinning. “What can I bring you back?”

“Just you,” I smiled, pressing a kiss to his nose. “As long as you get back safe, that’s all I need.”

“So, surprise you?” He winked, pinching the back of my shirt. “I’ll get you something cute.”

“Thanks, Lou,” I breathed, catching his lips in a quick kiss. “I’ll see you in a week.”

“I’m so glad you guys are together,” Liam sighed, catching both of our attention and causing me to turn pink.

“We, uh,” I stammered, pulling back from the caramel-haired man. “We’re not--”

Zayn quickly whispered something in Liam’s ear, earning a long ooh. “Sorry,” he shrugged, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend. “I just assumed.”

“It’s fine,” the caramel-haired boy nodded, shifting his carry-on before rubbing my forearm gently. “I’m still earning that privilege.”

“Shut up,” I mumbled, blushing and hiding a smile. I love you.

“What about you, Z?” The puppy-dog eyed boy asked, tugging him closer.

“Something I can wear,” Zayn replied, biting his lip and nuzzling his boyfriend’s cheek.  I blinked several times, realizing that I was staring; but then again, so were the other two.

“Like a ring?” Liam suggested, his voice wavering but still confident.

The brunette’s face turned bright red, from his neck to the tip of his ears. “Y-you mean, like an _engagement_ ring?”

“Or, uh, an engaged-to-be-engaged ring,” he shrugged, also blushing. “I’m just, maybe I’m rushing things.”

“I’d love that,” Zayn beamed, kissing his boyfriend slowly.

Niall cheered, slinging an arm around my neck and pumping his fist in the air. “True love!”

“You guys’ve known each other for _less_ time than I’ve known Harry,” Louis sighed, although his voice was dripping with pride. “Yet this is the happiest I’ve seen Li since he got scouted.”

“Shut up and be happy for them,” I grinned, lacing my fingers with his. “You’re the romantic.”

“I love you,” Liam giggled, kissing his boyfriend once more. “We have to go. I’ll call you before bed, a’ight?”

“I love you too,” Zayn smiled, slowly letting go and stepping back.

Louis slowly dropped my hand, grinning before turning and walking with Liam down the security line. My eyes traced his back, slowly letting out a sigh. He hadn’t kissed me goodbye, or even told me that he loved me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stepped forward.

“Louis!” I shouted, causing him to turn around with a shocked look on his face. Knowing that I was probably a bright red, I stormed to where he was standing(against the security officer he had been checking with’s wishes).

“H-Haz?” he stammered, glancing around, also slightly blushing. “Wh-”

I wrapped my arms around his waist before kissing him hard, moving my lips over his and pulling him tight. He squeaked into my mouth, but lifted his hand to the back of my neck and gripped tightly. Bending him backwards, I parted my lips and let him lick the inside of my mouth.

Pulling away slowly, I mumbled, “I’m going to miss you.”

“I love you,” he whispered, pecking me again before letting go of me reluctantly. “I’ll be back on Sunday.”

“I can’t wait,” I smiled, stepping back as he turned back to the security guard. Twisting around to see Zayn and Niall smirking, I walked to them and punched their shoulder gently. “Shut up, you fuckers.”

“I think it’s cute,” the blond shrugged, turning me around to watch the other two disappear up a set of stairs. “So… wanna go get a drink?”

\-----

**So lonely (´；°；｀)**

It hadn’t even been three hours since their plane had left, but here I was. Laying on my couch and tweeting the dirty little perverts that watched me. My finger traced my lips, remembering our last kiss, and I let out a soft, drawn out sigh. He would be up in the air for another 19 hours at least, since the flight was so long, and I rolled over and buried my face in a cushion.

“La, La, Louis,” I sang to myself, tilting my head to one side before scrolling through my messages to reread all the texts we’d sent. “La, La, Love~”

Suddenly feeling like a stupid twelve year old, I dropped my phone on the coffee table and whimpered. As soon as he got back, I would make sure to tell him how I felt. _I love you._


	28. Chapter 28

Alone in the stock room, I was putting the last few books up when a title caught my attention; _The Soul’s Dream_ , by E.N.J. Wing, one of my favorite authors. My fingers played with the pages, skimming the words barely.

Lifting it and carrying it to the front room, I said, “Hey Lou, have you ever re--”

“Louis isn’t here,” Stan interrupted, scrolling through his phone and resting his head on one hand. “And no, he’s never read that.”

“How do you know?” I blushed, feeling stupid. Of course he isn’t here, he landed in Australia about an hour ago. He had texted me immediately( **Landed! Wish you were here xx** ), and attached a picture of him and Liam on a plane.

“It’s a pretty good assumption,” he shrugged, not lifting his eyes. “He doesn’t read as much as he writes.”

“He writes?”

“You don’t know very much about him, do you?” Finally looking up at me, he raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Yeah, he writes. It’s been his dream since he was a little one.”

With a confused grin, I sat down and leaned forward. “Tell me more?”

“Lou’s been planning this one book for years,” Stan smiled, setting his phone down on the counter. “It’s about two boys who fall in love with each other, and he’s let me read his drafts. He keeps scrapping them after about a month, because he’s so picky.”

“I’d love to read them,” I whispered, resting my head on the counter. “I bet they’re amazing.”

“They’re actually really good, but he’s never satisfied,” he shrugged, taking the book from my hand. “He should just sit down and write it, it’d sell quickly.”

“Tell me more about Louis.”

“Well, uh, I don’t really know what to say. You should ask him,” the brunette shrugged. “He’s one of the greatest guys I know.”

“Agreed,” I breathed, closing my eyes and imagining him. “I hope he’s sleeping well.”

“You sure love him,” Stan huffed, grabbing his phone again. “I’m jealous, why don’t I get the cute boys? Louis is so lucky.”

“Nah, he has to deal with me, I’m the lucky one,” I giggled, standing up and twisting to go in the back room. “OH!” Stopping, I glanced back and said, “I love him!”

“Yes…?” He said, confused. “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

“I’ve never said that before,” I blushed, letting a smile cross my face. “It feels good.”

\-----

My eyes closed. I pretended that the pressure in my ass was from Louis; I knew it wasn’t, but it made it more bearable to pretend. Not only were there cameras, but there was a group of men around us, all jerking their cocks. The thrusting sped up, before slowing to a stop and the man pulled out. With only a brief moment to catch my breath, I readjusted my hands from where I was positioned(doggy style, I guess they call it), before another man pushed himself in.

This had been going on for the last ten minutes, with the men switching positions every time one of them finished. My ass was being destroyed- I could feel blood trickle down my upper thighs- and as soon as I got a chance, I would request to take tomorrow off. Maybe I could convince Stan, as well. As soon as I was about to lose myself in my thoughts, the dick in my ass brushed my prostate, causing myself to cum for already the third time.

It hurt. Everything was hurting. My entire body was in pain, not just my bum. The fingers on my hips were leaving bruises, my thighs were shaking, and my arms collapsed, causing my face to be smashed into the floor. Tears were dripping down my cheeks, and I really wanted to stop.

The only problem? My throat was hoarse and dry and it wouldn’t make a sound. There was no point in a safe word when I couldn’t say anything, and I kept trying to catch Marco’s attention, but to no avail. He was almost purposely avoiding looking, causing me to continue being fucked.

“Such a slut,” the current fucker groaned, pulling on my hair to jerk my head up. “You just love cock.”

Managing to make a whimper, I held back the sob that was building in my chest. What was I supposed to do? The only thing I could do: wait it out.

Unfortunately, I had to wait another fifteen minutes. Only when all ten boys had finished did they leave the room, and when the cameras clicked off, I finally pushed myself back up. Sniffling, I wiped the tears off of my face before letting one of the assistants hand me a towel and a bathrobe. With a weak smile, I thanked her, and then slipped the towel under my ass.

“You really took a pounding,” she sighed softly, pushing my sweaty curls off of my red face. “You’re really strong.”

“Really?” I croaked, before coughing horribly and feeling the tears swell up again.

“Let me grab you some water,” she winced, standing up and rushing out of the room. She looked familiar, with her soft gray eyes and dyed purple hair, but I couldn’t place a name. Glancing up to see Marco leaving, I felt my heart break slightly; he had been a father figure, and now he was avoiding me. With a shiver, I wrapped the bathrobe over my body and tried to move, before realizing my ass was still bleeding and resting down again. “Here,” she said, handing me a water bottle; I hadn’t even realized she had come back in the room.

After drinking almost half the bottle, I felt a little better. “Thanks,” I breathed, my voice still hoarse.

“I’m Lucy,” she grinned, adjusting my robe.

“Harry,” I nodded curtly, waiting for my bum to stop dripping. “Or Marcel, whatever.”

“You’re cute,” the purple-haired girl giggled, covering her pink lips.

“And gay,” I added, although she probably assumed.

“I’m asexual, there’s no worries about that,” she sighed, rolling her eyes at me. “I meant cute in a teddy bear sort of way.”

“Oh.”

“Well, as cute as a teddy bear can be when it’s being destroyed up the ass,” she laughed, shuffling my hair. “It’s a shame a cute boy like you has to do porn.”

“Well, I have to make ends meet somehow,” I shrugged, shifting on my bruised ass. “What about you? Why did you take this job?”

“I’m an artist, and being an assistant gives me daily examples of anatomy,” she grinned, sitting crosslegged in front of me. “It’s actually quite nice.”

“Even touching the gross toys and cleaning up?” Smiling weakly, I rubbed my knees repeatedly, upset at the color that was beginning to bruise from being bent over so long.

“At some point you get used to it,” Lucy giggled again, gesturing at my water bottle. “Drink up, you really need to hydrate after that shag.”

I downed the rest of the bottle before grinning at her. “Better?”

“Much. How’s your ass?”

“I think it’s stopped dripping, but I’m not completely sure,” I shrugged, pushing myself up and running a finger over my stretched hole. “Yeah, I should be fine.”

“Come on, then,” she started, standing up quickly. “Let’s get you dressed. As soon as you leave, I can get ready to go.”

“Am I holding you here?” I whimpered, getting up to my feet and almost immediately falling back down. My thighs were shaking, almost giving me trouble to move, and I rested my hand on her shoulder to stabilize myself. “Sorry, I, uh-”

“It’s fine, let me help you to your dressing room.”

\-----

After unlocking the door and pushing it open, I took a few steps in, took off my shoes, and threw my jacket on the couch. The couch that wasn’t mine. This wasn’t my apartment. This was Louis’ apartment.

“Oops,” I said slowly, starting to put my shoes back on when I checked my watch; it was too late to safely catch another train. I guess I was staying here tonight.

Sighing softly, I stripped my shirt off and dropped it on the edge of the couch as well before strolling into his bedroom. He would never have to know that I came here, and, quickly dropping my pants, I threw myself onto the mattress and whimpered. Even on his plush bed, my body hurt more than I thought it would. Tears stung at my eyes just from laying down, and I rolled onto my stomach.

Grabbing my phone, I wrote out a text( **Good night! xx** ) and sent it to Louis, who was probably having breakfast. I clicked the lights off, set my phone on the nightstand, and covered myself in blanket. Since I was only wearing a pair of teal panties, I was exposed to the cold all around me.

The light from my phone alerted me to a new text, and I lifted it with enthusiasm.( **What? It’s barely 10 am! Lazy <3**) Giggling to myself, I took a selfie and sent it back( **Shove off, I just got home from work xx** ). My eyes were drooping, because I had been up for almost twenty hours, and I let the blankets surround me in their gradually-heating up warmth. ( **Is that my bed?** )

I swallowed forcefully. What do I tell him? _Oh yeah, I came to your place subconsciously_. That would be a little weird, wouldn’t it? Maybe something vaguer. ( **It smells like you xx** )

“Well, that wasn’t the creepiest thing I’ve ever said,” I mumbled, nudging my nose into the pillow. It did smell like him. It smelt sweet, but had a hint of spice as well, and it caused me to giggle softly. If only he was here, I would bury my face in his neck and fall asleep easily. This would be as close as I could get. ( **I wish I had something of yours… :( x** )

Yawning and sending a quick reply ( **srs, night xx** ), I closed my eyes. The sooner I got to sleep, the sooner I would feel better.


	29. Chapter 29

My eyes blinked open slowly, still heavy but not terribly. Rolling over to hide my face in the pillow, I let out a soft groan and took in a deep breathe of Louis’ scent. A gentle buzzing from the nightstand got my attention, and I shakily reached over to grab my phone.

There was a text from about an hour previous( **My time to sleep, sweety. Love you, text me when you wake up!** ), earning a smile and a quick giggle. He was so cute sometimes. It was already past noon, for sure, and I slowly pushed myself up to a sitting position. My ass hurt, probably bruised, causing me to whine. ( **Sleep well, Lou <3 I miss you, it sucks that our hours are so different. xx**)

Yawning, I got to my feet and stretched. My back popped, and I stumbled to the bathroom to shower. In the mirror I saw how damaged my body actually was; hickeys traced my neck and chest, left over from Louis’ lips; bruises strewn across my hips; and assorted scars across my thighs. Good thing he wasn’t here to see me, otherwise he’d be scared away.

“Or maybe,” I breathed, running my fingers over my bare hips. “He would comfort me… Maybe pamper me.”

The simple thought got my heart racing, and I bit my lip to fight the grin that was spreading across my face. Louis always did know how to take care of me, exactly how I needed it. Dropping my panties and letting them fall off my ankles, I pulled open the shower stall and started the water. That was one of my quirks; I had to have the water running before I could get in.

Slowly stepping into the stream, I closed my eyes to enjoy it. This was one of the best parts of my day, spending time alone. The droplets covered my body, heating my core and washing away my shame. I felt humiliated, after having so many men defile me the night previous; Two or three would’ve been acceptable, but ten was absolutely ridiculous.

While leaning against the glass stall, I glanced over my body. There was more meat on it than there had been a week previously, as I had been eating more regularly(Louis had been very insistent of that). I felt a little better, honestly, although I was struggling with the way my hips had filled out. While not girly, they were still there; _lovehandles_ , one of the men from last night had called them. Sniffling, I dipped my head in the water and let it cover my hair and drip down my locks and face.

With my eyes shut, I waited several minutes before moving again. I pushed off of the stall, letting the water surround my body, and pinched at my skin. My own fingers had left several bruises over the last few days as I had played with the extra fat, and it was beginning to show; I briefly wondered why Louis hadn’t noticed them. He had seen me almost naked(well, in my panties) almost every night, and he covered as much of my skin in kisses as I would allow him.

Shaking my head and letting the droplets fly off in all directions, I punched the stall gently and fought a sob. He hadn’t been gone for two whole days and I was already a mess. “Only five more days,” I whispered, letting the water drip into my parted lips. Five more days until I could kiss him, tell him how I feel, and then--

Quickly covering my crotch to hide it’s reaction, I tried to get rid of the thought. How could I consciously have sex with him when I’m letting these freaks fuck me every night? It’s not like I could quit my job, I needed it to pay rent. Maybe I could talk to Marco about only doing masturbation scenes for a little while. Except that Marco was avoiding me; If only I knew why.

After turning off the water, I pushed the stall door open and stepped out onto the fuzzy rug underneath. The fabrics played between my toes, earning a quiet little giggle, and I reached for the towel with my name on it. His handwriting was so cute, small and loopy, and I wrapped it around my curls to dry them off before pausing. My cock was semi-hard, causing a flush to spread across my cheeks. Why on earth was I…? I flicked the towel around my waist to hide(even though I was alone) and moved to the door. Pushing it open, I hesitated when I didn’t recognize it; this had to be the extra room.

Hesitantly, I stepped in and glanced around. It was dark, obviously without any lamps or lights on. There was just a bed in the middle and a desk by the opposite side, and I slowly walked to the mattress. It was also soft, but without sheets or pillows.

“I wonder who his last roommate was,” I whispered, turning to glance at the desk; there was a simple letter on it, opened and covered with dust. My teeth clenched. I was curious, but I was hesitant to approach it, in fear of crossing some line. Forcing myself to swallow, I twisted on my heel and hurried back into the bathroom, shut the door, and let out a long sigh.

There was so much I didn’t know about him. I had no idea that he wrote, or that he surfed, or anything about his past, really. He knew my past, wouldn’t it be fair if I knew his? My fingers clenched against the wood, and I slowly opened the door again. Gingerly stepping towards the desk, I made sure my hands were dry before fingering the piece of paper.

_Dear Louis,_

__

_I never thought I could one day be writing you these words. My heart was so filled with love for you. This morning when I feeling so lonely, it was still my heart that pushed me into saying "I love you" and, unfortunately, it’s also my heart that’s making me say we are through._

_I know we will always be close to each other. We will bump into each other in the same bars and other usual places, and, inevitably, our eyes will meet. Still, the tears I shed with you have dried out, and the source of those tears has been extinguished. Still today, you’ll find your name engraved on my heart, but I’m trying hard to make it beat to a different pace, now that it will no longer have the sound of your voice to move it._

_Dear Louis, all I want is for you to be very happy, and that you continue to have a life of projects and never ending successes. But Lou, never forget that LOVE is the most beautiful and rare thing there is and, sometimes, you have to be a little bit patient and endure a little bit of pain to reach it._

__

_A kiss from_

_Hannah_

Hannah. That’s a female name. He told me he wasn’t interested in women, didn’t he? With my heart in my throat, I set the letter back down and stepped back to the bed. I laid back, glancing up at the ceiling. Louis dated a girl named Hannah. And he’s obviously still interested in her, as the room hadn’t been touched since she left.

Why did this hurt so much? This was in his past. That’s all it was, the past. He didn’t still love her, did he? Punching the mattress under me, I slowly lifted myself back up to my feet and, shakily, walked to the light. With one last glance over my shoulder, I closed the door and stepped to the other bedroom. I would ask him when he got back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. This upcoming week is my finals, so I won't have another chapter til next friday at least.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone who stuck through that hiatus. I'm done with classes for the rest of the month, so I'm gonna be writing more often.

With a yawn, I buried my face in the pillow and wrapped myself up in the comforter. I had spent the entire day at Louis’ place, mainly watching dumb reality shows and whatnot. My eyes flickered shut when vibrations from the nightstand had me reaching for my phone( **Good morning cutie, I really miss you <3**). Unable to fight a smile, I pressed a soft kiss to the screen.

“I love you,” I said softly, fingering a response( **More like good night <3 what do you have planned for today? xx**). As I was still in his bed, everything around me was slightly reminiscent of the caramel-haired boy. ( **Liam’s footie game today <3 he’s sure to win.**)

While burying my face into the pillow, I typed a reply. ( **My body misses you :( xx** ) A blush spread across my face as I realized how that could’ve sounded; oops. I really meant to be cute about it. ( **...i don’t know how to respond to that, honestly** ) With a slow sigh, I replied, ( **i meant it’s really lonely and i’m cold and !!! xx** )

A moment passed by without a new text, and I set my phone down next to me. That really must’ve come off really badly, although- I mean, we were going to have sex eventually, right? Biting my lip, I found my cock reacting to the idea; the image of Louis- red, sweaty, and wrecked- always got me going. Thrusting my hips against the bedsheet, I let out a long whine as the friction brought my dick to full attention. I hid my face in the pillow, taking in a deep breath of Louis’s scent, while humping again. It felt so good, and I reached around and kneaded at my ass, trying to simulate a partner. God, all I wanted right now was the caramel-haired boy.

Buzzing from my phone had me quickly sitting up, before lifting the phone and staring at it. A phone call. Louis was calling me.

“H-hello?” I whispered, trying to even my breath so he wouldn’t know what I had just been doing.

“Hey sweety, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

My mouth opened, before I bit my lip in joy. “Yeah?”

“I mean, if that’s alright with you- it is pretty late, I should let you sleep,” he stammered, and I vaguely heard laughing on the other side. “ _Shut up Li_!”

“No, s’alright, I really wanted to talk to you,” I giggled, rolling onto my back and stretching my free arm above my head. “I’ve spent the entire day in your house, babe.”

“You didn’t go to work?” he asked slowly.

“Nah, I took the day off. Work last night was shitty, and I totally got pounded,” I shrugged, rolling my bottom lip between my teeth. He wouldn’t get that, right?

“O-oh,” he stuttered, causing an inner heart attack. Shit, he did get it. “They’re really working you hard at the movie studio, huh? Poor babe.”

With a relieved sigh, I covered my eyes with my forearm. “I wish you were here, I could use a cuddle.”

“Well, I wish you were here. We have a hotel room right on the river, it’s really quite romantic.”

“Yeah?” I said slowly, darting my tongue out to wet my lower lip. “Do you have a room to yourself?”

“Yup! It’s really nice-”

“So we could, uh-” I swallowed forcefully- “we could fuck?”

There was a long moment of silence, before, “Jesus christ Harold, I’m sixteen thousand kilometers from you and _this_ is when you bring it up?”

“I, uh, I just-”

“Yes, god, yeah,--” there was mumbling on his side of the phone- “ _I’ll be back in like ten minutes Li._ God, Harry,” he groaned.

“I miss your lips,” I whimpered, dropping my free hand to my crotch and palming myself through my panties. “I wanna feel your hands on my body.”

“Fuck, god, I want to touch you,” Louis moaned, before the sound of a door clicking in the background. “Shit, Harry, I can’t believe- I can’t believe you want me.”

After letting out a soft moan, I begged, “Only you, Louis, I only want you.” My fingertips dipped under my waistband before pushing the fabric down to my thighs, teasing at the already-formed bead of precum. “I need you, b-babe…!”

“Are you-- are you touching yourself?” His voice was strained and breathy, causing my dick to twitch.

“Mhmm,” I whimpered, gripping the base gently. “I- shit Lou, I wish it was you.”

“Fuck, Harry, can you- can you finger yourself for me? Tell me how good it feels,” he ordered, although it was shaky.

Positioning the phone against the pillow and using my other hand to reach around to my ass, I let out a soft whine as I drew a circle around my hole. “L-Louis I want to- to have you in me..!” My middle finger slipped in, slightly stinging from the night previous but mostly pleasurable. “Oh god, Louis, I’m so tight for you…”

“Nngh, yeah, Harry,” he groaned. “Shit, Haz, I can’t wait to get home and fuck you-”

While pumping my finger, I dragged my hand up my cock, creating a slow rhythm. “Y-yeah, pound me into the mattress, baby,” I whimpered, bucking my hips into the air.

“God Harry, ‘m so close just thinking bout you,” he breathed, heavy in the phone.

“Ye-yeah, cum on me,” I whined, adding a second finger and searching for the bundle of nerves that was going to send me over the edge. “Cum all over my body, make me yours--”

He called my name in a groan, heavy in his throat and rich in my ears. “Shit, Harry,” he repeated, earning a soft whine from my lips.

“L-lou, I’m so close, I’m almost-”

“Are you gonna be a good boy? Be a good boy and cum for me,” he ordered, which was just enough to have me shooting onto my chest and whining as loud as I could.

“Louis _louis_ louis _louislouislouis_ \---”

“Yeah, such a good boy,” he whispered, a smirk evident in his voice. “You’re my good boy, aren’t you?”

“I’m your good boy,” I cooed, slowly taking my fingers out and dropping both hands onto the mattress beside me.

He laughed, “Did we really just have phone sex?”

“Well, these things happen,” I giggled, rolling onto one side so the phone would be against my face. “I really do miss you, and not just for your body.”

“Yeah?” Louis beamed. “I miss you too, sweetheart. It’s been weird, not talking to you everyday.”

“I know, our hours are so bad,” I sighed, closing my eyes. “I’m so tired, it’s hard sleeping without you.”

“Aww, love,” he smiled. “Go to bed, alright? Call me when you wake up, we can have another time difference phone sex session.”

“Horny bugger,” I laughed, fluttering my eyes shut. “Tell Liam I said good luck.”

“Will do,” he said, footsteps in the background. “Ugh, I’m all red and sweaty.”

“I got cum all over your blankets,” I shrugged, lifting my hand to the phone. “I’ll wash them before you get back.”

“I’m not completely sure that I want you to,” he laughed, running water on his side.

“Gross.”

“Go to bed, Harold, I’ll talk to you in the morning- or, uh, evening. I love you.”

“Mmm,” I mumbled, tracing circles in the fabric. “You too.”


	31. Chapter 31

“Hey, Stan?” I asked, slowly sitting down next to him. It was Friday already, and Louis was coming home in two days. “What can you tell me about Louis’ past relationships?”

He set down his phone and looked at me for a long while, before shaking his head slowly. “He’s been in a few.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Well, uh, they’ve mostly been women,” he shrugged, resting his chin on one hand. “He’s mainly only had straight sex, as well. I think he’s only been with two guys, honestly.”

“S-so, does he top, or..?” Wringing my fingers in my lap, I felt my face heat up. Stan would probably text this entire conversation to the caramel-haired boy, and I don’t know how I would explain.

“I mean, I topped the first time we did it, but--”

“You two?” I interrupted, twisting to look at him. “You two dated?”

“Yeah, for like a month. We were both messing around, but we did get it on,” he grinned, winking once. “He’s got a cute little body, but he definitely tops.”

“Yeah?” I blushed, nodding slowly.

“He acts really flamboyant, but he has to have the control. Not that you mind, much,” he shrugged, smirking at me. “I’m sure that you don’t mind being dominated.”

“I-I’m going back to work,” I stammered, beginning to stand up.

“Don’t you want to know about the girls?”

I hesitated for a second, before swallowing the lump in my throat. “I… I’ll wait for Louis to come back.”

\-----

“Mmm--!” I squeaked, stretching my back until it popped. “Have we landed?.”

“Yeah,” Liam grinned, wiping his eyes and yawning. It was ungodly early, and we had been sitting in the plane with our teammates for a twenty three hour flight. “Then we get to go home to our gorgeous boyfriends.”

“Your boyfriend, my-”

“He’s your boyfriend, Lou.”

“Not officially,” I huffed, leaning back against the seat. “And until it’s official, he’s my crush.”

“Just make it official already, ask him and he’ll say yes,” the brunette sighed, standing up from the seat. “You know he will.”

“I know, I just- I don’t know, I don’t really want to rush him,” I shrugged, replacing my jean jacket on my shoulders and slowly getting up. “When he’s ready, I’ll ask him out.”

“You guys had phone sex,” he rolled his eyes. “Trust me, he’s ready.”

“He has sex for a living,” I mumbled, watching him take his bag from overhead before handing me mine. “I’m sure it meant nothing.”

“Zayn has sex for a living, and every single time he lets me touch him is magical,” Liam smiled, leading me to the front. “Just because he’s a pornstar doesn’t mean he’ll have sex with anyone. And, anyway, Zayn said that, uh, _Marcel_ has only been doing wanking vids this last week.”

“Really?”

“See, he cares about you, and you should ask him out,” he teased, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as we departed from the plane.

“Yeah, I’ll be seeing him tomorrow at work,” I shrugged, yawning and snaking an arm around his waist.

“Is he not coming to get you?”

“I’m assuming he’s not, it’s way early and he had work last night,” I yawned, adjusting my carry-on and queuing up for the security check. “It’s not like he has a responsibility to come get me, y’know.”

“Then you can come out to breakfast with Zayn and I,” Liam grinned, handing his passport to the security guard and waiting. “We’re just gonna go have something and then head back to my place.”

“That sounds more like a date, I’ll pass.”

“If you say so,” he shrugged, taking his passport back and continuing forward before stopping to wait for me. After getting mine checked, I hurried to his side and rolled my eyes.

“I’m probably just gonna head home and get some sleep,” I grinned, punching his arm gently. “You’re gonna give him the ring, yeah? My baby’s gonna be engaged.”

“Not engaged,” he blushed, letting a smile spread across his face. “It’s more like a promise ring.”

“Yeah, a promise-to-get-engaged ring,” I laughed, pulling my phone out with my free hand and turning it on.

“Louis!”

My eyes blinked up to see the curly-haired boy waving at me from across the room. Feeling my face heat up, I almost stopped dead in my tracks. Forcing myself to take a few steps forward, I ignored Liam’s giggles and “told you so”s.

I was immediately greeted by a passionate kiss, Harry’s arms wrapping around my waist. His lips were turned up in a smile, pressed against my own, and I used my free hand to cup the back of his neck. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until he was here, in my grasp, in my arms.

“Welcome back,” he breathed into the kiss, pushing the back of my jacket up and trailing his fingertips over my flimsy tee.

“I’m home,” I replied, punctuating with another kiss before pulling away far enough to be publicly acceptable. “I didn’t expect you to come get me.”

“What kind of boyfriend would I be otherwise?” He grinned, taking my bag and slinging it over his shoulder. My mouth dropped open, and I felt my heart race in excitement.

“B-boyfriend?”

“T-that’s alright, right?” he flushed, rolling his lip between his teeth. While getting up on my toes, I set both hands on either cheek and pulled him back into a kiss.

“Yes,” I beamed.

\-----

With my breathing out of control, I leaned into the kiss and tangled my fingers in his silky caramel hair. We were dating now. My first relationship in years, and it was with the most perfect boy in the world.

“I love you,” he mumbled, pecking my lips once more before pulling away again.

I opened my mouth to reply, but found the words stuck in my throat. What was the point of practicing for the entire week if I couldn’t say it when it mattered? “Yeah,” I finally said, snaking my hand down his arm before holding his hand. “Yeah.”

“Welcome back,” Zayn giggled, holding his boyfriend but addressing mine. “How was your trip?”

“Pretty good,” Louis replied, his eyes crinkling in such a way that I felt forced to lean over and kiss his temple.

“We missed you guys,” Liam smiled, letting his arm drop before bending down on one knee. “Uh, Zayn,” he stammered, reaching into his coat pocket.

The black-haired man quickly covered his own mouth; even though he had expected the ring, I’m sure he had no idea it would be something like this. “L-li?”

“I just, I want you to stay in my life, and, uh, will you promise to say, _yes_ , when I eventually ask you to marry me?” the brunette stuttered, lifting a small ring box and eyeing his boyfriend hopefully. “So-” he coughed- “Zayn Jawaad Malik, will you be mine?”

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Zayn barely managed to nod before he was down on both knees, his arms tugging Liam into his grip. “Y-yes,” he finally said, pressing their lips together.

The entire airport burst out in cheers and applause, shocking the couple away from each other. I leaned into Louis’ side, admiring the way those two looked at each other. They moved in again, kissing each other softly before standing up slowly.

“I love you,” Liam whispered, slipping the ring onto the other man’s finger.

“I love you too,” Zayn mumbled, nudging his nose into his boyfriend’s cheek. “I love you to the moon and back.”

“So, who is taking who’s name?” I asked slowly, reminding them that we still exist.

“Li, you gotta take Zayn’s,” Louis suggested, giving his best crooked smile. “Liam Malik sounds a lot better than Zayn Payne.”

“Agreed,” I nodded, biting my lip. “Zayn Payne sounds like a superhero name.”

“It’s a little early to think about that,” the puppy-dog eyed boy smiled, a flush across his cheeks.

“You two are perfect,” I giggled, squeezing the hand in mine. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks,” they whispered in unison, before laughing to themselves. I spent a second just watching them, before turning and kissing Louis again. 


	32. Chapter 32

We barely made it into his apartment before our hands were all over each other. Louis pressed me up against the front door, locking it and dropping the bag from my shoulder.

“H-Harry,” he stuttered, closing the gap between our lips and nipping at my mouth. With a desperate whine, I moved forward and dug my fingers into his hair. He set his forearms on either side of my head, deepening the kiss and slotting his thigh between mine.

I gripped onto his shirt, pulling him closer and whining. “B-bedroom,” I stammered, feeling his lips trail down my neck before he took a step back. After kicking off his Toms and dropping his jacket, I pulled out of my sneakers and dropped my vest on the ground before reaching forward and setting my hand flat on his chest. Louis let out a shuddery sigh, letting me push him down the hall and into his bedroom. He fell back onto his mattress, pupils blown and lips red, while digging his fingers into the bedsheets. I ripped open my button down, letting it fall to either side of my chest before crawling over him and pinning him down.

“Fuck, Harry,” Louis moaned, lifting his hand to my bare chest. There were sparks when his skin touched mine, and I dropped to my elbows to kiss him more. His tongue darted into my mouth, before he gripped my hips and rolled over onto me. I let out a soft whine as he bit down my neck, leaving dull marks on the skin. “I wanna- can I?” he breathed onto my chest, licking a circle around my nipple.

“Y-yeah, yeah, god, Lou,” I nodded, gripping the sheets under me and biting my lip. Louis sucked my nipple into his mouth, pulling lightly before rolling it around his teeth. “God, _shit_ , baby,” I repeated, feeling my cock twitch under my jeans. He obviously felt it, because he pushed himself up and moved back to my face. We kissed again, licking at each other.

In one fluid motion, Louis took his shirt off and threw it to the ground, exposing his chest and stomach. His skin was a dark gold, tanned from the Australian sun, and if he ever looked like a God before, it would be nothing compared to this.

“You’re so beautiful,” I mumbled, tugging at his slightly-lightened hair and feeling a smile cross his lips. “And you’re all mine.”

“I love you,” he breathed, getting the fabric off of my arms and throwing the button down to join his tee. I wanted to say it back, but it was caught in my throat. Fluttering my eyes shut, I rolled us over to be over him. If I couldn’t tell him, I could show him.

My lips trailed to his waistband, leaving a dark hickey on his hipbone while my fingers dropped the joggers to around his thighs. He was tenting in his boxers, letting me know just how much he wanted it. I mouthed over the bulge, licking up the fabric and earning a gentle moan. After pulling his underwear down, I let my tongue play at the tip and savor the taste of his precum.

“Oh, Harry,” Louis whimpered, propping himself up on his elbows to watch. My eyes shut as I took his head into my mouth, teasing him. “God, Harry--”

I shut him up quickly by letting my jaw slack and taking his entire length into my mouth. The tip brushed at the back of my throat, and I hallowed my cheeks to increase pressure. Fingers dug into my head, and I glanced up at him through my eyelashes. His mouth was open, his pupils were blown, and he was letting soft whimpers into the air.

I pulled off with a pop, hesitantly dragging my tongue up his vein before pushing myself up to my elbows.

“Shit, Harry,” he moaned, tugging on my upper arms. Taking the hint, I crawled back up to him and caught him in a kiss. He whimpered into my mouth, pulling at my skin before rolling over onto me.

Louis’ mouth left marks over my skin, nipping my v-line while unbuttoning my jeans and tearing them down to around my ankles. I flicked my legs, letting the fabric drop to the floor before propping myself up onto my elbows. “I’ve n-never,” I started, swallowing a lump in my throat. “I’ve never gotten a blowjob before…”

“Fuck, Haz,” he groaned, nipping at my covered cock. “I almost can’t believe it.”

“I-I’ve been saving it for someone special,” I whimpered, bucking my hips up.

“Is that me?”

“Y-yeah,” I nodded, smiling crookedly. “Yeah, it’s you, Lou.”

He had a small grin on his lips as his fingers pulled under my white panties and lowered them to the ground. Now, completely naked, I tugged at the blankets underneath me. Louis took a second to just admire my body, then pressed a soft kiss to the tip of my dick.

“You’re so pretty,” he mumbled, swirling the bead of precum with his tongue. My eyes slammed shut, and my head tipped back.

“O-oh, Lou,” I whimpered, feeling him bob up and down in a steady rhythm. “It feels- oh-” Incoherently whimpering, I slowly peeked one eye open to see both of his blue eyes locked on my face. He winked playfully, before hallowing his cheeks and _fuck me_ if that didn’t feel amazing. “Shit, _Lou_ , I’m gonna cum if you c-continue…!”

His tongue played at my tip once more before he pulled away, then lifted himself up to my lips. Our lips met desperately, while he pawed at my shoulders and I traced his hips. My fingers trailed up his arm, before slipping under his hand and lacing them together. A smile crossed his face, and we slowed our kisses to a softer, more romantic movement.

“I love you,” he whispered, kissing me again. “I love you so much, Harry, I love you I love you, _I love you_.”

“I l- _lo_ \--”

“I know you do,” he beamed, pressing kisses down my jaw. “You don’t need to tell me, I know.”

“I swear to god,” I huffed, tangling my fingers in his hair. “I practiced saying it the entire week, and now I can’t fucking say it.”

“C’mere,” he laughed, pecking my lips and sitting up. “I haven’t had sex in a long while, Harry, I’m probably not going to last very long.”

“I’ve b-been very recent,” I stammered, propping myself on my elbows. “I-”

“Shh,” he interrupted with a kiss. “I don’t care, I just want you to know.”

“Can I ride you?”

He paused, opening his mouth several times before slowly nodding. “Ye- yeah, you can ride me, I’d fucking- _fuck, Harry_ , yeah.”

“Lay down, let me get your kit off,” I breathed, pushing myself up onto my heels. He did, slowly, and lifted his legs up for me to drop his pants. I trailed them down his calves, eyeing the tan line on his thigh; it was amazing to see the difference between his normal golden skin and the skin of an absolute sun god. Once his clothes were on the floor, I took a long second to admire the way his cock was flush against his tummy. “Goddammit, Louis, I lo...”

“I love you too,” he breathed, biting his lip to fight a grin. “Don’t worry babe, I know what you mean.”

“Lube?” I asked, positioning myself over his crotch.

“Yeah, in the nightstand,” Louis mumbled, eyeing my cock slowly. “Condoms, too.”

“I’m clean,” I breathed, leaning over and kissing him while reaching for the drawer. “I actually, uh, prefer no condom, is that okay?”

“God, _fuck_ , yeah,” he moaned, rolling his hips up against my ass. “I’m clean, shit, I want you _so badly_.”

“You got me,” I mumbled, taking the bottle and popping the cap open. Sitting back up, I dribbled some lube over my fingers before wrapping them around his dick. “D’you wanna open me up, or d’you wanna watch?”

“Let me,” he begged, reaching forward to me. “Gimme the bottle.” He took it from my hand, before coating one finger and slapping my ass. “Turn around.”

With a whine, I positioned myself so my ass was facing him, and whimpered when I felt a wet stripe lick across my hole. That definitely wasn’t his finger, and _oh god_ I was getting rimmed. “L-lou,” I pleaded, still pumping him slowly. His tongue pushed in, fucking me roughly, and _jesus christ_ I was gonna cum if he didn’t stop. “Lou, fuck, w-wait….!”

He did pull out slowly, before a lubricated finger took its place. “You taste so good, Harry, I just want to eat you up,” Louis smirked, pumping his finger slowly and earning a series of moans. “I just wanna keep fucking you forever-”

“You- _oh_ \- haven’t even- _fuck, Louis_ \- gotten in yet,” I breathed,  pushing back against his finger. “And if you don’t hurry, I’m gonna- gonna cum…”

“Then fucking ride me already,” he hissed, adding a second finger and scissoring. “God, Haz, you’re so tight.”

“Y-yeah,” I moaned, keeping my hand at a steady pace but mouthing over his base.

“Yeah, fuck,” he gasped, pulling his fingers out. “Ride me, baby, please.”

Nodding slowly, I turned around again and lowered myself on his cock. “Fuck, Lou, you’re so big,” I whimpered, slowly letting him fill my hole. This was amazing, feeling him inside me, with the electricity that is always present when we touch.

As I bottomed out, he called out, “Fuck, fuck fuck _fuck_ ,” while digging his nails into my thighs. His voice was so high, but it still managed to fill the pit of my stomach with heat. I lifted myself back up to the tip, before dropping back down. My cock was leaking already, dripping down onto his tummy every time I bounced on his cock. Although I was doing this so often, I was still so close to cumming all over him. “Harry, fuck,” he groaned, pulling on my hips to speed me up. “I’m so close.”

“M-me too,” I whimpered, rolling my hips before leaning over him. Our lips met, desperately mouthing at each other before I felt my orgasm creep up on me. “L-louis, I’m gonna--”

“ _FUCK_ , me too,” he hissed, thrusting up into my ass just long enough for me to cum all over our chests. I repeated his name until it felt wrong, and I gripped his chest, pressing bruises into his pecs. “Shit, _Harry_ ,” he groaned, shuddering to a stop inside me.

I gasped for breath, collapsing onto his shoulder and letting him take his cock out slowly. Arms wrapped around my shoulders, bringing me closer to his tanned skin.

“I love you,” I mumbled, before pushing myself up to stare at him.

“You said it,” he grinned, crinkling his eyes in a grin. Even like this, red and sweaty, he was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. “You told me you love me.”

“I do love you,” I beamed, connecting our lips quickly. “I love you so, so much.”

“Shit, Harry, I love you too,” he giggled, kissing me again. “Let’s get some sleep.”

“Only if we can cuddle.”


	33. Chapter 33

My eyes blinked open, and I was pleasantly surprised to feel an arm wrapped tight around my waist. A smile crossed my face, and I laced my fingers with his. Gently lifting it to my mouth, I kissed his knuckles one by one. The hand rubbed against my face, pushing my cheek to twist at him.

“G’morning,” Louis mumbled, kissing my face several times and tightening his grip on me.

“Morning,” I giggled, rolling over to face him.  “How’d you sleep?”

“Perfectly,” he whispered, fluttering his eyelashes at me before pecking my lips. “And you?”

“Better than ever before,” I smiled, slipping my arms under his body and pressing closer. “I got to sleep with you.”

“I love you,” he breathed against my lips, earning a soft smile.

“I love you too,” I grinned, rolling onto his chest. “What time is it, babe?”

“Mmm,” Louis blinked, reaching for his phone and checking the time. “Just after 4.”

“I have to go to work in an hour and a half,” I whined, kissing his neck slowly. “Round two?”

“Are you sure you’re up for that?” He asked, although his cock twitched against my thigh. “I don’t want you to be too knackered-”

“Please, Lou? I wanna.”

His mouth opened slowly, before he turned it into a grin and kissed me hard. “Yeah, alright,” he whispered, nipping at my lower lip. “Lay down, I’ll do all the work.”

With a nod, I rolled off of him and stretched my arms down across the mattress. Louis pushed himself up, taking the lube from the nightstand and popping the cap open before kissing down my neck. He stopped to nibble on my neck, and, after a second, I pushed at his shoulders. “N-no marks, babe,” I stammered, biting my lip. As much as I wanted to let the world know that I belong to him, I wasn’t allowed to have any visible lovebites in the videos.

“Right,” he mumbled, glancing up at me through his eyelashes. “You’re a movie star, you can’t have hickeys.” With a soft laugh, I tangled my fingers in his hair while he kissed down my chest. His hand pumped my cock a few times, earning whimpers, before his tongue licked at my tip.

“L-lou,” I whined, digging my fingertips into his scalp. It felt so, so good, and I slammed my eyes shut. “Lou, I want you inside me-”

“Lift your legs to my shoulders,” he ordered, coating his fingers in lube. As soon as my legs were up, a finger pushed in. With a series of whines, I pushed back against it and gripped at the bedsheets. “You love this, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah Louis, I love when you touch me,” I whimpered, tilting my head back and fluttering my eyes open, but then quickly closing them again. Another finger slipped in, easily stretching me open, before scissoring. “O-oh, Louis, I- fuck!”

Suddenly my hole was empty, and another popping noise. “God, Harry,” he groaned, slicking himself up. “I wanna be the last person to fuck you like this--”

“God, Lou, yeah,” I hissed, twisting my head to bite the pillowcase. “I’m yours, only yours, fuck…!”

“I fucking love you,” Louis mumbled, fitting the tip in. He easily slipped in, bottoming out with a long groan. “Yeah, babe, you’re so tight.”

“O-oh, Louis,” I whimpered, locking my ankles together behind his back. He slowly pulled out to the tip, before sliding back in. Leaving a series of noises in the air, I pushed back against his thrusting and traced my fingers down my chest. Once they reached my dick, I gripped the base and slowly pumped myself.

“You’re so good,” he whispered, speeding up his hips. His fingers gripped at my thighs, bending them back against my stomach while he leaned over. Our lips met, kissing gingerly while he fucked into me hard. “You’re so good, baby, you’re my good boy.”

“Louis,” I whined, working my hand in time with his hips. “I’m gonna--”

“Already?” he breathed, adjusting his thrusts to hit my prostate. “C’mon, cum for me.”

It didn’t take very much longer for me to cover my hand with cum, clenching my ass as I did so; I cried out, “Louis _louislouislouislouislouis louu_ \---!” before collapsing back onto the mattress, letting my hands drop.

“Oh, _god_ ,” he hissed, shuddering his thrusts as he finished. His hands caressed my upper thighs, gently relaxing me before pulling out. “Fuck, Haz, I love you.”

“I love you too,” I whispered, trying to steady my breathing. “I love you a lot.”

“You’re the only person,” he started, punctuating with a kiss. “You’re the only person for me.”

“You too, Louis,” I smiled, stroking his cheek slowly. “Only you.”

“Let me be your last,” he whispered, crawling over my chest and kissing me. “Your last kiss-” he pecked me lips- “Your last fuck-” another kiss- “Your last love.”

“I can’t promise the kiss,” I shrugged, wrapping my arms around his shoulder. “I’m an actor, remember? But I can promise the others.”

He fluttered his eyes shut, gently knitting his brow before nodding. “Y-yeah, I can deal with that. As long as I’m the only one that the kisses mean anything for.”

Yeah, darling,” I breathed, kissing his lips softly and holding him to me. “You’re the only one.”

“I love you, sweety,” Louis mumbled, slotting his legs between my thighs. “I love you so much.”

\-----

I swallowed nervously, sitting on the bed. Tonight was a livestream, and I had already cum twice today; there were only so many times a person could orgasm, as I had found out weeks previously. Lucy had handed me a japanese school uniform and a pair of striped panties, making me feel both very innocent and slightly slutty.

“Action,” Marco called unenthusiastically before lifting his tablet.

“Hey everyone,” I grinned, putting my knees together and rolling my lip between my teeth. “I’m Marcel, and I’m gonna be fucking myself with a dildo.”

“ **Grimmyshaw** says--”

“I don’t give a fuck what Grimmyshaw says,” I interrupted, sticking my tongue out. “I’m a rebellious teenager, so _fuck_.”

“ **CumLvr** says: ‘now that’s my type: sarcastic and slutty’.”

“Shut up, geezer,” I hissed, swallowing the lump in my throat. It wasn’t my character to be mean, but I guess I had to. Something Marco had said in passing.

“ **Grimmyshaw** says: ‘shit, that’s a new side to you’.”

“Are you ready for me to fuck myself? Or are you guys content just to watch me?”

“ **TenInches** says: ‘keep the costume, but fuck your ass’.”

Nodding slowly, I reached down and gripped a dildo. I had promised Louis that he would be the only one to touch me, but I’m sure I could use a fake one. Not that he would ever know, that is. Liam, Zayn, and Niall promised never to tell, and I’m sure that he wouldn’t stumble across my website. Taking the bottle of lube, I poured the liquid over the silicone and slicked it up. Rolling on the bed so my ass was facing the camera, I slowly took the panties down to my knees before flicking the skirt up.

“ _Twinkletoes_ says: ‘you’re so loose’.”

I had completely forgotten. It had only been around two hours since I had had Louis’ cock up my ass, and I was sure that I hadn’t closed completely.

“Yeah, I’m a slut,” I hissed, positioning the dildo at my hole. It slid in easily, with the base pressing up against my skin in one fluid motion. “I’m such a slut.”

“ **Cummin666** says: ‘fuck marcel, I wish you were mine’.”

“Too bad,” I mumbled, rolling my hips to get the toy in a better position. Slowly pumping the dildo in and out, I let out soft little moans and fluttered my eyes shut. Louis was there, behind my eyelids, egging me towards the orgasm that was building in my stomach.

“ **Grimmyshaw** asks what you meant by that?”

“I-” I started, before brushing the bundle of nerves and letting out a cry. “I-I’m a slut, and I don’t settle down--!”

“ **Fuckin69** says: ‘your ass is so pretty, I just want to kiss it’.”

Rolling my eyes, I fucked back on the toy until I was leaking precum onto the inside of the skirt. “Oh, _oh_ ,” I whimpered, letting my face drop to the mattress and pumping my cock. It felt amazing, and I ended up cumming on the inside of my skirt.

“I guess that’s it,” Marco said, shrugging.

Glancing over my shoulder, I nodded slowly. “See you next week, guys.”

The cameras clicked off, and I quickly pulled myself off the bed, dropped the dildo onto the sheets, and reached for the director’s sleeve. He stopped to look at me, and I realized it probably looked really weird to anyone else; I was wrecked with cum dripping down my front.

“Marcel?” he asked slowly, blinking at me.

“Why- we need to talk,” I whispered, feeling a blush spread over my cheeks. He nodded reluctantly, before pulling away.

“Get dressed, you can, uh, meet me in my office,” he gestured, before stepping out. With a sigh, I bent over and lifted the panties to my hips. Sighing softly, I moved out into the hallway before stepping into the dressing room. After stripping naked, I got into a pair of jeans, a tee, and my shoes, then crossed out into the lobby again. Every step seemed harder than the one previous, and, after a long time, I reached the door of Marco’s office.

“Come in,” he said in response to my knock. Slowly entering, I closed the door behind me and moved to the seat across from his desk. “So, uh, you wanted to talk?”

Swallowing, I noticed how he was avoiding looking at me. “W-why are you ignoring me?” I mumbled, wringing my fingers.

“I’m not ignoring you,” he shrugged, leaning back in his chair.

“Yes, you are,” I sniffled, dropping my vision to the ground. “Why?”

“It’s nothing,” Marco said after a moment, pinching his temples. “It’s really nothing.”

“If it’s nothing, then tell me,” I begged, knocking my ankles together under my chair.

“I had a fucking _wet dream_ about you, alright?”

Blinking several times, I shot my head back up to look at him before rolling my lip between my teeth. “W-what?”

“Yeah, it was you, and you were in my dream, and I fucked you until you bled,” he repeated, his face turning red. “And I felt really weird, seeing you every night with that in my head.”

“Is that it?” I grinned, feeling the weight drop off my shoulders. “Geez, Marco, you really had me worried!”

“What?”

“I thought I had fucked everything up,” I laughed, leaning forward and resting my elbows on the desk. “You can dream about me all the time, I don’t even care. I’m sure your husband minds more than I do.”

“Seriously? That’s- that’s it?” he repeated, shaking his head in disbelief. “I swear to god, Harry, I cannot read you.”

“I’m just having a good day,” I beamed, giggling to myself. “Guess who finally got the balls to ask Louis out?”

“You go, sweety!” He cheered, reaching for my hand and patting it softly. “So, wanking vids from now on?”

“If that’s alright.”

“Yeah, totally,” he smiled, turning to a notepad and jotting something down. “Maybe a blowjob every once in a while, if he’s down with that.”

“Only if it’s Zayn or Niall,” I shrugged, feeling a little insecure. I hadn’t even thought about that- would he consider a blowjob as cheating? “I think it’d be okay if it’s those two.”

“Zac… and Edie…” he said slowly, writing their names down. “You guys are good friends, huh?”

“Yeah, we’ve gotten really close,” I nodded. “Zayn just got engaged this morning, to one of Louis’ best friends.”

“I heard, he’s doing a psa right now,” Marco grinned, pointing to the ground. He’s in the studio, if you want to go interrupt.”

“Thank you so much, Marco!” I beamed, standing up and going back out into the lobby. Jumping down the first few steps, I opened the door to the studio and waved at one of the cameramen. Zayn was standing there, facing the camera, absolutely glowing.

“--so that’s why tonight is my last night,” he finished, clapping his hands together. He was so happy, and I imagined that it was because of Liam; rushing to his side, I pressed a kiss to his cheek before turning and hurrying back to the door. He bit his lip and closed his eyes, before letting out a soft chuckle. “Yeah, I love you too.”

Giggling, I moved back into the hall and dropped the rest of the stairs. After slipping on my hoodie (honestly, I think it was Louis’, but I really didn’t care), I stepped out into the cold and headed towards the train station. ( **Shift over! I’m heading back to my place. Love you!** )

\-----

With a yawn, I unlocked the door to my flat and pushed it open. The lights were all off, but the room was dimly lit anyways; I stepped in, closed the door, and was halfway through taking off my shoes when I heard it. There was music. Soft, gentle, romantic piano music. Straightening up, I noticed that the light was coming from candles, lit and placed around my bed and-- _oh_.

“Welcome home,” Louis chirped, sitting on the edge of my mattress. His hard features were softened by the candlelight, and the warm tones made his tanned skin even more beautiful.  My heart was racing as I gingerly stepped closer, barefoot on the cold hardwood floor.

“A-are you really here?” I breathed, briefly wondering how long he’d been sitting there and just waiting.

“Yeah, I’m here,” he grinned, nibbling on his lower lip. “I didn’t want to sleep alone.”

With a happy giggle, I fell forward, setting my hands on his shoulders and gently pushing back onto my rock hard mattress, and wait a second, it wasn’t rock hard. He set his hands on my waist, bracing me while I fell between his legs. “This isn’t my bed,” I breathed, pecking his cheek.

“I got you a new mattress,” he replied, trailing his fingers to my face and kissing me delicately. “I ordered it a while back, and I finally got it delivered today while you were at work.”

“Why are you so good to me?”

“Because I love you,” the caramel-haired man smiled, trailing one of his hands to my shoulder and pulling me closer.

“I love you too,” I giggled, catching his lips and breathing in his scent. After a second of just kissing, I pulled away and nudged his cheek with my nose. “You’re absolutely perfect for me.”

“We were made for each other,” he whispered, letting me slip my arm under his neck to tug him closer. “I knew it from the moment I saw you in the cafe.”

“You’re such a sap,” I mumbled, rolling onto my side and tucking his head under my chin. “And I love it. Jesus christ, this mattress is _heavenly._ ”

“You’re heavenly.”

“Fucking kiss me already,” I grinned, tilting my head down to catch his lips. Louis purred into my mouth, wrapping his arms around my neck before tugging me closer. My hand snuck around his waist, pushing the back of his shirt up and caressing the skin there.

We mouthed I love you against each other’s lips several times, before he let my tongue dart into his mouth. I traced his teeth, before slowly playing with his tongue; he tasted sweet, as if he had only been eating candy for the last week. He tugged my hair gently, and I rolled onto him, slotting our legs together as if it was meant to be.

A whimper left his mouth, letting me know how he was feeling, and I trailed my lips up his jaw, stopping at his earlobe. “Kiss me like we’re married,” I whispered, gripping at his skin before moving back to his lips. There was a soft _yes_ before he started reacting, nipping at my mouth and caressing my neck.

We were finally together, and everything felt perfect. Louis was touching me, softly, gently, as if I was the only thing in the world, and I felt high. Maybe I was floating. I felt like I was floating. He tugged at the collar of my shirt, and I separated only long enough to rip my tee off of my chest before kissing him again. My fingers went down his shirt, undoing the buttons and opening his shirt. We kissed more, panting into each other’s mouth.

“Your necklace tickles,” he giggled against my lips, and I glanced down at the paper airplane charm around my neck. It was against his collarbone, brushing the tattoo littered there. “You’re so pretty- are you wearing _makeup_?”

“The studio had me put on a little mascara,” I mumbled, leaning down and nibbling at his neck. “The director told me that my eyelashes have their own following.”

“Of course they do,” he snorted, curling a lock of my hair around his finger. “You can count me plus-one in that group.”

“You like my eyelashes?” I grinned, tracing kisses back up his neck to his jaw.

“O-oh,” Louis moaned, tilting his head back. “Yeah, yeah, I love your eyelashes.”

“C’mon,” I breathed, pushing myself up onto my elbows. “Let’s get ready for bed, boobear.”

He blinked at me a few times. “Boobear?”

“Yeah, that’s your new nickname,” I giggled, pressing a sloppy kiss to his nose before standing up. “I still only have the one toothbrush, soo-”

“Go check out the bathroom,” he grinned, slowly pushing himself up and dropping his button down to the floor. “I got you some more stuff.”

“You rich bugger,” I huffed, moving to the door and slowly pushing it open. There were more candles, lighting the sink and- and a new mirror. And flowers.

“I, uh,” he shrugged, coming up behind me. “I got you some new stuff in the kitchen too, I just figured that you deserved better than this shit.”

“Louis,” I breathed, moving to the sink and fingering the dozen red roses. With tears in my eyes, I turned back to him and grinned. “I’m so in love with you.”

“You aren’t mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?”  My hand took his, lifting it to my lips and covering it with kisses. “I’m- well, I’m honored.”

“I love you,” he grinned, stepping forward and catching my lips. “I love you so, so much.”

“Mmm- is it too early to ask you to marry me?” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Yes, Harold, it’s too early,” Louis mumbled, rubbing his nose against mine. “But, for the record, I would say yes.”

“Which sounds better, Harry Tomlinson or Louis Styles?”

“You’re ridiculous,” he snorted, rolling his eyes and pulling back. “Brush your teeth, I’m ready for bed.”

“Alright, boo,” I breathed, letting my hands trail down his back before reaching for the sink.

“I, uh, brought a set of night-time stuff for myself,” he stammered, picking up a toothbrush that was obviously new. “Just some face wash and my toothbrush- is that alright?”

“Yes, Louis,” I beamed, wetting my brush and putting it in my mouth. “whh’s mmn ish yurs.”

“You’re ridiculous. Wait until you’re done brushing before you talk,” he sighed, covering his face with some sort of soap. While watching him through the mirror, I felt my heart almost melt. He was so gorgeous, with his caramel-haired fringe, pushed up while he was covering his forehead with the cream. His blue eyes were popping against his golden skin, and his sinfully pink lips were pursed in concentration.

“Yrr rlly beryfl,” I mumbled, muffled by the toothbrush.

“What did I just say?” He laughed, lifting his own brush and putting toothpaste on it. “You really can’t wait two minutes to tell me something?” Shaking my head, I pressed my lips to his quickly, before he pushed me back by my shoulders. “Ugh, that’s gross Harold!”

“Yrr lrly gnn-”

“Take that damn toothbrush out of your mouth!”

Rolling my eyes, I washed my toothbrush before rinsing my mouth out briefly, then turned to him. “You were literally going to brush your teeth, I just wanted to give you a headstart.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he scoffed, but couldn’t hide the smile crossing his face. “Go get changed, I’m still gonna be here for a little bit.”

“Alright,” I breathed, pressing a soft kiss to his neck before moving back into the living room. I dropped my jeans, before falling onto the soft mattress. It sunk under me, letting me relax. Sighing happily, I glanced up at the ceiling; it was illuminated by the candles, and I swear this shitty apartment never felt more like a home. Fluttering my eyes shut, I briefly wondered how my life had been flipping so much recently; from alone, to in love, to anorexic, to in love again.

A force hit my stomach, and I blinked my eyes open. Louis was grinning at me, wearing a pair of glasses that got my heart racing.

“It’s not legal for you to wear those,” I breathed, tracing up to his face and playing at the lenses.

“What?”

“If we hadn’t already fucked twice, I reckon I’d be riding your cock,” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. “Those glasses are the sexiest fucking things I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah? You like them?” He smirked, setting his forearms on either side of my head. “I guess I’ll wear them more often.”

“Did you blow out the candles in the bathroom?” I asked, twirling his hair around my finger.

“Yeah-”

“D’you wanna get these candles, or should I?”

“I’ll do it, it gives me a chance to look at your cute body,” Louis grinned, pushing himself back up to his feet. My eyes traced his bum- he dropped his jeans at some point, showing a pair of striped boxer briefs- and I admired the way it flexed when he walked. One by one, the candles were blown out, filling the room with darkness.

“Get back over here,” I ordered as the last candle went out. Hands fumbled over my skin before a body fell between my legs. Kisses were pressed to my chest, and I let out a soft giggled. “Too low, c’mere.”

“Maybe I wanna kiss your pecs,” he huffed, before trailing his tongue against the skin. “Or maybe I wanna sleep in your arms, forever and ever.”

“Go ahead,” I grinned, closing my eyes and letting him rest on me. “I’m yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So somebody suggested I make a tumblr for this story? here>>> http://twinkoftheweek.tumblr.com/


	34. Chapter 34

**A day in the life of Liam and Zayn**

Letting my eyelashes flutter open, I wet my lower lip and yawned. The alarm, ringing on the nightstand, got my attention just long enough to untangle my hand from under my partner’s arm. After clicking the noise off, I gently nudged his shoulder while pressing a gentle kiss to his neck; The natural light coming from the windows hit his face, softening the strong jaw and cheekbones.

Squeezing my face next to his, I giggled into his skin. Liam was so handsome, in a way that I normally wasn’t into; I usually preferred my boys lankier, as I was usually more aggressive in bed. Yet, the muscled arms that were wrapped around my waist felt natural.

“Li, babe,” I mumbled, nudging my thigh between his. “I need to get up, I have work in an hour.”

“Nmmm,” he grumbled, furrowing his brows and pulling at my skin. “D’y haf te go?”

“I have kindergarteners that need me to teach them how to draw,” I breathed, mouthing over his neck again. Sucking a bit of skin between my teeth, I left a hickey before pushing myself up onto my elbows. “I’m gonna shower.”

“I’ll be there in a bit,” he yawned, reluctantly dropping his arm from my waist. “Love you.”

“Love you too, darling,” I beamed, getting to my feet and stretching. His floor, a plush carpet, played between my toes as I moved from his bedroom into the hall. One wall was full windows, giving a beautiful view over London, and I traced my fingers across the glass, slowly stepping towards the bathroom.

Liam was probably rich, as he was goalie for Manchester United football team. His penthouse, probably bigger than the house I grew up in, was full of expensive furniture and exercise equipment. I felt so intimidated here, but if he was comfortable, I was comfortable.

The tiles of the bathroom were cold under my feet, and I took no time in hurrying to the shower stall. The water was automatically hot, covering my body in droplets. We had, obviously, slept naked last night; I had quit my porn job for him, and-- let’s just say he appreciated it. My ass stung under the heat, alluding to the previous night. We had switched roles occasionally, making Liam the first guy to ever dominate me.

Closing my eyes with a yawn, I soaked my hair and tilted my head up to the shower head. The stall behind me opened, letting the cold air in, then it closed again. Arms wrapped around my waist, and I leaned back into them.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Liam mumbled against my neck, his voice husky and tired. “How did I get so lucky?”

“I could ask the same,” I whispered, twisting to face him and fluttering my eyes open. His face was covered in stubble, enhancing his jawline and making him look rugged. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he grinned, connecting his lips to mine. Slowly pressing me up against the wall, he set his forearms on either side of my head, kissing me roughly. My fingers pinched at his skin, tugging him closer to me. I opened my mouth, letting him dip his tongue in, while moving one hand to the back of his neck and cupping him closer.

Smiling against him, we kissed for a moment before I pushed his shoulder back. “Darling, I really need to get ready for work-”

“Alright,” he sighed, stepping back and eyeing me slowly. “God, you’re so sexy.”

“As if you could even handle going again,” I smirked, switching positions with him so he could soak under the water while I shampooed my hair.

“Just because you’re an ex-porn star,” he started, closing his eyes and tilting his head under the water. “Doesn’t mean that I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Li, I fucked you three times.”

“And I fucked you four.”

“Where the hell _did_ you get that stamina?” I asked, stepping in between his legs and letting the water rinse the soap away.

“I wank to you all the time,” he teased, running his fingers through my hair. “Plus, I’m an active young boy.”

“I like how you mention that second,” I grinned, leaning forward and kissing him quickly.

“I like how you don’t mind that I still have all your videos saved to my desktop,” Liam countered, massaging my scalp. “For when you aren’t here.”

“Maybe I’ll make you some special, _private_ videos,” I mumbled, kissing him again. I knew I had to get out and get dressed, otherwise I would miss my train to the campus, but when he was moving against me like this--

“Quickie before you leave?” Liam breathed, grinding against my semi-hard cock.

“Take me to the bedroom,” I ordered, hooking one leg over his hip before letting him lift me and turn off the water. He easily carried me out of the shower stall and down the hall, dripping on the tiles and carpet before I was dropped onto the blankets. He straddled my hips, biting down on my collarbone while pumping himself slowly.

“Fuck, Liam,” I whined, locking my ankles together behind my back. “Fuck me, please--”

“Not twelve hours ago,” he started, using one arm to hold himself up while dropping his other hand to hold my thigh. “You were telling me _oh, I’ve never done this, I won’t like it,_ and now listen to you.”

“Please baby, fill up my ass and make me yours,” I pleaded, gripping his shoulders. “Please.”

“Condom or no?”

“Yeah, easy clean up,” I nodded, dropping one hand to the mattress and fumbling for the nightstand. The lube was right next to the alarm clock, and I easily popped the lid open(we had broken the latch in desperation last night) while he was scrounging for a condom in the drawer. I coated my fingers, before reaching down and slipping a finger into my ass. It went in easily, as did the second. Slowly pumping myself, I whimpered into the air.

“Shit, Zayn,” he groaned. “You’re so loud.”

“Fuck me already,” I begged, stretching my hole and fluttering my eyes. “I wanna feel you.”

Liam nodded, rolling the condom up his cock before positioning his tip at my hole. He pushed in in one smooth motion, his balls flat against my ass. My mouth dropped open in a silent moan, and I gripped the bedsheets with both hands.

“Yeah, you like that,” he breathed, setting his arms on either side of my chest to hold himself up while pulling out to his head. He thrusted back in, rolling his hips at the end, before repeating the motion again.

“Li-liam,” I whined, my legs shaking in pleasure. I felt so weak around him, although it also made me feel strong.

“Fuck, Zayn,” he hissed, using one hand to grip the headboard. The thrusts sped up, as well as getting faster, fucking me until I saw lights. I vaguely heard banging, and I wondered if it was the headboard or the bed frame. Pushing back against him, I gripped his shoulders and whined.

“Lay back,” I whispered, and he did so, pulling all the way out and laying flat on his back. After getting onto my knees, I straddled his hips and slowly lowered myself onto his cock. “Fuck, Liam, you’re so big-”

“Kiss me,” he hissed, using his free hand to jerk my cock. Holding myself up with one arm, I used the other to cup the back of his head, pressing our lips together while I rode him. The heat in my gut was building, and I rolled my hips only two more times before covering his chest with cum.

“Sh-it-” I moaned, bouncing a few more times until he took over.

“Zaynzayn _zayn_ ,” Liam called, pinching my hip and thrusting up into my hole. He finished quickly, collapsing onto his back. “Shit, babe.”

“You have a minute for cuddles,” I mumbled, falling onto his chest and lifting my bum. He slowly took his cock out, before replacing his arms around my waist and pressing us together.

“You know I need a solid ten minutes.”

“And now _I_ need to shower again, so you only have one.”

\-----

Running my paintbrush over the canvas, I tugged my lip between my teeth in concentration. After a week of slaving over this sketch of Harry, I was finally adding color. Out of the corner of my eye, I was watching my students all doodling on paper. There was only around ten kindergarteners, all with their buddies; Our school had a program in which the older students would hang out with the younger ones every Monday.

This meant that I actually had some free time to work on my own piece. The colors I had chosen were dull, all but the green for his eyes- that was how I saw Harry, after all. His eyes were so bright that he saw everything in shadow, focusing only on the darkness of life. He was washed out, waiting for someone to come and light him up again.

Liam was convinced that Louis was that person, but until he would come clean, he was still on my shit list. Harry trusted that man with his life, willing to tell him everything, and Louis held secrets back. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t know if I would ever trust him.

“Mr. Malik?”

Turning to face the voice, I saw a sixth grader on the other side of my desk. “Yes, uh, Tom?”

“May I use the restroom?” he asked, pulling on his uniform.

“Yes, of course,” I nodded, handing him a hall pass. Slowly watching him leave the room, I stood up and moved to the now-alone kindergartener. “Hey Emily, wanna show me what you’re drawing?”

“I’m d’awing my unico’n,” she grinned, lifting up her paper to show a bunch of scribbles vaguely in the form of a horse.

“Very pretty! Is it a boy or a girl unicorn?” I beamed, crouching down next to her. She was always drawing mythical creatures; just Friday she had handed me a paper with some American monster named The Rake on it.

“Neidder,” she huffed, putting the paper back down and lifting her crayon back up. “Unico’ns aw unico’ns.”

“Well, does it have a name?”

“Camille,” she nodded, writing it as camel. “Camille loves to wide wainbows.”

“Do you like to ride with Camille?”

“Yup!”

“I’m back, Mr. Malik,” Tommy said, catching my attention.

“Oh! Okay,” I grinned. “Why don’t you tell Tommy about Camille?”

“Okay!”

Standing up, I stretched my back until it popped before stepping back to my desk. After picking up my paintbrush, I started back in on the painting. I still think Harry was one of my best friends, right up there with Niall and now Liam, even if he was naive.

“Sooo, is that Harry?” a voice asked from behind me, causing me to actually jump in my seat. Spinning on the chair, I was face-to-face with my boyfriend, clean shaven and grinning.

“Li?” I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks heat up. “What are you doing here?”

“I was on my way to training and I thought I’d pop in,” he explained slowly, pointing to a sticker on his hoodie. “See, I’m a _visitor_.”

“Let me introduce you to the kids,” I breathed, smiling softly. After getting to my feet and resting my hand on his upper arm(gently squeezing his muscles), I turned to the class. “Hey everyone, we have a special guest!”

They all went quiet, unreasonably quickly, and gazed up at us intently. “H-hey,” Liam stammered, waving his hand hesitantly.

“This is my fiance, Mr. Payne,” I explained, nibbling my lip and glancing at him. “He’s come to say hello!”

A little girl raised her hand. “What’s a fiance?”

“Someone you promise to marry,” Liam grinned, putting his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

“My mommy said that you need to have a boy and a gi’l to get mawwied,” another girl said, not accusingly, but curious.

“Not always,” I started, setting my hand over my heart. “All you need is love.”

“You two aw in luff?” the first girl asked, resting her chin on her hands.

“Yes,” Liam beamed, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “We’re in love.”

“Are you Liam Payne?” Mikey, a sixth grader, wondered, shooting his hand in the air. “From MU?”  
“Uh, yeah,” he nodded, shrugging. “Goalie for three years straight.”

Suddenly all the sixth graders’ hands were up.

“I watched your game last week!”

“Is Jennings alright?”

“What happened to Tomlinson, why hasn’t he played this season?”

“How did you meet Mr. Malik?”

“Are you guys going to Worlds?”

“One at a time,” I yelped, clapping my hands together. “Come on, kids, you know better than to overload people with questions.”

“Who’s your best friend on the team?” One of the kids asked.

“Louis Tomlinson, number 5,” he grinned, squeezing my shoulders. “It was actually through a friend of his that I met your teacher.”

“Why hasn’t he been playing?”

“An injury, but he’ll be back next season, no worries.”

“Are you gay?”

We both paused. I reckon that was a normal question for a thirteen year old, but we couldn’t answer that in class. Then I’d have to explain what gay was, and that was a conversation I couldn’t have with kindergarteners.

“I don’t think love sees genders,” he answered, gesturing between us with his hands.

“Next question,” I rushed, wringing my fingers. “Last one before he has to go.”

“Trying to get rid of me?” he huffed, pouting at me, but I did my best to ignore him.

“No, you have training to get to,” I mumbled, fluttering my eyelashes at him. “Although I _might_ kick you out if you keep looking so cute.”

“When did you start playing football?” One of the boys asked, wearing a Manchester sweatshirt.

“I’ve played since…” he paused to think, before shrugging. “I played since I was little, although I never focused on it til I was sixteen. Before that, I was planning on being a track star- I almost went to the Olympics.”

“Really?” I exclaimed, turning to look at him. “You learn something new every day.”

“Yeah, I was on the reserve list, but it never ended up going anywhere,” he shrugged, looking a little disappointed. “My coach pointed out that I would do well in footie, and I somehow ended up goalie. I don’t even get to run around.”

“So, uh,” I said slowly, making a note that I would talk to him about this later. “Class, can we thank Mr. Payne for coming in today?”

“ _Thank you_ ,” everyone called at once, and I walked him back out to the classroom door.

He was stood outside, hands still in his pockets, and I sighed. “Thanks for coming by,” I whispered, letting him take my hand. He lifted it to his lips and pressed a kiss to my knuckles.

“I just wanted to see you again,” Liam grinned, rubbing a circle into my palm. “I’m gonna be at training until late, so you have the extra key-”

“I think I’m going to go back to my place tonight,” I shrugged, still smiling. “I have to work together a lesson plan for this week for each grade, and I’ll be up really late. I don’t want to keep you from your well-deserved sleep.”

“Alright then,” he nodded, squeezing my hand. “I’ll call you when I get home.”

“I love you,” I grinned. He was the absolute best; a lot of people wouldn’t be so understanding.

“Love you too,” he beamed, his entire face scrunching in joy. “Am I allowed to kiss you?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think so,” I sighed, letting his hand go reluctantly and huffing. “But I’ll see you a little later, alright?”

“Sounds good. Bye, babe,” Liam smiled, stepping down the hall towards the front desk. After watching him leave, I turned back to the class and grinned.

“So that was our special guest! Does anyone wanna take a hand at drawing him?”

\-----

My head was resting in my hands, massaging at my temple. Mondays were the worst. Yes, I had the free time when the buddies were here, but as soon as that was done, the kids were all jumpy and excited from their weekend. They had seen each other just two days ago, yet they act like years had passed.

I never wanted to be a teacher. Art was my passion, yes, but graffiti art. Tattoos. That was what I wanted to do with my life. I had several, all easily hidden by a button down and a jumper, which was all I was allowed by the school board.

“Zayn,” came from the hall, and I twisted to look at the Head Disciplinarian, Paul. “The Headmaster would like to see you in his office.”

“Alright,” I groaned, cracking my neck before standing up. It was after classes, thank god, and I slowly made my way down the hall.  There were a few students left on campus, mainly in clubs, and they all greeted me with an equal amount of respect. Yawning, I slowly opened the office door and smiled. “You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, Mr. Malik, please sit down,” he said slowly, gesturing to a chair. After I did so, he set both of his hands down on the desk. “We, uh, had a call from a parent a few minutes ago that I would like to address.”

“Of course,” I nodded, rubbing my forearm nervously. “What is this about?”

“One of your students said that you were, well, married to a man,” he explained. “Is this true?”

“I’m not married yet, no,” I mumbled, biting my lip and furrowing my brows. This couldn’t be good. “But yes, I’m engaged to a man.”

“Cheers,” he nodded, before flipping through some papers. “We’re gonna have to hold you on a suspension.”

“What? Why?”

“The parent was worried that you’re touching the children,” the headmaster said slowly, as if I was a child. “So we have to do an investigation.”

“Why the _fuck_ would I be touching children?” I snapped, clenching my fingers into a fist. “Being gay doesn’t make you an automatic pedophile!”

“I’m sure this has nothing to do with your sexuality,” he sighed, handing me a stack of papers. “You’ll be out for the rest of the week, and then we’ll call you.”

“No! Fuck you and your homophobic school,” I hissed, standing up. “There were no problems when I was supposedly straight, and now that I’m not, I’m a child molester? Fuck you! I quit!”

He was silent as I stormed out, rushing through the halls back to my classroom. I grabbed my canvas, my bag, and my jacket, before huffing out of the building. The school was only a few blocks from a train station, and I felt myself almost tearing up by the time I got there.

\-----

With a pint of ice cream, I had covered myself in a blanket and collapsed on the couch about three shitty movies ago. Now that I was unemployed, I would be forced to go and find another job quickly. However, tonight was my pity party. My I-lost-my-job-because-I’m-gay pity party.

The front door opened, and I quickly sat up. There were only two people that had a key- Harry and Liam. Holding my now mostly-empty ice cream container to my chest, I rolled my lip between my teeth and waited. Whoever it was had no reason to not cuddle me right now, and I was going to require it.

“Hey love,” Liam beamed, coming into the living room with his coat still on. “I just wanted to pop in and tell you good night.”

“Get over here,” I ordered, snapping my fingers and setting the bucket on the coffee table. He did so, with a smile on his lips, and as soon as he sat down next to me, I threw my head on his lap. “I’ve had a shit day.”

“Aww, darling,” he pouted, running his fingers through my quiff. “What happened?”

“I lost my job- okay, well, technically I quit,” I huffed, closing my eyes and trying to absorb his warmth. He always managed to calm me down, which was a terribly hard task(I become a sobbing mess if I have to deal with problems by myself).

“Why? I thought you loved teaching art.”

“Sure, until they started accusing me of touching the children-”

“ _WHAT_ the _FUCK_?” He yelled, punching the back of the sofa. “Why the fuck would they think that?”

“They never said it, but I assume it’s because I’m gay,” I shrugged, nuzzling my nose into his tummy. “So I told them to fuck themselves.”

“I really hope you used better words,” he sighed in frustration.

“Nope, I literally told the headmaster to fuck off,” I grinned, lacing my fingers and resting my hands on my chest. “I managed to get my painting before I left though.”

“Zayn, darling, Z,” he said, slowly massaging my hair. “You can’t just swear at everyone who upsets you.”

“I know,” I shrugged, fluttering my eyes open to look at him. “But I’m going to curse at a guy who calls me a child molester.”

“So now what? You’re unemployed, right?”

“I reckon I’ll look into working at a tattoo place,” I beamed, eyeing him carefully. He was so handsome, literally glowing from his tan. “You’ve got a couple, don’t you?”

“Yeah, seven,” Liam nodded, leaning over and pressing a kiss to my nose. “And you have a ton, yeah?”

“Mm, yeah,” I grinned, sitting up and stretching my back. “Can we snog?”

“Fuck, yeah,” he huffed, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. Leaning back into him, I connected our lips and pulled at the back of his head. We kissed desperately, knocking our tongues together while tracing our hands over each other’s body. I straightened myself up, climbing into his lap while continuing the kisses. He pulled at my jumper, lifting it over my head and tossing it to the floor. “Z, can we fuck?”

“Yeah, shit,” I moaned, pushing my fingers up the bottom of his jersey and twisting his nipples. “Lemme take you, shit-”

“God, fuck, yeah,” he breathed, immediately switching to submissive. “Tell me what to do, Z.”

“Get your kit off, let me see,” I ordered, moving off of him onto the cushions. Almost immediately, Liam stripped his shirt off, showing a bruise forming under his left pec and a grass stain on his lower stomach. My fingers pressed over the light blue mark, earning a soft whimper. He hated to admit it, but he definitely had a pain kink.

“How’d you get this?” I whispered, leaning forward and gently licking the mark. It tasted slightly salty, hinting at sweat, and I wondered how he looked when he was working out.

“Got hit by the ball,” he whimpered, tangling his fingers in my hair.

“Did you get turned on by the way it hurt?”

“Yeah, fuck, I did,” he admitted, bucking his hips in the air. “Please Z, touch me…!”

“I can’t touch you with your joggers on,” I teased, running my finger down his thigh. “So…”

He quickly slipped his fingers under the waistband, then threw them down to his knees quickly. “Now, please?”

“Look at you,” I whispered, moving my mouth to his cock and kissing it gingerly. “So excited. Tell me how big you are.”

“Ten and a half,” he moaned, gripping at the sofa. “Please, Zayn-”

“Call me master and I might let you cum.”

“Fuck, _master_ ,” Liam whined, looking at me with blown eyes. “Master, please.”

“Get on your knees,” I hissed, sitting up straight and unzipping my skinnies. “Suck on my cock, slave.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded, dropping to the floor in front of me and helping my jeans down my legs. Gripping the base of my cock, I bit my tongue and admired the way he was looking at me. “Let me suck your cock, please.”

Flicking my wrist, I smacked my cock against his lower lip teasingly. His mouth dropped open, chasing it with his tongue, but I kept moving it around. It smacked against his chin, his cheeks, and even the underside of his nose, before he finally caught it.

He quickly deepthroated me, desperate to please, and bobbed up and down. I dug my fingers into the back of his head, forcing him deeper. “Yeah, Li, that feels so good,” I groaned, fighting to not thrust my hips up. After a moment more, I pulled his head off and gazed at him. His face was red, his lips were swollen, and his pupils were blown. “Meet me on the bed, slave.”

“Y-yes Master,” he breathed, his voice hoarse. Slowly, he stood up, and I noticed that his cock was literally dripping. As soon as he left the room, I tilted my head back and let out a shuddered sigh; shit, that was hot. Submissive Liam was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen, and if I wanted to keep my composure, I’d have to take a break. After a second, I pushed myself up to my feet and crossed into the bedroom.

He was there, on his hands and knees, with his bum facing towards me. The bottle of lube was resting on the small of his back, and, at the lack of a condom, I clenched my hands. “Shit, L,” I breathed, coming up behind him and pressing my finger to the crease of his balls.

“Please, Master,” he begged, tightening his grip on the blankets. “Please let me cum.”

“Mm, maybe,” I breathed, sitting behind him and licking at his hole. He whined loudly, letting me know that yes, he did like that. Rolling my tongue, I pushed it just past the tip and moved it in back and forth. He was loose, from the night previous, and I pulled back to sit up fully. “Do y’like when I tongue fuck you?”

“Oh, babe, yeah,” he whined.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean-- _Master_ , it feels so good.”

“Good slave,” I winked, before opening the lube and coating my fingers. Starting him out with two fingers, I easily rolled my fingers back to forth while pumping in and out. Delicious noises were leaving his mouth, and I swear to god that I wanted to just eat him up.

“Pl-please, Master, fuck me-”

I removed my fingers, and easily lubed my cock up before pushing in. He collapsed, flat on the bed, and I covered him with my body. We had learned that this position helped us go deeper, and I slowly rolled my hips against him. It was slow, deliberate, yet hard. My hips rocked back, pulling out slightly, before knocking in again.

“O-oh, Master, it feels so- _oh_ ,” he begged, hiding his face in the pillow.

“You’re so good, slave, you’re so good for me,” I mumbled, kissing the back of his neck. Rocking my hips back and forth, I felt the heat in my gut growing, spreading up my chest and filling my heart.

“Please let me cum,” he whispered, pushing back against me.

“Can you? Can you cum for me?”

“Y-yeah,” he nodded, rubbing his cock against the bedsheets as I sped up the thrusts.

“Then cum, sweetheart, cum for me,” I breathed, gently forcing up onto my hands and using them to thrust harder.

He whined into the air, fucking back before cumming all over the sheets.

“Za _ayn_ ,” he cried, biting the pillow as I jerked to a finish.

“Fuck, fuckfuck Liam,” I groaned, pushing in as far as I could go as I filled his ass with cum. “I love you-”

“Shit, I love you too,” he whined, his entire body shaking. After pulling out, I fell down next to him and tucked one arm under his neck.

“Come here,” I breathed, tugging him into my grasp. He was taller than me by an inch, but we could still cuddle with either of us as the big spoon. Liam turned to face my neck, pressing kisses to the skin there, before closing his eyes.

“Do I get ten minutes?”

“Try ten hours,” I whispered, tilting his chin up and kissing his lips gingerly. “I don’t have to get up in the morning, so-”

He cut me off with a kiss, cupping my cheeks and pulling me closer. "Move in with me."

"Alright."


	35. Chapter 35

The week seemed to zoom by now that we were dating. Almost constantly together, the only time I wasn’t near Louis was at the studio- where I was letting a dozen men record me wanking. Tonight I was getting my paycheck, and I was anxious to see how much it was. My rent had gone up again, but if **LTommo** had kept donating, I would be able to afford it.

“You did good tonight, Marcel,” Lucy grinned, handing me a wet rag to clean myself. I had been in the classroom, riding a dildo on the teacher’s desk, still wearing that stupid school uniform from that last livestream. “Marco’s waiting up in his office for you, so as soon as you get dressed.”

“Thanks, sweetheart,” I smiled, using the cloth to wipe lube off my bum. There wasn’t a lot to clean up, as I hadn’t actually shot much cum; Louis had sucked me dry before I had left. “I’ll go right up there.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” she nodded, before turning around. Her hair, pulled into a ponytail, had soft blue tips now; I wonder how Louis would look with those. After slowly getting to my shaking feet, I stumbled out into the hall and started stripping the uniform from my chest.

“Look at you,” a voice said, before fingers trailed over my ass. “I guess you’ve become a woman now, hmm?”

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I snapped, not even caring who it was. Twisting on my heel, I found myself glaring at Aaron, who had his eyebrows raised.

“Oh?” He smirked, obviously enjoying my temper. “Normally you let me do whatever.”

“I don’t want you touching me,” I said slowly, knitting my eyebrows and holding the shirt in my hands. All I needed to do was get dressed, get my paycheck, and head home, but now this asshole was making that difficult. “I’m not yours to fondle.”

“So who can fondle you?” he teased, reaching forward and flicking my nipple, before I smacked his wrist.

“Stop!” I yelped, ready to punch him. I had heard about harassment in porn studios but I’d never seen it. “Don’t touch me!”

“But Marcel, you’re so touchable.”

“He’s mine,” an Irish voice hissed, before Niall’s arm wrapped around my waist. “And if I see you touching my property again, I’m gonna fuck you up.”

“Edie?” Aaron snorted. “You’re dating _Edie_? I thought you liked _big_ cocks.”

“Fuck you,” the blond hissed, tugging me into the dressing room while flipping him off with the other hand. As soon as the door closed, he dropped his hand and rolled his eyes. “Christ, Harry, why the fuck does he pick on you?”

“I wish I knew,” I shrugged, throwing the shirt into a laundry bin. “He’s obnoxious and I hate it.”

“Get changed, I’ll escort you to the tube,” he offered, putting a shirt on and reaching for some joggers. “I’m sure Lou wouldn’t appreciate his boy getting molested at work.”

“Please don’t tell him,” I begged, stripping the skirt and panties off before lifting a pair of my own socks. While slipping on the thigh highs, I continued. “He still doesn’t know I do porn, and I don’t want to worry him about Aaron.”

“You do need to tell him,” Niall sighed, before grabbing my hips and sitting me down. “Body check.”

“Huh?”

He smiled slowly, before running his fingers over my scars. “No new ones?”

“None at all,” I grinned, wrapping my legs around his hips and holding his upper arms gently. “I’ve been eating as well!”

“I can tell,” he nodded, loosely playing over my hips. “You look healthy again. Not too much, not too little.”

“Yeah, Louis loves it,” I beamed, biting my lip before glancing at his. “He makes sure I eat at least three meals.”

“And his smoking?”

“Completely stopped, although he does have cravings now and then,” I shrugged, leaning forward and kissing his nose. “I’m proud of him.”

“I’m sure he’s proud of you too,” the blonde laughed, returning the kiss except to my chin. “Now I’m gonna get dressed before I cross some line.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, watching him turn and pull up his sweatpants. He had a cute little body, for sure, and I was so glad he was my friend.

“Mate, I was standing between your legs while we were both nude as a babe,” he explained, rolling his eyes before bending over to grab some sneakers. “I reckon Louis would’ve had my head if he had seen it.”

“Nah, he likes you,” I shrugged, pulling up my own striped panties and standing up. “He might’ve had a few choice words, but he trusts me not to cheat.”

“I’d still rather not see that,” he grinned, sitting down across from me and waiting as I put on skinnies and a tee. “So, up to get our pay, then to the tube?”

“Yeah, I’m going to Lou’s tonight,” I beamed, slipping into my boots and taking his hand. “Thanks for protecting me earlier.”

“I’m not just gonna stand by and watch one of my besties get harassed,” he smiled, leading me out into the lobby and up the stairs. As soon as we went into Marco’s office, we moved to his desk.

“Here you go,” the director beamed, handing us each our respective envelopes. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow, then.”

“Bye, sweetie!” I grinned, reaching over the desk and giving him a shoulder hug.

“Ciao,” Niall laughed, stepping back into the hall only a few seconds before I did. He put his hand in mine, tugging it gently as we descended the steps. “So, you’re going to Lou’s,” he repeated, trying to think of something to say. “Are you gonna fuck?”

“Geez,” I snorted, covering my face to hide the blush that was forming there. “You can’t just ask people that.”

“Harry, I’ve been balls deep in you. I think I can ask if you’re going to have sex with your boyfriend,” he smirked, taking my coat off the hanger and wrapping it around my shoulders.

“No, I don’t think so,” I blushed, dropping my hand from his and slipping them through my sleeves. “I’m too tired, honestly. I think I’m just gonna wrap myself in blankets and crash.”

“Let’s hope he’s down with that,” the blond teased, putting on his own hoodie and opening the front door. “Not that he really can complain, you’re way out of his league.”

“That’s not true,” I pouted, pressing up against his side for heat. “He’s way hot, way kind, and seriously good in bed.”

“But then you,” he sighed, gesturing at me with his free hand. “Harry, you’re bright, handsome, caring, and adorable. Louis is lucky to get what time you share with him.”

“Thanks, Ni,” I grinned, pressing a kiss to his hair. “You always manage to boost my self confidence.”

“Well, people like you need high confidence,” he shrugged, letting go of me to pay for his ticket, then waiting for me to pay for mine. We got on the tube quickly, taking seats by the door and cuddling together.

“Sorry I’m so cold,” I shrugged, leaning into his side. Even though it was March, London weather was still freezing.

“You’re fine,” he grinned, kissing my cheek while rubbing my back softly. “I don’t mind snuggling.”

With a smile, I closed my eyes and wrapped an arm around his waist. The train ride wasn’t very long, just around ten minutes, but I didn’t mind as long as I could stay by someone. “Thanks, Nialler,” I whispered. He really was one of my best friends.

\-----

Unlocking the front door quietly, I took my shoes off and dropped them next to a pair of Toms that Louis always wore. Hanging my parka up on the coat hanger, I snuck into the kitchen and was surprised to see the caramel-haired boy, sitting at the table and holding a cup of tea. Briefly wondering how long he had been waiting for me, I silently stepped up behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, before leaning in and kissing at his earlobe.

“Harry?” he asked, leaning back against me. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

“Mmm,” I breathed, nudging the nape of his neck with my nose. “I thought about you the entire time.”

“Did you really?” he whispered, slowly pushing himself to his feet and twisting to face me. “I don’t like when you’re gone.”

“Oh, sweety,” I giggled, kissing his lips gently. “I’m gonna be gone sometimes, I have to make a living somehow.”

“I could pay you to spend time with me,” he shrugged, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I’d pay well.”

“That’s hardly a job,” I grinned, leaning over and kissing him again. He tugged into me, biting my lower lip and earning a soft groan. “Louis-”

“Not tonight, Harry,” he interrupted, separating our lips and taking a step back. “I really just want to go to sleep.”

“God, you’re perfect,” I exclaimed, kissing him again. “Can I marry you?”

“Why am I perfect this time?”

“Because I just want to sleep as well,” I grinned, lifting him by his ribcage. He automatically wrapped his legs around my waist, squeaking in surprise. Carrying him to the bedroom, I kicked the door open before setting him on the mattress. He was wearing a pair of patterned boxer briefs that were tight over his thighs, and a black tee with the words I Have Issues across the front.

“Are you pinning me down?” He huffed, pushing at my forearms from where they were on either side of his shoulders. “Because I need to use the restroom.”

“Way to ruin the mood,” I sighed, kissing him gently and standing straight up again. “I just wanted to be cute, but nooo.”

“You can be cute after I wash my face, silly,” he rolled his eyes, getting up and stretching his back. “And get changed, you aren’t sleeping in those.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I grinned, watching him move into the bathroom. He was so perfect, and even after spending every waking moment this week with each other, I still wanted to glue myself to his side and stay there. Slowly stripping my shirt off, I flung it into the corner(where I was keeping my clothes) and yawned. While unbuttoning my skinnies, I paused when I felt a piece of paper in my pocket; oh right, my paycheck. I hadn’t looked to see how much I had earned this month.

My heart dropped when I saw the numbers. It wouldn’t be enough to pay rent. Even with my income from the bookstore, I would be two hundred quid short. There was no way I could get an extension, even for another week, and that meant I would lose my apartment. With my jaw quivering, I set the check down on Louis’ desk and collapsed in his chair. Shit.

I had sworn to myself that I would be independent. I would be able to survive without anyone. Yet, here I was, working two jobs and still unable to pay rent for the cheapest apartment I could find. Slowly resting my face in my hands, I let out a disappointed groan. There was no one I could turn to for money- not Gemma, not Mum, not Pap. I’d be forced to move back to Holmes Chapel.

“Babe?” Louis whispered, his fingers running over my bare shoulders and tearing me out of my mind. “Is everything alright?”

“I don’t have enough for rent,” I admitted, gesturing towards the paycheck. “I’m going to lose my place.”

“So move in with me,” he said nonchalantly, pressing a kiss to the back of my neck. “I have an extra room, so you can have your own private space. There wouldn’t be any pressure to spend time with me, either.”

“Louis,” I huffed, spinning in his chair and looking up at him. “I can’t afford even half your rent-”

“I’ll pay rent,” he interrupted, pressing a kiss to my lips. “Don’t worry about money, alright?”

“I can’t just let you pay for everything,” I snapped, pulling him into my lap and sighing. It would be nice to live here, but I couldn’t just have a free ride.

“You can pay for groceries, then,” he shrugged, kissing my neck slowly and gently. “Come live with me, Harry. You practically do already.”

“But, Lou-”

“No buts. You’re moving in with me,” he huffed, crossing his arms and pouting at me, and I knew that there was no use trying to fight with him. He was, if anything, stubborn.

“Alright,” I whispered, kissing his pout and lifting him as I stood up. “As long as you promise not to get sick of me.”

“I couldn’t if I tried,” he giggled, obviously happy that he won. “Bedtime?”

“Let me go brush my teeth first,” I grinned, kissing him again before setting his ass on the blankets. “Get comfortable, I’ll be right back.”

“Hurry, sweetheart,” the caramel-haired boy chirped, laying back as I moved to the door. Using the toothbrush that had become mine(it was pink, and he had teased me about it unendingly), I started brushing my teeth and looking at myself in the mirror. My cheeks were rosy and full, unlike the way they were sunken not even two weeks previous.

The sink was littered with assorted face washes, contact supplies, and hand soaps, alluding to the extreme hygiene standards that he gave himself. He didn’t seem to realize that he didn’t need all of this to be beautiful, but if it made him more comfortable, then I wouldn’t complain.

I spit into the sink, before washing the brush and filling up one of the cups with water. After rinsing my mouth, I used a washcloth to wipe toothpaste off my lips and twisted to the door. Then it hit me. Louis had offered me the second room. The room with the letter. Hannah’s room. He was willing to get rid of memories of her, for a future with me.

With a smile, I strolled back into the bedroom, clicking off all the lights, before crawling in bed over the caramel-haired boy. “I love you,” I mumbled, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

He reacted sleepily, both eyes closed while sluggishly pushing at my shoulders. “mmm, go to bed,” he said slowly, letting his arms drop.

“I really, honestly love you,” I repeated again, nibbling his earlobe gently. “You’re my everything.”

“I love you too, Harold,” he huffed impatiently, peeking one eye open. “Will you go to sleep now?”

“Only if I can hold you,” I grinned, plopping down next to him and laying on my stomach.

“Fine. But if you wake me _at all_ -”

“I promise I won’t,” I breathed, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder.

It took only a few minutes for Louis to sleep, letting soft breaths into the air and going almost completely limp. He still, however, kept his hands on my back, ensuring that I was still there. Although I was tired, I couldn’t quite sleep. I wanted to stay awake forever, listening to him snore, watching the way his face tensed slightly when he inhaled and relaxed when he exhaled.

“I love you,” I said into the air, before closing my eyes and letting myself slowly drift off. This was my life. _He_ was my life. “Thank you.”


	36. Chapter 36

My eyes opened slowly, immediately covered by the sight of the caramel hair. Smiling gently, I nudged my nose into the back of his head, then tightened my grip. He would never let me spoon him if he had a say, yet here we were. Kissing his earlobe, I loosely curled my fingers in his shirt, pulling him closer.

“I love you,” I breathed, earning a sleepy purr.

“Mmm,” Louis hummed, snuggling back against me. “Mornin..”

“You’re absolutely perfect,” I chirped, lacing our fingers together and punctuating with kisses down his neck.

“No I’m not,” he huffed, rolling onto his stomach. His shirt pulled up slightly, revealing the small of his back, and I leaned over to press kisses there. His skin was still tanned, although it had begun to fade, and i removed the fabric completely before peppering his back with kisses. “Stop, that tickles,” he whined, kicking his legs childishly.

“Only if you admit that you’re perfect,” I teased, nipping his hip lightly. There were stretch marks on his skin, and although he had admitted to being self-conscious of them, I wanted nothing more than to trace my tongue over them forever. My fingers teased the waistband of his boxers, before trailing down and squeezing his ass slightly.

“No, Ha _rry_ ,” he whimpered, using one hand to smack my wrist. “Not my bum.”

“Oh?” I grinned, before kissing the fabric and squeezing again. “Why not?”

“I hate my bum,” Louis admitted, trying to roll over, but failing to free himself from me. “And I don’t like when people touch it.”

“Even me?”

He huffed, but didn’t answer. Sighing slowly, I crawled back up to kiss at his neck. If he didn’t want me to, then I wouldn’t. His hand laced itself in mine, and he finally said, “You can touch it, Harry.”

“Are you sure?” I whispered, kissing his skin slowly, before leaving a lovebite under his jaw.

“If- if you want to, you can,” he nodded, gripping the pillowcase with both hands and closing his eyes. “Just… be gentle.”

With a smile, I sat up to get a better view of his butt. My fingers traced the curve ever so slightly, careful as not to hurt him. Slowly pulling the fabric down to his thighs, I grinned at the cute little mole that he had on one cheek. I had seen him naked before, but never like this; now, I was able to admire him the way he was meant to be admired. Gently kneading the skin, I leaned over and trailed his spine with soft kisses.

“You’re gorgeous, Louis,” I mumbled, drawing a heart onto his bum. “You’re so stunning.”

“H-Haz,” he whined, bucking his ass into the air. “Will you…?”

“Will I what?” I breathed, kissing his upper thigh. Goosebumps trailed down his skin, and I played my tongue over them.

“Will you t-take me?”

My heart was racing as I lifted myself up to look at him. “You mean it?”

“Yeah,” he blushed, glancing over his shoulder at me. “I want to feel you.”

Covering his lips with mine, I gently separated his cheeks, before drawing a circle around his hole. He clenched, biting down on my lip in anticipation. Using my free hand to grab lube, I poured a dollop over my hand before using it to slide into him. He whined as I pushed in to the first knuckle, then barely wiggled it around.

“H-Harry,” Louis whined, turning his face to hide in the pillows.

“You’re doing good, so good,” I breathed, getting the rest of my finger in. It was so tight, and he was obviously fighting the urge to cry. “You’re so good, Lou.”

Hearing him whimper, I slowly retracted my finger to the very tip before pushing back in quickly. “Harry!” he cried out, making my cock twitch in my panties, which I quickly took off. “ _Harryharry!_ ”

“I’m adding a second,” I whispered, teasing his hole carefully before sliding the next one in. The caramel-haired boy whined, clenching his fists. My hand trailed over his, trying to relax him slightly. “Louis, you’re so pretty, you’re so good.”

He answered with a moan, slowly pushing himself back against me. “More, Hazza, please-”

“Yeah, yeah,” I nodded, taking my fingers out and reaching for the lube again. “Condom?”

“God, no, no-”

“I’ve never topped before,” I admitted, kissing his spine while pouring lube into my hand. Slicking myself up, I reached around and pumped his cock a few times, earning a delicious whine. Slowly positioning my dick at the tip of his hole, I slipped the tip in and paused. Christ, he was so tight.

“Harry harry harry harry _harryharryharryhazzaharry_ ,” Louis whined, knocking his hips back against me, causing me to get deeper. My stomach tightened in pleasure, and I slowly bottomed out. “O-oh, _Harry_ -”

“You’re amazing, Louis,” I moaned, rolling my hips against him slowly. With one hand holding me up, I wrapped the other around his waist, carefully moving him back. He was shaking, his body completely red and sweaty.  “Fuck, Lou.”

After pulling out to the tip, I moved my hips back in hesitantly. I repeated the motion until we had a steady rhythm. It was slow, careful, and all too much. The heat in my gut was growing, and I could feel the almost tingling sensation as I gently left a hickey on his shoulder blade.

“H-harry, I’m going to-”

“Yeah, yeah, me too-”

“ _Ha-HARRY_ ,” he screamed(literally, screamed) before collapsing back onto the pillow.

“O-oh, _Lou_ ,” I groaned, jerking my hips in as I filled him with cum; we took a second to breath before I pulled out. “I love you.”

“Y-yeah,” he nodded, clenching and unclenching his fingers slowly. “Yeah, I love you too.” Seeing the way he was still shaking, I lifted him up and carried him to the bathroom, then set him down in the tub. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to take care of you,” I grinned, starting the water and letting out a relieved sigh when it came out hot. After dripping some soap under the flow, I snuck behind him and had him sit between my legs. “I’ll make you feel beautiful.”

“So,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning against my shoulder. “That was your first time as the dominant one?”

“Yup,” I nodded, before lifting up a loofah and soaping up his arms. “I’m glad it was with you.”

“I don’t normally let people top me,” he blushed, smiling as I kissed his neck. “But I felt like I could trust you.”

“Thank you.”


	37. Chapter 37

“Is this the last box?” Louis asked, setting a cardboard box down on the mattress. We had spent the last hour packing my clothes at the other apartment then bringing them here, and I was getting really sick of going through my shit wardrobe.

“Yeah, that’s my jumpers,” I nodded, standing up from where I had been kneeling to put my jeans in the dresser. “And that’s it, all my worldly possessions are right here.”

Turning to glance at him, I noticed he was standing at the desk, his mouth slightly opened as he lifted a piece of paper. His eyes were visibly scanning the page, and I felt my heart stop. That was the letter from Hannah, wasn’t it? Why- what was that look on his face? I couldn’t place the expression, although I knew it caused my stomach to knot.

A quiet chuckle left his lips, and that was enough for me to ask, “What’s that?”

He blinked at me, before crumpling the paper and tossing it in the rubbish bin. “A letter from an ex, I didn’t even realize it was here.”

“Oh?” I mumbled, pretending I hadn’t committed to memory. “What did it say?”

“Basically that she didn’t love me anymore, and that real love is worth fighting for,” the caramel-haired boy grinned, stepping closer to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. “I agree, honestly. You were worth fighting for.”

“You think so?” I beamed, feeling a weight fall off my shoulder. He loved me, he didn’t love Hannah, and he didn’t mean to preserve her room. He just didn’t know.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, getting up on his toes to kiss me softly. “I would give my life for you.”

Smiling slowly, I pushed him back onto the bed and covered his face with kisses. That was all I had ever wanted, someone who honestly, truly, loved me, and I had found it in the most perfect man alive. His fingers trailed up my waist, tugging on my shirt.

“I love you,” I whispered, nipping at his lower lip.

“I love you too, Harry Edward Styles,” he breathed, nudging his nose against mine. “I need to come clean, there’s something I’ve been keeping from you.”

My heart started racing. What- what could he be hiding? “Y-You can tell me anything,” I stammered, resting my head on the pillow next to his while trying to stay calm.

“I’m, uh, not getting spoiled by my stepdad, or whatever lie I told you,” Louis said slowly, digging his fingers into my sides. “I play forward on Manchester United Football team, and--”

“ _You’re_ Louis Tomlinson?” I exclaimed, pushing myself up on my elbows. “I thought that was just a fun coincidence- no _way_ , Robin loved watching you guys!”

“Yeah, and that’s why I have the money,”  he nodded, blushing slightly. “I didn’t want to say anything, because most people get intimidated and have trouble speaking to me? I just really wanted you to get to know me, and not the footie player.”

“You should have told me,” I huffed, kissing his lips.

“I’m sorry.”

“Just- if you have anything else you’re hiding, tell me now,” I whispered, batting my eyelashes at him slowly. Then I would tell him, I swear.

“No, nothing,” he promised, crinkling his eyes and connecting our lips for a long, drawn-out kiss. “I promise, I’ve told you everything.”

“Louis, I-”

“Shh,” he mumbled, rolling onto me and kissing me again. “I just want to hold you for a while, alright?”

“I-”

“Please, Hazza.”

“Alright,” I said finally, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and holding him to my chest. He nuzzled his face against my collarbone, dropping his legs between mine. “I love you, Louis.”

“I love you too, Harry,” he nodded, closing his eyes. We laid there in silence for a long while, just breathing in each other, and, after what felt like ten minutes, he breathed, “Who’s Robin?”

“My step-dad,” I answered, rubbing my thumb between his shoulder blades. “Why?”

“I was jealous,” Louis shrugged, before tightening his grip on my shirt. “You mentioned you spent time with him, and I just assumed that he was some dick.”

“I’ve only ever dated one person before you, Louis,” I whispered, kissing the top of his head. “His name was Nick, and I lost my virginity to him before he literally just dumped me. Like, his cock was still in my ass when he said ‘we’re breaking up’.”

“Jesus Christ,” he huffed, pressing a kiss to my neck. “That’s one of the worst things I’ve ever heard.”

“It wasn’t as bad as the sex,” I chuckled, rubbing his back. “If he was a five, on a scale from one to ten, then you’re probably a thirty.”

“I’m not very good either, Harold,” he admitted reluctantly, before sitting up. “I’ve dated a ton of people, honestly. I lost my virginity when I was twelve, to a boy named Grant. He was eighteen, and I thought he was perfect.”

“Yeah?” I breathed, sitting up as well and scooting against the headboard, before tugging him into my arms and playing with his hair.

“Looking back, I realize he took advantage of me. What would an eighteen year old want with a child?” He shrugged, adjusting himself into my grip. “I don’t really regret it, it was a life lesson. Next came a girl named Emma, and we dated for about a year. She was my first time with a girl, and honestly, it kinda sucked, but my mom wanted a straight baby, so I pretended. There were a few more girls, and eventually Stan and I had a fling.”

“Yeah, he told me,” I nodded, barely streaking over his neck.

“He did?” Louis asked, furrowing his brow and pouting slightly. “Oh well. Then, after I came to London, there was a girl named Hannah, and this was her room for a while, until one day she just up and left. I didn’t really mind, I finally came out to my mom and friends, and they all accepted me. I was actually totally okay without her.”

“You never even bothered to ask her why?”

“Nah,” he shrugged, kissing my neck again. “Then, after a year and a half of waiting for the right person, I stayed up all night and wasn’t able to make my morning tea. Feeling kinda knackered after work, I stopped in a cafe for a little pick-me-up, and I met my dream boy.”

“Aww, Louis,” I giggled, pressing my lips to his nose. “I thought you were my dream boy as well, and I literally was stricken.”

“I couldn’t tell, I was too embarrassed to speak right,” he blushed, grinning broadly. “I think I said something dumb.”

“You said _cute dimples_ ,” I beamed, poking my fingers into my cheeks. “And I made sure to smile every time I saw you, even if it was subconsciously.”

“You’re so cute,” he preened, playing with a curl that was falling onto my forehead. “I want to straighten your hair, babe.”

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s so long,” he huffed, tugging gently. “Can I?”

“I can’t say no to you, ever,” I giggled, rolling my eyes as he tugged me into the bathroom.


	38. Chapter 38

With his hand in mine, I let him tug me around a mall. Louis was leading me to his favorite store, since he had been upset at my lack of a wardrobe; he had counted three sweaters, three pairs of skinnies, five tees, and an assortment of panties.

“Here we go, babe,” he nodded, gesturing towards the clothing shop and pulling me in.

“Lou, this is an expensive store,” I whined, tightening my grip and glancing at one of the price tags. Twenty quid for a flimsy polo shirt.

“And I’m paying for whatever,” he shrugged, stopping at a rack and taking a jumper out. “This would look good on you, yeah?”

“Lou,” I whined, letting him put the fabric up to my torso. “Why are you spoiling me _again_?”

“Because I’m not gonna let my boyfriend live in three outfits,” he huffed, handing me the jumper before turning around and going back to the rack. “And if it means that we’re hitting every store in this mall, then so be it.”

“Tosser,” I sighed, following him through the store as he ended up handing me three more jumpers, two patterned tees, and a button down with patterned sleeves.

After paying and taking me back out into the main mall, Louis handed me the large clothing bag and grinned. “Next is jeans, babe,” he beamed, stepping a few feet before moving into another store. Yawning as he went to one of the racks, I leaned against the wall and watched him.

The caramel-haired boy danced between a few pairs, lifting them to my hips before either resting them on my arm or setting them back. After a second, he took my hand and led me to a dressing room, then pushed me into the stall and waited outside. Grinning gently to myself, I dropped my own pants and set them on a small little bench.

Louis was always spoiling me, even though I didn’t really deserve it. I haven’t told him about doing the porn yet, because _every_ time I started to, he’d cut me off. It was almost like he knew, and was refusing to let me say it. Trying not to think too much about it, I pulled up a pair of black skinnies that he had chosen for me. They were tight around my bum, and, looking at myself in the mirror, I enjoyed the way they looked.

“Let me see, babe,” Louis called from the other side of the door, and I gingerly stepped back out.

“What do you think?” I breathed, spinning slowly as to give him a good view.

“Wow,” he coughed, pushing his hand down into his crotch, obviously trying to fight the growing tightness in his pants as I slapped my own bum. “I think, uh, I think you’re going to be wearing those more often.”

“Mmm, not as much as they’re going to be on the floor,” I teased, winking once before going back into the dressing room. This continued for the next ten minutes, as I changed through a series of tight pants and flaunted my assets.

Louis was at the register, buying the jeans, when I pulled him back by his sleeve gently. “Have you ever wanted a blowjob in a public bathroom?” I whispered in his ear, subtly tracing my fingers over the curve of his bum. “Because I’m feeling kinda frisky.”

“Harry,” he hissed, looking at me with wide eyes. “We can’t-”

“There’s a family bathroom, with a lock,” I shrugged, pointing towards the back of the mall. “But if you don’t want to, then whatever.”

“Let me finish paying, then,” he said slowly, obviously blushing. “Then yeah.”

\-----

I locked the door, then pushed him up against it, connecting our lips and palming him through his jeans. Louis started to whine, but I cut him off by clapping my hand over his mouth.

“If you be too loud, someone will find us,” I breathed, nipping his earlobe and earning a rushed nod. “So stay quiet, or you might have to wait until we get home.”

He nodded again, and I slowly fell to my knees while mouthing over the visible bulge in his jeans. My fingers undid the button and zipper, before dropping the fabric to around his ankles. I pressed kisses over his thighs, ever so slightly running my teeth down the skin. Tracing my tongue over his fabric-covered cock, I played my fingers gently under the waistband of his boxers. After tugging them down to free his erection, I pressed an open-mouth kiss to his tip, kitten-licking the precum that was forming at his slit.

He whimpered slightly, before covering his mouth with his own hand. Trailing my tongue over the vein of his dick, I slowly sucked his head into my mouth, before closing my eyes. Louis always tasted so good, equally sweet and bitter, and I wanted to eat him up completely.

I slid more into my mouth, feeling the slight pull at the side of my lips. Fingers laced in my hair, pushing me down further. My nose was flat against his tummy, pressed into his pubes as his tip brushed against the back of my throat. Tears pinged at my eyes, but I fought the urge to pull off and instead traced my tongue around the underside of his cock.

“God, _Harry_ ,” Louis whined in a hushed voice, causing me to flutter my eyes to look up at him. His entire face was flushed, and he was biting on his knuckles to keep quiet.

With a wink, I slowly started bobbing my jaw back and forth, all while keeping eye contact. His eyes crinkled as he opened his mouth several times, before finally tilting his his head against the door and slamming his eyes shut.

“Harry, I’m going to-” he started, but cut himself off when I hollowed my cheeks to increase pressure. Cum shot into my mouth and down my throat, hot and salty on my tongue, and I swallowed around him.

I sucked a little more to help him ride out his orgasm, and slowly pulled off with a pop. His legs were shaking as I pulled his clothing back on, and I gently pressed a kiss to his now-flaccid cock before standing up. His blue eyes hesitantly fluttered open, and I caught his lips before whispering, “I love you.”

“Fuck, Harry,” Louis whimpered, gripping at my upper arms to stabilize himself. “Harry, _shit_.”

“You like that?” I teased, wetting my lips and pressing kisses across his jawbone. “I have a bit of an exhibisionist kink, I really like when there’s a chance of getting caught.”

“Of course you would,” he groaned, rolling his eyes. “You’re so weird, Hazza.”

“But you love me.”

“Yeah, I do.”


	39. Chapter 39

“Mmm, babe,” I grinned, strolling out into the living room in nothing but an oversized jumper, the hem barely covering the fading scars on my thighs. It had been two weeks since I had moved in, and we had switched between beds nightly, not willing to sleep alone. “Babe, we’re going out tonight, right?”

“Yeah,” Louis nodded, eyeing me slowly. “You get to choose the movie.”

Stepping over to him, I straddled his lap and kissed him slowly, nibbling at his lower lip teasingly. “Mmm, you look really hot tonight, babe.”

“Ssh, get dressed,” he winked, squeezing my bare ass gently. “You should know better than to wander the house naked.”

“I’m not naked, I’m wearing a top,” I huffed, standing up again and pulling at the bottom of the shirt. “Can I borrow your computer to look at movie times?”

“Go right ahead, Haz,” he nodded, smacking my ass as I walked off. My lip pulled between my teeth, knowing that he loved me, and I stepped into my bedroom before closing the door behind me. After stripping the cum-stained jumper off, I pulled up a pair of panties with little strawberries, then adjusted the red lace trim over my hips. Next came my tightest pair of jeans, a pair of anklet socks, and a white jumper with the words _Is It Friday Yet?_ printed across the front.

I had gotten the day off from working at the porn studio, and Louis had suggested that we go out on a date. Of course, as soon as he suggested it, I had pinned him down and rode his cock. (What can I say, I really love when he’s romantic.)

Humming quietly, I stepped into the bathroom and used some of the hair wax on the counter to slick my hair up. Even though we lived together and saw each other every moment of the day, I still wanted to impress him. Letting a grin spread across my face, I moved into his room and started up his desktop. It was the fastest in the house, even though we both had laptops of our own.

I sat down at his desk, waiting for the computer to boot before lifting the picture frame. It was a picture of his sisters and grandfather and him, as he had told me the first time I ever came over, and I briefly wished that I could meet them. The computer made a noise, and I quickly clicked on Louis’ account.

His password was **HarryTomlinson** , which I had set. (He had loved it so much that it was written on his forearm for two days straight.) His desktop background was a picture of us, laying down on the grass of a park across from the bookstore, and it was my favorite picture in the entire world. With a giggle, I clicked on his internet browser and waited.

My heart stopped as I noticed the third page on his ‘Most Visited’ list. It couldn’t be. It just _couldn’t_ be. After clicking, I almost sobbed; it was.

TwinkMarcel.co.uk

There was a picture of me, wearing only a thong and handcuffs, on the main page, pointing towards the Log-In button. Hovering the cursor there, I found my hand shaking in a mix of anticipation and fear. I forced myself to click, and when the browser auto-filled his information, I let out a dry sob.

**LTommo**

******************

Louis Tomlinson. LTommo. Of course. I was so stupid, how could I not put two and two together? Shakily getting to my feet, I stepped to the door before pausing. What do I do now? I didn’t want to believe it. My boyfriend, the only person I’ve ever truly loved, the only person who’s ever truly loved me, didn’t.

I wiped my eyes to get rid of the wetness there, before straightening up and going out into the hall. My entire chest was heavy as I moved into the front room, ready to talk with him. We could talk this through. It was all just a misunderstanding, right? At the sight of him palming himself through his jeans, though, my shoulders dropped. Of course.

While shaking my head in disbelief, I moved to the coat rack, taking my parka and slipping it on before going for a pair of boots. Of _course_. He saw me as easy. He could get laid by a porn star. That’s all he wanted. Sex.

“Harry?”

I turned slowly, trying to keep my jaw steady as Louis furrowed his eyebrows, looking at me over his shoulder.

“Wha- Where are you going?” he asked, standing up from the couch with an obvious boner under his jeans. “When’s the movie?”

“I can’t believe you,” I choked, finally letting a tear slip off my cheek. “I can’t- I _hate_ you.”

“What…?” he breathed, his eyes widening as he stepped closer. “Sweetheart, what’s- what’s going on?”

Clenching my fists, I grabbed my beanie and twisted to leave. If I stayed here, I’d go insane. I had to leave, and that’s all I knew. It didn't matter where I was going. Flinging the door open, I stormed out into the cold and started down the walk to the stairs.

“Harry, please, what’s wrong?” Louis repeated, chasing after me, before grabbing my wrist and pulling me to a stop. My hand quickly pulled out of his reach, but I turned to look at him anyway. “Talk to me, love, _please_.”

"I hate you!"

"But Harry, sweetheart, I thought you- I thought you _loved_ me, I love you," he whispered, eyeing me as if I was suddenly a stranger.

“You never loved me,” I spat, slamming my eyes shut and feeling more tears spill. “You just wanted to fuck me- to get in my pants.”

“Harry…” he said slowly, taking another step closer. “Why on earth would you think that?”

“You tell me, _LTommo_.”

Everything was silent. I reluctantly raised my eyes back to the caramel-haired boy, who had dropped his jaw and widened his eyes. He opened his mouth several times, before knitting his brows in regret.

“Harry, I--”

“I don’t want to see you, ever again,” I cried, twisting on my heel and racing down the stairs.

“Please, _babe_ , let me explain-” Louis called after me, his footsteps obviously following me. “Where are you going?”

“Anywhere!” I snapped, vaguely realizing that I didn’t have any of my belongings- not a wallet, not a phone, not even a key. “Anywhere is better than here with you!”

The footsteps stopped, and I didn’t hear them behind me again the entire way to the train station.

\-----

Fortunately, I had enough quid in my coat pocket for a train ticket to Holmes Chapel, and a small water bottle. My eyes were red and swollen from the tears I had cried for the first hour, and now, two and a half hours into this ride, I was tired, cold, and done. My stop was next, and I was beginning to regret leaving London.

I had less people in Holmes Chapel than in London. At least, there, I had Niall and Zayn, and Barbara and Marco. But Cheshire was far enough away that I wouldn’t be pressured to talk to Louis, and that alone had won the argument.

Sniffling my nose, I stood up and moved to the door. The train halted to a stop, and I stepped out onto the station. From here, it was a twenty minute walk to my Mum’s house, and I could hopefully convince her to let me stay one night. From tomorrow, I would start my life all over.

I could get a job. There had to be some sort of job I could get. An apartment would be a little harder, but I could figure it out. In the morning, I would call Marco and quit- Stan, too. Maybe call to say goodbye to Niall and Zayn. Liam- oh, Liam. He would probably be on Louis' side. 

I shivered, immediately noticing that it was freezing. Briefly wishing I had grabbed a scarf, or maybe my gloves, I wrapped my jacket tighter around me and huffed through the streets.

If only I was back in upper London, in the dangerous neighborhood I used to live in. Where, if you were out past dark, there was a chance of being mugged. If only someone with a knife, a gun, anything, was here. If only someone would kill me.

Letting out another dry sob, I pulled my beanie down further over my head, before walking in silence the rest of the way.

\-----

My hand hesitated against the door. It had been over two years since I had been back, and even though I hadn’t changed much physically, they might not recognize me. Taking a deep breath, I knocked twice before taking a step back. It was late, and they might not even be awake. After glancing around the porch, I whimpered. If they didn’t answer, I might be forced to sleep out here.

The door pulled open, and I shot my head to look up at my step-dad. He hadn’t aged at all, save for a few fine lines by his eyes, and he looked me over slowly.

“Hi, uh, Robin,” I stammered, wringing my fingers and swallowing the lump in my throat. “I was, uh, wondering if I could stay here tonight? Just one night, then I’ll be gone- I totally understand if you say no, though, I wouldn’t want a fag in my house either--”

“Harry?” He asked slowly, before a smile crossed his face and he wrapped me up in a hug. “Oh Harry, we were so _worried_ about you!”

“I- uh?”

“Oh, Anne will be so happy to see you,” he beamed, pulling back and facing the stairs. “Anne, we have a visitor,” he yelled, before ushering me in. “Take off your shoes, your coat, make yourself at home.”

“A-alright,” I nodded slowly, confused beyond belief. Last time I had seen them, they had been screaming at me. Now they were inviting me in?

“Robin, it’s late and I want-” a familiar female voice said, and I briefly heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Glancing up, I held my breath when I saw my mother, clenching her hand over her heart. “H- _Harry_?”

“Mum?” I whispered, afraid to move. 


	40. Chapter 40

_“H-Harry?”_

_“Mum?” I whispered, afraid to move._

She hesitantly took a few steps down, gripping at her pajama top. “Is it really you, Harry?”

“Y-yeah,” I nodded, tucking a lock of curls behind my ear and swallowing the dry lump in my throat. “It’s just for one night, and-”

“Oh, sweetie,” she cried, racing down the rest of the stairs and reaching for me. Her arms wrapped around me in a hug, and I froze. “I’m so sorry, I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

Blinking slowly, I returned the hug and gently rubbed her back. “W-what?”

“I love you so much, and I’m so sorry for what I did,” she sniffled, setting her head on my shoulder. When did she get so short? When did I get so tall? “There are no excuses for what I did.”

Tears pinged at my eyes, and, tightening my grip on her, I sobbed onto her shoulder. “M-mummy,” I bawled, letting all the tension in my shoulders leave. The therapist I had seen under Louis’ supervision had told me that I needed to be strong, but with her actually here, in my arms, nothing mattered. Not the heart break, not the utter betrayal, not even the fact that I had been expecting to have the door slammed in my face.

We held each other for a moment, before I reluctantly stepped back. “Why don’t you two go sit down in the kitchen, I’ll make some tea,” Robin suggested, before gesturing towards the dining room. I finally stripped my parka off, hanging it up before taking my boots off as well.

Mum stood there, watching me, then offered me her hand to hold. Taking it, I let her lead me into the dining room before sitting down at one of the chairs. Wetting my dry, chapped lips, I noticed her tired green eyes and wondered what she was thinking.

“I thought you hated me,” I breathed, blinking to fight more tears.

“No, sweety,” she gasped, shaking her head. “I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, Harry-bear, and I screwed up.”

“W-well,” I started, tensing my shoulders to try and stay strong. “One thing you’re _not_ supposed to do is kick me out.”

“I know, I’m so sorry,” Mum whispered, wiping her eyes. “I missed out on two years, and I’ll regret it every day for the rest of my life.”

“I’m,” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m still gay, and I’ll always be gay.”

“I don’t care,” she breathed, lacing her fingers with mine. “You’re my baby boy.”

“B-but…?”

“I did a horrible thing to you, and I don’t blame you for never coming back,” she smiled sadly. “But if you’ll let me, I’ll be the best parent I can from now on.”

“A-alright,” I nodded, chewing on my lip. So many things were happening today, and I didn’t quite know what to think.

“Tell us about your life,” Robin asked, setting a mug down in front of me and sitting down next to Mum. “Since you moved to London, that is.”

“Well, uh,” I swallowed, wrapping my fingers around the mug to let the heat fill my hands. “After Gems asked me to move out, I was homeless for a few days-” Mum made a pitiful gasp- “before this really, really sweet woman named Barbara let me live with her and work at her cafe. I managed to get my own flat after about a month, and I was fine for over a year. Then my rent went up, and I had to start doing porn.”

“You did what?” She cried, setting both hands on the table. “Oh, my poor baby boy!”

“It wasn’t all bad,” I shrugged, lifting the tea to my lips and feeling a little disappointed when it wasn’t the tea that Louis had made special for me. “I made a few friends.”

“Friends, or sex buddies?” Robin clarified, furrowing his brow and rubbing his hands together.

“Friends, honest friends,” I smiled softly, trying to keep the images of them in my mind. “There’s Zayn, and he was a primary school art teacher, but he quit to work at a tattoo place. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met, even though he’s quiet and shy. Then there’s Niall, who’s a Uni student, and he’s super fun and playful.”

“And they don’t have any,” Mum breathed, shaking her head slowly. “Any bad intentions for you?”

“No, none at all,” I grinned. “They’re my best friends.”

“Alright,” she nodded reluctantly, before wiping a tear away. “What caused you to come home out of the blue?”

“While, uh, while I was doing porn, I met this guy,” I shrugged, tracing a circle on the mug. “He was, well, perfect. He was kind, and caring, and cute, and I fell in love with him.”

“Aww, sweetheart,” Mum grinned, setting her hand on mine. “What was his name?”

“Uh,” I started, before chewing on my lip. “Louis Tomlinson, the forward for Man U.”

“No way,” Robin gaped, leaning against the back of his chair and shaking his head in disbelief. “No _way_ , Tomlinson #5?”

“Y-yeah, we dated for a month and a half.”

“You _dated_ Louis Tomlinson,” he repeated, looking at me with a soft grin. “Did you meet any of the other players?”

“Liam Payne?” I shrugged. At least, I thought he was- it made sense, when I put everything together. “He’s actually, uh, engaged to Zayn.”

“Christ, do you think you can invite them up here?”

“ _Robin_ ,” Mum hissed, squeezing my hand slightly. “Obviously something happened between them, otherwise he wouldn’t be home.”

“It turned out that Louis was one of my most active watchers,” I swallowed slowly, feeling the tears ping at my eyes again and I should be out of these. “And he never told me, and- and I left him.”

“Oh baby,” she whimpered, coming around the table to wrap her arms around me. “He broke your trust, didn’t he?”

“I just- I just wish he would’ve told me,” I sniffled, feeling alien with her arms around me. A mother’s touch was supposed to be calming, but I just felt empty.

“Did he- well, I guess the right question is, did you tell him that you were a porn star?” Robin asked slowly as Mum played with my hair.

“N-no?”

“Then, why was he expected to? If you didn’t have to tell him, then-”

“I was afraid of losing him,” I interrupted, pulling on a loose thread on my sleeve. “I thought that, you know, if he found out I did porn, he wouldn’t want me. But he knew the entire time, and he never told me.”

“Maybe he thought the same thing,” Mum whispered, twisting a curl around her fingers. “Maybe he thought that if you knew, you’d be disgusted by him.”

“But he should’ve just _told_ me,” I sobbed, hiding my head in my hands. I knew she was right, honestly. The train ride was long, and I had had time to think; Louis wasn’t completely in the wrong, although he had messed up.

Hands soothingly rubbed my back, and soft coos were delivered in my ear, before she said, “Why don’t you go to bed? You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Nodding sleepily, I got to my feet and sniffled. My vision was blurry as I gave each of them a hug, then moved back out into the front room. Each step felt harder than the previous one, and, after a fight with myself, I was on the second floor. My bedroom was to the left, and I was hit by a wave of nostalgia. I hadn’t been here in two years, and I don’t think it had been touched since. Pushing the door open, I let out a soft sigh at the olive green wallpaper, littered with assorted papers that I had pinned up ages ago.

My fingers traced over one of the papers, reading the words sketched into it;

_My Dream Wife_

_She would be shorter than me, with a good singing voice and a cute face. She’d let me hold her and protect her, and we’d love the exact same things._

I sighed. That was literally Louis, save for the gender. How long have I wanted exactly him? I crumpled the paper in my hands, before tossing it onto my wooden desk, still covered with homework and textbooks. Shaking my head, I closed my door and moved along my wall of pure windows. My room had such a nice view, and I stopped to stare.

It wasn’t like I was always dirt poor; When Mum and Robin had married, he had brought millions of pounds to the family, and I had been a spoiled little kid. But now, all this that’s been going on, the idea of this much money brought thoughts of Louis, and I didn’t want that.

Stumbling to my plush bed, I let out a sickened chuckle at the cum-stained shirt that was still laying on top. (I had been, after all, a 15 year old boy.) After throwing it to a laundry bin in the corner, I fell face-forward on the mattress, huffing frustratedly.

Maybe I had acted irrationally, now that I was thinking about it. It wasn’t like he had ever told me that he didn’t watch me, so he never lied. Although, he had promised that he wasn’t hiding anything, so that was a little bit of a lie.

I stripped my jeans, tossing them to one side before clicking off the lights. My room was so empty, and I briefly wished that someone was here to hold me. It didn’t even have to be Louis; at this point, I would’ve settled for some tosser at the studio.

My eyes fluttered shut, and I begged my mind to fall asleep.

\-----

Waking the next morning, I pulled at my thick comforter and let out a sleepy moan. There wasn’t anyone holding me, which meant that Louis was probably in the shower, or making breakfast, or-

 _Or_ maybe he had broken my heart and was over two hours away. Right. Last night. Furrowing my brow, I rolled onto my stomach and sighed. Yeah, I had really overreacted. In fact, I wish I hadn’t have brought it up at all; living with the pain in my gut would’ve been better than waking up alone for the rest of my life.

That’s what would happen to me, without Louis. I would be alone. No one else would put up with my shit, that’s for sure, and I briefly wished I could get a second chance at yesterday. I would definitely sit down and talk with him instead of freaking out, and then I would tell him that I couldn’t live without him.

A knock at my door got my attention, and a voice came through the wall; “Harry, are you awake?” Mum called, and I sighed. Even after I had been an asshole to him, he had managed to fix my relationship with my family somehow.

“Yeah, I’m up,” I croaked back, surprised at how weak my voice was.

The door opened, and footsteps shuffled to the side of my bed before something indented next to me. “How are you doing?” she breathed, lightly stroking my hair.

“I’m an idiot,” I shrugged, tears stinging at my eyes from where they were pressed into the pillow. “I completely fucked up, didn’t I?”

“Harry…”

“ _Screwed_ up.”

“Just a little,” she sighed, caressing my locks gently. “But he made a mistake as well, with not telling you.”

“But Mum, if I had never started doing porn, then this never would’ve happened,” I started, squeezing my eyes shut when a tear spilled. “I set myself up for failure from the very beginning.”

“Sweetheart,” she whispered, kissing my head gently. “He _knew_ from the very beginning, and he wanted you still. I don’t know him, but I can tell you that he loves you.”

“Even if he ever did, he doesn’t anymore.”

“Harry, he’s probably thinking the same thing about you,” she groaned, before sitting up. “Breakfast is downstairs when you’re ready.”

“Thanks,” I said, tilting my head to one side to watch her set a phone down on the nightstand. “Whassat?”

“Your old cell phone, I’ve been keeping it safe for you,” Mum smiled, winking at me. “I’m sure you have his number memorized, yeah?”

“...Thanks.”

I waited for her to leave, before lifting the phone and bringing it closer. Certainly, I had Louis’ number memorized, but I also had a few other people to contact first. Quickly opening a very old version of the twitter app, I tweeted To all my lovely fans: **I’m retiring from the porn business. Thanks for sticking with me, but this is the end of Marcel.**

There. That was the number one issue right now. Next, I dialed in Marco’s number and waited.

“Thank you for calling Twink of the Week, this is Marco speaking.”

“Hey, babe,” I said, biting my lip in anticipation. “‘s Harry.”

“Hey, Harry, what’s going on?”

“I’m, uh, I’m quitting,” swallowing the lump in my throat, I laced my fingers in the bedsheets before tugging them to my lips.

“Alright, I’ll- _what_?”

“I just- I can’t do it anymore, I already tweeted it.”

“Alright, babe,” he said sadly, and I vaguely heard typing. “Your website is still going to be up, though, hosting all your videos and whatnot, is that alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I nodded, chewing on the sheets. “I just needed to stop.”

“Be more faithful to your boy, yeah?”

“Actually, uh,” I dropped my head to the pillow. “I think I broke up with him, honestly. I told him I hated him, _god_ I’m _such_ an _idiot_.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“It turns out that he was LTommo the entire time, and he watched me,” I sighed, closing my tired eyes. It was getting really boring to keep repeating this. “I freaked out.”

“You didn’t know?”

Quickly sitting up, I furrowed my brows. “What?”

“Everyone knew, Harry- I did, and so did Zayn and Niall.”

“You _KNEW_?” I hissed, feeling my cheeks heat up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you knew! Who did you think brought you home that one time you passed out?”

My throat tightened, and my heart dropped into my stomach. “That was… That was Louis? I had- I had thought it was Zayn, or at least it made sense-”

“No, darling, Zayn called Louis. He got you and took you home.”

“Oh- oh my god,” I sniffled, tears stinging at my eyes.

“He’s been taking care of you since the very beginning, Harry. I wouldn’t be surprised if he purposely donated three thousand quid to help you pay rent.”

“I- I did tell him that I was having money trouble,” I breathed, squeezing the jumper over my heart. “Oh, Lou- and I told him I _hated_ him.”

“I think you should call him, Harry.”

“I think I should too,” I whimpered, wiping the wetness from my eyes. “Bye, Marco- give Mikey and Lucy my best, alright?”

“Stop by sometime, alright? Do try to reconnect with Louis.”

The phone went silent, and I blinked rapidly to fight more tears. Now I was really in the wrong. After a second, I dialed in another number and laid back down.

“Zayn speaking.”

“Hey, Z, it’s Harry,” I mumbled, wrapping the blanket around me again.

“Oh my god, Harry? Where are you- are you okay?” he spat, and then there were overlapping voices in the background- “ _HarryLET ME TALK TO HIMis that haz? is heFUCK ZAYN JUST GIVE ME THE PHONEokay? does he I’M SERIOUS ZAYN, GIVE IThate me?_ ”

“Who’s all there?”

His voice was obviously muffled as he said, “ _Liam, stop! Harry needs someone to talk to without being screamed at by you_!”

I opened my mouth again, but then closed it to listen.

“ _He’s fucking shit on my best mate, alright? He doesn’t deserve any fucking sympathy!_ ”

“ _Zayn, is he- can I talk to him?_ ”

“ _Christ, fuck Lou, stop_!”

“ _You stop, Liam! That’s it, I’m leaving!_ Harry? Are you there?”

“Did- did I just ruin your relationship?” I breathed, fighting the sob in my throat.

“No, oh babe, no!” he cooed, as a door slammed shut on his side of the phone. “Liam just needs to cool down, then he’ll come get me in about ten minutes. We’re fine.”

“I’m so sorry f-for pushing everything onto you,” I whimpered, wiping my eyes. Now I was affecting other, perfect relationships. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Sweetheart, I’m fine, I promise. Everything is going to be okay. How are you?”

“I’m- I’m an asshole, aren’t I?” I sobbed, finally letting the tears flow freely. “I overreacted, and now it’s hurting you guys, and I don’t even know how Louis is doing, and I really just want to stop existing for a little while.”

“Louis is fine, darling,” he sighed, and I wished he could wrap his arms around me. “He feels terrible, but he’s okay.”

“Why does he feel bad? I was the one who fucked up,” I sniffled, trying not to ugly-cry, but it was getting really hard to fight it. “I completely and totally fucked up, and all he’s ever done is help me, and-”

“And he kept secrets from you.”

“I kept secrets too,” I mumbled, wiping my nose on the pillowcase. “I didn’t tell him I was a porn star, and I should’ve.”

“There’s a difference between your secrets, though,” Zayn started, his voice rich and comforting. “You didn’t tell him because you knew that most people are weirded out. Louis didn’t tell you because he was embarrassed.”

“I just… I wish I could go back and try again completely,” I whined, wetting my lips and tasting the salty tears.

“Where are you, by the way? We’re all really worried, even if Liam isn’t showing it.”

“I’m at my parents’ place, in Holmes Chapel,” Sitting up, I pulled my jumper over my thighs and bent my knees up. “It was the first place I could really think of going to.”

“I thought your mum didn’t like you?”

“I thought that too, but they welcomed me with open arms and apologized for everything,” I shrugged, chewing on my lip. “And now I’m just kinda in my childhood bedroom.”

“But you’re safe?”

“Yeah, I’m safe.”

“You haven’t cut yourself or anything?”

“No, no,” I stammered, shaking my head. “Not at all. I got here and went to bed, and I just woke up.”

“Are you going to?”

“No!” Shaking my head rapidly, even though he couldn’t see me, I dug my nails into my hand. “I don’t want to do that ever again.”

“Louis smoked a ton yesterday, apparently,” he sighed, and I could almost see the disappointment on his face. “Liam said three packs or something.”

“Oh, Lou,” I sniffled, hiding my head in my hand. “I’m such a little fuck.”

“Hazza,” he sighed. “Come back home, and everything will be fine. You know he’s going to forgive you immediately.”

“I…” I started, before closing my eyes and letting out a breath of air. “I think I’m going to stay here for a while. Stay with my parents, and just take a break.”

“Nothing I’m going to say will be able to convince you, will it?”

“Probably not.”

“Good luck, babe. Can I call you every night?”

“Please do,” I sniffled, letting a soft smile spread across my lips. “Keep me informed, alright? I love you.”

“I love you too, Harry. I’ll talk to you tonight.”

I quickly hung up before I could change my mind, and I set the phone down on my bed. Right now, I needed a bath to clear my mind.

\-----

Zayn came back in, and I jumped from where I was sitting on the couch.

“Is Harry okay? Does he hate me?” I stammered, gripping my fingers so tight that I thought I would break them.

“He’s fine,” the raven-haired man sighed, stepping over to Liam and kissing his cheek. “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“I’m sorry I yelled,” he replied, stroking his fiance’s forearm. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” I repeated. Honestly, I didn’t really want to deal with seeing their sappy relationship shit. “Does he hate me?”

“No, he doesn’t hate you,” Zayn said slowly, sitting down on the sofa. “He’s more upset at himself than he could ever be at you.”

“Why is he mad at himself?” Furrowing my brow, I fell back down and squeezed my eyes shut. With no sleep since yesterday, I was trying to fight a headache while still  shaking a craving to smoke. “I was the one who fucked up.”

Liam opened his mouth to yell at me, but Zayn clapped his hand over it. “Says he’s overreacting. He says he’s not going to cut, though, so I think he’s going to be alright.”

“Where is he?”

“I don’t feel right telling you,” he shrugged, giving a crooked little smile.

“I’ll take you on a shopping spree,” I offered, chewing on my lip. Zayn had expensive tastes, as shown by his favorite fur jacket. That would get him, for sure.

“You can’t _buy_ my information,” he huffed, before crossing his arms and leaning against his fiance. “I’m not going to sell my best friend.”

“Trip to America.”

“No.”

“Tattoo license.”

“Not in your _wildest_ dream.”

“I’ll pay for part of your wedding.”

“Keep talking.”

A grin spread across my face. Now I was getting somewhere. “Fifty percent. I’ll pay fifty percent of your wedding.”

“He’s in Holmes Chapel,” The raven-haired boy spat, although I could tell he was actually pretty pleased with himself. “Staying at his Mum’s place.”

“Where’s that?” I beamed, standing up quickly. Maybe I could go talk to him. Let him know that it wasn’t his fault.

“I don’t know, he didn’t give me an address,” he shrugged.

“I’ll figure something out.”


	41. Chapter 41

Humming to myself, I traced the hem of a shirt between my fingers. I was at a thrift store, as the only clothing I had at the house were several sizes too small now, and the rest of my worldly possessions were in London. My cart was already half full of corny tees and ripped jeans, and I was currently looking through a rack of jumpers.

One jumper- printed with the words _I love you_ \- made me pause. I still hadn’t called Louis. Every time I started to dial in his number, my gut would twist up and I’d have to spend some time throwing up. How on earth was I going to make things okay when I couldn’t even think about him?

Sighing, I dropped the jumper into my cart and moved on. It hadn’t even been a full day since I had snapped, and I was ready to give up existing. Of course, I had been ready since the words left my mouth- “I hate you”- but still. Hopefully I could get myself together and talk to him.

“Harry?”

I turned around to see a group of boys, one waving at me.

“Oh my god, it is you!” He grinned, and I vaguely recognized him as Ross, a kid I used to go to school with.

“Haz!” another one(Kelly, I think) beamed, stepping over. “How long has it been?”

“Two years,” I stammered, clenching my fists as I noticed the one in the back. Nick.

“You just disappeared,” a third one exclaimed, setting his hand on my upper arm. I think his name was Luke, but I couldn’t be sure. “The entire school assumed you went to America.”

“Yeah, I moved to London,” I shrugged, trying to act more mature than I felt. Even though I had no feelings for him, I had to act like Nick had really missed out. “Lived with my sister for a bit, then moved out on my own.”

“At sixteen?” Ross asked, raising his eyebrows in shock. “My mum still does my laundry, and you live on your own. Bollocks.”

“Well,” I grinned, thankful for the little distraction. “I’m staying with my parents for a bit, actually, but then yeah, I’m on my own.”

“You’re so brave,” Luke(maybe?) said admiringly, rubbing his thumb over my sleeve. “Where are you going to Uni?”

“I’m not, currently,” I shrugged again. “Working to support myself.”

“I wish I could do that,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “My pop would literally kill me.”

“How’s everything up here?” I smiled, leaning against my cart before glancing up at Nick; his blue eyes were tracing me slowly, sending shivers down my back.

“Pretty good, I mean, it’s nothing like the big city,” Kelly laughed, clapping his hand over his stomach and wow that sent back memories. “It’s our last year of sixth form, and we’re all getting ready to graduate.”

“Yeah? What are you guys gonna do with your life?”

“Nick’s training to be a stockbrocker,” Ross smirked, patting the blue-eyed man’s back. “I’m going into music.”

“That’s brilliant, you’ve always had an ear for it,” I nodded, feeling like I was fifteen again.

“You’re Marcel,” Nick finally said, before covering his mouth.

My face heated up, but I swallowed a lump and whispered, “Uh, yeah.”

“Who’s Marcel?” Kelly asked, furrowing his brow and looking between us.

“He’s a character in a movie I watched,” the blue-eyed boy quickly stammered, gesturing with his hands.

“You’re in movies?” The other three exclaimed at the same time, making me blush even more.

“Actually- uh-” I glanced up, to see Nick shaking his head and gesturing _no_ across his neck. “Yeah,” I lied. “I did a few background characters.”

“That’s amazing,” Kelly gasped, setting his hand on his chest. “Not only are you living by yourself, but you’re an _actor_?”

“Y-yeah, kinda,” I blushed, gripping the cart handle. Great, my ex-boyfriend watches my videos. That makes two of them.

“We’re going out to lunch after this, do you want to come with?” Ross invited, gesturing to the door. “We could catch up.”

“I wish I could, but I need to go shopping for my Mum,” I lied. Honestly, I just wanted to go back to the house and try calling Louis again. “Maybe next time.”

“Sounds good. See you, Harry,” Luke grinned, before turning to the door and walking away. The other four followed suit, and when Nick glanced over his shoulder, I made a show of pushing a curl behind my ear and turning back to the rack.

As soon as they left the building, my heart went wild. Fuck. Now Nick has seen my videos? Glancing up at the ceiling, I silently asked what I had done to deserve this. With a sigh, I rolled the cart to the check-out and started moving the clothing onto the counter.

After paying and grabbing the bags, I went out into the cold air. A hand snaked around my wrist, stopping me in my path and twisting me to face Nick. His bleach-blond hair fell in his eyes, and a small smile was on his lips.

“Hey,” he breathed, blushing slightly.

“Uh, hey,” I repeated, rapidly blinking. “Can I help you with something?”

“I just wanted to catch up, just you and me,” he said slowly, trailing his fingers down to my hand and squeezing. “I thought about you a ton while you were in London.”

“I, uh, okay?” Shrugging, I wet my lips and tugged my hand away. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” he nodded, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets and looking down at our feet. “Look, Harry, I just- there were rumors that your Mum kicked you out when you told her you were gay, and I shut them down immediately, but I gotta know. Is that what happened?”

My shoulders dropped slightly. “Yeah, she didn’t take it so well.”

“You could’ve come to me, I would’ve been there for you,” Nick whispered, glancing up at me and connecting our eyes. There was some emotion there that I couldn’t explain, and I felt guilty. Like just talking with him was cheating on Louis. Although- we weren’t together anymore, were we?

“But you had just broken up with me, I thought-”

“I’ve _always_ cared about you, Harry, even after I broke up with you,” he smiled, stroking my cheek. “If you had come to me, I’d have moved to London with you. You wouldn’t have been alone.”

I could feel my hands shaking. No. No, I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this at all. I wanted Louis. “Nick, I-”

“Would you like to come back to my place?”

“...Yes.”

\-----

Chewing my lip, I found myself stuck between two different bouquets. After the two hour train ride, I was trying to decide what flowers to bring Harry. While I hadn’t found his place, I’m sure that it wouldn’t be too hard. Holmes Chapel was a small enough place, someone had to know him.

On one hand, the red roses were a classic _I love you_. The bouquet had 100 bulbs, each stunning and breathtaking. There were little jewels in the center of some, and it was wrapped in a simple white plastic. Harry would absolutely adore it.

On the other hand, the tulips were safer. If he was still mad at me, then maybe a thirty stem bouquet of pink tulips would make him happier. They were gentle, delicate, and brilliant. The little tag said that pink tulips were supposed to mean caring and affection, which was maybe a little easier for him than the big L.

“Excuse me,” a male voice said, and I twisted to face a tall bleach-blond boy. “Are you Louis Tomlinson, from _Man U_?”

“Uh, yeah,” I nodded, blinking a few times.

“I’m a huge fan,” he grinned, his entire face lighting up. “My name’s Nick.”

“Nick? You wouldn’t, uh, happen to know a Harry Styles, would you?” My heart was racing, here was the connection I needed.

He paused, before looking me over slowly. “So _you’re_ Louis. He told me about you.”

“I know, I messed up,” I sighed, shoving my hands in my pockets. So, everyone knows how I fucked up. “How is he?”

“He cried while talking about you,” Nick shrugged, letting a painful smirk cross his face. “And then he let me fuck him. Hard and slow, until he was begging for it.”

My stomach knotted, climbing up into my neck and tickling the back of my throat. Jealousy. Pain. Guilt. I could feel my heart completely break, but I couldn’t do anything. “I-is that so? I’m glad he’s doing alright…”

“And here you are, obviously trying to get him back,” the blond smirked, gesturing towards the bouquets with one hand while reaching in his pocket with the other. “You want a slag, a niave, broken slag. How sad.”

“Please, just…” I whispered, trying to keep my anger down. No one insulted Harry. No one at all, not even this tosser. But I still had use for him. “Please, can you give me his address?”

“You still want a slut who will fuck anyone?”

“I’ll want him no matter what,” I breathed, knitting my brow. “I love him, and I don’t care if you fucked him. I just want him back.”

“Here,” the blond said, handing me a piece of paper. “Harry gave this to me. It’s his address and cell number.”

“Thank you, so much,” I nodded, taking the note and worshipping it between my fingers. This was my holy grail. “I- seriously, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Ciao, Tomlinson,” he shrugged, turning and moving to the door, and just like that, he was gone. And just like that, I was a step closer to finding Harry.

\-----

“Harry, darling,” Mum called from downstairs.

“Yeah?” I replied, slowly tearing my eyes from my phone. The last two hours was spent just sitting on my bed, trying to get the nerves to call Louis. “What is it?”

Footsteps up the stairs, and then a soft knocking at my door. “Can I come in?” She asked, and then, at my approval, pushed her way in. “There was something at the door for you.”

“Huh?” Furrowing my brow, I set my phone down. What on earth?

Mum came around the corner, holding a huge bouquet of roses and an envelope, causing my heart to stop. “Anonymous, I almost tripped on it when I went to get the mail.”

“Who-?” I whispered, reaching for it and taking it from her. No one knew where my parents lived, save for Nick now. If he thought that this would earn him brownie points, then he was wrong. Still, with a sigh, I dropped the roses on my lap and slid the envelope open.

The front read _Whenever, Whatever, Forever: I’m Yours_. Of course, I didn’t give a fuck. Nick meant nothing to me, not now, not ever again. Opening the card, I read the basic printed text: _You’re all that I want, and More than I deserve. I love you._

It was the handwritten note that really got me.

_Harry_

_There’s so many things I could say here, but only one thing that I really need to: I love you. I made a mistake, and now we’re both paying for it. I understand if you never want to see me again, and that you’ve moved on, but I can’t accept that fate. I swear, right here and now, I will win you back._

_I love you._

_Louis_

Tears stung at my eyes. “Oh my god,” I whispered, covering my mouth and trying not to cry. Rereading the note- the amazing, _perfect_ note- I took a second to breath before handing it to Mum. As she read it, I lifted the bouquet and shook my head slowly. “How did he find me?”

“Oh, Harry,” she grinned, wiping her own eyes. “True love always finds a way.”


	42. Chapter 42

After an hour long conversation with Zayn about him telling Louis where I was, the bouquet and note, and where he got the address from, I tucked myself in my bed and sighed. He still loved me. But he wasn’t here, and it doesn’t really matter if I can’t tell him how I feel.

There was a soft tapping noise, and I paused. Where was it coming from? I was on the second floor, it couldn’t be on my window. That would be physically impossible.But- there it was again. Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I closed my eyes and tried to listen. It was definitely coming from outside.

Swinging my legs over the side, I got off the bed and moved to my curtains. Slightly poking my head out, I stood there in shock. Louis. He was standing on the grass, holding a small pebble in one hand while holding a bouquet in the other. Even from the distance, I could see the grin on his face spread as he saw me. He waved once, and I, completely freaking out, shut the curtains again.

With my heart in my throat, I ran out of my room, and, taking the steps two at a time, I moved to the back door of the house. My feet hit the cold, damp grass, but I didn’t let it stop me from going to the side gate.

“Louis?” I hissed, opening the gate and gesturing him closer. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m winning you back,” he beamed, stepping over and offering me the flowers. “Can we talk?”

After taking the flowers- more red roses- I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, c-come this way.”

“Not inside?”

“I don’t want to wake my parents,” I shrugged, leading him to the pool side and sitting down. He sat across from me, adjusting his coat and playing a finger through his hair. He looked so beautiful under the moonlight.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” Louis started, before dropping his head. “I shouldn’t have kept such an important secret from you.”

“No, Lou-”

“Let me finish, please,” he interrupted, and I reluctantly nodded. “Harry, I watched your videos. I watched them from the very beginning, and then I met you. I knew it was you immediately, but I didn’t want to say anything. At first, yeah, I did just want to bed you. I wanted to have sex, then leave you, but then I got to know you.”

“Louis,” I sniffled, trying to keep from crying.

“I met you, and I fell in love with your little quirks and ways, and I wanted to protect you from everything and everyone,” he continued, reaching one hand towards me before wincing back. My shoulders dropped, but I pushed forward and gently took it, immediately brightening his face. “I love you. I wanted to stop watching your videos, but I couldn’t. It was an addiction, and I couldn’t break it, and I had to hurt you.”

“When you apologized, after we…” I stammered, chewing my lip and looking down.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry for that, Harry,” he shook his head, tears stinging at his eyes. “But it worked. I stopped watching your videos, and I felt less guilty. But I didn’t account for your trust issues, and I almost lost you. Then, when you called me your boyfriend for the first time, I wanted to cry. I wanted to stop the world and just hold you, and thank the universe, and fall on my knees, and I just wanted to be with you.”

“Oh, Lou,” I sniffled, using my free hand to wipe the tear off my cheek.

“And then we made love, and it was like everything clicked into place. I felt lighter, and the constant buzzing noise of life was silenced, and my vision focused. _You_ were all I saw, and I realized that that’s all I needed to see.” Louis set his hand over mine, also thumbing at a tear, and caressed my cheek slowly. “All I need, Harry, is you. And then I lost you, and my world crumbled.”

“Louis-”

And I’ve never needed anything more than I need to hold you, and I love you, Harry, and I don’t care if- you have a spider on your shoulder.”

I blinked. “What?”

He scooted back, pointing at my arm. “There’s a _huge_ spider on your shoulder- _god_ I _hate_ spiders, get rid of it.”

Twisting my head to look, I saw a tiny little spider and grinned. After putting my hand up to it, I waited for it to crawl on before tossing it to the grass. “There we go.”

“T-thanks,” he shrugged, scooting back towards me and stopping inches closer than he had been. “I really hate spiders, they creep me out.”

“You’re so cute,” I whispered, shivering slightly. It dawned on me that I was only wearing pajama pants and a tank top, and it was probably five degrees, and I was freezing. “My turn.”

“Alright,” Louis nodded, tilting his head to look at me.

“I should’ve- I should’ve told you that I did porn, Louis,” I started, holding my hands together in my lap. “But I didn’t know how you would react. I thought that you would be disgusted by me, and you would leave me, and I couldn’t handle that. But I, uh, I fell for you quickly, with your blue eyes and your perfect smile, and your fit little body, and your stunning personality. I loved you as soon as I met you, and I just- I just wanted to be with you.”

“Sweetheart,” he cooed, setting his hand on my knee and smiling up at me. “I don’t think there’s a guy alive who would be disgusted by a porn star.”

“I can think otherwise,” I shrugged, fighting every urge in my body to lean into him and fit against his body. His hand was radiating heat, and it felt so nice. “And I loved you the entire time, I just couldn’t say it. And when- and when we had sex for the first time, I felt amazing. I felt beautiful, and loved, and like everything was right in the world. And I overreacted.”

“No, Harry, you didn’t-”

“Yes, I did. I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have snapped at you, but I just found out you watched my videos, and then you were touching yourself, and-”

“I was?” he gasped, then groaned. “Oh, I _was_ , _shit_ , that must’ve been _so_ bad, I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t hate you,” I sniffled, trying not to shake. “I would never hate you.”

“Can I hug you?” Louis breathed, his hand airing over my shoulder ever so slightly.

“P-please,” I nodded, before collapsing into his arms. His fingers felt amazing against my shoulder blades, and I finally let myself cry. He was here, and he loved me, and he forgave me.

“Shh, sweetheart, you’re so cold,” he mumbled, before unzipping his jacket with one hand and wrapping it around me. I slipped my arms under the coat, letting his warmth fill me slowly, and I buried my face into his shoulder. “I love you, Harry.”

“I still love you too,” I whispered, taking in a deep breath of his scent. Everything was suddenly right, and I understood what he meant about the buzz disappearing, and focusing, and whatever. “I’ll always love you.”

“I don’t care that you had sex with Nick-”

“Ex _cuse_ me?” I pushed myself away and furrowed my brows.

“This guy, at the store, he knew me as my footie jersey, and then he introduced himself as Nick, so  I asked about you, and he told me that you guys fucked,” he shrugged, and I could see the pain in his eyes, even if he tried not to show it. “I don’t care, alright?”

“I would _never_ have sex with Nick again,” I scoffed, shaking my head. “I haven’t even _kissed_ him since he broke up with me.”

“But he said?”

“I don’t know why he would say that,” I huffed, nudging back against his skin. “But I promise you that you would be my last, and I’m a man of my word. I went to his place, and we had tea, and I started crying about you, but then he tried to force himself on me so I kicked him in the balls and left.”

“But you gave him your address?” Louis asked, slowly playing with my hair.

“Before he tried to take advantage of me,” I shrugged, shivering again. “Can we go inside?”

“Uh, sure,” he nodded, pressing a kiss to my temple.

“You can stay the night, right? Just in my bed with me, no sex or anything,” I blushed, hesitantly getting to my feet before helping him up as well. “Stay quiet, let’s sneak in.”

He grinned, holding my hand as I led him into the house. After he took off his shoes and coat, I moved through the den to the stairs, then laced our fingers as we climbed. We went into my bedroom, and, as I collapsed on my bed, he took off his jeans.

“Can I hold you tonight?” he whispered, crawling next to me on the mattress.

“Of course, I’d be upset if you didn’t,” I giggled, pressing against his chest and letting out a soft hum. He wrapped his arm around my waist, before tugging the blankets up around me. “I love you, Louis.”

“God, I thought I’d never hear that again,” he breathed, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, before tilting my chin up and catching my lips briefly. “I love you too, Harry.”


	43. Chapter 43

Fingers in my hair managed to pull me from the most amazing dream; Louis had come from London to win me back, and, as I opened my eyes, I realized that it wasn’t just a dream. The caramel-haired boy was softly smiling at me, massaging my scalp with one hand while tugging at my waist with the other.

“Mmm, morning,” I breathed, pressing a slow kiss to his jaw. “How did you sleep?”

“Amazingly,” he whispered. “Although I didn’t get much.”

“What? Why?” Fluttering my eyelashes at him, I pouted my lower lip and slotted my legs between his.

“Because I didn’t want this to just be a dream,” he grinned, catching my lips. “Did you know you talk in your sleep?”

“I do? What did I say?”

“It’s a private conversation, Harold,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes before giving a toothy grin. “Although I can tell you that you say the cutest things.”

“Noooo,” I whined, pawing at his shoulders. “Tell meee.”

“Well, uh,” he started, before shutting up quickly. Footsteps. There was a knock at my door, and I felt my heart race rapidly.

“Harry? Sweetheart? Are you awake?” Mum’s voice came, causing both Louis and I to share a wide-eyed look. “I’m coming in.”

We both raced to sit up, but weren’t fast enough, as Mum came around the corner. There was an elongated moment of silence while she took in the sight of us- Louis was sitting with his back against my headboard, while I had half of my legs over his lap.

“It’s not what it looks like,” I stammered, feeling my face heat up. This was not how I wanted to introduce my soul mate to my mother.

“Oh, Harry,” she sighed, knitting her brows. “What would Louis think about you sneaking boys in?”

“I’d think that he was the most perfect person in the world,” the caramel-haired boy grinned, setting one hand on my shoulder. “Hi, I’m Louis.”

She stood there for a moment longer, blinking a few times before clapping her hands. “Alright, well, uh, you two get dressed, and we’ll talk over breakfast.”

After watching her turn and leave, we let out a collective sigh of relief.

“That was awkward,” I mumbled, digging the palm of my hand into my forehead.

“She seems nice,” Louis shrugged, before swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “Don’t worry, I’ll take responsibility of sneaking in.”

“But I was the one who invited you in,” I huffed, standing up and moving to my dresser. “Let me find you a pair of pajama bottoms, I’m sure my parents don’t want to see you in your boxers.”

“Mmm,” he squeaked, stretching as he came up behind me. Fingers trailed around my waist, before sliding up the hem of my tank top. “This was our first fight, sweetie.”

“I hope it’s our only.”

“I promise,” he whispered against the back of my neck, pressing kisses at the skin. “That as long as we’re together, I’ll do whatever I can to keep us from fighting.”

“Here,” I grinned, twisting to face him with a pair of smiley-face print joggers in my hands. “Get those on, then I can introduce you to my family.”

“Only if you’ll introduce me as your boyfriend,” the caramel-haired boy winked, taking the fabric from me and taking a step back.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” I beamed, watching as he slipped them up his gorgeous legs. “I can’t believe those fit you, I got those on my thirteenth birthday.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you’re really small,” I teased, before reaching forward and squeezing his bum. “Except where it really matters.”

“Harold, I’m about to meet your mother, do you _really_ want to compliment my penis size right now?” With a wink, he wrapped his arms around my neck, punctuated with a quick kiss, then let me go and turned around. “C’mon, I’m excited.”

Rolling my eyes fondly, I let him hold my hand and tug me out of my room. “Oh, I should warn you,” I mumbled, grinning at the boy. “My step-dad’s a huge fan.”

“What am I a fan of?” Robin asked, poking his head out from the dining room. His eyes widened as he saw us, and he dropped his jaw as he said, “ _Louis Tomlinson_?”

“Er,” the caramel-haired boy stuttered, waving once. “Yeah, hi.”

“Where have you been all season? They’ve been suffering without you!” He exclaimed, rushing forward and shaking Louis’ hand wildly.

“I got an injury during training and I’ve had to sit out,” Louis shrugged, gesturing towards his left knee. “Shattered my fibula, but I’ll be able to play the last game.”

“I didn’t know about that,” I blinked, before wrapping my arms around his waist and tugging him closer. “Why didn’t you tell me you had hurt yourself?”

“Because it’s almost completely healed, I just didn’t think about it,” the caramel-haired boy hummed, following Robin into the dining room. Mum was sitting there, holding a mug of tea, and I quickly sat down across from her. The blue-eyed boy followed suit, setting both of his hands on the table with a bright look on his face.

“So,” she started, blinking a few times. “Tell me, when did you get into my house last night?”

“Probably around eleven,” he answered quickly, letting a small smile poke out of his cheek. “I just wanted to see Harry again.”

“And,” she said slowly. “How?”

“I invited him in,” I blushed, glancing down at my lap. “It was cold outside, and I didn’t want to go inside without him.”

“Did you two talk everything out?”

“Yes,” we said at the same time, before connecting our eyes and giggling.

“Yeah, we did,” he elaborated, reaching over and softly rubbing my thigh. “Everything has worked out.”

“Then,” Mum stated, standing up. “I’m Anne, Harry’s mother. Welcome to the family.”

Louis quickly shot up as well, grinning broadly. “Louis, officially the happiest person in the world.” When she opened her arms, the caramel-haired boy stepped around the table and hugged her. “You have no idea how much Harry means to me, and I promise I’ll love him forever.”

Blushing slowly, I stood up also. Perfect. Everything was absolutely perfect. “Christ, Louis, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you liked her more.”

“She gave birth to you, she’s pretty important to me,” he teased before stepping back. “I’m sure Harry has told you everything I’ve done to him, and I wanted to thank you for trusting me.”

“Well, if you hurt him again, I’ll personally hunt you down and kill you,” she shrugged.

“If I hurt him again, I’ll do it myself.”

“My _step-son_ is dating _Louis Tomlinson_ ,” Robin said slowly, shaking his head as he set a large plate of pancakes down. “I’m never going to get over that.”

“Hopefully,” Louis grinned, turning to look at me. “Hopefully someday your step-son will be _married_ to Louis Tomlinson.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but, at a lack of words, I chewed on my lip instead. Yeah, that would be absolutely perfect. “Mhmm,” I finally mumbled, sitting down again.

“ _Never_ going to get over it.”

\-----

The weather was especially nice by some miracle, and Louis had prompted a trip to the pool in our backyard. He, of course, fit into a pair my old swim trunks, and I was more than happy to see him swimming around in them.

I was on the deck, laying flat on my back but with my head tilted to watch the golden boy. His beautiful caramel-colored hair was sticking to his forehead and cheeks, and I was absolutely smitten. The water droplets, covering his body whenever he stood, streaked over his muscles.

The sun was beating down against my bare chest, lightly coloring the skin after an hour of being here. He swam over to the side, before splashing water over my body and grinning. He lifted himself up out of the water by just his arms, and damn did it turn me on. “I wish our flat had a pool,” Louis said, leaning over me and pressing a kiss to my nose.

A smile crossed my lips as I whispered, “Our?”

“It’s not home without you,” he nodded, catching my lips gently. “So yeah. Ours.”

“Oh, Lou,” I beamed, pulling him down by his cheeks and kissing him slowly. Fingers tugged around my waist, and then the next thing I knew, water was surrounding us. There was a vague splashing noise, but I was sure that it didn’t matter. Louis was the only thing that mattered.

His lips continued to move over mine, and it was only when I tried to catch my breath that I realized we were in the pool. Suddenly out of breath, I kicked against the ground and brought us both up to the surface. After a second of just smiling at each other, he mumbled, “I love you.”

“God, I love you,” I groaned, lifting his legs to around my waist and kissing him again. The touch of his skin felt amazing, almost numbing, and the way his fingers were playing around the back of my neck was orgasmic. He was perfect, for sure. The universe had blessed me with such an amazing soul mate. “I love you _so_ much.”

“I wasn’t kidding earlier,” Louis giggled, kissing me with a smile. “I really do want to marry you someday.”

“Mm, yeah,” I agreed, taking a deep breath before falling backwards into the water again. His legs locked behind my back as he clung to me, and I pecked his lips. Yeah, I could marry him.

\-----

With a grin, I flopped down on the bed next to the caramel-haired boy. His fingers automatically traced my bicep, drawing a heart along my muscle before fluttering his eyelashes.

“Mmm, bedtime?” Louis mewed, tucking the blanket up to his neck. Mum had invited him to spend the night(as long as we didn’t do anything), and he had jumped on the offer.

“Definitely,” I replied, leaning over him and pressing a kiss to his lips softly. Collapsing onto him, with my head tucked into the crook of his neck, I drew a circle onto his collarbone and hummed. If there was one thing I learned from these last few days, it was that I never wanted to be without him again.

We laid there in silence for several minutes, just taking in each other’s presence. He had been right. The constant buzzing of life was gone, and there was a feeling of contentment. Because honestly, I was content. More than. Everything clicked together when we were together.

_Dee dee dee, dee-de-dee_

“What on earth is that?” Louis huffed sleepily.

“My phone, sorry,” I blushed. As I had been 15 when I got it, I had chosen the cutest ringtone I could. After lifting it to my ear, I said, “Hello?”

“Hey babe, It’s Z,” Zayn’s voice came from the other side, and I relaxed back into the mattress. “How was your day?”

“Amazing. It was absolutely perfect,” I grinned, tucking myself back against Louis. “Guess who came by last night?”

“Louis? Really?”

“Yeah, he’s almost asleep-” I gently kissed his cheek, earning a tired huff. “We talked everything through, and now we’re okay.”

“Cheers, Love, I’m so happy for you!”

“He brought me another huge bouquet, and we spent the entire day in the pool.” Rolling onto my stomach, I covered his bare shoulder in kisses. “He smells like chlorine.”

“That must’ve been nice,” he hummed, and I could hear someone in the background. “Hey boo? Liam wants to talk to Lou. Do you think you can get him awake?”

“Yeah, I can try, but no promises,” I nodded, before putting the phone up to the caramel-haired boy’s ear. “Babe, it’s Li.”

“Mmph,” he groaned, but took the phone anyways. “H’llo?”

I vaguely heard some noise, but I knew better than to listen in. Biting on my lip, I teased his nipple between two fingers.

“Y-yeah,” Louis stammered, using his free hand to try to push me off. I sucked his fingers into my mouth, wetting the skin and causing him to squeeze his eyes shut. “Yeah, I’ll, uh, yeah.”

With a smirk, I dropped his fingers and scooted to his hips, biting the skin and leaving a dark hickey. My fingers tugged his (my) pajamas down to around his thighs, and then brought his boxers down as well. He was limp, but not for long. Licking his tip, I brought my fingers around his girth and hummed.

“No, I u _-uh_ \- understand, yeah.”

He was still coherent. No, I couldn’t have that. I wrapped my lips over his now semi-hard cock, sucking to increase pressure. Fingers dug into the back of my head, pushing me down further. Glancing up, I admired the subtle blush that was spreading across his cheeks.

“Of c-course.”

The taste of his precum filled my mouth, which I tried to savor as long as I could before humming. His hand left my hair to clap over his lips, giving me a slight sense of satisfaction, and I used one hand to coddle his balls. I bobbed my jaw up and down over his erect dick, causing me to groan as the tip brushed the back of my throat.

His hips jerked up, forcing it in as deep as I could physically handle. Tears stung at my eyes, and I squeezed them shut to fight the urge to gag.

“He’s, uh, he’s doing w- _well_ ,” Louis moaned, before catching my attention. He mouthed _I’m going to cum_ , and I hollowed my cheeks. Thrusting up again, he shot down my throat, completely bypassing my gag reflex and, unfortunately, my taste buds. It was weird to not hear him, but I imagined that he didn’t want his best mate to know. “Y-yeah, I’ll see you later, Li,” he breathed, relaxing into the mattress and trying to catch his breath.

Grinning, I replaced his waistbands before crawling back up over him. “Tell them I say bye!”

“Harry says good night,” the caramel-haired boy mumbled, literally glowing from his post-orgasm high. “They say sleep well.” He hung up and set the phone on the nightstand, before furrowing his brows at me. “Your mum said that we couldn’t do anything.”

“Do you honestly think that she’ll find out?” I teased, sticking my tongue out. “I won’t tell her if you won’t.”

“I want her to like me, Harold,” he huffed, lifting both hands to the back of my neck and tugging me down. Letting myself collapse onto his chest, I kissed his skin gently. “Plus, I was _on_ the _phone_.”

“I warned you,” I shrugged. “I told you I had an exhibitionist kink.”

\-----

_Meanwhile_

I stared at Zayn’s phone, feeling slightly disgusted.

“Babe? What is it?” he breathed, airing his fingers over my thighs. “You look like Lou told you he hated you.”

“I think he just came,” I hissed, dropping the phone to the mattress. After spending most of my teen years with Louis, I knew exactly what he sounded like, especially when he was trying to be quiet. (Sleepovers weren’t fun)

“Well, Harry did say that they were all okay,” he teased. “Why, did it turn you on?”

“Actually, I think it stopped me from wanting to have sex ever again.”


	44. Chapter 44

He was so beautiful when he slept, I thought to myself. I had been awake for a few minutes, just admiring his sleepy face. His long eyelashes were flat against his slightly blushed cheeks, and his sinfully pink lips were spread.

“I love you,” I whispered, leaning over him and pressing a kiss to his forehead. A soft little whine got me to pull back, before smiling. His gentle blue eyes were fluttering open, causing my heart to race. “Good morning, perfection.”

“How long have you been up?” Louis groaned, rolling into my chest before taking a deep breath. “Mm, you smell good.”

“Only a bit,” I grinned, fingering his hair. “And I smell like sweat and sleep, darling.”

“But it’s a _good_ sweat,” he mumbled, earning a laugh. “So, when are we going home?”

My breath caught in my throat, and I took a second to compose myself before saying, “I’m, uh, I’m staying here for a while, Louis.”

“What?” His voice was suddenly weak, and I could almost feel the heartbreak behind it.

“I need to rebuild my relationship with my family,” I swallowed, as if that would explain away his pain.

“But, wait,” he begged, gripping at my shirt. “I can’t- I can’t sleep without you. I can’t think without you- Harry, I can’t _breathe_ without you.”

“Sweetheart,” I started, looking into his blue, pained eyes. “You know I love you more than the earth and the sky, and everything between, but the last time I saw my parents, they were screaming for me to leave. I need to connect with them.”

“I won’t go home without you,” he huffed, burying his face in my chest.

With a sigh, I tilted his chin up and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Louis…”

“I _won’t_.”

“You have friends in London, you have a job, you have responsibilities,” I breathed, nudging my nose against his. “You have to go back. You have a life there.”

“B-but,” Louis sobbed, rolling onto his back. “My _life_ is with _you_.”

Tears stung at my eyes, hearing the sincerity and desperation in his voice. “Oh Louis,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around him before kissing him again. “One week.”

“W-what?”

“Give me one week, and then I’ll come rejoin you.”

\-----

We were both very sober as we gave each other one last kiss. His train to London was leaving in a few minutes, and I didn’t want to let him go.

“I love you,” he breathed against my lips, desperately gripping the nape of my neck. “I love you so, so much.”

“We’ve spent a week apart before,” I reminded him, nipping his lower lip. “We can do this.”

“I don’t want to lose you again,” Louis begged. The loudspeaker called _The Four P.M. Train to London is leaving_ , and we stepped apart.

“You won’t, darling, I love you,” I whispered, kissing him one last time before gesturing towards his train. “I’ll call you before I go to sleep.”

“See you in a week, love,” he sighed, turning away.

It was the longest moment of my life. His normally confident posture was gone, slumped over as he stepped over to the train. He glanced over his shoulder once more, his eyes completely red and watery, which brought tears to my own.

I couldn’t control myself as I screamed, “ _Louis!_ ”, causing him to spin completely, standing at the door as it was beginning to close. “Two days! I’ll be home in two days!”

The door closed, but, even as his train started to pull away, I could see the grin spreading across his face. A week would be too long, but we could handle two days. I could handle two days.

\-----

I couldn’t handle two days. Not even three hours after I had gotten back to my parent’s house, I had left and gotten on a train back to London. They weren’t overly happy, but they understood; Robin made me promise to get him tickets to the next football game, while Mum just made me promise to visit.

Now, with my hand on the doorknob to Louis’- no, _our_ flat, I was having second thoughts. I wasn’t so pathetic that I couldn’t spend time without my boyfriend, was I? It had only been five hours since I had last seen him. Sighing, I silently opened the door(it was, after all, around nine-thirty) and relaxed when opened.

The telly was on, turned up loud and flashing light across the otherwise dark room. It was some stupid reality show- the exact type of thing that Louis would watch. It was only when I saw the figure laid out on the sofa that I relaxed. The doubt that was hanging over me disappeared, and everything was perfect.

He checked his phone, before letting out a sigh and dropping his hand. Chewing on my lip, I quietly shut the door before reaching into my pocket and pulling out my phone. After dialing his number, I waited.

Louis jumped, quickly picking up and lifting it to his ear. “H-Harry?”

“Hi,” I said into the air, grinning broadly.

The caramel-haired boy spun around, then froze when he saw me. His eyes darted over my body, as if it wasn’t quite real, before standing up slowly. “Harry?”

“I missed you,” I shrugged, setting my bag down on the ground. I had packed a few articles of clothing, namely just the stuff that I really enjoyed, but left the rest there.

“But- reconnecting with your family?”

“It doesn’t matter as much as you do.” Shrugging my jacket off, I hung it on the hanger before leaning over to take off my boots. “Sorry, I guess you’re stuck with me.”

“Oh, Harry,” he sobbed, before rushing forward and hugging me with such a force that I was knocked against the door. “I’m so happy you’re home.”

“I’m here, I’m going to stay here,” I grinned, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’m home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's just an epilogue left, then we're done!


	45. Epilogue

Epilogue

Tucked between Louis’ back and Zayn’s chest, I was watching the telly at Liam’s penthouse. We had all decided to get together, just to hang out, and after several attempts at playing FIFA(I was ridiculously bad at it), we were collapsed on the couch. Niall was on the other side of Lou, and he had control of the remote.

“Do we have to watch Derby?” Zayn huffed, absentmindedly playing with my hair. He had greeted me with a teary hug when I had gotten back, before making me promise not to run away again.

“It’s the only good thing that’s on,” Niall shrugged, but moved to open the guide anyways. He had yelled at me for not calling him immediately(I explained that I didn’t have his number memorized), but forgave me without even blinking.

“I think I saw _Brave_ on one of the other channels,” Liam noted, reaching over us for the remote from where he was sitting by his fiance. He had been so upset at me that he didn’t even want to look at me for a little bit, then had forgiven me with a huge hug(after Zayn had had some choice words). When no one else could hear, however, he made me promise never to leave Lou ever again, which warmed my heart.

“Of course,” Louis snorted. “Of course you want to watch Disney.” He had, of course, held me for literally two days, only letting go to use the bathroom. We had made love the night I came back, slowly and gently, before cuddling so close that I forgot what it was like to not have arms around me.

“I like Disney,” I grinned, kissing my boyfriend. I still haven’t forgiven myself for leaving, but I was going through counseling with the therapist that he had found for me. Now, on my official psychiatric record, I had PTSD, Anorexia, and Suicidal Tendencies.

“Hey Ni?” Zayn asked, leaning forward to look at the blond. “We need to get you a boyfriend.”

“What? Why?” he blinked confusedly, before pursing his lips to fight a smile.

“I mean, I have Li, Harry and Louis are perfect, and you don’t have a guy.”

“We could introduce you to Josh, a midfielder on our team,” Liam suggested, watching the animated flick on the telly. “You two would get along perfectly.”

Niall laughed, “Guys, I’m _straight_.”

There was a long moment of awkward silence, where we all turned to look at him. “... _Really_?” Louis finally asked, furrowing his brows.

With a shrug, the blonde said, “Gay porn pays more.”

“But you’ve been balls-deep in me without hesitation,” I shook my head in disbelief, earning a jealous huff from my boyfriend. “I don’t believe it.”

“Just because I’m down with gay sex doesn’t mean that I’m gay,” he shrugged again, smiling happily.

“I think,” Zayn grinned. “I think it does on _some_ level.”

“Nope, I like them boobies,” the blond smirked, gesturing a squeezing motion in the air. “They’re soft and plump and you guys have no idea what you’re missing out on.”

“You’re so vulgar,” Louis grinned, wrapping his arm around the blond’s neck. “But yeah, boobs are pretty good. It’s the vaginas that really gross me out.”

“Really? I prefer them to assholes,” Niall shrugged, scrunching his nose. “They’re so weird.”

“What are vaginas like?” I asked, blinking a few times.

“They’re soft and juicy,” he grinned, making a diamond with his fingers. “They taste awesome.”

“Ew,” Liam winced, before covering his ears. “That’s _so_ gross.”

“So you can lick a guy’s asshole, but you don’t want to even hear about what it’s like with a girl?”

“I read that they’re fishy,” I continued, chewing on my lip. “Are they?”

“Why the fuck are you reading about vaginas?” Louis hissed, turning to me before biting my earlobe.

“I don’t know, it was in an article in one of those magazines,” I whined, leaning into him submissively. “I literally just read everything in those dumb girl magazines you have.”

“No, they’re not fishy,” Zayn finally spat, earning a weird look from his fiance. “What? I’ve had sex with women!”

“You have?” Liam asked, biting his lip. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, I was with this girl Perrie in sixth form,” he shrugged. “She was also the one who told me I was gay.”

“She outed you… to yourself?” Niall laughed, clapping his hand over his mouth.

“Apparently straight guys don’t use hair products.”

“Yeah, we do,” the blond gestured at his head, which was gelled back.

“They don’t use as many as you do, though,” Liam rolled his eyes, leaning into his boyfriend. “Seriously, do you need _seven_ different waxes?”

“One for each occasion,” he huffed in response, adjusting his perfectly shaped quiff. “It’s not like I have ten different vitamins.”

“Louis has twelve,” I groaned, cuddling into Zayn’s side. “I keep accidentally grabbing them instead of aspirin.”

“They’re for footie,” Louis snapped playfully, flicking my shoulder. “You know that.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to keep them in the medicine cabinet.”

“Liam does the same thing!” Zayn claimed, wrapping his arm around me and holding me tight. “I feel so much closer to you, H.”

“You share my pain,” I grinned, letting out a pretend, exaggerated sigh.

“You guys are ridiculous,” Niall laughed loudly, before leaning back and stretching his legs over our laps. “I think you’re right, though. I do need a girlfriend. I’m getting kinda lonely over here. I need someone to hug.”

“I have a sister,” I shrugged, biting my lip. “Although, thinking about it, I’m not so sure you two would get along.”

“Why not?”

“I think she likes _straight_ guys.”

“You little fucker,” Louis snorted, burying his nose into my neck to fight laughter.

“Having sex with guys doesn’t make me gay!” Niall yelled exasperatedly. “Christ!”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Liam grinned, before doing air quotes as he said, “ _being gay doesn’t make me gay_ , is literally what you said.”

“Shut up,” the blond groaned, letting a blush cross his face. “I’m straight, I’m just open.”

We all shared a comfortable silence for a second, before I whispered, “I love you guys.”

“I’m trying to watch _Brave_ ,” Li chuckled, reaching his hand over and gently stroking my hair.

That was it; that was our friendship. We all loved each other, more than anything in this world, and that’s how it would stay.

Niall, the first friend I really made in London. The happy, energetic Uni student that wanted nothing more than to be a famous musician. The blond boy that could honestly brighten my day just by being himself. I loved him.

Zayn, the first person I ever opened up to. He knew all my little secrets, everything that I didn’t want to think about. The new tattoo artist, who could touch into my feelings with just a glance. I loved him.

Liam, the first guy to recognize me. The only person who could snap at me yet still care. The footie player who wanted nothing more than to be the best him that he could be. I loved him.

Louis. What could I really say about Louis? He’s everything to me. He’s like a poison, slowly seeping into my skin with every touch, yet the only antidote is his skin. He’s a labyrinth that I’m lost inside, never searching for the exit. He’s the missing piece to my puzzle. His lips tasted like fate, and his voice sounded like destiny. No one else mattered, and he single-handedly saved my life. Saying I love him would be an understatement, but it was all I could say. There were no words to properly express how I felt about him.

With a grin, I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips. He gripped the back of my neck, humming happily, and when we separated, I couldn’t take my eyes from him. Just breathing in his cologne, I leaned forward and kissed him again.

“I love you,” I whispered against his lips.

“I love you too,” he giggled, pulling away and wetting his lips. “What was that all about?”

“I just love you,” I shrugged, wrapping both arms around him and closing my eyes.

“I’m trying to watch the movie,” Zayn teased. “Do you two have to be so loud?”

“Yup. We have to be loud and obnoxious,” the caramel-haired boy smirked, before making _Mwah_ noises against my cheek.

Yeah, he was a poison. He was a labyrinth. But he was _my_ poison, and _my_ labyrinth. And that was all I needed.

“So, Harry, about your sister,” Niall continued, rolling his eyes.

“No.”

“What? Why not?” the blond gasped.

“If I’ve had sex with a guy, I’m not letting him court my sister,” I shrugged, playfully punching his shoulder. “But I’ll look for a girl for you.”

“We all will,” Liam nodded, before turning up the volume. “Now _shh_.”

Slowly opening my eyes, I found myself only being able to see Louis. That’s all I wanted to see. Smiling softly, I pressed a kiss to his neck and hummed. Yeah, this was perfect. I briefly wondered where I would be if I had never met him, and the answer made me shudder; I would probably still be doing porn, ruining my life and not having anyone there to put me back together.

Louis proved to me that I wasn’t broken. That someone could love me. That there was a person in this world that wanted to be with me. He proved that there was more than just nothingness in my future. I kissed his neck again, earning a soft little squeak.

“Stop,” he whimpered. “That tickles.”

“But I love you,” I huffed in his ear, before squeezing his shoulders. “And I want to keep kissing you.”

“Later,” he grinned, but tangled his fingers with mine.

The skin was soft, but the contact was electric. He literally sent sparks down my back, just barely touching my hand. No one else has ever given me this feeling, and no one ever will.

I was wrong. He wasn’t a poison. He was medicine, a daily drug that countered the pain of life. Something I needed to survive. He wasn’t a labyrinth. He was a safe haven, protecting me from whatever would come my way.

Every second I loved him more. Every little quirk- the way he needed tea to wake up, but wouldn’t let me get up to make him any until I covered him in kisses; the way that he drew hearts on my leg, even when he was doing something else; the way that he absentmindedly sang along to television shows yet would later deny knowing the theme song; the way that he fell asleep against my shoulder when the movie went on too long. Even now, just sitting here with all of the boys, I was noticing new things(mainly the way he was tearing up as Merida and her Mother were getting along).

Maybe at some point, I would write down everything I loved about him. It would fill an entire book- no, an entire anthology. Maybe when he reads it, he would stop feeling so self-conscious about his stretch marks, or the pimples he gets on his forehead sometimes, or his high voice. Maybe when he reads it, he would love those things. It hurt to know that such a perfect person hated their perfect features.

Louis leaned against my shoulder, before tilting his head to look up at me. His bright pink lips mouthed ‘I Love You’, causing me to smile even brighter than I thought possible. Kissing him once more, I closed my eyes and saw him clear as day, as if my eyes were open anyways. This was all I needed for the rest of my life.

He was my one, my soul mate, my everything.

And tonight- I dug my palm against the ring box in my pocket- I was going to make him mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone who's stuck through me with this obnoxiously long fanfiction! It's been a great journey, and I wouldn't have made it through without all the great comments. You can always contact me at boy-with-flowers.tumblr.com, and I hope to hear from you in a future story.


End file.
